The D&D Llama Song!

[Skaroq]

Anyway, I'm(the half-orc sorcerer with 18 Charisma and 16 Intelligence) going to multiclass as a bard just to annoy a certain someone in my group, and I wrote a bard song. It goes like this(takes out guitar):

Here's a dragon
There's a dragon
And another Psuedodragon
Faerie dragon
Battle dragon
Dragon
Dragon
Orc.

Half a dragon
Twice a dragon
Not a dragon
Flagon dragon
Dragon in the air
A lagging dragon
Dragon
Orc.

I was once a haycart
I lived in a cave
Then the demon Graz'zt came
And I failed my Will save.
Now I swim in misery
I'm the demon's slave
I cannot bear much more of this
The surface world I crave.

Did you ever see a dragon
Scratch a dragon
On the dragon
Dragon's dragon
Tastes of dragon
Dragon
Dragon
Orc.

Copper dragon
Silver dragon
Zombie Lich Beholder
Dragon
Howler dragon
Shadow dragon
Dragon
Dragon
Orc.

Is that how it's played now?
My arthritis pains
Illithids are supercool
They suck out your brains.
Now our hp's running thin
We've run out of luck
It's the horde of nagas' fault
'Cause they really suck.

[Castaras]

You have just made my day.

Thank you so much.

[Exachix]

That is so cool.

[Skaroq]

Thank you, I spent all night on it! It's here: The D&D Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny:

Old Tiamat was hopping around
Saltmarsh City like a big playground
When suddenly Vesperian burst from the shade
And slashed Tiamat with a Desmodu blade
Tiamat got pissed and began to attack
But was suddenly blocked by a pit fiend on crack
Who proceeded to open up a sack of Devil Fu
When an avatar of Tyr came out of the blue
And he started to smite the satanic thing
Then they both got flattened by Vesperian's wing
But before he could make it back to his home cave
The Flesh-Reaper Nerull popped out of his grave
And took a +9 longbow out from inside his robe
And shot the bat god full of arrows from head to earlobe
But he ran out of arrows and he ran away
Because Pistis Sophia came to save the day.

This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.
Archons, Pit Fiends, and explosions
As far as the eye can see.
And all but one won't survive
I wonder who they will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D destiny.

Tiamat took a bite out of the angel paragon
She needn't get close, 'cause her neck was long
Then the pit fiend came back and was even more on crack
And Kurtulmak jumped out and landed on his back
And Vesperian was injured and trying to get steady
And Nerull came back with Lifecutter ready
But then something caught his robe, and he tripped
A summoned balor took him out with his whip
Then the balor saw Tiamat sneaking up from behind
And it reached for it's sword, which it just couldn't find
'Cause Vesperian stole it and he slashed, and he missed
And Kurtulmak deflected it with his fist
And he jumped in the air, and he did a somersault
While the reaper guy Nerull tried to polevault
Onto Pistis Sophia, but they collided in the air
And they both got hit by a Kyuss stare.

This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.
Archons, Pit Fiends, and explosions
As far as the eye can see.
And all but one won't survive
I wonder who they will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D destiny.

Angels sang out
To tell all the people
That Pelor had come
From atop the church steeple
Who delivered a kick
Of legendary lore
Into the crotch
Of the summoned balor
Who fell back in the Abyss
Writhing in pain
As Vesperian polymorphed
Into a muffin, whole grain.
But Pelor saw through
His tasty disguise
And he ate the bat king
With a raspberry pie.

Then Bigby, Rigby, Zigby, and Melf.
Mordenkainen and Drizzt the dark elf
Khelben Blackstaff, Juiblex
Malcanthet wanting S-E-X
Vecna, Primus one,
Asmodeus, Dagon,
Dragotha, Iuz,
Correlon Larethion
Garl, Iggwilv, and Pazuzu
Raistlen, Baphomet, Grumsh and Cthulhu
All jumped in the fray, readying attacks
And smote Pelor with major artifacts.
What a terrible battle, the violence revelled.
All around had to save vs. Negative levels.

The battle went on for a million rounds
But finally the victor of the battle grounds
Was claimed, and given fame in plenty.
Gary Gygax with a green d20.

This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.
Archons, Pit Fiends, and explosions
As far as the eye can see.
And all but one won't survive
I wonder who they will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown
(This is the Ultimate Showdown)
This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.

Thanks to Grug for composing the last part.

[TheLogman]

Unlocks new Bardic Ability?

-2 Ac, -2 Attack Bonus, -2 Attack Damage, DC 15 Will save, affects everything in a 40 ft. Radius, Sonic Attack?

[Skaroq]

Unlocks new Bardic Ability?

-2 Ac, -2 Attack Bonus, -2 Attack Damage, DC 15 Will save, affects everything in a 40 ft. Radius, Sonic Attack?

No, it's just a song. I sang it at the last gaming session to entertain some goblins at a party, but I rolled a natural 1. The DM(Who looks and acts frighteningly like Stan Lee) thought it was really good, though.

[Dragor]

You, sir, are now my God.

[Skaroq]

You, sir, are now my God.

I know: For every awesome D&D parody song I write, I get another divine rank! Schweet! I'm a Demigod!

[Jarelk]

+7 Perfect of Awesome.
Now I want to hear the song with these lyrics!

[Skaroq]

+7 Perfect of Awesome.
Now I want to hear the song with these lyrics!

I'll do it if you worship me.

[PirateMonk]

Nice. I think you got the verse order a bit off, though.

[Dihan]

Ultimate Showdown of DnD Destiny: PLEEEEEEASE finish it!

[Marek]

How has Atreyu not found this thread yet and questioned the lack of Llama related content?

[ForzaFiori]

I'm still waiting for the DnD Bel-Air.

but the others are great.

[Stormcrow]

You, sir, are now my God.

Does he grant spells?, I might convert *ponders*

[D Knight]

dude your songs hvae made my week. thanks for sharing. oh by the way have fun sing to your group.

[Skaroq]

Does he grant spells?, I might convert *ponders*

I grant all cleric spells, and all spells from the Death, Healing, Luck, and Travel domains.

[Amphimir Míriel]

Wow Skaroq, you are really good at this... Mine is not as good, but I will share it...

(Chorus, sung by drunk Gnomes chanting on the background)
Ohi'mbube*, Ohi'mbube, Ohi'mbube, Ohi'mbube (x4) * Means Dragon in Gnomish

In the swampland, the blackest swampland
Black Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the swampland, the blackest swampland
Black Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus)

In the glacier, the coldest glacier
White Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the glacier, the coldest glacier
White Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus)

In the forest, the deepest forest
Green Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the forest, the deepest forest
Green Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus, with falsetto improvs by the drunkest Gnomes)

In the desert, forbidding desert
Blue Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the desert, forbidding desert
Blue Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus starts to lose sync, due to the ammount of alcohol imbibed)

In the mountain, the highest mountain
Red Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the mountain, the highest mountain
Red Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus jumbles apart)

(softly)
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling,
the Dragon sleeps tonight
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling,
the Dragon sleeps tonight

(Chorus x2)

[Skaroq]

Wow Skaroq, you are really good at this... Mine is not as good, but I will share it...

(Chorus, sung by drunk Gnomes chanting on the background)
Ohi'mbube*, Ohi'mbube, Ohi'mbube, Ohi'mbube (x4) * Means Dragon in Gnomish

In the swampland, the blackest swampland
Black Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the swampland, the blackest swampland
Black Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus)

In the glacier, the coldest glacier
White Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the glacier, the coldest glacier
White Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus)

In the forest, the deepest forest
Green Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the forest, the deepest forest
Green Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus, with falsetto improvs by the drunkest Gnomes)

In the desert, forbidding desert
Blue Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the desert, forbidding desert
Blue Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus starts to lose sync, due to the ammount of alcohol imbibed)

In the mountain, the highest mountain
Red Dragon sleeps tonight!
In the mountain, the highest mountain
Red Dragon sleeps tonight!

(Chorus jumbles apart)

(softly)
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling,
the Dragon sleeps tonight
Hush my darling, don't cry my darling,
the Dragon sleeps tonight

(Chorus x2)

"In the swamp, the liveliest swamp,
Lizardfolk sleeps tonight!
In the swamp, the liveliest swamp,
Lizardfolk sleeps tonight!"

[Marek]

Not exactly my creation, but a good song nonetheless. The campaign I was playing with had an amazing DM, who made homebrew look easy and walked the line between TPKer and going too easy on us, and he added some elements of a little game called The Bard's Tale to our game. I was the bard at the time, and he fit most of the songs into the game as best he could, which was really very nice of him. Anyway, here's a classic from "The Bard's Tale"...

Beer, beer, beer, tiddly beer, beer, beer
A long time ago, way back in history
When all there was to drink was nothing but cups of tea,
Along came a man by the name of Charlie Mopps,
And he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out of hops.

(Chorus)
Hey! He must have been an admiral, a sultan, or a king
And to his praises we shall always sing,
Look what he has done for us, he's filled us up with cheer,
Lord bless Charlie Mopps,
the man who invented beer beer beer, tiddley beer beer beer...

The Drunken Rat, the Aiken Drum, the Trowles Pub as well,
One thing you can be sure of, it's Charlie's beer they sell
So all ye lads and lasses, at eleven O'clock ye stop,
For five short seconds, remember Charlie Mopps
One, two, three, four, five... Hey!

(Chorus)
He must have been an admiral, a sultan, or a king
And to his praises we shall always sing,
Look what he has done for us, he's filled us up with cheer,
Lord bless Charlie Mopps,
the man who invented beer beer beer, tiddley beer beer beer...

A barrel of malt, A bushel of hops, you stir it around with a stick,
The kind of lubrication, to make your engine tick.
Forty pints of wallop a day will keep away the quacks,
It's only eight pence ha'penny and one and six in tax
One, two, three, four, five... Hey!

(Chorus)
He must have been an admiral, a sultan, or a king
And to his praises we shall always sing,
Look what he has done for us, he's filled us up with cheer,
Lord bless Charlie Mopps,
the man who invented beer beer beer, tiddley beer beer beer,
tiddly beer ber beer... The Lord bless Charlie Mopps!


Note: singing this song in a tavern, bar, pub, or any drinking establishment gives a +5 bonus to inebriation.

[Dihan]

I'm working on the DnD Pokérap.

EDIT: And here it is: The DnD Rap!

I want to be the best there ever was, to beat all the rest, this is my class:

Totemist, Druid, Samurai, Monk-y, Sorcerer, Shugenja, Wu-Jen, Binder, Fighter, Paladin, Swashbuckler, Sohei, Ninja, Barbarian, Favoured Soul, Archivist!!

Name ‘em, name ‘em, gotta name ‘em all!
DnD!

I fight across the land, kill far and wide
Release from my wand the magic that’s inside!

Crusader, Incarnate, Dread Necro, Warlock, Wilder, Healer, Erudite, Spellthief, Truenamer, Wizard, Scout-a, Beguiler, Marshal, Psion, Soulknife, Artificer!"

Name ‘em, name ‘em, gotta name ‘em all
Gotta name ‘em all
DnD!

Mystic, Hexblade, Shaman, Ranger, Commoner, Warrior, Spellcaster, Expert, Psychic Warrior, Sha ‘ir, Bard-oh! Duskblade, Rogue, Dragonfire Adept!!

Gotta name ‘em all! Gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all! Gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all,
DnD!

Factotum, Soulborn, Spirit Shaman, Warmage, Divine Mind, Adept, Swordsage, Shadowcaster, Aristocrat, Dragon Shaman-Lurk, Warblade-Cleric, Knight-Ardent!

Atleast 150 or more to be
To be a DnD master is my destiny!

Alienist, Virt’oso, Mindbender, War Mind, Hierophant, Wild Soul, Mystic Theurge, Duelist, War Priest, Cavalier, Dervish, Kensai, Soulbow, Eldritch Knight, Rage Mage, Blighter!

Illumine Soul, Tattooed Monk, Fatespinner, Blood Magus, Exemplar, Archmage, Tempest, ‘Lante, Red Wizard, Ur-Priest, Ronin, Sacred Fist, Shifter, Maester, Holy Scourge, War Chanter!

Gotta name ‘em all! gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all! gotta name ‘em all!

The Sevenfold Veil, Pale Master, Spellsword, Reaping Mauler, Thrallherd!

DnD!

True Necro, Unseen Seer, Assassin, Shadowdancer, Defiant, Bereft, Doomlord!

Atleast 150 or more to be
To be a DnD master is my destiny!
Beastmaster, Ollam, the Unseen Hand, Ultimate Magus, Justicar, Frost Mage, Runesmith, Havoc Mage, Dragon Disciple, Eye of Gruumsh, Mindspy!

Lyrist, Bladesinger, Bloodhound, Ravager, Stalker, Master of Masks, Thief-Acrobat, Suel Arcanamach, Eldritch Disciple, Divine Oracle, Thayan Knight

Gotta name ‘em all! gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all! gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all,
DnD!

Chameleon, Warshaper, Frenzied Berserker, Contemplative, Magical Trickster, Drunken Master!

That’s it folks!

Name ‘em, name ‘em
Gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all! DnD
Name ‘em, name ‘em
Gotta name ‘em all!
Gotta name ‘em all! DnD
Name ‘em, name ‘em
Gotta name ‘em all!

Gotta name ‘em all!

DnD!

[purplearcanist]

What would be perfect is if the OOTS characters were singing these songs.

[Jarelk]

I'll do it if you worship me.

I'll worship you, as long as I get free cookies and songs.

[Grug]

"Then Bigby, Rigby, Zigby, and Melf.
Mordenkainen and Drizzt the dark elf
Khelben Blackstaff, Juiblex
Malcanthet wanting S-E-X
Vecna, Primus one,
Asmodeus, Dagon,
Dragotha, Iuz,
Correlon Larethion
Garl, Iggwilv, and Pazuzu
Raistlen, Baphomet, Grumsh and Cthulhu
All jumped in the fray, readying attacks
And smote Pelor with major artifacts.
What a terrible battle, the violence revelled.
All around had to save vs. Negative levels.

The battle went on for a million rounds
but finally the victor of the battle grounds
was claimed, and given fame in plenty.
Gary Gygax with a green d20

[Skaroq]

"Then Bigby, Rigby, Zigby, and Melf.
Mordenkainen and Drizzt the dark elf
Khelben Blackstaff, Juiblex
Malcanthet wanting S-E-X
Vecna, Primus one,
Asmodeus, Dagon,
Dragotha, Iuz,
Correlon Larethion
Garl, Iggwilv, and Pazuzu
Raistlen, Baphomet, Grumsh and Cthulhu
All jumped in the fray, readying attacks
And smote Pelor with major artifacts.
What a terrible battle, the violence revelled.
All around had to save vs. Negative levels.

The battle went on for a million rounds
but finally the victor of the battle grounds
was claimed, and given fame in plenty.
Gary Gygax with a green d20

Thanks, Grug! IT'S FINISHED!!!

[ShneekeyTheLost]

<snip>

Is that how it's played now?
My arthritis pains
Illithids are supercool
They suck out your brains.
Now our hp's running thin
We've run out of luck
It's the horde of nagas' fault
'Cause they really suck.

To keep true to the original, the final verse really must end in Orc. How about something like this:

Now our hp's running thin
looks like we're all borked
time for me to run away now
and become an orc

[D Knight]

Doihaveaname? and Skaroq you are bardic gods i shall worship both of u untill the end sing your songs. +15 lute of Perfect Awesomeness. oh so who is the winner of the Ultimate Showdown. i vote Pelor

[DracoDei]

Well, as I read the thread it is either Gary Gygax or Banjo The Clown... I think Gygax is funnier in context.

[Grug]

The battle went on for a million rounds
But finally the victor of the battle grounds
Was claimed, and given fame in plenty.
Banjo the Clown with a green d20.

This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.
Archons, Pit Fiends, and explosions
As far as the eye can see.
And all but one won't survive
I wonder who they will be
This is the Ultimate Showdown
(This is the Ultimate Showdown)
This is the Ultimate Showdown
Of D&D Destiny.

Thanks to Grug for composing the last part.

I revoke your right to use my intellectual prorperty if you don't change it back to Gary Gygax or equivalent. If you want Banjo, go to the OotS board. this is for DnD. Different acronyms make all the difference in the world.

[Maldraugedhen]

I revoke your right to use my intellectual prorperty if you don't change it back to Gary Gygax or equivalent. If you want Banjo, go to the OotS board. this is for DnD. Different acronyms make all the difference in the world.

"...So, wake up, Mr. Skaroq. Wake up, and get smacked by axes."
On a slightly related note, for the remainder of this week, whenever anybody points out something, I'm going to respond with "that's no ____, it's a space station." I've already done it with 'island' and 'tree', as of today.
On topic, however, I agree, Gygax is much funnier in context.