Page 4 of 15 FirstFirst 1234567891011121314 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 120 of 430
  1. - Top - End - #91
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Sep 2013

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Good luck, Jormengand.

  2. - Top - End - #92
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Savo

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Spoiler
    Show
    I realised that I've been slightly suicidal all summer, and that it has just been escalating this whole time. Why do I always burn out one way or another when it's summer time?
    All I want is darkness right now
    ~Extended Signature~


  3. - Top - End - #93
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    A wild guess would be that in summertime people are out and about more, and generally more expansive/enthusiastic about things... so people who we feel have it together more than we do are all up in our faces and the comparison stings just a little more than usual.
    Huzza! for Linkele, for drawing the bestest avatar ever!
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Lincoln's a fartbutt
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  4. - Top - End - #94
    Titan in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Manchester, UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    You've heard of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? Usually this causes people to get depressed in winter and happier in summer, but it can work the other way round--might be worth checking with your accredited medical professional of choice to see if you've got that.

  5. - Top - End - #95
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Also: from May up, all the couples start hitting the streets and enjoying themselves visibly, as opposed to staying nicely hidden somewhere warm. Combine that with usual summer fashion trends.

    Drove me nuts for long time, each summer.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Yes, that is my name. Feel free to use it.
    Currently GMing:
    Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune

  6. - Top - End - #96
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by lacco36 View Post
    Also: from May up, all the couples start hitting the streets and enjoying themselves visibly, as opposed to staying nicely hidden somewhere warm. Combine that with usual summer fashion trends.

    Drove me nuts for long time, each summer.
    Insert mandatory masturbation joke.

    there.. we can move on.
    Huzza! for Linkele, for drawing the bestest avatar ever!
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac View Post
    Lincoln's a fartbutt
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
    Show

    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  7. - Top - End - #97
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Fixed that:

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    Insert mandatory masturbation marriage joke.
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Yes, that is my name. Feel free to use it.
    Currently GMing:
    Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune

  8. - Top - End - #98
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Spoiler
    Show
    I realised that I've been slightly suicidal all summer, and that it has just been escalating this whole time. Why do I always burn out one way or another when it's summer time?
    Do you burn easily? I'm outdoors less often in summer because of the heat and the increased risk of sunburn. But even as an introvert, if I don't get outside at least somewhat regularly I notice myself becoming depressed more easily.
    Pokemon X:
    Spoiler
    Show

    1006 0284 0014
    Mii name: D
    Sandshrew/Camerupt/Gastrodon
    Breeding Pokemon so far (May need to re-breed on request):
    Often 4-5 IVs/Egg Moves:
    Marill, Shellder, Honedge. Horsea, Larvitar, Ferroseed, Kangaskhan, Scyther, Charmander, Beldum, Deino, Vullaby, Skarmory, Noibat, Timburr

    HA (Often 4-5 IVS/Egg Moves):
    Fletchling, Froakie, Drillbur, Squirtle, Venipede, Dratini (ES), Gible, Foongus, Cleffa (Aromatherapy/Wish/Stored Power), Gligar,

  9. - Top - End - #99
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I second the call to have your doc check for seasonal affective disorder. it's not that uncommon, and well worth checking for as there are some decent treatments if that is the problem.

  10. - Top - End - #100
    Troll in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    San Francisco Bay area
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Spoiler
    Show
    I realised that I've been slightly suicidal all summer, and that it has just been escalating this whole time. Why do I always burn out one way or another when it's summer time?

    My guess would be lack of sleep due to hot nights and too much daylight.

    Move somewhere south that's foggy in the summer.
    Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all


    Extended Sig
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Does the game you play feature a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    You're an NPC stat block."I remember when your race was your class you damned whippersnappers"
    Quote Originally Posted by krugaan View Post
    ...2d8HPos: the whole world is my lawn and I set it on fire!

  11. - Top - End - #101
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    WarKitty's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I hate the whole mentality people get of just "be more understanding, can't you see <<other person>> is having a hard time?"

    I mean, I get it. But it often seems like it never ends. You can give and be kind and understanding until you have nothing left emotionally for yourself. And still when you reach out to someone else for help, you are chastised for not being understanding enough.

    I also hate how the provision of physical or financial assistance, or on the flip side one finding one's self in need of it, is seen to justify inappropriate emotional demands. There's often a mentality that if it was really that bad, you'd obviously find some way out. If you've looked and aren't finding a way out that's better, obviously you're just making excuses or whining. You ought to be grateful for the assistance, and being grateful precludes offering any criticism of the person providing it.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  12. - Top - End - #102
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Savo

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Spoiler: suicidal
    Show
    Had therapy today. Let it all out. I haven't actively started to plan The Great Jump so I felt like I'm not in need of hospital treatment.

    Hating oneself is craptastic.
    All I want is darkness right now
    ~Extended Signature~


  13. - Top - End - #103
    Titan in the Playground
     
    JNAProductions's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Fighting Demons!

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Spoiler: suicidal
    Show
    Had therapy today. Let it all out. I haven't actively started to plan The Great Jump so I felt like I'm not in need of hospital treatment.

    Hating oneself is craptastic.
    *Offers a lot of hugs*

    Please be safe. Are you with family, or friends, or someone? Is there anything you can do, or we can do, to help you out?
    I have a LOT of Homebrew and a Patreon for it

    Current Avatar by AsteriskAmp, who is awesome!

    Spoiler: Former Avatars
    Show
    Spoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Professor Gnoll!
    Show


    Spoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Cdr. Fallout!
    Show

  14. - Top - End - #104
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    I hate the whole mentality people get of just "be more understanding, can't you see <<other person>> is having a hard time?"

    I mean, I get it. But it often seems like it never ends. You can give and be kind and understanding until you have nothing left emotionally for yourself. And still when you reach out to someone else for help, you are chastised for not being understanding enough.

    I also hate how the provision of physical or financial assistance, or on the flip side one finding one's self in need of it, is seen to justify inappropriate emotional demands. There's often a mentality that if it was really that bad, you'd obviously find some way out. If you've looked and aren't finding a way out that's better, obviously you're just making excuses or whining. You ought to be grateful for the assistance, and being grateful precludes offering any criticism of the person providing it.
    Stuff like this is usually reallly context dependent.

    For instance, you find one person having a breakdown and another person telling them they're being unreasonable, toughen up, get over it, etc.

    If person 1 is a normally competent individual and just happens to be under a lot of stress/personal tragedy, then "be more understanding..." is probably a valid response.

    If person 1 has been a wreck for months, person 2's take suddenly seems a lot more reasonable.

    I think that when providing assistance, people don't want to feel like their charity is going to waste. Obviously you can't expect someone to just snap out of whatever their situation is and continue with a normal life- if that was possible, they wouldn't need the help in the first place. But it seems like in most cases there should be some kind of practical long term plan to get out of the situation, even if it's not immediately acheivable.

    Now the real question- are all three sections of your post regarding the same chain of events, and if so is the order 3-2-1?
    Pokemon X:
    Spoiler
    Show

    1006 0284 0014
    Mii name: D
    Sandshrew/Camerupt/Gastrodon
    Breeding Pokemon so far (May need to re-breed on request):
    Often 4-5 IVs/Egg Moves:
    Marill, Shellder, Honedge. Horsea, Larvitar, Ferroseed, Kangaskhan, Scyther, Charmander, Beldum, Deino, Vullaby, Skarmory, Noibat, Timburr

    HA (Often 4-5 IVS/Egg Moves):
    Fletchling, Froakie, Drillbur, Squirtle, Venipede, Dratini (ES), Gible, Foongus, Cleffa (Aromatherapy/Wish/Stored Power), Gligar,

  15. - Top - End - #105
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    WarKitty's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    Stuff like this is usually reallly context dependent.

    For instance, you find one person having a breakdown and another person telling them they're being unreasonable, toughen up, get over it, etc.

    If person 1 is a normally competent individual and just happens to be under a lot of stress/personal tragedy, then "be more understanding..." is probably a valid response.

    If person 1 has been a wreck for months, person 2's take suddenly seems a lot more reasonable.

    I think that when providing assistance, people don't want to feel like their charity is going to waste. Obviously you can't expect someone to just snap out of whatever their situation is and continue with a normal life- if that was possible, they wouldn't need the help in the first place. But it seems like in most cases there should be some kind of practical long term plan to get out of the situation, even if it's not immediately acheivable.

    Now the real question- are all three sections of your post regarding the same chain of events, and if so is the order 3-2-1?
    It's a general frustration with people's reactions to my issues with my mother.

    So the "be more understanding" is frustrating me in the sense that I feel like I'm clearly expressing that I'm overloaded, I can't keep taking the situation I'm in, I'm angry and I feel like I'm trying to work things out and she isn't receptive to anything that has any hint of boundaries on my part. And I'm having people turn around and tell me that I should be more understanding, that she's going through a hard time and she needs me to be there for her, that I need to be more patient and kind and loving. When I'm coming in saying I'm burning out trying to help her and people are turning around and lecturing me for not being understanding enough and not loving her or caring about her and all that because I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  16. - Top - End - #106
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Savo

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I'm trying to focus on things I like right now, so I've been binging on playing The Sims. Had some anxiety last night despite my meds, but I suppose that's understandable in my situation...
    All I want is darkness right now
    ~Extended Signature~


  17. - Top - End - #107
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's a general frustration with people's reactions to my issues with my mother.

    So the "be more understanding" is frustrating me in the sense that I feel like I'm clearly expressing that I'm overloaded, I can't keep taking the situation I'm in, I'm angry and I feel like I'm trying to work things out and she isn't receptive to anything that has any hint of boundaries on my part. And I'm having people turn around and tell me that I should be more understanding, that she's going through a hard time and she needs me to be there for her, that I need to be more patient and kind and loving. When I'm coming in saying I'm burning out trying to help her and people are turning around and lecturing me for not being understanding enough and not loving her or caring about her and all that because I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself.
    And if you try to explain this to these people they don't listen? Are these your friends? Because those would be some ****ty friends. If they are family or other associates it's possible they just default side with your mother over you.

  18. - Top - End - #108
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    S@tanicoaldo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's a general frustration with people's reactions to my issues with my mother.

    So the "be more understanding" is frustrating me in the sense that I feel like I'm clearly expressing that I'm overloaded, I can't keep taking the situation I'm in, I'm angry and I feel like I'm trying to work things out and she isn't receptive to anything that has any hint of boundaries on my part. And I'm having people turn around and tell me that I should be more understanding, that she's going through a hard time and she needs me to be there for her, that I need to be more patient and kind and loving. When I'm coming in saying I'm burning out trying to help her and people are turning around and lecturing me for not being understanding enough and not loving her or caring about her and all that because I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself.
    Can I be direct WarKitty? What do you expect people to say? F*** your mom she is a huge B***?

    Because that's kind of what it looks like, and let me tell you that's not really helpful at all.

    You are angry, anger is a bad emotion, people try to make you less angry so you will feel better and see things with more clarity.

    She is your mom and she will always be, even if you run away and live a different life in the other side of the world she will still be your mom. You can either grow up and accept the fact she is not perfect and actually quite flawed and try to find a way to deal with it or keep crying about and hoping for your fairy godmother to show up and magically solve it for you.
    I'm not a native english speaker and I'm dyslexic(that doesn't mean I have low IQ quite the opposite actually it means I make a lot of typos).

    So I beg for forgiveness, patience and comprehension.

    Quote Originally Posted by Max_Killjoy View Post
    It's like somewhere along the way, "freedom of speech" became "all negative response is censorship".

  19. - Top - End - #109
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's a general frustration with people's reactions to my issues with my mother.

    So the "be more understanding" is frustrating me in the sense that I feel like I'm clearly expressing that I'm overloaded, I can't keep taking the situation I'm in, I'm angry and I feel like I'm trying to work things out and she isn't receptive to anything that has any hint of boundaries on my part. And I'm having people turn around and tell me that I should be more understanding, that she's going through a hard time and she needs me to be there for her, that I need to be more patient and kind and loving. When I'm coming in saying I'm burning out trying to help her and people are turning around and lecturing me for not being understanding enough and not loving her or caring about her and all that because I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself.
    It's always easy to advise when you're not at the spot.

    It's always easy to say "be better", "be more understanding", when you're not the person that needs to be better/more understanding.

    If you burn out, she won't get more help from you.

    Take a step back. Breathe a little. You have right for some happiness in your life. And when you feel like it, help. But if you are in need of help...

    Also: I am considered to be insensitive and unfeeling by some. I am considered to be horrible person by some. But the people that consider me these usually are not my friends or family - hell, I'm the guy who told my grandfather to put a handful of dirt on his chest every morning when he was bombarding my mother with "I will soon die" statements. So consider my advice only if you are willing to be the "horrible person".
    Call me Laco or Ladislav (if you need to be formal). Yes, that is my name. Feel free to use it.
    Currently GMing:
    Riddle of Steel: Soldiers of Fortune

  20. - Top - End - #110
    Troll in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    San Francisco Bay area
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's a general frustration with .

    WarKitty
    ,
    In ready your posts over time I've definitely gotten the impression that you need to escape.

    Have you given any thought to joining the Coast Guard, other military service, or the Peace Corps, and GTHOASAP?

    Why not?

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    S@tanicoaldo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post

    WarKitty
    ,
    In ready your posts over time I've definitely gotten the impression that you need to escape.

    Have you given any thought to joining the Coast Guard, other military service, or the Peace Corps, and GTHOASAP?

    Why not?
    Running away won't solve your problems; they will still be there, back at home, probably growing to worst proportions since you are not there to supervise.

    Run all you want, one day you will have to face it.
    I'm not a native english speaker and I'm dyslexic(that doesn't mean I have low IQ quite the opposite actually it means I make a lot of typos).

    So I beg for forgiveness, patience and comprehension.

    Quote Originally Posted by Max_Killjoy View Post
    It's like somewhere along the way, "freedom of speech" became "all negative response is censorship".

  22. - Top - End - #112
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    WarKitty's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post

    WarKitty
    ,
    In ready your posts over time I've definitely gotten the impression that you need to escape.

    Have you given any thought to joining the Coast Guard, other military service, or the Peace Corps, and GTHOASAP?

    Why not?
    With my medical history, no organization like that would want me, and it would be a terrible idea for me to be anywhere outside of the first world.

    Quote Originally Posted by S@tanicoaldo View Post
    Can I be direct WarKitty? What do you expect people to say? F*** your mom she is a huge B***?

    Because that's kind of what it looks like, and let me tell you that's not really helpful at all.

    You are angry, anger is a bad emotion, people try to make you less angry so you will feel better and see things with more clarity.

    She is your mom and she will always be, even if you run away and live a different life in the other side of the world she will still be your mom. You can either grow up and accept the fact she is not perfect and actually quite flawed and try to find a way to deal with it or keep crying about and hoping for your fairy godmother to show up and magically solve it for you.
    "It sucks and here's how to help manage" would be a start. In the original case I was thinking of, what I was asking for was exactly that - I know the situation sucks, I'm having a hard time when I'm in the situation where I end up feeling like I don't know up from down, how do I keep my own bearings? Because that's often what being with her is like. What seems clear when I'm by myself or talking to others, is suddenly not clear when I'm dealing with her, and I end up in a position where I don't know how to cope because it feels like I've stepped into a completely different world when talking to her than when interacting with the rest of the world.

    You say running away won't solve the problems. What will? Because clearly trying the "be more patient and understanding" route certainly isn't. What it's resulting in is me becoming more frustrated because it seems the more understanding I am, the more is expected of me, and it will eventually hit the point where I can't handle it. We're talking about a situation where I'm being patient and understanding up until the point where I'm literally shaking from the stress, and I'm still being told I'm rude and ungrateful for not continuing to be available after that point because she's having a hard time. (And it was very clear in context that it was "you need to be more understanding because you're just a spoiled brat who doesn't care about her mother", not "you should try and be more understanding because it might help you handle the situation.")

    Perhaps not "facing it" is because I see no productive way to face it. I see my options are to bear it as best I can and to work to get out. The question sometimes becomes how to bear it.

    I have yet to see a person who was actually capable of true stoicism. Many people hold it up as an ideal, but it's not something that's in our nature.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2017-08-21 at 10:10 AM.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  23. - Top - End - #113
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Velaryon's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I'm hesitant to post anything since I feel like my situation isn't really bad enough to warrant anyone's concern or attention, but I think I need to just let this out. Feel free to skip over if you want.

    By all rights I should be happy right now. I started my first full-time job in my profession about two months ago, after a five-year journey that included a year and a half of volunteering, two years of grad school, a couple years of part-time work, and dozens if not hundreds of applications and interviews that went nowhere before I finally, finally landed this job.

    Finally I was able to stop living with my parents and move out on my own. Sure, I had to take a job nearly 200 miles away from everyone I know, but I can still visit on weekends once a month or so. I feel isolated and lonely, though. I haven't made any friends since moving out here. My coworkers are all polite, but I don't feel like I've connected with any of them on a deeper level where any of them would want to hang out with me outside of work. I have hardly met anyone else at all, outside of work and a few local stores and restaurants that I have been to. I'd also like to find a new relationship (it's been about 4 years since my last one ended, and about 2 1/2 since the last time I even went on a date), but I've not had any luck there so far either. There's one woman at my job who's exactly the type of person I'd like to go out with, but I worked so hard to get this job that I don't want to endanger anything here by pursuing her, especially since she's shown zero signs of being interested in me that way. I've dug up my old OKCupid account and updated my info, but haven't found really any potential matches around here to get excited about.

    All I've really got in terms of social interaction is gaming on my PS4 with friends a couple times a week, and going back home every 3 weeks or so to see people for a little while. It could certainly be worse, but I'm feeling isolated and lonely and it seems to be geting worse rather than better.

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Aug 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    I hate the whole mentality people get of just "be more understanding, can't you see <<other person>> is having a hard time?"

    I mean, I get it. But it often seems like it never ends. You can give and be kind and understanding until you have nothing left emotionally for yourself. And still when you reach out to someone else for help, you are chastised for not being understanding enough.

    I also hate how the provision of physical or financial assistance, or on the flip side one finding one's self in need of it, is seen to justify inappropriate emotional demands. There's often a mentality that if it was really that bad, you'd obviously find some way out. If you've looked and aren't finding a way out that's better, obviously you're just making excuses or whining. You ought to be grateful for the assistance, and being grateful precludes offering any criticism of the person providing it.
    Ideally, the situation is that each side is understanding of the other. If not, it's abusive.

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    It's a general frustration with people's reactions to my issues with my mother.

    So the "be more understanding" is frustrating me in the sense that I feel like I'm clearly expressing that I'm overloaded, I can't keep taking the situation I'm in, I'm angry and I feel like I'm trying to work things out and she isn't receptive to anything that has any hint of boundaries on my part. And I'm having people turn around and tell me that I should be more understanding, that she's going through a hard time and she needs me to be there for her, that I need to be more patient and kind and loving. When I'm coming in saying I'm burning out trying to help her and people are turning around and lecturing me for not being understanding enough and not loving her or caring about her and all that because I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself.
    I was in an abusive relationship for close to 7 years. Like, diagnosed with BPD, APD, and I think a few other things by a professional - and not moderate or mild versions, either. My mother is also married to someone that is very similar, and has been for thirty years.

    I can't tell you the amount of bad advice that I've gotten. "Oh, just come to an agreement, or set boundaries, or set a budget." But it's not really the fault of the people giving that advice, as it's sound in 99% of the circumstances. But when dealing with someone as troubled as the kind of person I had to deal with, the normal advice doesn't work. Agreements don't matter, any discussion is ignored.

    And people that haven't had that experience can't understand that. Like, literally, cannot. Don't take it personally. Envy them, and just smile and nod.

  25. - Top - End - #115
    Titan in the Playground
     
    JNAProductions's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Fighting Demons!

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    I'm hesitant to post anything since I feel like my situation isn't really bad enough to warrant anyone's concern or attention, but I think I need to just let this out. Feel free to skip over if you want.

    By all rights I should be happy right now. I started my first full-time job in my profession about two months ago, after a five-year journey that included a year and a half of volunteering, two years of grad school, a couple years of part-time work, and dozens if not hundreds of applications and interviews that went nowhere before I finally, finally landed this job.

    Finally I was able to stop living with my parents and move out on my own. Sure, I had to take a job nearly 200 miles away from everyone I know, but I can still visit on weekends once a month or so. I feel isolated and lonely, though. I haven't made any friends since moving out here. My coworkers are all polite, but I don't feel like I've connected with any of them on a deeper level where any of them would want to hang out with me outside of work. I have hardly met anyone else at all, outside of work and a few local stores and restaurants that I have been to. I'd also like to find a new relationship (it's been about 4 years since my last one ended, and about 2 1/2 since the last time I even went on a date), but I've not had any luck there so far either. There's one woman at my job who's exactly the type of person I'd like to go out with, but I worked so hard to get this job that I don't want to endanger anything here by pursuing her, especially since she's shown zero signs of being interested in me that way. I've dug up my old OKCupid account and updated my info, but haven't found really any potential matches around here to get excited about.

    All I've really got in terms of social interaction is gaming on my PS4 with friends a couple times a week, and going back home every 3 weeks or so to see people for a little while. It could certainly be worse, but I'm feeling isolated and lonely and it seems to be geting worse rather than better.
    *Offers hugs*

    Your issues might not be huge or life-threatening or anything, but they still matter. Is there anything we can do to help?

    @Warkitty-I have no idea what to say. I'm very sorry for your situation, and I wish I could help. *Offers hugs* But I don't know how.
    I have a LOT of Homebrew and a Patreon for it

    Current Avatar by AsteriskAmp, who is awesome!

    Spoiler: Former Avatars
    Show
    Spoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Professor Gnoll!
    Show


    Spoiler: Avatar (Not In Use) By Cdr. Fallout!
    Show

  26. - Top - End - #116
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Velaryon's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    *Offers hugs*

    Your issues might not be huge or life-threatening or anything, but they still matter. Is there anything we can do to help?
    Thank you.

    There probably isn't anything you can do though, unless you happen to live in the area or know someone who does. It's largely my own fault for being a home body by nature, I know.

  27. - Top - End - #117
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Perhaps not "facing it" is because I see no productive way to face it. I see my options are to bear it as best I can and to work to get out. The question sometimes becomes how to bear it.
    Now, will your parents kick you out of the house? Like if you just start ignoring her will she call the cops on you and force you out? If so, well then you just need to determine how fine the line is between acting out and them kicking you out is. When you're overwhelmed use that as an excuse to be rude or whatnot and walk away. Clearly if they're not actually willing to kick you out you can do the same but need to be less careful about it. Also consider other part time jobs. Retail, fast food whatever, something else that will provide more money AND let you out of the house.

    You need to get out on your own as quickly as possible. I presume money is somehow the problem there, presumably some sort of lump sum needed for something and after that you'd be able to maintain a living space with what income you have. Look into what kind of financing options are available. Some sort of line of credit at a bank would be ideal, though even the absurd rates that come with credit cards might be worth it, if it lets you get out and stay out sooner. You can then work on paying down debt.

  28. - Top - End - #118
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Thank you.

    There probably isn't anything you can do though, unless you happen to live in the area or know someone who does. It's largely my own fault for being a home body by nature, I know.
    Fault implies voluntary actions, does it not? So not really your fault.
    I am in a similar situation, and it can be very hard at times. I uses to live near friends and family, and now I struggle to connect to my new colleagues and accquaintances. Nice people and all, but yeah, not the same thing.

    Regarding the female colleague... I hear you. The Platinum Rule is useful, although I start to think "That's planning failure - even dumber than regular planning."
    What can change the nature of a man?

  29. - Top - End - #119
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Spoiler: suicidal
    Show
    Had therapy today. Let it all out. I haven't actively started to plan The Great Jump so I felt like I'm not in need of hospital treatment.

    Hating oneself is craptastic.
    Spoiler
    Show

    It might just be me and some people special to me, but in our opinion people who struggle with themselves have more to offer... you know, personality-wise. So even though I will never meet you, I feel the world is better off for you being there.
    What can change the nature of a man?

  30. - Top - End - #120
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    With my medical history, no organization like that would want me, and it would be a terrible idea for me to be anywhere outside of the first world.



    "It sucks and here's how to help manage" would be a start. In the original case I was thinking of, what I was asking for was exactly that - I know the situation sucks, I'm having a hard time when I'm in the situation where I end up feeling like I don't know up from down, how do I keep my own bearings? Because that's often what being with her is like. What seems clear when I'm by myself or talking to others, is suddenly not clear when I'm dealing with her, and I end up in a position where I don't know how to cope because it feels like I've stepped into a completely different world when talking to her than when interacting with the rest of the world.

    You say running away won't solve the problems. What will? Because clearly trying the "be more patient and understanding" route certainly isn't. What it's resulting in is me becoming more frustrated because it seems the more understanding I am, the more is expected of me, and it will eventually hit the point where I can't handle it. We're talking about a situation where I'm being patient and understanding up until the point where I'm literally shaking from the stress, and I'm still being told I'm rude and ungrateful for not continuing to be available after that point because she's having a hard time. (And it was very clear in context that it was "you need to be more understanding because you're just a spoiled brat who doesn't care about her mother", not "you should try and be more understanding because it might help you handle the situation.")

    Perhaps not "facing it" is because I see no productive way to face it. I see my options are to bear it as best I can and to work to get out. The question sometimes becomes how to bear it.

    I have yet to see a person who was actually capable of true stoicism. Many people hold it up as an ideal, but it's not something that's in our nature.
    Work to get out. What do you need to get out?
    Pokemon X:
    Spoiler
    Show

    1006 0284 0014
    Mii name: D
    Sandshrew/Camerupt/Gastrodon
    Breeding Pokemon so far (May need to re-breed on request):
    Often 4-5 IVs/Egg Moves:
    Marill, Shellder, Honedge. Horsea, Larvitar, Ferroseed, Kangaskhan, Scyther, Charmander, Beldum, Deino, Vullaby, Skarmory, Noibat, Timburr

    HA (Often 4-5 IVS/Egg Moves):
    Fletchling, Froakie, Drillbur, Squirtle, Venipede, Dratini (ES), Gible, Foongus, Cleffa (Aromatherapy/Wish/Stored Power), Gligar,

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •