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  1. - Top - End - #61
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

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    So she actually knows that I'm not ready, the reason, etc. and is completely ok with it, it just seems that when I was feeling really crap oh about it, she had to find another explanation, and eventually started wondering if "fantasy*" was making me see the world poorly and causing it. Now she goes back and forth from encouraging my hobby and getting really concerned without any reason to.

    This started to get worse a while back after my last Call of Cthulhu game. She shut it down because she said it was too violent and innapropiate. (my freinds were being stereotypical 14 year old males the whole session) I talked with her about some ways I could change up my games to make them less of a concern, and I have been following them.
    The suspicion, for lack of a better term, just seems to come out of nowhere now.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    I have been suffering from anxiety for three months now and it has been pretty bad. I have been thinking about writing this message ever since it all started.

    Six years ago I started to study English as a hobby. Gradually it got out of hand and I decided to apply to study English Philology in a university. I was surprised when I passed, I hadn't anticipated that. I had applied mostly because I wanted an excuse to read the interesting entrance exam books and to tell my English teacher how close I was and how hard I had tried. I have already told this story here and I have told you that I felt nervous about starting my studies. However, I soon noticed that there are better students than me and worse students than me. My studies went well and to be honest, I've had a blast. I've had a blast even when things have looked sour. Does that even make sense?

    Now everything is about to change.

    I will have to do teacher training. That means that I have teach adolescents how write and speak proper and grammatical English. I feel absolutely terrified about this. I think I'm not good enough for this. I can't teach anyone how to be a proficient English speaker. For instance, I played D&D with my friends a week ago and I forgot how to pronounce "opaque". I said [o'pa:k]. I felt terrible.

    I have visited a doctor and he has given me medication so that I can sleep and relax. We made no further plans regarding my treatment.

    (Sorry, I didn't notice the new thread)
    As someone with English as a first language, I often rely on spell check to find my (many) errors, and often find myself Googling words to make sure I actually know what it means. And I'm the person that used to read a novel or three a week.

    As for proper pronunciation, as someone who cannot hear a good chunk of spoken sounds (High frequency sounds such as s,sh,ch,k, and so on), and has worked with a lot of people who have English as a second or third language, you should do well enough to give your students proficiency in the language. Mastery only comes from experience.

  3. - Top - End - #63
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    So.

    For the last few weeks, my younger dog (5 y.o. lab) hasn't been eating properly. At first they thought it was tonsilitis, so they gave him some meds. When I brought him back in the other day they took his bloodwork, and we just got the results on that today.

    His kidneys are failing. He can't flush toxins out of his system, so they're just building up in his body. We need to take him in early tomorrow to get looked at.

    Kind of a gutpunch, and we're kind of freaking out about it.



    @Jimmy: Gaming is a pretty hard hobby to understand, especially at a surface-level glance like a parent gets. (For a prime example: Tomb of Horrors is considered a "classic" dnd module) My parents never really "got" my hobby, but they tended to understand that gaming was my escape from things like, say, that guy in high school who kicked my backpack every time I walked down the halls.

    If you have any experiences like that, it might help to tell her so she gets this is an escape for you. In real life, bullies get to run away laughing. In a game, you can break their legs.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2017-08-10 at 04:24 PM.
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  4. - Top - End - #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    His kidneys are failing. He can't flush toxins out of his system, so they're just building up in his body. We need to take him in early tomorrow to get looked at.
    Luckily, thatīs something that can be handled with the right food.
    Had a cat that had similar kidney problems and she had a good life for the decade after she was diagnosed (died at 22), one of my business partners has a "rescue cat" that was diagnosed with kidney problems very early (at 2 years), but the combination of speciality food, TCM and homeopathic treatment keeps her going quite fine (now at 8). Brrrr... we had a teleconference today and it was right when she was driving little Summer to her regular check-up. Canīt stand that desperate mewing in the background.

  5. - Top - End - #65
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    Went to see a specialist about George today.

    Good news: his kidneys aren't failing.

    Bad news: He probably has lymphoma and maybe a year and a half to live with treatments.

    ...

    So, yeah. Our 5 year old dog is going to die from cancer within a year or 2. We have very few options, the clearest being "flood him with chemo" or "put him to sleep."

    Luckily, thatīs something that can be handled with the right food.
    Had a cat that had similar kidney problems and she had a good life for the decade after she was diagnosed (died at 22), one of my business partners has a "rescue cat" that was diagnosed with kidney problems very early (at 2 years), but the combination of speciality food, TCM and homeopathic treatment keeps her going quite fine (now at 8). Brrrr... we had a teleconference today and it was right when she was driving little Summer to her regular check-up. Canīt stand that desperate mewing in the background.
    He isn't eating anything we give him; that's the big reason why he went to the vet in the first place.

    One thing the vet made clear is that kidney problems are different for dogs than for cats.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2017-08-11 at 01:52 PM.
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  6. - Top - End - #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    "put him to sleep."
    Get a second vet. opinion. Then do what we normally donīt dare to. I am sorry.

  7. - Top - End - #67
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Ok, just venting frustration a bit, as something hit too close to home these days.

    Preface: You all will know that Germany was divided into a capitalist and socialist state until the reunion and the socialist side had some, lets say, rather dubious methods to encourage people from our POV.

    Now Iīve been a freelancer for quite some time, quite successful at that, and saved most of my earnings to proceed to the next step and go into "classical production business". Iīve moved to the former "east" to ease my total cost of living and sit out the phase to come while both, the subsidiaries and the heavy credits will come to bear and wreck my life....

    So I take on a heavy debt, knowing fully well that it will take more than three years that the ordered facility will be functional and Iīll be living from hand to mouths during that time, with my assets frozen and my income monitored. (Actually got into trouble with a local Con, as that freeze happened before I could pay my dues...)

    Iīm living a rather minimalist lifestyle right now, because most of what Iīd earn right now would be counted towards the dept until the facility stands and we can generate income.

    Yesterday, I overheard my neighbors talking about me, which could be summed up to the question why I wasn'tīt put into prison because I donīt do s**t, besides answering mails, being on the phone, drinking beer and smoking. Prison time would do an anti-social wrench like me good.

    The sad thing is, weīre in election year for a local governor and one of the candidates, as well as a high-ranking representative of the local police academy was present.

    Do I really want to live in the company of people who think that itīll be a good lesson for me if I went to jail for a while?

  8. - Top - End - #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    @Jimmy: Gaming is a pretty hard hobby to understand, especially at a surface-level glance like a parent gets. (For a prime example: Tomb of Horrors is considered a "classic" dnd module) My parents never really "got" my hobby, but they tended to understand that gaming was my escape from things like, say, that guy in high school who kicked my backpack every time I walked down the halls.

    If you have any experiences like that, it might help to tell her so she gets this is an escape for you. In real life, bullies get to run away laughing. In a game, you can break their legs.
    I don't actually have any experiences like that, which is pretty nice. Its kind of an escape from all the crap going on in the world (like you said, you can actually stop people who are doing horrible things in game) but it's really just entertainment.
    I have pretty much figured out that it's more of the Lovecraft/Cthulhu stuff now, and that's kinda just lumped in with the rest of "that fantasy stuff" for her a lot. I consider it just weird fantasy because it's so "out there", I don't see how anyone could be scared of it, but from when I've tried to explain it to her it seems like it kinda disturbs her. And honestly that's just a taste thing, she's freaked out and can't understand why someone would be interested by that whereas I'm not and can't understand how people consider it scary (especially with Lovecraft's writing style that makes it hard to pull a meaning out of a lot of stuff. MOUNTIANS OF MADNESS COUGH COUGH)
    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post

    So, yeah. Our 5 year old dog is going to die from cancer within a year or 2. We have very few options, the clearest being "flood him with chemo" or "put him to sleep."
    Aww. I don't really know what to say other then repeat Florians advice to get a second opinion first. Other then that I'm sure you will do whatever is right for your dog. I'm sorry about that, I know how it feels, and it's one horrible situation to be in. Hope it gets better.
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  9. - Top - End - #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Jimmy View Post
    Aww. I don't really know what to say other then repeat Florians advice to get a second opinion first. Other then that I'm sure you will do whatever is right for your dog. I'm sorry about that, I know how it feels, and it's one horrible situation to be in. Hope it gets better.
    Quote Originally Posted by Florian View Post
    Get a second vet. opinion. Then do what we normally donīt dare to. I am sorry.
    This was the second opinion.

    The first one was kidney failure.

    EDIT: Dad thinks it's selfish to make our dog go through chemo just so we can have him around for another few months. So... we're gonna bring him home for a few weeks so we can all say goodbye, and then... let him sleep.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2017-08-11 at 05:35 PM.
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  10. - Top - End - #70
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    My parents have been having the same argument every day for 4 days in a row now.

    And they wonder why I'll take the night shift.
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  11. - Top - End - #71
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    My parents have been having the same argument every day for 4 days in a row now.

    And they wonder why I'll take the night shift.
    *Offers hugs*

    I'm sorry. Is there anything we can do to help?
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  12. - Top - End - #72
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    So my life is falling apart and I have no idea who to turn to.

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    I failed my first year at university, and there's no way that I'm going to pass any of the retakes. So I'm going to have to drop out.

    This is mainly because I have a list of mental disorders which would impress a mage in Call of Cthulhu, and I'm struggling with the trauma of physical and sexual assault on top of that. I can't face working the vast majority of the time. Sometimes I don't have any control of my body at all. I'm totally unable to hold any job or succeed at my education. Oh, and because @@@POLITICS@@@, it's completely impossible for me to get any benefits either.

    My mother, with whom I currently live, isn't willing to support me without me being in education or having a job, so I'll almost certainly end up homeless, unless I want to go and live with my father, who I tried to distance myself from since he flipped out and started hitting me. So there's that.

    Now I'm not sure what to do. I've been hurt so much by everyone that I can't learn, and I can't do anything with what I have learned either. Nobody's willing and able to support me and I have no way to support myself.

    Inevitably, of course, someone will suggest getting professional help. Unfortunately, every single time I've attempted that the problem has got worse instead of better, and I cannot face another smug idiot breaching client confidentiality, telling me some nonsense that I (not a medical professional) know is false because I actually checked what the people who practically wrote the book on it said, and so forth. Unfortunately, because @@@POLITICS@@@, the current mental health situation in this country is worse than useless.

    I've got to the point where I have to choose between being one more homeless person and manually overriding my own skull. Neither of which massively appeals to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    So my life is falling apart and I have no idea who to turn to.

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    I failed my first year at university, and there's no way that I'm going to pass any of the retakes. So I'm going to have to drop out.

    This is mainly because I have a list of mental disorders which would impress a mage in Call of Cthulhu, and I'm struggling with the trauma of physical and sexual assault on top of that. I can't face working the vast majority of the time. Sometimes I don't have any control of my body at all. I'm totally unable to hold any job or succeed at my education. Oh, and because @@@POLITICS@@@, it's completely impossible for me to get any benefits either.

    My mother, with whom I currently live, isn't willing to support me without me being in education or having a job, so I'll almost certainly end up homeless, unless I want to go and live with my father, who I tried to distance myself from since he flipped out and started hitting me. So there's that.

    Now I'm not sure what to do. I've been hurt so much by everyone that I can't learn, and I can't do anything with what I have learned either. Nobody's willing and able to support me and I have no way to support myself.

    Inevitably, of course, someone will suggest getting professional help. Unfortunately, every single time I've attempted that the problem has got worse instead of better, and I cannot face another smug idiot breaching client confidentiality, telling me some nonsense that I (not a medical professional) know is false because I actually checked what the people who practically wrote the book on it said, and so forth. Unfortunately, because @@@POLITICS@@@, the current mental health situation in this country is worse than useless.

    I've got to the point where I have to choose between being one more homeless person and manually overriding my own skull. Neither of which massively appeals to me.
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    First off, I am truly sorry to hear about all you are going through. While I am in no place to give perspective on any mental health, perhaps I can give thoughts to some of the other issues that may help.

    For university, after dropping out, can you switch to some other degree, or must you take a leave of absence and reapply? Could you talk to your mother and reach an agreement there?

    If not, do you have any other family or friends you could stay with while you try and get things under control? You say "nobody", but is there potentially someone you haven't considered?

    Could you do online courses to either obtain or support obtaining a university degree? Online courses can allow you to work from home, which may reduce stress while making progress.


    I am not sure if any of this will help you, although I hope it does. Let me know if you need me to clarify or expand on any point.
    Last edited by Mith; 2017-08-13 at 06:09 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #74
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
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    First off, I am truly sorry to hear about all you are going through. While I am in no place to give perspective on any mental health, perhaps I can give thoughts to some of the other issues that may help.

    For university, after dropping out, can you switch to some other degree, or must you take a leave of absence and reapply? Could you talk to your mother and reach an agreement there?

    If not, do you have any other family or friends you could stay with while you try and get things under control? You say "nobody", but is there potentially someone you haven't considered?

    Could you do online courses to either obtain or support obtaining a university degree? Online courses can allow you to work from home, which may reduce stress while making progress.


    I am not sure if any of this will help you, although I hope it does. Let me know if you need me to clarify or expand on any point.
    Unfortunately, it's not just the course I'm on that's the issue. Assume anything learning-related or job-related are just flat impossible, because they are.

    I don't have any friends who are more independent than university students generally are, and they don't have the spare money to support someone.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Unfortunately, it's not just the course I'm on that's the issue. Assume anything learning-related or job-related are just flat impossible, because they are.

    I don't have any friends who are more independent than university students generally are, and they don't have the spare money to support someone.
    Unfortunately, the only things I can suggest with that with the information and credentials I have would probably fall within "learning" or "job" real. Namely, seeing what all the supports are available at your university, and the potential for volunteer work.

    I am sorry that I cannot offer anything else to help.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Unfortunately, it's not just the course I'm on that's the issue. Assume anything learning-related or job-related are just flat impossible, because they are.
    What's your university subject? Maybe you could pick a related field but easier. As long as you meet your mother's criterion of being at school, you can live there for free, from what I gather.

    The alternative, of course, would be to either get a job or apply for welfare (and stay on it for the time being).

    I would hope there are some jobs out there that aren't out of the question for you even in your current condition, but if not, worst possible case, welfare should be enough to afford a tiny room in a SRO building and food. From this stable point, you could then consider what you wish to do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    What's your university subject? Maybe you could pick a related field but easier. As long as you meet your mother's criterion of being at school, you can live there for free, from what I gather.
    I'm not Jormengand. But from what I've heard from other people in similar situations, the problem can be with simply pulling oneself together for the day and making it to class. Academic work is easy compared to how messy the world can be.

    I will say that even another college student can offer some space on a couch, or even a couple of pillows on the floor, without having to dig into their own pockets. As far as work, either to mollify your mother or to have something to bring to the table so you don't overtax your friends' good will, I've heard okay things about amazon's mechanical turk and similar services. The money isn't anything to write home about. But it is a form of work that you can do on your own schedule, without having to deal with the outside world.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    The alternative, of course, would be to either get a job or apply for welfare (and stay on it for the time being).

    I would hope there are some jobs out there that aren't out of the question for you even in your current condition, but if not, worst possible case, welfare should be enough to afford a tiny room in a SRO building and food. From this stable point, you could then consider what you wish to do.
    Impossible under a system which is both designed to fail and designed to discriminate against mental health issues.




    Anyway, my mother just has basically come in and told me I need to get a job, effective now pretty much. Oh and she's continuing to be abusive and has tasked me with sorting out the whole house in a time that even a non-disabled person couldn't. So... this is basically me saying goodbye. I can't handle any more of this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Impossible under a system which is both designed to fail and designed to discriminate against mental health issues.




    Anyway, my mother just has basically come in and told me I need to get a job, effective now pretty much. Oh and she's continuing to be abusive and has tasked me with sorting out the whole house in a time that even a non-disabled person couldn't. So... this is basically me saying goodbye. I can't handle any more of this.
    Jormengand...I don't have any brilliant words, but I've been where you are. I've been in a place where I thought there was nothing to do. It did pass. It was hard as hell for a while, but it did pass.

    I don't know what country you're living in so I can't offer a huge amount of advice for sorting out finances. But it's not hopeless.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Jormengand...I don't have any brilliant words, but I've been where you are. I've been in a place where I thought there was nothing to do. It did pass. It was hard as hell for a while, but it did pass.

    I don't know what country you're living in so I can't offer a huge amount of advice for sorting out finances. But it's not hopeless.
    I mean I'm basically in the position where I need to leave this house in the next 20 minutes, 40 if I'm exceptionally lucky but I can't count on it, or I need to manually override my own skull in that amount of time. Either I leave or I'll be forced to leave, basically.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    I mean I'm basically in the position where I need to leave this house in the next 20 minutes, 40 if I'm exceptionally lucky but I can't count on it, or I need to manually override my own skull in that amount of time. Either I leave or I'll be forced to leave, basically.
    What country do you live in? And what time is it over there?

    I've been worried about that situation myself. Look up any charities that are in your area. A lot of places know where you can find help even if they can't help you themselves.

    Talk to your friends. Post on facebook if you have to. Friends of friends can help sometimes even if you don't know anyone who can personally help. And even some people who might not have a lot of room can let you sleep on a couch for a little bit while you figure things out.

    If you need to stay in a shelter do it. It sucks. It really sucks, but it's there.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2017-08-14 at 05:24 AM.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    @Jormengand:

    So, basically, you actually have to physically located to a place that either can support you, or at least doesnīt crush you and throw you to the gutter.

    Iīll write you a PM.

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    My wife and I have been going through infertility stuff for a while now.

    We just basically had a "This isn't even my final form!" pulled on us. The issue grew heads and arms and wings and fangs and laser cannons. We're not sterile (yet), but our options for having our own kids boil down to "throw money at it- lots and lots of money" and "keep doing what you're doing and pray for a miracle".

    Yeah we could adopt, but that's actually fairly expensive, there's a multi-year waiting list, and... well, that's always something I was hoping we might have money and capacity to do after we had a couple of kids of our own.

    I mean, at least it's not "you're sterile because you have cancer and six months to live" bad. But it's pretty bad. At least we now know why things haven't been working.
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  24. - Top - End - #84
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    TechnOkami's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    @Jormengand I'm sorry about your current situation. I hope you find something that will let you live a stable, comfortable life soon. Try and stay in communication with us.

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  25. - Top - End - #85
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    This was the second opinion.

    The first one was kidney failure.

    EDIT: Dad thinks it's selfish to make our dog go through chemo just so we can have him around for another few months. So... we're gonna bring him home for a few weeks so we can all say goodbye, and then... let him sleep.
    It's done.

    We'd hoped we could bring him home for a few weeks, but he wasn't eating anything, so we only got a day. But that's fine; he was miserable and weeks probably wouldn't have been long enough anyway. He's gonna be cremated, and mom's getting a wooden paw made from his. So that's... I don't wanna say 'good', but better.

    We stayed with him (Dad's in Russia, but the rest of us were there for George). I wasn't expecting him to go that fast. From the moment they put the anesthetic in (first of three shots) until his heart stopped was about... I dunno, maybe 50 seconds. Tops. But he had people who loved him petting and loving on him on all sides, so... yeah.

    It hit me when I got home that I'm never gonna find poop at the top of the stairs again (since Shadow can't go up them anymore), at least until we get another dog. I got so mad at George for doing that so often, largely cuz I kept stepping in it. It feels weird to say I wish he'd come home and do that again, but I do.

    I've had myself a couple of good cries in the last 2 or 3 hours. Probably gonna have a few more.
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  26. - Top - End - #86
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    JNAProductions's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    It's done.

    We'd hoped we could bring him home for a few weeks, but he wasn't eating anything, so we only got a day. But that's fine; he was miserable and weeks probably wouldn't have been long enough anyway. He's gonna be cremated, and mom's getting a wooden paw made from his. So that's... I don't wanna say 'good', but better.

    We stayed with him (Dad's in Russia, but the rest of us were there for George). I wasn't expecting him to go that fast. From the moment they put the anesthetic in (first of three shots) until his heart stopped was about... I dunno, maybe 50 seconds. Tops. But he had people who loved him petting and loving on him on all sides, so... yeah.

    It hit me when I got home that I'm never gonna find poop at the top of the stairs again (since Shadow can't go up them anymore), at least until we get another dog. I got so mad at George for doing that so often, largely cuz I kept stepping in it. It feels weird to say I wish he'd come home and do that again, but I do.

    I've had myself a couple of good cries in the last 2 or 3 hours. Probably gonna have a few more.
    *Offers hugs*

    I'm sorry to hear about that. Don't be afraid to cry about it-there's nothing wrong with being sad when you lose a member of the family.

    If we can help at all, just let us know.
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  27. - Top - End - #87
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    Comrade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I'm real sorry for your loss, HalfTangible.
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  28. - Top - End - #88
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    It's a painful thing to have to do, but it's for the best. When the pain and lack of quality of life just don't warrant dragging things out anymore, there's little else to do.
    It will get better, in time.
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  29. - Top - End - #89
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Update: After a few days on the streets, I'm now able to stay with a friend of the family for a week or so. After that, I'm just hoping that my temporary accomodation I'm supposed to be able to get arrives on time. We'll see...
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  30. - Top - End - #90
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    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Update: After a few days ...

    Good luck, and best wishes to you.
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