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  1. - Top - End - #211
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemirthel View Post
    I found out yesterday that my mom wants me to not do anything transition related until after I finish my PhD and get a job- which is at least 2 years away and probably 3 or 4. And probably 2 or 3 years as a postdoc after that. So, probably about 6 years. And somehow I think that if I waited (which I'm not going to) she'd find something else that I should wait for.

    I was hoping that since coming out to her went ok it would only be my proudly transphobic relatives who'd try to keep me from transitioning. So much for that idea.

    Hopefully she'll come around eventually. I'll still be seeing a therapist starting in January and hopefully hormones sometime next year, and I don't need financial support from any of my family, but having someone who said they'd be supportive decide not to be still hurts.
    If she's asking you to wait several years for something you really need, she'll always be able to come up with another thing to wait for. It's good that you are still able to go through with it even without her support.

    It took my mom a few years before she was comfortable with who I told her I am. But she did come around eventually, so don't lose hope that your mom might, too. However, it is far from guaranteed, so don't count on her coming around, either.
    Last edited by 137ben; 2017-11-21 at 02:05 AM.

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemirthel View Post
    I found out yesterday that my mom wants me to not do anything transition related until after I finish my PhD and get a job- which is at least 2 years away and probably 3 or 4. And probably 2 or 3 years as a postdoc after that. So, probably about 6 years. And somehow I think that if I waited (which I'm not going to) she'd find something else that I should wait for.

    I was hoping that since coming out to her went ok it would only be my proudly transphobic relatives who'd try to keep me from transitioning. So much for that idea.

    Hopefully she'll come around eventually. I'll still be seeing a therapist starting in January and hopefully hormones sometime next year, and I don't need financial support from any of my family, but having someone who said they'd be supportive decide not to be still hurts.
    It may be that she doesn't quite realize how far away it is?

    If she's anything like my own mother, she may just be "trying to help" to save you the strain of transitioning while also doing all these other things. She may not realize that it actually hurts. I know a lot of people who don't have experience with trans folks don't understand that it's something you actually need, and think it can be delayed without issue.

    Hopefully you can make her realize that this won't happen, and hopefully she's ok with it and just misunderstood the issue.

  3. - Top - End - #213
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    It may be that she doesn't quite realize how far away it is?

    If she's anything like my own mother, she may just be "trying to help" to save you the strain of transitioning while also doing all these other things. She may not realize that it actually hurts. I know a lot of people who don't have experience with trans folks don't understand that it's something you actually need, and think it can be delayed without issue.

    Hopefully you can make her realize that this won't happen, and hopefully she's ok with it and just misunderstood the issue.
    This is probably what it is. I don't think she quite gets that while transitioning is hard, not transitioning is a lot harder. Hopefully I'll be able to get her to understand that.

    I'll have a chance to talk to her later this week before I see her over Christmas, so hopefully things will go better.
    Last edited by Nemirthel; 2017-11-24 at 11:55 PM.
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  4. - Top - End - #214
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemirthel View Post
    This is probably what it is. I don't think she quite gets that while transitioning is hard, not transitioning is a lot harder. Hopefully I'll be able to get her to understand that.

    I'll have a chance to talk to her later this week before I see her over Christmas, so hopefully things will go better.
    Good luck! I really hope that it is just a misunderstanding.
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  5. - Top - End - #215
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    God. . . It sucks to be like this at 34, and still be in a place like Arizona.

    This feels like it's 1997, not 2017. People are just ass holes.

  6. - Top - End - #216
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    By the way, I am using the intersex symbol to indicate my nature as both male and female, not that I was actually born with ambiguous body parts or whatever.
    LGBTitp

  7. - Top - End - #217
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one earlier.
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  8. - Top - End - #218
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one earlier.
    These are always fun. Would it be weird if I followed you?
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  9. - Top - End - #219
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one earlier.
    I don't think I'm familiar with the "humans as aliens" discussions. Lemme see what you linked to...


    I...what did I just read?

  10. - Top - End - #220
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Astrella View Post
    Dunno if anyone here likes those humans as aliens discussions on tumblr, but I stumbled across a nice relevant one earlier.
    I'd seen the first two parts before, but that last one is new to me. Very cool!
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  11. - Top - End - #221
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    These are always fun. Would it be weird if I followed you?
    No, not at all. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by 137ben View Post
    I don't think I'm familiar with the "humans as aliens" discussions. Lemme see what you linked to...


    I...what did I just read?
    It's like, you know how in most sci-fi humans are portrayed as the default, or the averageman species etc... it's basically just some writing prompts that try to reverse that and try and have a look at what would make humans look "alien" from another species perspective. Like, we're super durable and have really good healing ability compared to other animals on Earth. We adopt like everything as pets, etc...

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    I'd seen the first two parts before, but that last one is new to me. Very cool!
    Yeah, I really like these and it was a nice surprise at the end, didn't even see it coming.
    Last edited by Astrella; 2017-11-24 at 03:04 AM.
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Tend to enjoy naturally occurring pesticides as seasoning.

  13. - Top - End - #223
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    By the way, Astrella, I find your avatar really cool. What exactly is it, other than a purple lady?
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  14. - Top - End - #224
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    By the way, Astrella, I find your avatar really cool. What exactly is it, other than a purple lady?
    It's Angel! From Borderlands 2; I liked her a lot, both how she looked and like, story / character wise. Here's the original.
    Last edited by Astrella; 2017-11-25 at 03:50 AM.
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    That story was a little bit odd for me to read because "zizi" is the word kids used to refer to genitals in French, but it was a really nice story otherwise.
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  16. - Top - End - #226
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I just came out to a very close friend.

    He already knew and promised not to tell anyone.

    Feels so weird and so nice just to have it out there!!

  17. - Top - End - #227
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I just came out to a very close friend.

    He already knew and promised not to tell anyone.

    Feels so weird and so nice just to have it out there!!
    I'm not 100% sure what you came out as, but awesome! I'm glad you have at least one supportive friend-and may the rest of the people you tell be just as good to you.
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  18. - Top - End - #228
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    I'm not 100% sure what you came out as, but awesome! I'm glad you have at least one supportive friend-and may the rest of the people you tell be just as good to you.
    Bisexual. Probably should have made that clear

  19. - Top - End - #229
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Congratulations and glad to hear they took it well!

  20. - Top - End - #230
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Bisexual. Probably should have made that clear
    Lucky! Sometimes I wish I was bi-it'd open up a lot of people to date who are currently... Well, not off-limits, but not in my pool of dating, I guess?

    Regardless, still awesome that you're getting good support. :)
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
    Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JusticeZero View Post
    I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
    Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.
    The vague idea that I didn't have to be totally gay to like girls is something I am thankful for having access to, yes.

    Google is the other thing I'm thankful for.

  23. - Top - End - #233
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JusticeZero View Post
    I am so jealous of you kids with your full dictionaries of easily searchable terms for all the orientations and such. *sad*
    Both me and my husband are muddling through trying to figure out how to start our lives in our 40's. So many metaphorical bridges are cold piles of ash from the other side already.
    There's a lot of information, yea, but it's not always easy to find. To Google a particular term, you have to know what you are looking for. there's no search engine that lets you describe your feelings and spits out the appropriate terminology. Even though I had Google for most of my life, for a long time I never imagined that there were other people like me. What's really helpful though is having access to a friendly, welcoming, and knowledgeable community. The internet does make those easier to find, though.

  24. - Top - End - #234
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Currently waiting at my doctor's office to see about officially getting on hormones. Will probably have my levels checked, which means I should finally know what the extent of my hormone imbalance is.

    Fingers crossed...

    EDIT:

    RAAAAAWWWWRRR!!!

    He told me that due to me being genderfluid and my identity still evolving, he didn't want to put me on anything that could cause permanent changes until he had a letter from a therapist.

    Now, I have been attempting to set up something with a therapist he'd recommended for weeks now, but her schedule has been so busy that's it's been nearly impossible and I only managed to get the first appointment with her set up on December 16th. Meanwhile, he told me to not take estrogen as I have been because it's unsafe and should be done only under proper medical supervision. Which I completely agree with, except that he won't let me take it under proper medical supervision either. So I'm not allowed to do it either way, and the only way I can depends on someone with an insanely difficult schedule being convinced that I should be allowed to have it. Which could take months. Bleccccch.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2017-12-05 at 04:50 PM.
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  25. - Top - End - #235
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    By the way, I am using the intersex symbol to indicate my nature as both male and female, not that I was actually born with ambiguous body parts or whatever.
    I think most of us with the "intersex" symbol on these forums aren't intersex. I don't know why the moderators and administrators decided to name it "intersex" in the first place.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    RAAAAAWWWWRRR!!!

    He told me that due to me being genderfluid and my identity still evolving, he didn't want to put me on anything that could cause permanent changes until he had a letter from a therapist.

    Now, I have been attempting to set up something with a therapist he'd recommended for weeks now, but her schedule has been so busy that's it's been nearly impossible and I only managed to get the first appointment with her set up on December 16th. Meanwhile, he told me to not take estrogen as I have been because it's unsafe and should be done only under proper medical supervision. Which I completely agree with, except that he won't let me take it under proper medical supervision either. So I'm not allowed to do it either way, and the only way I can depends on someone with an insanely difficult schedule being convinced that I should be allowed to have it. Which could take months. Bleccccch.
    You've my condolences for the gatekeeping you've been subject to. There are a few ways around this, and you've already probably thought of some: go find another doctor, go find an informed consent clinic, and take estrogen without "proper medical supervision," whatever that means.

    I would actually politely disagree with the claim that estradiol can't be safely taken without medical superivision. As long as you don't have an allergy to the hormone, and as long as you're not, like, drinking it, you won't need anything but the occasional blood test to make sure that your hormone levels are good.

  26. - Top - End - #236
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Good luck dealing with gatekeepers, Dire. I've had enough trouble dealing with doctors about other issues that I'd be terrified if I needed to get someone's approval for hormones.

    Quote Originally Posted by TaiLiu View Post
    I think most of us with the "intersex" symbol on these forums aren't intersex. I don't know why the moderators and administrators decided to name it "intersex" in the first place.
    There's a thread now asking them to adjust the intersex and nonbinary options.

  27. - Top - End - #237
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Yeah, I made that thread because seeing that gender option reminded me of coming out to my mom a few months ago:

    "Well, I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy either, so-"
    "Oh! You're intersex!"
    "..."

    It actually went really well after that, it was just a funny little moment.
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Relationship update: Reached the point where all the love songs start making sense
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Relationship update: Reached the point where all the love songs start making sense
    A truly great time indeed, congrats!
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

    here's a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

    I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
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