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  1. - Top - End - #211
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Also if she's that poor a communicator, you probably dodged a bullet anyways.
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  2. - Top - End - #212
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    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    No one is owed a chance in terms of dating. After your initial meeting or discussion she may simply have decided she wasn't interested. I think continuing to send messages after the first was ignored probably just cemented that in her mind. Remove this person from Snapchat and move on, it's actually a little creepy to continue to send messages (even just a few) after months of intentional no response.
    The problem with that is electronic communication mediums are not perfect. And messages can slip through the gaps. One of the longest running conversations I've ever had on a dating site, (Admittedly it was a friendly/platonic conversation because she was heavy into certain BDSM things that give me the creeps.) was someone who didn't initially respond, because they missed the message.

    Though yes, several messages DOES reduce the likelyhood of this. Personally I will generally send a second message if the first wasn't read. If that is also not read, I decide that they're either not interested or have too much interest already focused on them. A lady who has too many suitors to start with won't spend a lot of time on any one of them.
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  3. - Top - End - #213
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    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    You've got to read between the lines. When anyone says "all I want is a relationship", what it really means is "all I want is a relationship with someone who meets all or most of my criteria".

    Someone can have tons of suitors, and at the same time be legitimately complaining about their inability to find someone. The apparent contradiction vanishes as soon as you add the implicit bit.
    This is the best explanation for this phenomenon (which - from my experience - is a bit more prevalent in our female population, even though I noticed several of my male friends did such fishing too).

    Another explanation: "all I want is a relationship" could have been meant for someone specific on the snapchat, who is ignoring her suggestions to join a relationship with her. A passive-aggressive remark to "hook" the specific person, both showing them willingness to find a relationship and potential interest from the other participants - some people crave competition. Ideally while providing healthy boost to one's ego via people showing their interest...

    ...if that is the case (it's just a working hypothesis), hands off. Really, nobody needs too much drama in their life.

    Also, I'm not familiar with snapchat - so I'll offer some general advice. As Chen stated, no one is owned a chance in dating - and "forcing" the issue, however gently it is done, will only make a male seem desperate. And desperation belongs to the few things every healthy woman dislikes. Now I'm not saying you are desperate - but in her eyes, sending multiple messages may send up red flags.

    Another thing to consider: wasting time on people who don't even consider it worthy to read a message. Find someone who will be willing to invest time in you. I'd also suggest going offline and trying to make contact in RL, but I was told once this was not a good advice .

    All in all, good luck - and watch out for your future significant other
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  4. - Top - End - #214
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I've been refraining from posting this because, until we started talking about the general phenomenon, it would have seemed like a directed insult at JNA, which wasn't my intention:

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  5. - Top - End - #215
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeSwordfish View Post
    I've been refraining from posting this because, until we started talking about the general phenomenon, it would have seemed like a directed insult at JNA, which wasn't my intention:

    Yeah, little offended at that. I'd like to think I'm an Italian sausage on the ground, thank you very much. :P

    In all seriousness, my main gripe with the situation was that, as far as I can tell, I was never given a chance.
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  6. - Top - End - #216
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    In all seriousness, my main gripe with the situation was that, as far as I can tell, I was never given a chance.
    Perhaps its the way you keep saying that, but why would anyone take a chance that you're somehow better suited to them, than is indicated by your profile and/or behavior?

    Consider, if someone rejects you or simply doesn't answer a message you sent (assuming a dating site here) they've made a determination based on your profile and/or message that they aren't interested in you. Why would someone look past the current indicators and reply/go on a date, just on the chance that you're more than is being indicated by your profile?

    Phrasing it as "never being given a chance" tends to come off as entitled to that chance.

  7. - Top - End - #217
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    In all seriousness, my main gripe with the situation was that, as far as I can tell, I was never given a chance.
    Chen is right: you met her on a dating site, so she had access to your profile, that is "your chance" right there.

    Absolutely every guy on this planet will get a less-than-100% reply rate to his outgoing messages on a dating site; "this one didn't even reply! how dare she!" isn't, frankly, anything worth mentioning, even though I'm the kind of person who, like you, tends to prefer closure, generally. But that's how things are, so better just get used to it.

    It's normal, and as guys what constitutes having "our chance" is the ability to send messages combined with the existence of our profile.
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  8. - Top - End - #218
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    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    Yeah, little offended at that. I'd like to think I'm an Italian sausage on the ground, thank you very much. :P

    In all seriousness, my main gripe with the situation was that, as far as I can tell, I was never given a chance.
    I also agree with the previous comments.
    Maybe she didn't like your choice of nickname, your looks, your fashion sense, something you said on your profile, the tone or content of your text. Maybe she didn't particularly dislike anything but you simply didn't stand out to her amidst dozens of similar people. Maybe she just isn't into people with your colour of hair. Then why bother adding you on snapchat? I don't use it but I gather that approval ratings and "status" go by the numbers?
    Then again, maybe it's your activity (or lack thereof) on snapchat to have turned her off.
    Those were all "chances to impress her favourably" that you had and that didn't work out for you. It sucks for you that you'll never know which one of these things blew your chances, but really, she doesn't owe you an explanation, much less a bigger chance than the ones she gave you interacting with you at all.
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  9. - Top - End - #219
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Great, I've got a crush on one of my Internet friends. I don't even know what she looks like or if she likes girls, but I enjoy chatting with her a lot and she's really nice and comforting and she puts up with me spamming memes and fanfic at her.

    Also this is like the second romantic crush I've ever had so yeah.
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    Also, as a rule of thumb, if you find yourself defending your inalienable right to make someone else feel like garbage, you're on the wrong side of the argument.
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  10. - Top - End - #220
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrayGriffin View Post
    Great, I've got a crush on one of my Internet friends. I don't even know what she looks like or if she likes girls, but I enjoy chatting with her a lot and she's really nice and comforting and she puts up with me spamming memes and fanfic at her.

    Also this is like the second romantic crush I've ever had so yeah.
    I have no advice for this, but I have hopes and good wishes, all of which are being sent your way

    If it means anything from an Internet stranger: have a great future, whatever that looks like in this case.

  11. - Top - End - #221
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGirl

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrayGriffin View Post
    Great, I've got a crush on one of my Internet friends. I don't even know what she looks like or if she likes girls, but I enjoy chatting with her a lot and she's really nice and comforting and she puts up with me spamming memes and fanfic at her.

    Also this is like the second romantic crush I've ever had so yeah.
    Unless she is deliberately keeps her sexual preference secret, I don't think it would be difficult to find out what it is from her without revealing how you feel. You could raise in the context of discussing some of your fanfic which has a lesbian scene in it, or ask her if she finds some girl celebrity that you like hot.

    Also, you should suggest exchanging photos because you don't even know if she is hot or not yet.

  12. - Top - End - #222
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrayGriffin View Post
    Great, I've got a crush on one of my Internet friends. I don't even know what she looks like or if she likes girls, but I enjoy chatting with her a lot and she's really nice and comforting and she puts up with me spamming memes and fanfic at her.

    Also this is like the second romantic crush I've ever had so yeah.
    Are you sure it's a crush? As far as I can tell, you enjoy that person's company, sure, but do you know how far it go beyond that...?

    All things considered, you might want to continue with the same casual attitude for the time being, to make sure you don't risk altering the "relationship" you two have, and wait for things to become more clear.
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  13. - Top - End - #223
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    Glass Mouse's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrayGriffin View Post
    Great, I've got a crush on one of my Internet friends. I don't even know what she looks like or if she likes girls, but I enjoy chatting with her a lot and she's really nice and comforting and she puts up with me spamming memes and fanfic at her.

    Also this is like the second romantic crush I've ever had so yeah.
    What do you want? Would you like to see her to learn whether there is a physical attraction, too? Would you like to have an (if possible) mutually acknowledged crush so you can get to mushy romantic stuff? Do you want a clear answer so you can avoid obsessing about the maybes and what ifs? Would you like to just enjoy the nice crush feelings silently for now?

    All of these are viable options, though some depend on her reaction. So the question is, what would you like to have happen?
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  14. - Top - End - #224
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    GrayGriffin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I do kind of want her to reciprocate my feelings, and I also kind of want to know what she looks like because crushing on someone you don't know the looks of is kind of weird. But since it's something I've recently realized I feel I'd be better off just trying to enjoy the feelings of a crush for now and just continue talking to her like I usually do.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant View Post
    Also, as a rule of thumb, if you find yourself defending your inalienable right to make someone else feel like garbage, you're on the wrong side of the argument.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Hello again friends! I've been lurking in the background, but please accept all of my hugs in place of my silence.

    I'm in trouble again, and I would like some advice. C - my girlfriend of almost 4 years - and I are considering taking a step back. Not a break up, but rather just taking some personal space. You might remember I was posting on here a little over a month ago, expressing some doubts in my relationship with C. Now those doubts have surfaced in a very real way, and we're seriously talking about our future.

    Here's the thing: neither of us wants to actually break up. At all. We've been dating since early in college, neither of us has ever dated anyone outside of our relationship in any real, adult capacity. After my flirting with another girl V this summer, I ended up telling C and she didn't take it well. However, it turned into an actually productive conversation about what it would look like if we were to take a break. Both of us have come to the conclusion independently at several different points in our relationship that it might be healthy for us to see what life is like outside of our partnership. We've discussed a series of possible contingencies and caveats if we did take a break (likely for about six weeks only, longer if it suits us).

    Now my question for all of you: would we be making a horrible mistake, doing this? Does anyone have any experience doing anything like this?
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  16. - Top - End - #226
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by 3SecondCultist View Post
    Now my question for all of you: would we be making a horrible mistake, doing this? Does anyone have any experience doing anything like this?
    I took a break with my very first adult gf after two years for exactly the same reason as you (didn't like the idea that I would never get to know anything else than this relationship until dying of old age, and suspected I actually didn't really love her as much as would be normal). In the end, we never got back together, though we're still friends. She now lives on the other side of the world.

    I also took a break with my 5th gf, after about a year, for different reasons, and this time we ended getting back together. It's been three years now.
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  17. - Top - End - #227
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    If you want to go on break, go on break, and this naturally leads to a breakup as it does in 99% of cases, then this was the correct decision.
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  18. - Top - End - #228
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Not really looking for advice here, more wanting to vent and get some support.

    About three weeks ago I was browsing redding, bored, and stumbled on a guy's picture. It was a picture of him shirtless, and I thought he looked really good. I sent him a PM telling him so. He thanked me and said he'd be happy to provide more pictures. We exchanged pictures, first PG then not. We also exchanged emails and phone numbers. We talked most of the day every day for a week, about all sorts of things. He mentioned he had a long-term girlfriend but that she was fine with it all, which was fine by me.
    Then he stopped responding to my messages. I gave it a week or so, then sent him a text asking if everything was okay. Still no reply, so I figured he ghosted me (which was weird because he was very enthusiastic up till then) and moved on.

    Last night, at midnight his time, I get a phone call from him. Well, from his phone. I pick up, and it's his girlfriend, asking if I've been talking to him. My first thought was that something had happened to him and she couldn't reach him either, and I was pretty worried. I told her I hadn't talked to him recently (although I guess it depends on your definition of recently). She broke down and said she could tell something was wrong, and then started choking up and asked me not to contact him again. I agreed of course. She asked where we met and I answered. I said I thought they were in an open relationship, that she was fine with it, she said that no, it wasn't the case, and asked me again not to contact him anymore. Then we hung up. It was a very short call, but it had dramatic effects on me.

    I had moved on, thinking he had lost interest, and sure it was a shame but oh well. Maybe I would have contacted him again at some point down the line, maybe not. But now I just look back at everything in a new light. Did he think she was okay with it, but then realise she wasn't? Did he lie about it in the first place? It doesn't really matter. It seems obvious now that he stopped all contact because he realised what he did wasn't okay. I wish he had sent me a short message. "My GF isn't actually fine with this, we need to stop" or something. I would have left him alone, or gone back to strictly PG (I think we could have still had a strong friendship if none of this had happened).

    For whatever reason, he did not. And his GF found my number and called me. I don't think she read my messages, because she didn't seem to know where we met or where I lived, and we mentioned both. I don't know if she saw my pictures, but honestly, if she did I feel worse about how betrayed she must have felt than about the fact that she saw me naked.
    The fact that she called at midnight also makes me wonder. It's an odd time to place a call. Maybe they were fighting, or maybe she got a hold of his phone while he was asleep. Either way, when she hung up I couldn't stop thinking about what must be going on on their end.

    I can't contact him anymore, and I'll never know what happens. And it's driving me kind of crazy. I never wanted to hurt their relationship. We were "just" talking and sending each other pictures, but I guess for her it wasn't a "just". I worry about the part I played it in all. I know he lied and he shouldn't have, but I'm the one who went after him, I'm the one who escalated it, I was always the one to take an extra step first. I feel like I led him the wrong way and that he probably would have never dreamed of cheating on his girlfriend if I hadn't shown of and led him astray. Maybe that's why he cut all contacts instead of telling me what happened. Maybe I was a bad influence on him.

    I know this all situation is worst for her, and worse for him, but I've been crying and feeling terrible. I feel so guilty, and there is nothing I can do to help. And I feel a sense of loss, too, because I was getting close to this guy and I would have been happy to have a platonic friendship with him, but now it's not an option, and it sucks. I wish I could tell her that he didn't pursue me, and that he stopped on his own after a week. That if she suspected something after such a short amount of time, he's obviously lousy at keeping secrets from her and she shouldn't let this make her paranoid and stop trusting him. But I don't think any of it would mean anything coming from me, plus I have no way of contacting her. She called me from his phone, not hers, and I can't contact him. And even though I know his full name and address, I don't even know her first name. I wouldn't contact her anyway, even if I did. I'm clear-minded enough to know that would make everything worse.

    She didn't even blame me at all. She was so nice. I wish I could have helped her feel better. I only caused her hurt and grief and she sounds like a really nice person. I just feel ****ty about the whole thing and I wanted to let it all off my chest.
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  19. - Top - End - #229
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    Not really looking for advice here, more wanting to vent and get some support.

    <SNIP>
    Wow. That's a whole situation you have right there, eh?

    One question - did he explicitly say he was in an open relationship, or just that his girlfriend was "fine with it"? If just that, then yeah, you probably should have gone for explicit confirmation, but that's neither here nor there.

    In any case, you were operating in good faith. Even if you failed to ask one question, that doesn't change that. You had been assured that everything was good, and had no reason to question his word.

    It's a sad situation, but the blame does not lie with you.
    You went after him? Nobody is guilty for flirting, especially when they don't know the situation yet.
    You escalated things? You said yourself he was an enthusiastic part of this process.
    You were a bad influence? Unless you're a child, this is no excuse. Nobody was forcing anyone to do anything they didn't want to do.

    I won't say he was a bad guy, either. Maybe he misunderstood his girlfriend's wishes. Maybe his relationship was already falling apart, and he was desperate for some contact. You may never know.

    But whatever the backstory, he chose to do this, and he chose to lie about it. You did not.

    This is most definitely not your fault. And you'll get through it. Vent all you need.

  20. - Top - End - #230
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    One question - did he explicitly say he was in an open relationship, or just that his girlfriend was "fine with it"? If just that, then yeah, you probably should have gone for explicit confirmation, but that's neither here nor there.
    He didn't say "open relationship" but he said "we're both free to see other people". We weren't really "seeing" each other though, except in the literal sense.

    Thanks for your input :)
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  21. - Top - End - #231
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    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    He didn't say "open relationship" but he said "we're both free to see other people". We weren't really "seeing" each other though, except in the literal sense.

    Thanks for your input :)
    Close enough! You were acting in full good faith, then.

    I hope you can find your peace with this in time. Don't let it dissuade you from other flirting or anything. Just call it a lesson to be more cautious.

  22. - Top - End - #232
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Lissou, you're a victim in this situation. You didn't cause the guy's GF hurt and grief, the guy caused both of you hurt and grief. You didn't hurt their relationship, he hurt his own relationship. You escalated things and took extra steps, sure, but you did that because you had already cleared with him that he was available.

    (Option 2, less likely but not impossible: the GF had actually agreed to an open relationship but didn't really mean it, or found out later that she wasn't actually OK with it, and freaked out when he actually put it into practice. In which case, you and the guy are victims of the GF's lies/mistakes. Either way, you're still squarely on the "victim" side of the equation).

    So yeah, it's normal that you feel bad about it because it's a ****ty situation to have found yourself in, but you are not guilty in the slightest. Of that, at least, you can be 100% sure.
    Last edited by Cozzer; 2017-09-29 at 10:37 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #233
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Meh, I'm not sure I can wholly agree with that; it's delicate business when you're actively courting someone who you know is already in a committed relationship. Lissou knows that as well. (Even moreso now.)

    I think the best way forward for you (Lissou) is to draw at least a bit of a lesson from the guilt you understandably feel. Can't change the past, but given that you've been in open relationships for years and obviously intend to continue like that in the long term, it might be a good idea to be more careful in the future.

    From now on, I would suggest doing a bit of extra probing through the escalation phase, along the lines of "are you really really sure your gf is okay with this?" "oh, so what does she think of me?" "hmm, ok, so you didn't tell her much about me yet, I see..." "what did she say when you told her about me?" just to gauge how true it is that his gf's okay. So in the end, your guilt over what you did this time will make you a slightly more sensitive and careful person (not that you weren't already, but there's always room for improvement). That's generally the right thing to do when feeling guilty - take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again, and move on.
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  24. - Top - End - #234
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    From now on, I would suggest doing a bit of extra probing through the escalation phase, along the lines of "are you really really sure your gf is okay with this?" "oh, so what does she think of me?" "hmm, ok, so you didn't tell her much about me yet, I see..." "what did she say when you told her about me?" just to gauge how true it is that his gf's okay. So in the end, your guilt over what you did this time will make you a slightly more sensitive and careful person (not that you weren't already, but there's always room for improvement). That's generally the right thing to do when feeling guilty - take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again, and move on.
    If things had progressed several steps further (they had met in person and had started getting at least a little bit serious), meeting the SO is SOP for that sort of situations. When you're just sexting, it's trivially easy to lie. There are a couple of weasel words you learn to look out for with experience, but at the end of the day there's little you can do if they're not being straight with you.

  25. - Top - End - #235
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    yeah... I would just go with the assumption that most people who tell you over the internet that they are in an open relationship or otherwise have their SO's approval to flirt/engage/otherwise get intimate with others, are most likely lying tou you, themselves, their partners or any combination of the above, unless they early on provide clear and verifiable opportunity for you to get in touch with said SO and get their side of the deal.
    Even then they may be overextending the boundaries, either in good faith or not.
    Now, it's entirely up to each of us to decide whether we care about that or we're just looking for a bit of fun, online or otherwise, and aren't actually invested or concened about potential fallout. You clearly feel both duped and responsible for any damage caused to his partner.
    You were not responsible for his actions or for his reactions. He had ample opportunity to stop things from escalating or to come clean about his true situation and stop you. He was probably more interested in getting your pictures and his rocks off, so that's on him, not you.
    As said by others, learn from it and use caution in the future, as you move on. Don't let it stop you from interacting with interesting people.
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  26. - Top - End - #236
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Thanks everyone for your comments and advice :)

    If the situation had progressed and we had decided to meet in person, I definitely would have wanted to meet or otherwise chat with his girlfriend before anything happened (which I did tell him). As it was, I didn't think to, but in the future I will probably try to make sure everything is more out in the open. I will ask more questions about the relationships, what informations are shared, if we could all chat together to make sure we're on the same page, etc.

    In the end, I guess it doesn't matter if he lied to me or if there was a miscommunication between them at some point. A chat between the three of us would have cleared things up. I think you guys are right that there is no point thinking too much about how and why past things have happened, but I'll definitely be even more straightforward about these things. People who are actually in open relationships should appreciate the transparency and ease of everything being on the table from the get go, even if nothing goes anywhere.

    I'm starting to feel a bit better and move past the whole thing. It's a shame it happened but it's their problem now and all I can do is do my best to avoid finding myself in these situations as much as possible. And yeah, a cheater can always cheat, ask a friend to pretend to be his girlfriend and tell me it's okay or whatever, but then there will be no ambiguity about the guy's intent. And I need to have some trust, otherwise relationships, even friendships, aren't realistic.
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  27. - Top - End - #237
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    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So, this is somewhat out of the blue and mostly related to another thread that JNAproductions put up... But is also fairly broad enough that I feel more comfortable posting it here.

    My number one advice for dating. For basically anyone, do not frontload attachment. This is perhaps an odd way to put it so I'll try to explain. A good relationship should grow. It should, Metaphorically, be like two houses slowly built into one over many years of additions. Each step towards union a small one, until finally you have a single house with a storied history between the two owners.

    Frontloading attachment is the opposite of this. Rather than slowly building towards something over time, you open up with this prospect of attachment. Which is about as attractive as the idea of having a stranger suddenly build and live in a new wing of your house that you can't lock shut. It was something I didn't get for a while in high school and even afterwards, because the whole point of dating was to become girlfriend/boyfriend, and eventually get married or whatever. And it's not just the "Hey do you want to go date" either. It's the mental steps that lead up to that. You observe the person, decide you like them, perhaps fantasize about going out with them. All the while, you're building up the commitment to them without having ever involved them in any but the most tangential of ways.

    It's a recipe for failure, don't.
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  28. - Top - End - #238
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by GrayGriffin View Post
    I do kind of want her to reciprocate my feelings, and I also kind of want to know what she looks like because crushing on someone you don't know the looks of is kind of weird. But since it's something I've recently realized I feel I'd be better off just trying to enjoy the feelings of a crush for now and just continue talking to her like I usually do.
    So I've invited her to one of my more casual group chats where we occasionally discuss more personal stuff in hopes of getting to know her better. She's accepted but god that was nervewracking.
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    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Possibly weird question, but how do you starting dating people? I am currently 28, I have some girlfriends in highschool and the early part of college but I just kind of stopped. I haven't asked anyone out in years, and while I had one friendship turn into a flingy thing for a few months even that was two years ago.

    I have friends who suggest online dating, but I never feel the desire to message someone and have a difficult time envisioning myself doing so. Anytime I think about a relationship I feel a kind of depressed anxiety that has been there for a long time, and so if the opportunity appears I just shrug and do something else. I worry that I'm going to go through the rest of my life like this, having done so for 7 years, and that idea bothers me but doesn't help me to feel desire for a relationship or ease my anxiety about starting one.

    Anyone ever gone through something similar? How did you overcome it/have you learned to live with it?

    TLDR: Haven't done the dating thing in a long time, never feel any real desire to try but I am worried that I am missing out on something in life.
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2017-10-03 at 11:27 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #240
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Didn't quite make it to twenty eight, but I was almost twenty one before I ever felt any urge to start dating, so maybe our cases are similar. Probably worth noting that there's not really anything wrong with not being interested in dating-- I'm given to understand some people just never feel much compunction to bother with dating or romance, so you wouldn't be the only such person. But you did feel an interest in dating at some point in the past, didn't you? You mentioned having been in relationships, albeit ones that sound on the casual side.

    In my case, I didn't really develop an interest in dating and relationships until I sort of just wandered into my first relationship, and after the conclusion of that one I found I was suddenly looking forward to the next. Not very applicable advice, I know. Online dating is one route, but it probably isn't a good idea to force yourself to try and take an interest in people if that interest just isn't there. Have you felt any particular attraction to anybody (besides immediate physical attraction) in the time interval you've mentioned?
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