Page 2 of 19 FirstFirst 123456789101112 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 548
  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGirl

    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cozzer View Post
    What I mean is, I think the healtiest thing for you to do is to treat this as an official and complete breakup. I don't mean it's impossible that you will get back together at some point in the future, but you should definitely not count on that.
    This is true.

    Not only is it healthiest thing for you to do, but it is probably better for your future prospects with your ex-boyfriend. If he senses that you are still beholden to him and are doing nothing but pine for him to take you back, it may be counter-productive. First, if he believes that you will wait as long as necessary, there is no incentive for him to make up his mind, he can do what he wants and know that you will be ready for him at the end he can just string you along as long as he wants. Second, unreciprocated devotion is not attractive because it suggests that you are not confident in your ability to find someone elsewhere.

    I suggest you make him aware that you moving on, that you are also reconsidering whether you want to be in the relationship and that in the meantime you are living life to the fullest (and possibly meeting other men). The best way to let him know that is to do it - go out with your friends, have some casual sex, and get on with things. Don't call him every day, don't play games with him, don't wait for his call, just fill your life with other stuff. He may or may not come around.

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cozzer View Post
    I'm not a Christian, but I have recently gone through a breakup where I said similar things (the "for now we should not be together, but I hope in the future we reconnect" part) and, in retrospective, I should not have said them. I mean, I said them because I honestly thought they were true, but looking back I realize it was out of denial.

    What I mean is, I think the healtiest thing for you to do is to treat this as an official and complete breakup. I don't mean it's impossible that you will get back together at some point in the future, but you should definitely not count on that.

    So, it's time for standard breakup procedures. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones whose presence reminds you you're loved. Dedicate yourself to things you like to do, especially things you might have sidelined a bit during your relationship. And, after you give yourself as much time as you need to grieve and let yourself cry and do whatever you do to express your suffering, try as many new things as possible. If you're even a bit extrovert, meet as many new people as possible. You'll probably have to force yourself a bit in the beginning, but it will be worth it.
    Thanks for the dose of common sense

    I have no "standard breakup procedures," this being the first time I've really had to deal with it, but what you've described sounds helpful. As I've been putting myself together, I've sort of gravitated towards those activities anyway . . . so I guess life goes on. Meeting new people is an entirely different kind of stress that I actually think I should avoid, but I am connecting a little more with some lovely acquaintances who were already known to me. Also, since I guess it's true that there's always a silver lining (although this one seems more like tinfoil), I'm getting a lot of work done on some long-running projects. Homebrew tabletop roleplaying games for the win!

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Liquor Box View Post
    This is true.

    Not only is it healthiest thing for you to do, but it is probably better for your future prospects with your ex-boyfriend. If he senses that you are still beholden to him and are doing nothing but pine for him to take you back, it may be counter-productive. First, if he believes that you will wait as long as necessary, there is no incentive for him to make up his mind, he can do what he wants and know that you will be ready for him at the end he can just string you along as long as he wants. Second, unreciprocated devotion is not attractive because it suggests that you are not confident in your ability to find someone elsewhere.

    I suggest you make him aware that you moving on, that you are also reconsidering whether you want to be in the relationship and that in the meantime you are living life to the fullest (and possibly meeting other men). The best way to let him know that is to do it - go out with your friends, have some casual sex, and get on with things. Don't call him every day, don't play games with him, don't wait for his call, just fill your life with other stuff. He may or may not come around.
    Oookay. Thank you for trying to help, and most of your advice seems quite sound. I am filling my life with stuff. My friends have been wonderful, I have plenty of distractions and enjoyable hobbies . . . although playing D&D could be a little, hmm, interesting since it's a party of three people: my good friend, my ex-boyfriend, and me. And then there's my brother the Dungeon Master. So the social dynamics could get painfully awkward.

    As for "have some casual sex," let's not even get into that moral argument.

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Aedilred's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    London
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Oookay. Thank you for trying to help, and most of your advice seems quite sound. I am filling my life with stuff. My friends have been wonderful, I have plenty of distractions and enjoyable hobbies . . . although playing D&D could be a little, hmm, interesting since it's a party of three people: my good friend, my ex-boyfriend, and me. And then there's my brother the Dungeon Master. So the social dynamics could get painfully awkward.

    As for "have some casual sex," let's not even get into that moral argument.
    Yeah, casual sex, whether as a way to get over a breakup or just in general, isn't for everyone. Chances are you know whether or not it's for you without having to try it.

    I second the above advice to treat it as completely finished and try to move on. I made the mistake of not doing that, and took all the "yeah, maybe in a few months", "I just need some space", "we'll see where we are then" at face value and, whether meaning to or not, loaded all my emotional chips on that number. When, as anybody with an ounce of experience, common sense, or knowledge of the situation could have told me would happen (and, indeed, did), this didn't happen, it was like going through the breakup all over again; it probably set back my recovery period by months, if not years.

    All the other stuff about trying to reconnect with other friends, take up hobbies and the like is good advice. If nothing else, if you're anything like me you'll find that you'll have a lot of frustration and restless energy, and if you can channel that you can actually get quite a lot done. And once you've already feel like you've hit rock bottom you might find you have the nerve to do things you wouldn't have tried before. The depression associated with this sort of event normally drains energy but I found the drive to keep busy and distract myself largely overpowered that.

    Having said that, I'm not sure how much it helps with the actual "getting over it" thing. In a breakup of a serious relationship where you didn't want it to end, I don't think there's really much you can do to expedite the process of emotional healing. Without wishing to be alarmist, it may be possible that on some level you never quite get over it, but hopefully at some point you can reach the stage where it no longer bothers you or preys on your mind. And at least it means you can do some cool stuff while that happens, or doesn't.
    Empire! A community world-building game, always recruiting

    GITP Blood Bowl Manager Cup
    Red Sabres - Season I Cup Champions, two-time Cup Semifinalists
    Anlec Razors - Two-time Cup Semifinalists
    Bad Badenhof Bats - Season VII Cup Champions
    League Wiki

    Spoiler: Previous Avatars
    Show
    (by Strawberries)
    (by Rain Dragon)

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Shamash View Post
    He claims it's only temporary, but since he got here, two months ago, he hasn’t done anything to find his own place. I think he just plans to live here now.
    You need to resolve things quickly or you're going to be stuck with him. Is he paying rent or anything? If yes, why can't he rent a room from someone else? Or find a roommate? If no, why not? If he can't pay because he doesn't have a job, why can't he go live with his family in the countryside? It's not like he has a commute.

    Is he crashing on your couch or does he have his own room? How much could you rent the space he's using for if you had a roommate instead of him? You should be getting at LEAST that amount of value out of him, if not in money then in services. If he's not going to find somewhere to live on his own then he can pull his weight by serving as your own personal maid and chef.

    Considering the psychology behind the individual who is a jerk, gets kicked out of the house by his wife, and then freeloads off his daughter for two months... the threat of being forced to be a maid to his own daughter and do menial household work SHOULD be enough to get his butt in gear. If you think he'll half-ass it and try to skate by for as long as possible, you might just need to boot him.
    Pokemon X:
    Spoiler
    Show

    1006 0284 0014
    Mii name: D
    Sandshrew/Camerupt/Gastrodon
    Breeding Pokemon so far (May need to re-breed on request):
    Often 4-5 IVs/Egg Moves:
    Marill, Shellder, Honedge. Horsea, Larvitar, Ferroseed, Kangaskhan, Scyther, Charmander, Beldum, Deino, Vullaby, Skarmory, Noibat, Timburr

    HA (Often 4-5 IVS/Egg Moves):
    Fletchling, Froakie, Drillbur, Squirtle, Venipede, Dratini (ES), Gible, Foongus, Cleffa (Aromatherapy/Wish/Stored Power), Gligar,

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Aedilred View Post
    I second the above advice to treat it as completely finished and try to move on. I made the mistake of not doing that, and took all the "yeah, maybe in a few months", "I just need some space", "we'll see where we are then" at face value and, whether meaning to or not, loaded all my emotional chips on that number. When, as anybody with an ounce of experience, common sense, or knowledge of the situation could have told me would happen (and, indeed, did), this didn't happen, it was like going through the breakup all over again; it probably set back my recovery period by months, if not years.

    All the other stuff about trying to reconnect with other friends, take up hobbies and the like is good advice. If nothing else, if you're anything like me you'll find that you'll have a lot of frustration and restless energy, and if you can channel that you can actually get quite a lot done. And once you've already feel like you've hit rock bottom you might find you have the nerve to do things you wouldn't have tried before. The depression associated with this sort of event normally drains energy but I found the drive to keep busy and distract myself largely overpowered that.

    Having said that, I'm not sure how much it helps with the actual "getting over it" thing. In a breakup of a serious relationship where you didn't want it to end, I don't think there's really much you can do to expedite the process of emotional healing. Without wishing to be alarmist, it may be possible that on some level you never quite get over it, but hopefully at some point you can reach the stage where it no longer bothers you or preys on your mind. And at least it means you can do some cool stuff while that happens, or doesn't.
    Definitely getting some cool stuff done, and my friends are showing themselves to be lovelier and more delightfully complicated than I'd really seen before. (Complicated as in real and human, not difficult to be around.) And yeah, the restless energy is definitely there.

    I agree that the marks of this probably won't ever go away. We'll see if they're good or bad with time.

    Thank you - and so many thanks to everyone else - for helping me pick myself up from this! You people are amazing, brilliant, full of grace . . . I could go on. I know many positive adjectives

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Santa Barbara, CA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Authorgirl: one thing that the casual sex thing is really after is to get external affirmation. For some that means sex but for other is is just noticing that the cute guy at the coffee place makes more eye contact than he need to. That sense that your ex is the one and only person who will ever like or love you.

    That part is useful

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Iethloc's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    The third dimension
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So it's been a while since I've posted in one of these threads. Since the last time I posted, I started a romantic relationship! However, I've been having a problem, and it's something that I'd like to keep a little private, and could easily stray outside what's board appropriate. Could someone PM me?

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Cozzer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Italy
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I can't just kick him out again, but...
    Aaaand that's where you're wrong, kiddo.

    Ok, I'm sorry but I have to wear the cruel hat here. A child never ever ever has the duty of being their parent's parent. And from what you say, your father doesn't seem like a man going through an hard phase and needing some temporary help. He seems like a man who has no intention of taking care of himself, and plans on leeching from anybody who's willing to take care of him. Disengage. Do it with care, take precautions, give ultimatums, do whatever you want but do not, I repeat do not become your father's father.

    And you know what? It's incredible how often people find withtin themselves the strength they always had all along, as soon as the people they had manipulated into taking care of them tire of their tricks and stop being surrogate parents. You might as well be doing him a favor, in the long run.



    Thanks for the dose of common sense

    I have no "standard breakup procedures," this being the first time I've really had to deal with it, but what you've described sounds helpful. As I've been putting myself together, I've sort of gravitated towards those activities anyway . . . so I guess life goes on. Meeting new people is an entirely different kind of stress that I actually think I should avoid, but I am connecting a little more with some lovely acquaintances who were already known to me. Also, since I guess it's true that there's always a silver lining (although this one seems more like tinfoil), I'm getting a lot of work done on some long-running projects. Homebrew tabletop roleplaying games for the win!
    Glad I could help.
    You seem like your mind is in the right place. Now it's just about actually going through with it. At a certain point you will want (and/or need) to meet new people, but this is definitely not the time to rush into something you don't feel ready for.

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    WarKitty's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cozzer View Post
    Aaaand that's where you're wrong, kiddo.

    Ok, I'm sorry but I have to wear the cruel hat here. A child never ever ever has the duty of being their parent's parent. And from what you say, your father doesn't seem like a man going through an hard phase and needing some temporary help. He seems like a man who has no intention of taking care of himself, and plans on leeching from anybody who's willing to take care of him. Disengage. Do it with care, take precautions, give ultimatums, do whatever you want but do not, I repeat do not become your father's father.

    And you know what? It's incredible how often people find withtin themselves the strength they always had all along, as soon as the people they had manipulated into taking care of them tire of their tricks and stop being surrogate parents. You might as well be doing him a favor, in the long run.
    This. It doesn't sound like there's some specific reason this individual is unable to take care of himself. It sounds like he doesn't want to. And you're not obligated to keep putting up with someone if he doesn't want to take care of himself.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Arutema's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Houston
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    It's me again. Still unable to move on from an abusive relationship that was over more than 8 years ago now. I still can't let myself invest emotionally in anything, whether it's a woman, a job prospect or something else. This mindset certainty isn't helping my dating prospects. I send messages on dating sites basically expecting no reply at this point. When I do get a first date from this, I go into it expecting to be dissapointed, so of course, it never goes anywhere from there. It's hurting my career too as I go into job interviews with the same lack of enthusiasm.

    How can I get out of this mindset and actually feel hopeful about anything again?

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Arutema View Post
    How can I get out of this mindset and actually feel hopeful about anything again?
    If you don't already, hit the gym
    Improvement is measurable and quantifiable and also somewhat inevitable.. on day 1 you do 10 squats and lift a few pounds, on day 10 you'll do 20/40 squats and lift much more weight. It's positive reinforcement that is undeniable (when you stick to it) and is bound to give you good vibes about yourself. Maybe being able to verify that you are making progress in something, will make you see that you're not in the rut you think you are. (also there are probably a few scientists on here who can tell you all about the benefits of endorphines and adrenaline on your brain functions and on how those affect your mood positively... or somesuch)
    It might just put your energies into something constructive that also improves your general situation (it improves your health and possibly encourages you to interact with people more.. also, if you're fitter than you are now that can only improve your chances with the ladies, whether you see this or not.. they will).
    If you don't like the gym, run, or take a bycicle, or train yourself to solve a rubik's cube faster and faster.. or learn something new, a new language maybe... as long as it's something that is subject to quantifiable improvement. The point of the exercise is to find something you can feel good about and where you can actively notice your steps forward.
    That might just unlock your current state of freeze and force you to accept, and not just rationally, that improvement is possible and that it's within your reach.
    Last edited by dehro; 2017-06-14 at 03:51 AM.
    Huzza! for Linkele, for drawing the bestest avatar ever!
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Lincoln's a fartbutt
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  13. - Top - End - #43
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    hustlertwo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Georgia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: I think it said in the rules that you guys expect to know how things work out?

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Hey look, it's me again!

    And I'm still shaking. I've pretty much been crying for the past two hours. (You guys are probably getting an idea of how things are working out already . . .)

    Long story short, because I'm still a little hazy on the details: my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Friend? Hopefully still my friend? I don't know what terminology to use right now) thinks that our relationship was getting a little unhealthy because we needed to figure ourselves out a bit more. There weren't many explanations, probably because he was trying to get the point across as quickly and gently as possible.

    So I don't know where we are right now. The words he used with me were "split until further notice" and "go our separate ways until we decide our paths can merge again." The words he used when my brother was (somewhat angrily) grilling him about it were "put on hold for a few weeks" and "I know we can be something but I need to figure some things out." So I don't know. I just know it hurts.

    This has undercut me on quite a few levels. Please, any feedback, any advice, I could probably even take an "I told you so."

    Any other Christians on this thread? There are no words for how much I'd appreciate a private message from any of you, should such people exist.
    PM sent. I pray it all goes well for you out there. The mere fact that there's been tens of thousands of posts in this and the threads that came before it stand as testament to the intricate, complicated terror that is trying to truly know and understand another human being. But in the end you have to decide for yourself what to take away from all this heartache, whether it's a speed bump in a relationship you still hope to see return or just a learning experience to prepare you for what comes after.
    Own a piece of Hustler on eBay!
    My Characters:
    Spoiler
    Show
    Arena:
    Train, 9-1, Round 58 Champion, Round 79 Champion
    Battle Janitor, 6-0, Round 65 Champion, Round 72 Champion
    Fiorella, 4-0, Round 60 Champion
    Mr. Solus, 6-2, Round 67 Runner-Up, Round 75 Co-Champion

    Aldhaven's Arena, open to all who love to kill and maim!


    Posting may be sporadic, never having a baby again!

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Hi. Me again.

    I just thought I should say thanks. I'm in a really good place right now. My ex is still one of my best and most treasured friends; I really would trust him with my life; and we might try to be in a romantic relationship again someday. I'm not counting on that too much, though I would love for it to happen.

    So thank you so much, all of you. Your advice and support has helped us get to where we are: a place that's a little sad, but free of bitterness.

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I'm not sure if it means anything coming from an internet stranger, but congrats.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Comrade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    South of Heaven

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Hi. Me again.

    I just thought I should say thanks. I'm in a really good place right now. My ex is still one of my best and most treasured friends; I really would trust him with my life; and we might try to be in a romantic relationship again someday. I'm not counting on that too much, though I would love for it to happen.

    So thank you so much, all of you. Your advice and support has helped us get to where we are: a place that's a little sad, but free of bitterness.
    Glad to hear you're doing better, and that you've been able to retain your friendship with him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    : THOG NOW SCHRÖDINGER's ORC!
    Quote Originally Posted by skim172 View Post
    If you ever see Hitler riding a T-Rex in your direction - you, my friend, are a very unlucky person.
    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    "Ooh. Did you bring a biology textbook with you? No? Sorry, nothing personal." And then I dissect them.

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Cozzer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Italy
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Hi. Me again.

    I just thought I should say thanks. I'm in a really good place right now. My ex is still one of my best and most treasured friends; I really would trust him with my life; and we might try to be in a romantic relationship again someday. I'm not counting on that too much, though I would love for it to happen.

    So thank you so much, all of you. Your advice and support has helped us get to where we are: a place that's a little sad, but free of bitterness.
    Hey, that's nice! It feels always good to hear your advice made something better, even just a very small bit.

  18. - Top - End - #48
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Shamash's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2014

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So the apartment next to mine end getting vacant and my father decided to move there to give me more space while still being able to receive my "emotional support" less than ideal but at least he can't control by bed time any more.

    The fact he end up deciding to hang around my friends may end up expanding his horizons, one of my friends who works with art is encouraging him to pursue his dream of being a woodcut artist.

    Still, he is just next door and is often showing up, so much for my dream of wild parties and casual sex. ;P

    EDIT: I kind of think it's a waste of his retirement money since this is not the cheapest apartment in town and HE IS LITERALY next to me, but he thinks it's a good idea and he came to the conclusion he was being annoying on his own so... That's the situation I guess, he plans to move out again once he don't need the emotional support anymore but that's kind of weird, isn't it?
    Last edited by Shamash; 2017-06-28 at 03:36 PM.
    Shamash! The true sun god!

    Praise the sun! \o/

    I also have a DeviantArt now... Most are drafts of my D&D campaigns but if you want to take a look.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Orc in the Playground
     
    BlackSymphony's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Battle City

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So on an online forum, somebody treasures my friendship, and I really do like them back, but for now as a friend. But they asked if one day the relationship could be romantic.

    This caught me off guard, because I don't think I am ready for such a thing yet, as well as the fact that I don't know who this person is or his sexual orientation. I am a male, but even then, I don't feel too in touch with either gender, I could easily be a female if I choose, but I prefer to be male at the second.

    I don't know how to proceed and tackle this problem. Could somebody give me guidance?

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2007

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSymphony View Post
    So on an online forum, somebody treasures my friendship, and I really do like them back, but for now as a friend. But they asked if one day the relationship could be romantic.

    This caught me off guard, because I don't think I am ready for such a thing yet, as well as the fact that I don't know who this person is or his sexual orientation. I am a male, but even then, I don't feel too in touch with either gender, I could easily be a female if I choose, but I prefer to be male at the second.

    I don't know how to proceed and tackle this problem. Could somebody give me guidance?
    I don't even see that it's a "problem" that requires "tackling" at this stage. Could the relationship someday maybe become romantic if all the stars align? Who knows. Maybe. Certainly you're not promising "yes", but you probably aren't saying a flat out "no" either. Why? Because you don't think you're ready for such a thing. And you also don't really know who this person is yet.

    You sound like you have your answers already... and they're reasonable and sound. "Maybe someday, but not now" is a common answer -- very common actually -- sometimes it gets used even when the actual truth would be "nah, never; you don't have a chance with me", so maybe it would be worth it to make sure he knows you're sincere when you say you might maybe someday be open to it. (Unless you're actually totally closed, but I'm not getting that impression at all from your post.)
    Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Comrade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    South of Heaven

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    : THOG NOW SCHRÖDINGER's ORC!
    Quote Originally Posted by skim172 View Post
    If you ever see Hitler riding a T-Rex in your direction - you, my friend, are a very unlucky person.
    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    "Ooh. Did you bring a biology textbook with you? No? Sorry, nothing personal." And then I dissect them.

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Thistletop
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    A relationship? eh, if they're still seeing each other after 3 dates, then there's at least some form of interpersonal relationship, yeah.

    A Relationship? That's not based on number of dates, but it certainly is weird and silly of the people involved if they never talk about what they're looking for/want and a month or more of this arrangement has passed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Savo

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I don't exactly have a crush on this guy, but I'm really, really intrigued by him. Usually I basically immediately fall for someone so it feels a bit weird. Like, it feels like it's not normal for it to happen like this even though it totally is, I don't have to immediately feel passion towards someone. Just talking and getting to know each other without immediate flirting is fine. But the brain wants to beat me down and not let me enjoy this ride.
    All I want is darkness right now
    ~Extended Signature~


  24. - Top - End - #54
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    At what point do the participants both want it to be?

    (I mean, in some situations of course things are more complicated, but if there's a mutual desire to build something together and stay in one another's company, that sounds like an OK relationship to me.)

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Regrettably not Hogwarts
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    My ex-boyfriend just got together with another girl. It really hurts, especially since we'd practically set the date for reassessing and possibly trying again . . . I don't want to feel bitter. I especially don't want to hope they break up. But it's hard to let go like that.

    Part of me thinks maybe he has the right idea, might as well move on with life since obviously he doesn't want to try again all that badly . . . yeah I know you guys have already said that's a great idea. More so since I am sort of pining right now and that's not healthy. But the thing is, I don't want to find someone else - I don't want someone to just fill a role. I want to be close to the person I love. Since that's not going to happen (I doubt I could trust him to stay with me even if he said he wanted to), I really want to be the way I was before. Happily single. And I was genuinely happy without romantic feelings for anyone for almost three years. I enjoyed that. I was clear in myself and I had so few worries compared to when I try to be in relationships.

    But I love him and that's not going to go away. I just don't know how to shift it back to loving him as a friend.

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Troll in the Playground
     
    AMFV's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    I think it has a lot more to do with the seriousness and tone of the dates than the actual dates themselves.
    My Avatar is Glimtwizzle, a Gnomish Fighter/Illusionist by Cuthalion.

    Sorry for any typos just forearm my wrist and am using voice to text on my phone.

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGirl

    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    If you mean an exclusive relationship, not until the two agree that it is. It is sometimes a source of hurt where one person thought a couple was exclusive, and the other did not.

    If you mean to ask when does it become clear that the two are seeing each other romantically, I think that's when things are getting physical.

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jun 2007

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    A few successful dates in a row (say, 3+) where both parties concluded the evening by sincerely expressing that they really enjoyed the other person's company and were looking forward to the next date does certainly augur well for an official relationship... however, it doesn't automatically turn into one unless the parties see it that way.

    I have actually known diva-style girls who did enjoy keeping a network of interested, cute single guys orbiting around them. Makes them feel good, I imagine. It's possible to date such a girl several times "successfully" but it doesn't mean it will turn into a relationship.
    Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Ask her/him
    Huzza! for Linkele, for drawing the bestest avatar ever!
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Lincoln's a fartbutt
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  30. - Top - End - #60
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Lissou's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Oregon

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Not really a woe or a question of advice, just curious as to the thoughts of some of the folks who frequent this thread: at what point, in your estimation, does a series of dates become a relationship?
    I think it really depends. I'm "weird" on that: usually I consider someone my boyfriend if we've set up the first date. But usually we've also known each other for a while before then. For instance with my boyfriend, after we kissed I asked if it was okay to refer to him as my boyfriend (and he said "of course") and we had been on 0 dates. I considered myself in a relationship with my husband years before we went on our first date, too (although that relationship was long-distance, which makes it trickier to count "dates".

    Since there is no one size fits all rule, it's up to each person to see how they feel and ask the other person about it, I would say.
    Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •