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  1. - Top - End - #181
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    A weird thing came up that keeps occupying my mind.

    Background: I´m in the process of transitioning from contract brewing to investing in a (at least) semi-professional brew house including a bottling line and all that, finally settling down for good.

    So I´ve met three guys who financed their product using crowdfunding and what they´ve created is a blast. Frankly, one of the best beers I´ve ever tasted and I´ve tasted a lot.
    Basically, the same problem with engineering type all over the world, they spent their whole initial money to get the first batch done, have no clue on how to sell it and even less insight how the market works and what it means getting a contract with one of the bigger chains, how logistics work, and so on. And no, they can´t go the usual route of having their own small tap room as that doesn´t work with their particular product.

    As a gesture of goodwill, I´ve initiated an appointment with the F&B manager of a luxury hotel chain to give their sales (and confidence) a boost, but I know their production and contracting scheme doesn´t allow for restocking when they´d have success, which is probably the harshest kind of failure.

    So, what to do?

    Their ebitda is a joke and we´re actually looking for a competent brewmaster. A buy-out offer would be cheap, but we only need one brewmaster and those guys are friends, so we´d have to let two of them go, a decision and situation I simply don´t want to force on friends.

    A 25% buy-in followed by an intra-company loan would also work, but it would only solve part of the problems. Using our upcoming facilities and investing into upgrading their special tech, we could solve their production bottleneck together, but that still leaves the sales department as a problem.

    That leaves the option I actually want to avoid: Waiting for them to fail, hiring them on a regular basis and buy-out of the recipes and techniques for bargain-bin values. That´s just not how I do business.

    The kind of complications I want to avoid :(

  2. - Top - End - #182
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Unfamiliar surroundings are a pain, and learning a new language is extremely difficult (for me!), but if you do go I'd be thrilled to learn your impressions (since some topics wouldn't mesh with this Forum, maybe a blog?).

    Best wishes whichever you decide, and FWIW I've been reading multiple books about modern Scandinavia so your not the only American who's interested in the place.

    Good luck!
    Thanks most kindly. I've been there a couple of times and don't mind sharing my impressions from those visits if that's something you're interested in, but as is no doubt to be expected, if you really want to get to know Denmark, there's no better way than to go there yourself.
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  3. - Top - End - #183
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Florian View Post
    A weird thing came up that keeps occupying my mind.

    Background: I´m in the process of transitioning from contract brewing to investing in a (at least) semi-professional brew house including a bottling line and all that, finally settling down for good.

    So I´ve met three guys who financed their product using crowdfunding and what they´ve created is a blast. Frankly, one of the best beers I´ve ever tasted and I´ve tasted a lot.
    ......

    That leaves the option I actually want to avoid: Waiting for them to fail, hiring them on a regular basis and buy-out of the recipes and techniques for bargain-bin values. That´s just not how I do business.

    The kind of complications I want to avoid :(
    If the product is good enough and distinct enough would it be worth it for you to do an investment/partial buy out of them and keep them as a specially label within your own system? Something along the range between the Brabus-Mercedes relation to the Motorsports (M) Division within BMW. Thus they keep something of individual identify and the internal chemistry that helped them develop their superior work but you get to use your distribution and sales system. Write in an option that in event of failure you have first option to buy the tech/recipes as a backup.

    and there is the standard VC trope-put in money and award yourself "management contracts" for the business side of things (logistics and sales and probably accounting) while the founders work on the "widget" which in this case is superior beer.
    Last edited by sktarq; 2017-09-20 at 04:25 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by Florian View Post
    A 25% buy-in followed by an intra-company loan would also work, but it would only solve part of the problems. Using our upcoming facilities and investing into upgrading their special tech, we could solve their production bottleneck together, but that still leaves the sales department as a problem.
    A friend of mine, here in Italy, owns a pub where he only serves craft beer, from all over the world, and usually never the same labels for longer than a week or two. I know a lot is done by word of mouth and I know there are similar places all over the country (though few are as specialised and knowledgeable about it as he is). I know of at least one trade show where publicans tend to flock to to get the latest in craft beer for their establishments.
    Are those not avenues for your guys to get their product on the market?

    The buy-in sounds like a solid plan.. and you come over as financially competent, so.. what exactly is the problem sales-wise?
    Would your structure not include a sales person that could supplement their obvious difficulties in that department?
    I guess I'm a little confused by your own set-up... you're putting together the production line but lack a brewmaster.. so I assume you do at least have a solid set of contacts for sales purposes, or you wouldn't be starting your own company. So, I'm not seeing the problem here. Am I just being obtuse because it's late?
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  5. - Top - End - #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    My own day isn't going so well either. Tonight was supposed to be my first Teen Advisory Board meeting at my new library, and also my first High School Action Committee (apparently in the past we've had some teens who were so committed to volunteering they asked for a second group in addition to the TAB). Not one single teen came to either meeting. I don't know if I scheduled it on a bad day, failed to promote it properly, or if I just had bad luck, but I'm already struggling with Impostor Syndrome in this job and this sure as hell isn't helping.
    Impostor syndrome continues. My track record at teen events in the library this month is absolutely horrid. I did a simple board game program the week after this, and one teen came. He beat me in a game of King of Tokyo though, and seemed to have fun, so that's something I guess. Then today was the young adult book club, and again nobody came. So that's a combined attendance of one teen at my last four programs on-site.

    I did have a wildly successful program at one of the schools last week (32 kids came to make fidget spinners after school with me and the school librarian). That's pretty awesome, and I'm definitely interested in doing more programs at the schools, but I need to find a way to get them in to the public library too. And it increasingly feels like I'm just not that good at this.

  6. - Top - End - #186
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quick question but how are you advertising all these events?

  7. - Top - End - #187
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Impostor syndrome continues. My track record at teen events in the library this month is absolutely horrid. I did a simple board game program the week after this, and one teen came. He beat me in a game of King of Tokyo though, and seemed to have fun, so that's something I guess. Then today was the young adult book club, and again nobody came. So that's a combined attendance of one teen at my last four programs on-site.

    I did have a wildly successful program at one of the schools last week (32 kids came to make fidget spinners after school with me and the school librarian). That's pretty awesome, and I'm definitely interested in doing more programs at the schools, but I need to find a way to get them in to the public library too. And it increasingly feels like I'm just not that good at this.
    Library youth coordinator-type person? Oh dear. What a thankless and absolutely essential job.

    If you want a teenager's opinion, it goes like this: word-of-mouth campaigns are everything. Kids need to tell each other about the cool stuff you're offering, or nobody will show up.

    Unfortunately, they need to find out about stuff before they'll talk about it.

    You could try using your school programs as an opportunity to mention your library ones.

  8. - Top - End - #188
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Impostor syndrome continues.
    Annoying syndrome, to be sure. Well, fighting it usually involves some hard work, so let's have a look at possible explanations.
    Either you don't advertise well enough, your events are not interesting enough or your target group is just not interested at the moment. The last thing is almost certainly a factor, but what do you do for advertising/promoting? What do you offer?

    Also, I am not sure on the job description. Can somebody fill me in?
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  9. - Top - End - #189
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    I wish that some day I'd get to tackle my past traumatic issues at therapy instead of dealing with the immediate panic and horrible moods that my eldest sister causes me at leat twice a month.

    A week and a half ago I actually told my sister how pushy, arrogant, overbearing and rude she is, how she's caused me to become extremely anxious around her. She didn't take it too well (left out how she blackmails with her kids, I didn't want an utter hurricane out of this). Instead she turned some things against me, for example comparing my suicidal thoughts to her and dad's bitter relationship, trying to make them seem equal. She also immediately started demanding that I tell her examples of how she's been too pushy and arrogant. I almost told her that you know, like what you're doing right now, but I stopped responding at that point.

    Before that she also just out of the blue drew the conclusion that I never ever want to see her again. It's what she always does. Creates scenarios in her head and throws herself as the victim, like everyone is against her. It baffles me how in her mind things seem to be black and white. For example, deep down I have a very negative relationship with my mother but instead of cutting all contact I have decided that it's better to keep in contact. How else could we work on our relationship? Same goes with dad. I'm not bitter with him anymore, because I see him somewhat regularly (once every month, talk on the phone about every week). We've managed to work on our issues. Still hurtful, but by abandoning the issue it will never become better. Excluding my extremely abusive brother from this equasion, he beat me, forced me to do things and emotionally abused the hell out of me. I have the right to decide when I'm ready to confront him.

    All of our family agrees that she needs some professional help, an outlet where she can discuss her feelings and work on them... but it has to happen from her own will. That'll take time. She's stubborn as hell.
    Last edited by FinnLassie; 2017-09-23 at 06:44 AM.
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  10. - Top - End - #190
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    Quick question but how are you advertising all these events?
    1. Library website.
    2. Library social media, including Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr.
    3. Brochures at the Reference desk, and also handed out at the open house events at the high school and junior high schools last month.
    4. Posters near the teen collection, in the teen area, at the front and back doors of the library, and emailed to the school librarians, who say they will put them up.
    5. I brought a stack of brochures to the program I did at the junior high school, but since we ran over time I was not able to pass them out. Next time I'm going to pass them out at the beginning just in case.
    6. After the failed Teen Advisory Board meeting, I took my predecessor's advice and mailed letters to the students who came last year to let them know about the date change (which I had little choice about).


    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Library youth coordinator-type person? Oh dear. What a thankless and absolutely essential job.

    If you want a teenager's opinion, it goes like this: word-of-mouth campaigns are everything. Kids need to tell each other about the cool stuff you're offering, or nobody will show up.

    Unfortunately, they need to find out about stuff before they'll talk about it.

    You could try using your school programs as an opportunity to mention your library ones.
    Thanks, that does help. And I've also been told it's self-reinforcing, in that if one or two kids come to a program with low turnout, they're going to feel weird and probably not come again. I have made a few connections to individual teens, but one had already graduated and is now off to college, one is a home-schooled kid on the autism spectrum who has few if any friends his own age, and the other is busy with extracurriculars and sports, and can't make it to the library right now.

    I did try to use the afterschool program as an advertising opportunity, but ran out of time due to the program running long. Going to try it again next time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    Annoying syndrome, to be sure. Well, fighting it usually involves some hard work, so let's have a look at possible explanations.
    Either you don't advertise well enough, your events are not interesting enough or your target group is just not interested at the moment. The last thing is almost certainly a factor, but what do you do for advertising/promoting? What do you offer?

    Also, I am not sure on the job description. Can somebody fill me in?
    Covered my advertising methods up above. I definitely have some other external factors working against me, such as:
    1. I'm new and the kids don't know me as well as the previous teen librarian yet
    2. all of the schools are at least a mile from the library (the high school is more than 2 miles away), so they would have some distance to travel
    3. the school librarians want to work with me, but are stretched extremely thin at the moment because there are only two of them for the whole district anymore (elementary, junior high, and high school combined)
    4. It's near the beginning of the school year and there's a lot of other stuff they have to do.

    As for my job description, here's a short list of the things I do:

    1. plan and implement programs for young adults (middle school and high school)
    2. make selection/deselection decisions for teen library materials
    3. maintain the teen space in the library
    4. actively and passively make reading recommendations for young adult material (including brochures and such)
    5. act as the library's liaison with junior high and high schools
    6. do adult reference librarian stuff (answer information questions, help people find and use library materials, help with computer stuff, faxing, copying, etc.)
    7. "other duties as assigned," meaning all sorts of somewhat related things that may come up here and there

    I'm going to have to become a notary public as well, since all the reference librarians in my department are. That's currently stalled because someone in the state government is incompetent.

  11. - Top - End - #191
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    So, I'd like to request some advice.

    In my job, one of the things I'm asked to do is basically be a middle man between my co-workers and the outside world since I'm the only one with native fluency in English. Unfortunately, one reason my help may be needed is because the person we need to talk to is so frustrated/angry that communication with them becomes difficult. Emotional people tend to speak quickly and forget to simplify their vocabulary. For better or for worse, this can honestly make me resent my co-workers. Logically helping them is one of my duties, but I'm not fond of other people getting angry/frustrated at me for things that are ultimately not my responsibility.

    So, my question is, does anyone have any tips/advise on how to calm oneself and not get too worked up about an unpleasant part of your job?

  12. - Top - End - #192
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by AgentofOdd View Post
    So, I'd like to request some advice.

    In my job, one of the things I'm asked to do is basically be a middle man between my co-workers and the outside world since I'm the only one with native fluency in English. Unfortunately, one reason my help may be needed is because the person we need to talk to is so frustrated/angry that communication with them becomes difficult. Emotional people tend to speak quickly and forget to simplify their vocabulary. For better or for worse, this can honestly make me resent my co-workers. Logically helping them is one of my duties, but I'm not fond of other people getting angry/frustrated at me for things that are ultimately not my responsibility.

    So, my question is, does anyone have any tips/advise on how to calm oneself and not get too worked up about an unpleasant part of your job?
    Breathing exercises? Trying to anticipate as much as you can in the way of what's going to be said and what may/will trigger the other person in order to be prepared for when it happens?
    Other than that, I'd suggest actually broaching the subject with the other person in question, in an informal setting if it's a single individual, or at the start of the conversation if it's a new person each time... explaining that you know there may be some anger involved from their part, but that you're there just as an inbetween, so if they can please take it into consideration. It might actually defuse at least some of the animosity.
    Last edited by dehro; 2017-09-28 at 06:55 AM.
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  13. - Top - End - #193
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    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    A week and a half ago I actually told my sister how pushy, arrogant, overbearing and rude she is, how she's caused me to become extremely anxious around her....
    Before that she also just out of the blue drew the conclusion that I never ever want to see her again. It's what she always does. Creates scenarios in her head and throws herself as the victim, like everyone is against her. It baffles me how in her mind things seem to be black and white....
    All of our family agrees that she needs some professional help, an outlet where she can discuss her feelings and work on them... but it has to happen from her own will. That'll take time. She's stubborn as hell.
    You need to be ready for the idea that she doesn't see it as a problem and thus will never want help.

    Dealing with these kinds of people is often difficult for decades.
    Best advice I can give you is to develop a way of either blowing her off without walking away or a way to link current conflicts with one where you already have an "agree to disagree" setup. And be sure to set up boundaries NOW. So that when she challenges them you already have the mental plan and she knows it.

  14. - Top - End - #194
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    My boss is going on a major micromanagement trip right now and trying to control everything from people making small chat with other coworkers when there's not much to do to assigning seats at computer stations that were previously free to use.

    I sort of understand that right now we have a ton of new hires and we're looking at a very busy season. But this is really not helping anything. Also the fact that we have trainees now is because the boss didn't listen to anyone else about how short staffed we were until over a month after it was gently brought up and she dismissed it.

    This micromanagement and some other toxic office politics are really making my anxiety issues worse and I'm already in a period where depression is hitting me like an adamantium greataxe. I don't really want to confront the boss directly when she's this way but it's giving me crying fits and I'm starting to dread every email from her. I'm slowly starting to look for a new job but no luck so far and I'd really rather not collapse in a nervous breakdown before I find something else.

    Any advice on how to survive this?

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    I'm making more mistakes at work and I think a lot of it is that I'm very stressed out. I could go back to the doctor but I think they'd just tell me to go back on meds, and I don't really want to do that right now (and don't even get me started on therapy). The main thing there is I don't think there's anything wrong with me, I think I'm having a normal reaction to a **** situation that I can't immediately change, and I'm not sure anxiety medication is the right reaction to that. But I'm worried the stress from dealing with my family plus some sleeping problems and the whole eating issues I've been having lately is going to mess with my job, and I'm not really sure what to do.
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  16. - Top - End - #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    Breathing exercises? Trying to anticipate as much as you can in the way of what's going to be said and what may/will trigger the other person in order to be prepared for when it happens?
    Other than that, I'd suggest actually broaching the subject with the other person in question, in an informal setting if it's a single individual, or at the start of the conversation if it's a new person each time... explaining that you know there may be some anger involved from their part, but that you're there just as an inbetween, so if they can please take it into consideration. It might actually defuse at least some of the animosity.
    All sound advice. Thank you. I guess once I calmed down a bit, some these ideas also came to my mind, but the venting did help a bit. Also confirming plans to mentally prepare yourself for work aint bad also helps.

  17. - Top - End - #197
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    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    My boss is going on a major micromanagement trip right now and trying to control everything from people making small chat with other coworkers when there's not much to do to assigning seats at computer stations that were previously free to use.

    I sort of understand that right now we have a ton of new hires and we're looking at a very busy season. But this is really not helping anything. Also the fact that we have trainees now is because the boss didn't listen to anyone else about how short staffed we were until over a month after it was gently brought up and she dismissed it.

    This micromanagement and some other toxic office politics are really making my anxiety issues worse and I'm already in a period where depression is hitting me like an adamantium greataxe. I don't really want to confront the boss directly when she's this way but it's giving me crying fits and I'm starting to dread every email from her. I'm slowly starting to look for a new job but no luck so far and I'd really rather not collapse in a nervous breakdown before I find something else.

    Any advice on how to survive this?
    Are you in a job where you can take personal days? If so, take one, or take two if you can. If not, then whenever your day off comes up, try to plan a relaxing day with minimal demands on your time. Take some time to relax and do something you enjoy. Then update your resume and think about where, when, and how you can look for a new job.

    In the meantime, it sounds like your boss put herself in a bad situation over the staffing thing, and is now trying to over-correct for her own stressful situation. Was she a pretty good boss before this, or no? Is she the kind of person who would respond positively to helpful suggestions or offers to help, or would that make things worse? If she was a good boss previously, and if she might be open to suggestions, try to figure out what additional stresses she's under, and whether there's anything you and the others in your department can do to lighten that load. If the extra stress on her is relieved, maybe she'll stop micromanaging.

    If she wasn't a good boss before, or if you think trying to be proactive about the situation would just make things worse, then just do your best to deal with it until you can get out and find another job.

  18. - Top - End - #198
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    Well, I have a little conundrum. My high school drama isn't as bad as a lot of the stuff on this thread, but it's been on my mind a lot the past few hours.

    So I have a friend, S. Now S is in a relationship with E. is like a year and a half younger then me and like 6-7 months younger then S. This is important because I am helping coach E's mock trial team this year (I'm a freshman, she's in 8th grade).
    It is also important because other then Mock Trial, I am never around E unless it's because S is there as well, for reasons you will see below.

    However, E is constantly doing crap like calling me an emo, usually in front of her entire team and all the coaches, which everyone I know understands that I hate unless it's clearly a joke, but when it is shouted at you, often combined with other insults like "who will never be anyone's valentine" (yeah, I know, stupid stuff, but it gets really old after awhile.)
    a lot, especially at the practices in which I am helping coach.)

    Now, this is really irritating, mainly because I am volunteering my time and effort and raising my already substantial stress level and therefor my anxiety to help coach, and I'm getting paid back with insults. But wait, there's more.
    Tonight was our schools homecoming game, so I was with my brother and his girlfriend watching it. A bunch of our friends were there, and one of them was S. So unsurprisingly E shows up... and proceeds to make incest jokes about my brother and I. Neither of us are remotely ok with that, and we tell her that. I tell her that if she does it again I'm gonna take her hat. Probably not the best response, but I was pretty ticked at that point.
    Long story short, she makes another one, I take the hat ant start walking away like I said I was, trying to prove the point of "if I say stop, I mean stop." Then she chases after me, and tried to choke me for a few minutes with the hood of my jacket.
    Hard. So at this point I'm insanely pissed, after all, being choked is not a pleasant thing. However I don't do anything because she is half my size and I don't want to accidentky hurt her while forcing her off. My brother moves up and forcible separates us without hurting anyone, which I am grateful for. Then E starts playing the victim, saying that she needs the hat so she doesn't get a headache.

    Questionable reasoning aside for now, I have a more urgent thing. E's team has a practice tomorrow that I should be there for. I don't have to, but I should. I'm just not looking forward to seeing her again and dealing with the stupid put downs, especially after what I just described at the game. I am thinking about just going and telling her in no uncertain terms that she needs to stop, but if history is a clue she won't. I don't know what to do if she doesn't though. I'm still a coach though, so it seems really unprofessional to stop the practice and tell her to stop.
    Am I overreacting? Did I do stuff wrong? I'm sure I did somewhere. What should I do? Or do I just need to calm the hell down?
    Edit: sorry for the poor phrasing and various spelling and grammatical errors, I'm tying on my phone and I needed to be a sleep an hour ago.
    Last edited by Saint Jimmy; 2017-09-30 at 12:26 AM.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    if you're a coach, doesn't that give you some degree of authority over her AND her team mates?
    use it.
    In your place I'd shame her behaviour publicly.
    The next time she annoys you in front of the team/coaches, take a minute to tell her publicly something in the way of: You're a mean little ****, you enjoy taking every opportunity to harrass, bother, annoy and offend me personally and people I care about. I have warned you multiple times. You need to grow up and seem to refuse to do so. Lucky for you, I'm here to help you doing just that. For this reason I shall now proceed to... and then you can pick between... doubling her workload/responsibilities/duties, expanding her role to a position where she is set up to fail (and her team with her... and you tell her just that), bench her until she behaves, ridicule her with some stupid task that she has no choice but complete, make her wear a clown outfit or hold a stupid sign for the rest of the training or even the actual event, single her out for other stuff... whatever else is both a punishment and a learning opportunity/experience.... and fits your particular relationship/coaching role.
    If you don't have the authority to do something of the kind, talk to the people who do beforehand, explain the situation and then ask for their backup when you do claim that authority. Just make sure that whatever the situation is, it is clear to her AND to anybody else that she brought it on herself (or possibly her team) and deserved it.
    If none of that appeals or is workable, you can chose between bearing it and actually engaging with her by finding her weaknesses in the tasks/challenge she has ahead of her and help her out by training her in those specifically. That way she can learn to appreciate you or you can at least tell yourself you've actually done all you could and now you can wash your hands of her.
    No, your friend does not play a role in this dynamic, and if he claims one, you can tell him just that, and that he can either help you making her come to better judgement or stay out of it.
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  20. - Top - End - #200
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Jimmy View Post
    Am I overreacting? Did I do stuff wrong? I'm sure I did somewhere. What should I do? Or do I just need to calm the hell down.
    Basic rookie mistakes. Being a "coach" means being part of the basic student - teacher - power structure and wielding a certain kind of authority, as that´s necessary to train a pupil, as is the necessity of the pupil to submit to that structure to actually receive training.

    That might seem very old fashioned, but serves a practical purpose. It´s natural for pupils of a certain age to try and probe the extend of that power structure and try to see how far they can go before before they reach their limits and serious repercussions will happen.

    Forget about your friend "S", who does not play a role in all of this, and rather focus on the fact that a "coach" should prepare a pupil to excel in the "real world" later on, which most of the time doesn´t happen by being somehow aquatinted to someone on authority and pressuring that person for results.

    Talk to "S" that what will come doesn´t have to do with him or your friendship, talk to your fellow coaches about the overall problem and get them to see your problem, as well as agree to your possible solution, then begin to wield a whip and wield it hard and painfully. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" and all that, at least if you want to be a "coach" and train "E" as well as the team.

  21. - Top - End - #201
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    My boss is going on a major micromanagement trip right now and trying to control everything from people making small chat with other coworkers when there's not much to do to assigning seats at computer stations that were previously free to use.

    I sort of understand that right now we have a ton of new hires and we're looking at a very busy season. But this is really not helping anything. Also the fact that we have trainees now is because the boss didn't listen to anyone else about how short staffed we were until over a month after it was gently brought up and she dismissed it.

    This micromanagement and some other toxic office politics are really making my anxiety issues worse and I'm already in a period where depression is hitting me like an adamantium greataxe. I don't really want to confront the boss directly when she's this way but it's giving me crying fits and I'm starting to dread every email from her. I'm slowly starting to look for a new job but no luck so far and I'd really rather not collapse in a nervous breakdown before I find something else.

    Any advice on how to survive this?
    is there an hr department you can go to?
    or your bosses' boss?

    if you can do one of those i'd recommend it; and emphasize that the problem is you're having a breakdown (especially if you've been formally diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder, which might make disability-related protections apply, not sure about that). by centering the discussion about you having a breakdwon it makes it harder for anyone to cast blame on you when your boss is talked to afterwards by whoever you'd contacted.

  22. - Top - End - #202
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    I'm making more mistakes at work and I think a lot of it is that I'm very stressed out. I could go back to the doctor but I think they'd just tell me to go back on meds, and I don't really want to do that right now (and don't even get me started on therapy). The main thing there is I don't think there's anything wrong with me, I think I'm having a normal reaction to a **** situation that I can't immediately change, and I'm not sure anxiety medication is the right reaction to that. But I'm worried the stress from dealing with my family plus some sleeping problems and the whole eating issues I've been having lately is going to mess with my job, and I'm not really sure what to do.
    i'd recommend going back on the meds IF the doc recommends it.

    Even if a reaction to a bad situation is normal, meds can still be helpful in moderating the reaction. There is something wrong with you: you're badly stressed, and if the meds can help with that, then use 'em. As long as the benefits of them outweigh the downsides.
    we live in an imperfect world, so sometimes we have to use imperfect solutions. Ideally you'd take time off, get more rest and de-stressing in. but that's not an option, so you'll have to make do with other options.

  23. - Top - End - #203
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Well, update. I didn't have time to talk to anyone, since I woke up 40 min before practice. (I need to set an alarm clock...)
    But E was actually way better today without me having to talk to her, probably because we actually started working on the parts and stuff and most of the other coaches weren't there, so I actually got some form of respect, and was able to effectively teach. Maybe she finally got the point from last week, or it was just because other coaches weren't there. Either way, I'll keep your advice in mind for the future. Thanks a bunch!
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    If I dont want to be lonely what should I do with my time.

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    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Grytorm View Post
    If I dont want to be lonely what should I do with my time.
    Have you considered joining a club of some sort? Something that matches your interests?

    Alternatively, I'd suggest volunteering. It's a great way to get out around people, and important causes always exist. If you are in school, or have a church you go to, they may even be able to point you towards some opportunities. (Also, volunteering looks great on a resume.)

  26. - Top - End - #206
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Grytorm View Post
    If I dont want to be lonely what should I do with my time.
    A friend of mine once gave me solid advice: If you don't know what to do, do something that make other people happy.
    Worked for me.
    What can change the nature of a man?

  27. - Top - End - #207
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    Any advice on how to survive this?
    Well first of all you could talk to your colleagues and see how they feel about it and whether they have some ideas.

    You could also write a letter in which you carefully explain how these measures are counterproductive and suggest ways of improving productivity without creating toxicity. You know, open a dialogue. You don't have to do it on your own either. Ask your colleagues whether they wann to help. The letter can be either anonymous or signed by every colleague (I recommend the latter).
    What can change the nature of a man?

  28. - Top - End - #208
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    But I'm worried the stress from dealing with my family plus some sleeping problems and the whole eating issues I've been having lately is going to mess with my job, and I'm not really sure what to do.
    You definitely need some ways of stress relief. Sometimes even a long walk can help, especially with the sleeping issues.
    What can change the nature of a man?

  29. - Top - End - #209
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
    You definitely need some ways of stress relief. Sometimes even a long walk can help, especially with the sleeping issues.
    Not feasible with my schedule.
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 5

    Quote Originally Posted by Recherché View Post
    ...I'm slowly starting to look for a new job but no luck so far and I'd really rather not collapse in a nervous breakdown before I find something else.

    Any advice on how to survive this?



    Depending on how quickly you need to operate a motor vehicle this won't be safe, and if you do this long enough liver damage results, but when I worked in sales for an owner that ordered us to lie and gave out bonus for sales, what worked for me was getting intoxicated by alcohol after driving to work.

    Being drunk enough made my conscience less alert, and once I cared less about honesty and being a good person I was a much better employee.

    Eventually I was able to get a blue-collar job for the City and avoid working for for profit enterprises altogether, but for seven years being intoxicated worked.
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