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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    God, that's... horrible.

    Ok, part one. The predisposition towards these things might be genetic. What happens to you in the future, and what you're going to become, is entirely in your hands right now. But you need some heavy and professional support, and you need it right now.

    With that out of the way, well... I'm really sorry for saying this, but if my previous opinion was "you're probably going to need to leave at a certain point in the future", my opinion now is "you need to get the **** out of there so fast that you leave a blazing trail behind you".

    I realize that you care for your mother, but you need to care for you. She's an adult, and the fact that she chooses to stay in a burning building does not mean that you have to burn to death too. Caring for her is a job for medical professionals and/or the police, depending on how far your father has gone. If these people can't or won't do their job, it's literally physically impossible for you to do it.

    Is there a way you might get a second chance with that better job opportunity? And even if you're not willing to go live by yourself right now, why don't you start looking around, comparing prices? Just in case. Start imagining how your life might become if you manage to free yourself from this trainwreck, to get a better job, to get your own place.

    Give yourself permission to only care about your own happiness. For what is worth, I'm giving you that permission with all my strength. Maybe, I don't know, decide you're going to shut out every external problem for an hour a day, and dedicate that hour to thinking and planning your own life, solving your own problems, following your own ambitions.

    All of the above is my personal advice, obiviously. But whatever you do, you need to focus on yourself for a while. You don't exist for the sake of dealing with your parents' wrong choices or illnesses. You exist for the sake of having a good life.

  2. - Top - End - #32
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Allergy shots typically require you to wait in the office 30min after getting a shot, to ensure there isn't a serious reaction. The trouble is I'm in call center type of work, where your entire job description is to be there to answer the phone. Schedule flexibility is hard because there's a good chance they don't need you at other times. It also means eating at your desk isn't typically allowed.
    Maybe you could ask a colleague to do your shift or help you out in some way, so that you could go to the doctor in the meantime?

    If you don't mind my asking, why do you think the allergies are work related? Did they start after you began your new job?
    What can change the nature of a man?

  3. - Top - End - #33
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    Maybe you could ask a colleague to do your shift or help you out in some way, so that you could go to the doctor in the meantime?

    If you don't mind my asking, why do you think the allergies are work related? Did they start after you began your new job?
    It's not a matter of asking a colleague to do your shift. It's that you have to put in 40 hours a week between whatever time they open in the morning, and whatever time they close at night. If your window for allergy shots is 10am-4pm during the week, that doesn't leave a lot of time.
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  4. - Top - End - #34
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Luz View Post
    Leave that's your advice? I ca't leave now. I guess I'm doomed. Even worst those things are genetic rigth? That means I'll get crazy too one day.
    First of all, no, you are not doomed. And yes, I am just a random stranger on the internet, how would I know? There are several good answers to that.

    1. Medical records indicate that, while genetics are a potential factor, environmental circumstances and living conditions are important as well. (source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181718/)
    First order of the day would therefore be to avoid a self-fulfilling prophecy by no longer assuming that your default state is "being doomed".

    2. Leaving your mother would help you in terms of self-protection, which is a valid option. However, you can also go for fighing/supporting, which seems to be what you did. Between these two extremes, there are obviously several options, like staying and dedicating some time to yourself (as others have pointed out). So everytime you feel that it becomes to much, take more time for yourself. The important thing to remember is that you can change the focus any time you wish! As long as you do not relinquish your control, changes are very high you are not doomed (because you can change your course).
    What can change the nature of a man?

  5. - Top - End - #35
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's not a matter of asking a colleague to do your shift. It's that you have to put in 40 hours a week between whatever time they open in the morning, and whatever time they close at night. If your window for allergy shots is 10am-4pm during the week, that doesn't leave a lot of time.
    So the problem is that you might not fulfill your work time quota?
    Maybe you could talk to your employer, explain the situation and work something out? Like, if you take your shots around 3.30 PM you might miss out an hour per week, but maybe there is a way to collect extra hours (e. g. taking a vacation day but still coming to work)?
    What can change the nature of a man?

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Luz View Post
    Leave that's your advice? I ca't leave now. I guess I'm doomed. Even worst those things are genetic rigth? That means I'll get crazy too one day.
    From my experience you either leave all this mess behind and never look back.

    Or stay and babysit your parents for your entire life until you are old and bitter.

    None of them will be nice.

  7. - Top - End - #37
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    ...If you don't mind my asking, why do you think the allergies are work related? Did they start after you began your new job?

    WarKitty knows best, but FWIW in my experience two months of unemployment is great for my health, I feel so much better, and after five months of unemployment my hands start to look clean, family life improves, really if it wasn't for the poverty that results I'd really recommend avoiding paid employment.
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  8. - Top - End - #38
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    So the problem is that you might not fulfill your work time quota?
    Maybe you could talk to your employer, explain the situation and work something out? Like, if you take your shots around 3.30 PM you might miss out an hour per week, but maybe there is a way to collect extra hours (e. g. taking a vacation day but still coming to work)?
    Vacation accrual is usually not enough to account for that. In many jobs you don't even start accruing vacation until 6 months in, and getting (likely) 2h off a week is just not going to happen.
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  9. - Top - End - #39
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Vacation accrual is usually not enough to account for that. In many jobs you don't even start accruing vacation until 6 months in, and getting (likely) 2h off a week is just not going to happen.
    You could try using sick leave, but my guess is that you don't get enough of that, either. I'm not sure if this is something you could use FMLA leave for, but that's unpaid anyway.

    I've worked in call centers that had other-coast (in my specific case, getting in extra-early to be on "East Coast Time", presumably staying late would be the equivalent on the east coast), evening, and weekend shifts available, but that obviously varies by center and if that were an option for you I assume you would have already tried it. I'm guessing you've also tried calling multiple allergy clinics, but if not trying larger clinics rather than small practices might be a good way to find ones where someone works evenings or weekends.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luz View Post
    Even worst those things are genetic rigth? That means I'll get crazy too one day.
    I've lived my whole life under that shadow, and all I can say is maybe, but maybe not, and it does not help to spend your life with everyone waiting to see if you end up "crazy just like [relative's name]". Sure, keep an eye out for tendencies in that direction, and if it's something that might be triggered by certain specific things keep that in mind as you make life decisions, but everyone waiting around to see if you're going to develop a specific mental illness or not before getting your life started is NOT HELPFUL. (My mother spent my entire childhood keeping an eye out to see if I'd be "crazy like aunt so-and-so" because I was a smart, quirky kid and kind of reminded the family of that aunt in some ways. Turns out I have an entirely different set of issues than my aunt, and worrying that I'd have a specific kind of mental illness someday did not help my actual issues get diagnosed any sooner.)
    Last edited by Algeh; 2017-08-03 at 06:19 PM.

  10. - Top - End - #40
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Algeh View Post
    You could try using sick leave, but my guess is that you don't get enough of that, either. I'm not sure if this is something you could use FMLA leave for, but that's unpaid anyway.

    I've worked in call centers that had other-coast (in my specific case, getting in extra-early to be on "East Coast Time", presumably staying late would be the equivalent on the east coast), evening, and weekend shifts available, but that obviously varies by center and if that were an option for you I assume you would have already tried it. I'm guessing you've also tried calling multiple allergy clinics, but if not trying larger clinics rather than small practices might be a good way to find ones where someone works evenings or weekends.
    Well, the thing right now is, yes, it would work with my current job, but once you start you have to stay faithful for a long time, and I'm looking for a new job, but I don't know when I might or might not get one or what hours I would have to work.
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  11. - Top - End - #41
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Just venting some about health stuff:

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    At some point, I think I'm going to need to start seeking treatment for my anxiety.

    I've been on a roadtrip with my family for 3, going on 4 weeks now to get away from the stress and pattern of home life to hopefully make progress on my projects that I hope will get me out of my job, and every time the phone rings it sets me back to being too anxious to work meaningfully on things. In ways it's as bad as if I were still at home.

    After a while the jitters subside a bit and I can start to resume work on more complicated things, but it takes too long and I often end up losing my momentum while basically waiting for my nerves to subside enough that I can parse the code I wrote. I don't know why my IT job shakes me up like this, but it does and I really have no options for getting away from it.

    Other than that, I've still got some medical crap clinging on from the accident, I can't believe it's been a year already. I have an upcoming surgery on my thumb to fix where the airbag cover hinging across it messed things up, but no answers as to why my left side neck muscles are defensively spasming. One of these days I will get an answer, but for now that answer lies on the other side of a lot of insurance personnel who are employed for the sole purpose of denying people like me the financial assistance needed to find those answers.

    On the bright side, I've been getting a lot of gaming in, since the anxiety puts me in a good "nervous fidget"
    space for doing that. Really making good progress on my Steam + HumbleBundle backlog.
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  12. - Top - End - #42
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Alent View Post
    Just venting some about health stuff:

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    At some point, I think I'm going to need to start seeking treatment for my anxiety.

    I've been on a roadtrip with my family for 3, going on 4 weeks now to get away from the stress and pattern of home life to hopefully make progress on my projects that I hope will get me out of my job, and every time the phone rings it sets me back to being too anxious to work meaningfully on things. In ways it's as bad as if I were still at home.
    heu... turn it off?
    I'm leaving for holidays in a few hours. I need my phone for other things, but I'm not going to answer any phone related calls. likewise, I've got my laptop with me, but won't be opening my email except for holiday related things... if at all.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    There's this drawing I did, which is not a bad drawing. I'm even proud of the work I put into it, but somehow the thing itself I just can't stand the sight of and I don't even know why. It's really frustrating.

  14. - Top - End - #44
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Well, the thing right now is, yes, it would work with my current job, but once you start you have to stay faithful for a long time, and I'm looking for a new job, but I don't know when I might or might not get one or what hours I would have to work.
    This sounds like a question for the Allergy specialist, I'm sure they've had to deal with this before.

    But avoiding treatment because there might be a schedule conflict with an unknown potential future job when you're miserable NOW seems like a bad trade-off.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    This sounds like a question for the Allergy specialist, I'm sure they've had to deal with this before.

    But avoiding treatment because there might be a schedule conflict with an unknown potential future job when you're miserable NOW seems like a bad trade-off.
    The allergist's only advice was "find a doctor's office with weekend hours." Which I haven't been able to do.

    The thing with allergy shots is (1) it will take at least 6 months to see results, and (2) if you discontinue at any point the previous treatments are wasted.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    From my experience you either leave all this mess behind and never look back.

    Or stay and babysit your parents for your entire life until you are old and bitter.

    None of them will be nice.
    I think I will take the second

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quick question Luz but if there's domestic violence going on would calling the police in be an option? Especially if you could record evidence of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    Quick question Luz but if there's domestic violence going on would calling the police in be an option? Especially if you could record evidence of it.
    I did once, but my mom dropped the charges and got depressed again, she doesn't want her reputation to be ruined because of a jerk.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    heu... turn it off?
    I'm leaving for holidays in a few hours. I need my phone for other things, but I'm not going to answer any phone related calls. likewise, I've got my laptop with me, but won't be opening my email except for holiday related things... if at all.
    Lucky. I wish I could get away with that. Unfortunately, I am with my family on this trip, the same family with whom I am in business which means when clients fail to get me they get dad who gets me and has me talk to them and at that point I can't refuse them without causing even more trouble, stress, and anxiety.

    All I can really do is vent and hope the gorram phone doesn't ring. (It rang 4 times while writing this post.)



    Edit:
    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    The thing with allergy shots is (1) it will take at least 6 months to see results, and (2) if you discontinue at any point the previous treatments are wasted.
    Speaking as someone who lived on Allergy shots from as young as I can remember until adulthood, you will begin to experience some minor benefits within a few weeks to a month. Maintenance Dose (Which I assume is what they're indirectly referring to with the 6 month figure) took so long for me to reach due to me frequently reacting to the last two vials. We typically ran out of the last vial after I hit maintenance for a month or so, forcing them to order new vials and practically starting over. So I don't place much stock in the upper end, but the low to middle end will definitely help.

    As to getting shots, I can't remember if you're in the US, but if you are, look around for those weird mini corner clinics. Where I live we have one chain called a qwikcare that's open until 8pm, and has a general care family practice in it. If you can find one like it willing to administer your shots, just swing by on your way home from work.
    Last edited by Alent; 2017-08-04 at 06:51 PM.
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  20. - Top - End - #50
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Luz View Post
    How to deal with a loved one who is slowly losing her mind but had bad experiences with therapy before?
    Protect yourself from being dragged down by it.

    It might sound heartless, but you must force yourself to see a sharp separation between the person and the mental illness and judge when the later begins to be the dominant part. At that point, the only responsible thing to do is ignoring the wishes and past experiences of the affected person and get her hospitalized, else a deteriorating condition will lead to the original person be beyond saving.

    You do know by first hand experience that your mum is beyond acting rational, starting with your "gay-treatment", rationalizing things as "religious experience" and how she handles the abuse. The situation can only worsen from here on out, and it´s already very bad. Loving her can only mean "disrespecting" her and her wishes and do what is necessary.

  21. - Top - End - #51
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I have been suffering from anxiety for three months now and it has been pretty bad. I have been thinking about writing this message ever since it all started.

    Six years ago I started to study English as a hobby. Gradually it got out of hand and I decided to apply to study English Philology in a university. I was surprised when I passed, I hadn't anticipated that. I had applied mostly because I wanted an excuse to read the interesting entrance exam books and to tell my English teacher how close I was and how hard I had tried. I have already told this story here and I have told you that I felt nervous about starting my studies. However, I soon noticed that there are better students than me and worse students than me. My studies went well and to be honest, I've had a blast. I've had a blast even when things have looked sour. Does that even make sense?

    Now everything is about to change.

    I will have to do teacher training. That means that I have teach adolescents how write and speak proper and grammatical English. I feel absolutely terrified about this. I think I'm not good enough for this. I can't teach anyone how to be a proficient English speaker. For instance, I played D&D with my friends a week ago and I forgot how to pronounce "opaque". I said [o'pa:k]. I felt terrible.

    I have visited a doctor and he has given me medication so that I can sleep and relax. We made no further plans regarding my treatment.

    (Sorry, I didn't notice the new thread)
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  22. - Top - End - #52
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    @Jon:

    It´s generally good to be critical with your own abilities, so to not suffer from overconfidence in the wrong place. Awareness of your own failures is a good thing. But you forget that you have reached the ability to see and identify your own mistakes, which might set the bar for your expectations, but has nothing to do with teaching people the basics, who´ll mostly never know what kind of mistakes you see yourself making as they must reach the necessary point of having gained knowledge first.

    Put simply, knowing the word "opaque" already puts your grammar ahead of a huge part of native english speakers, being able to pronounce it correctly is not all that critical an ability.

  23. - Top - End - #53
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    Bleh.

    I was talking to someone online about moving out as a young adult, and she said something like "you know it's time to move out when the house rules no longer work for you." And my first reaction there was, by that logic, I should have moved out at age 13 or so.

    The house rules never "worked" for me. They were something you tried your best to avoid. We were talking about respect, and I realized I never remember respecting my mother. I was afraid of her as a child, but respect? No way.

    Not really asking for advice here. It just hurts, and I know there's nothing I can do to make what I really want happen.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2017-08-06 at 06:56 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    I have been suffering from anxiety for three months now and it has been pretty bad. I have been thinking about writing this message ever since it all started.

    Six years ago I started to study English as a hobby. Gradually it got out of hand and I decided to apply to study English Philology in a university. I was surprised when I passed, I hadn't anticipated that. I had applied mostly because I wanted an excuse to read the interesting entrance exam books and to tell my English teacher how close I was and how hard I had tried. I have already told this story here and I have told you that I felt nervous about starting my studies. However, I soon noticed that there are better students than me and worse students than me. My studies went well and to be honest, I've had a blast. I've had a blast even when things have looked sour. Does that even make sense?

    Now everything is about to change.

    I will have to do teacher training. That means that I have teach adolescents how write and speak proper and grammatical English. I feel absolutely terrified about this. I think I'm not good enough for this. I can't teach anyone how to be a proficient English speaker. For instance, I played D&D with my friends a week ago and I forgot how to pronounce "opaque". I said [o'pa:k]. I felt terrible.

    I have visited a doctor and he has given me medication so that I can sleep and relax. We made no further plans regarding my treatment.

    (Sorry, I didn't notice the new thread)

    I'm a confident alpha male that has been in leadership positions most of my adult life. So let me tell you most everyone feels insecure at some point. When you leave your comfort zone and think you don't know what the heck you are doing then that nagging feeling enters your life. When you start your training and start to feel mastery then this feeling will hopefully go away, it's like this for many who start a new job or in a new school.

    I've met English teachers who speak worse English than I and I've only spent 3 days in an English speaking country and I have no advance studies in English. I've lived 10 years in a foreign country and I don't pronounce everything correctly....and that's hundreds of hours of hands on training. Just remember it's alright to make an error or a mistake, nobody will die because of a smelling pistake or a wrong pronunciation.

  25. - Top - End - #55
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    For instance, I played D&D with my friends a week ago and I forgot how to pronounce "opaque". I said [o'pa:k]. I felt terrible.
    Mispronouncing a word is not the end of the world. Even native English speakers do it, especially if it's a word like "opaque" which is not commonly used. So long as your students can be understood when speaking English then I would call that a good job on your behalf, and since your written English is very good, that should be achievable, surely?

  26. - Top - End - #56
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    I have been suffering from anxiety for three months now and it has been pretty bad. I have been thinking about writing this message ever since it all started.

    Six years ago I started to study English as a hobby. Gradually it got out of hand and I decided to apply to study English Philology in a university. I was surprised when I passed, I hadn't anticipated that. I had applied mostly because I wanted an excuse to read the interesting entrance exam books and to tell my English teacher how close I was and how hard I had tried. I have already told this story here and I have told you that I felt nervous about starting my studies. However, I soon noticed that there are better students than me and worse students than me. My studies went well and to be honest, I've had a blast. I've had a blast even when things have looked sour. Does that even make sense?

    Now everything is about to change.

    I will have to do teacher training. That means that I have teach adolescents how write and speak proper and grammatical English. I feel absolutely terrified about this. I think I'm not good enough for this. I can't teach anyone how to be a proficient English speaker. For instance, I played D&D with my friends a week ago and I forgot how to pronounce "opaque". I said [o'pa:k]. I felt terrible.

    I have visited a doctor and he has given me medication so that I can sleep and relax. We made no further plans regarding my treatment.

    (Sorry, I didn't notice the new thread)
    I know how you feel. I am a trainee teacher for English, and in three weeks I am going to have my own classes with English students. I am still flabbergasted that I am to be responsible for REAL CHILDREN! I mean, me? For real?
    Luckily there are a lot of other trainee teachers as well, so we can compare our experiences.
    Sometimes I doubt my own abilities, but that seems to be par for the course as many of my new colleagues have similar issues.
    Sometimes I also forget how to pronounce a certain word or I wonder about a grammar rule that I really should know. Kind of demotivating, but usually I remember them the next day and I realize that I should not worry about the details. I mean, it is not like I won't prepare myself if I have to teach a certain topic. In my limited experience it is always worthwhile to prepare and even to look up the basics, and I know I can do better then. Additionally, I have seen many teachers make mistakes on occasion, like spelling a word wrong (btw, just know I wondered for a while why I did not write "wrongly" in this sentence, because it should be an adverb).
    But yeah, as others have pointed out, if you can point out more of your English flaws now than you could before, it just means that your English improved.
    Every teacher I have ever met has told me that the beginning is difficult, but that you get used to it after a while.

    If you would like to, we could share experiences and even brainstorm some ideas, unite our power and stuff
    What can change the nature of a man?

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Sad place

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Thank you for the support, everyone, and sorry if I seem a bit lethargic. It's just that I feel paralyzed. RazorChain mentioned "nagging feeling" and that is something that I have as well, including constant terror.

    Factotum's comment "So long as your students can be understood when speaking English then I would call that a good job on your behalf" got me thinking. I'm not trying to work miracles here. I'm just helping them to improve their English from X to X+1. And X will never be "native fluency". Not even close.

    If you would like to, we could share experiences and even brainstorm some ideas, unite our power and stuff
    I would like that, very much, and I'm glad that someone in the same situation read my post. Would it be too much if I sent you my Skype username via PM?
    My Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal (Completed)

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    We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they're offended and expecting us to give a [damn].

    - Ricky Gervais

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    I would like that, very much, and I'm glad that someone in the same situation read my post. Would it be too much if I sent you my Skype username via PM?
    Not at all, but I use it only occasionally, so we should plan a session beforehand.
    What can change the nature of a man?

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Saint Jimmy's Avatar

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    Oct 2016
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Ugh. My mother is back into her "All this fantasy (D&D and other RPGs and horror (Lovecraft, I don't have the stomach for any other horror) must make you see the world horribly" phase.
    She just doesn't realize that it's fun, a pastime, a way to express my creativity and hang out with friends. And honestly Lovecraft is so "out there" that it hardly classifies as horror in my opinion in the first place.

    She has back and forth between encouraging my d&d stuff for the reasons I listed above and this ever since
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    I chose to not be confirmed by my church months ago, just because I just felt that I wasn't ready for it. That put me into a really bad spot emotionally, as I was wracked by feelings of inadequacy and stuff because literally EVERYONE else was being confirmed.

    That's when this whole thing first started. She started really scrutinizing all the areas of my life she thought could have been causing this, and eventually settled on fantasy. (Even though I already explained many times in detail why I was feeling so bad about stuff.)

    I totally get where she is coming from, she just wants to keep me from going through that again. But the things she is focusing on are not what contributed to that emotionally dark time at all. I try to explain this, but she just doesn't get it. Do any of you have any advice? I hate to have this scrutiny over my harmless pastimes, and I hate that somehow I made her feel upset over said pastimes.

    Sorry for the rambling post, this is frustrating as I don't like to see my mom worried and I don't wanna end up losing my main hobby. (Also one of my only "group" oriented ones, I'm pretty introverted and I tend to be bad around people unless it's my band or d&d friends, or neighbors, pretty much all the freinds I have.)
    Epic anarchist avatar made by Linklele. Thanks!

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Recherché's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2010
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    Its Complicated
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

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    I chose not to get confirmed and eventually left the church myself. My dad was a little upset about it and tried to blame it on me going to public school and not a religious school. However he got over it a few days after I started explaining why I didn't feel that I could chose confirmation honestly when I still had my doubts. I don't know if your mother or your situation but going over why you don't feel you're ready might help. Alternatively explaining your situation to one of the priests and then asking them to talk to your mother might work.

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