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  1. - Top - End - #241
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    TaiLiu's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Aye. I didn't expect anything from it, since the Playground moderators seem ill-inclined to change the website based on user feedback. I can't blame them, I suppose - they're volunteers, and the only compensation they get is annual OOTS gear and the satisfaction of keeping the forums in order.

    Oh, well. The only reason I even have a gender icon is to keep myself from being misgendered, and it's mostly worked out so far.
    "I kinda think I'm not supposed to go along with something that's wrong just to get food."

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  2. - Top - End - #242
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    In other news, my breasts are starting to give off a lot of aches with shooting pains happening more often lately. I'm feeling rather excited.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  3. - Top - End - #243
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    Yeah, I made that thread because seeing that gender option reminded me of coming out to my mom a few months ago:

    "Well, I'm not a girl, but I'm not a boy either, so-"
    "Oh! You're intersex!"
    "..."

    It actually went really well after that, it was just a funny little moment.
    And unfortunately they rejected your suggestion to change it.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post
    I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

    here's a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

    I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    In other news, my breasts are starting to give off a lot of aches with shooting pains happening more often lately. I'm feeling rather excited.
    Congratulations to both of ya!

  4. - Top - End - #244
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    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    The fact that they called the nonbinary marker the intersex marker (because apparently, intersex is now a gender?) is pretty much entirely the reason I'm not using it. I used to have text in my signature explaining my gender but then I realised that no-one read it anyway.

  5. - Top - End - #245
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Strayaa!
    The official stuff happening here has been going better than expected, though Certain Quarters are still sooking it up, so I'm still getting into fights on the internet.
    But then, when am I not?

  6. - Top - End - #246
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Astrella's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post
    I've been on estrogen for almost a week now it's very exciting.

    here's a picture I took in for celebration/comparison

    I'm in a slightly weird spot right now though. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
    Oooh, I love your haircut and make-up, you look very cute!

    It's a rough spot to be in; on one hand it'd be a good way to get all the conversations out of the way with relatives when you see them. Or you could just do it after the holidays, your choice. People are going to ask anyone, it's sadly the nature of society that most people don't know enough about it yet to go "Oh, you're a girl now, cool, thanks for letting me know :)".
    I make avatars. Sometimes.
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  7. - Top - End - #247
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Aaaaand my relationship is on indefinite hiatus, narrowly avoiding complete break-up, due to her deciding that her mental health isn't currently good enough to cope with a relationship.

    I was so happy, and then it fell apart.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  8. - Top - End - #248
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Aaaaand my relationship is on indefinite hiatus, narrowly avoiding complete break-up, due to her deciding that her mental health isn't currently good enough to cope with a relationship.

    I was so happy, and then it fell apart.
    *Offers hugs, cookies, and a warm blanket*

    That really sucks. It's not your fault, but even then, it still hurts. Anything we can do to help?
    I have a LOT of Homebrew!

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  9. - Top - End - #249
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Extinguisher View Post
    I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I both want to see physical changes as fast as possible, and also don't want things to move too quickly they start asking questions before I tell them. I plan to do it soon but I really don't want "so you're a girl now" to be the theme of all my conversations over the holidays
    Solution: Stay on E. Dress masculine when visiting your parents. Take pictures away when you find them. Visit OFTEN.
    One of the things that happens a lot is change blindness. As long as they don't see any big differences, they will not notice any changes because their memory will just retroactively update. Tell them you are growing your hair out for some fashion reason that makes sense, don't give them any reason to look at pictures from the last few years, and they might be totally unaware that you are on estrogen even if you hit DDD cups, laser off your body hair, voice train into the extreme high end of the androgynous range (higher than most girls need by the way) and 100% passing features.
    "We were once so close to heaven, Peter came out and gave us medals declaring us 'The nicest of the damned'.."
    - They Might Be Giants, "Road Movie To Berlin"

  10. - Top - End - #250
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Not directly related to LGBT stuff, but here's a series of poems I've written over the past decade of so - the latest one I wrote this morning, thus why I'm posting them now. I think it's quite an interesting insight into how my personality has developed, and my journey from being a White Knight.

    Spoiler: The Problem With Chivalry, October 2008
    Show

    I want to take it all away
    To roll it up and say it'll all be fine
    I want to save you from the world
    The insults that are hurled and hurt you deep
    I want to hug you close to me
    And say no matter what you see you'll come out on top

    My instincts scream protection
    My morals say I must
    A friend that's sunk in torment needs my help
    But I'm too far away
    I do not have the right
    To help in every way I think I could

    So I'm standing on the sidelines
    Staring at your pain
    Knowing that there's little I can do
    Please, won't you let me in?
    It hurts to see you so
    But I will not - cannot - move unless you ask.


    Spoiler: Outside, Looking In, October 2009
    Show

    I live my life
    I see your life
    The pain you find each day
    I reach to help
    But pull away
    I know not what to say

    You hurt, I know
    I see the scars
    Inflicted day by day
    I want to be
    Your mail, your shield
    And save you from harm's way

    But I'm not there
    It's not for me
    To be your guarding knight
    With all my heart
    I wish to help
    I simply have no right

    Deep in your heart
    I cannot go
    A new friend lately met
    Your private pain
    I should not know
    I cannot lift it yet

    And so I stand
    And helplessly
    I watch you there, wishing
    That I was closer
    But for now
    I'm outside, looking in.


    Spoiler: We Stand, January 2012
    Show

    Feeling helpless
    Watching, hearing
    The bitter flow of tears.
    You are my friend
    I feel your pain
    But I'm too far away.

    These things in life
    Are yours to bear
    But not to bear alone.
    Please, let us in
    So we can help
    And stand with you 'gainst pain.

    Your friends all stand
    Arrayed around
    To help, to hear, to hold.
    Those bitter tears
    Of broken heart
    We long to wash away.

    You're not alone
    You're never lost
    We stand, and will remain
    So let us listen
    Let us help
    In any way we may.


    Spoiler: Self Reflection, March 2012
    Show

    I see you cry and I react
    I charge to save the day
    A white knight on a noble steed
    To bear the pain away

    Such arrogance! to think that I
    Could shoulder all your cares
    And such insensitivity to try
    I am no knight
    And you are not a damsel in distress
    Though well-meant, I strip you of yourself.

    You are not broken, I no smith -
    And yet I only see the flaws.
    What makes me think I have the right
    To dare to try and fix you?
    Defining you by nothing but your scars

    You are a person, first and last
    An equal, and my friend
    I see at last how I have done you wrong.
    I saw your tears, and saw no more
    I graciously deigned to help
    My actions said no equal, but a child.

    I did not treat you as a person
    Did not let you stand yourself
    I needed you to need me, so I "helped".
    I see it now, that I was wrong
    And yet, I don't know how to change
    Please, help me be a friend, and not a knight?


    Spoiler: Sometimes, December 2017
    Show

    Sometimes things donít work out
    Sometimes itís no-oneís fault
    Sometimes things just fall apart
    Sometimes the support that someone needs
    Isnít the support I want to give
    Sometimes what they need is a friend
    Not a rescuer, not a lover
    When I want to help, I need to stop and ask
    ďAm I doing this for them, or for me?Ē
    If I help with any thought of reward, itís no help
    If I help in the hope they will love me for it, itís no help
    If I care for them, if I want to help, I must help in the way that they need
    Let my only reward be that they are happier

    Itís okay to not be able to help
    I must care for myself as well
    Sometimes the wounds are too raw
    Sometimes I cannot be what is needed
    But if I want to help then I must be honest
    Am I dressing their wounds, or my own?
    Because the two are not the same
    And I cannot do both at once
    Let my help be selfless, or none.
    Last edited by Heliomance; 2017-12-11 at 05:59 AM.

  11. - Top - End - #251
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Eldest's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JusticeZero View Post
    Solution: Stay on E. Dress masculine when visiting your parents. Take pictures away when you find them. Visit OFTEN.
    One of the things that happens a lot is change blindness. As long as they don't see any big differences, they will not notice any changes because their memory will just retroactively update. Tell them you are growing your hair out for some fashion reason that makes sense, don't give them any reason to look at pictures from the last few years, and they might be totally unaware that you are on estrogen even if you hit DDD cups, laser off your body hair, voice train into the extreme high end of the androgynous range (higher than most girls need by the way) and 100% passing features.
    This does not always work. I did this with my parents, it lasted all of half a year.
    LGBTA+itP

  12. - Top - End - #252
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    AuthorGirl's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Not directly related to LGBT stuff, but here's a series of poems I've written over the past decade of so - the latest one I wrote this morning, thus why I'm posting them now. I think it's quite an interesting insight into how my personality has developed, and my journey from being a White Knight.

    Spoiler: The Problem With Chivalry, October 2008
    Show

    I want to take it all away
    To roll it up and say it'll all be fine
    I want to save you from the world
    The insults that are hurled and hurt you deep
    I want to hug you close to me
    And say no matter what you see you'll come out on top

    My instincts scream protection
    My morals say I must
    A friend that's sunk in torment needs my help
    But I'm too far away
    I do not have the right
    To help in every way I think I could

    So I'm standing on the sidelines
    Staring at your pain
    Knowing that there's little I can do
    Please, won't you let me in?
    It hurts to see you so
    But I will not - cannot - move unless you ask.


    Spoiler: Outside, Looking In, October 2009
    Show

    I live my life
    I see your life
    The pain you find each day
    I reach to help
    But pull away
    I know not what to say

    You hurt, I know
    I see the scars
    Inflicted day by day
    I want to be
    Your mail, your shield
    And save you from harm's way

    But I'm not there
    It's not for me
    To be your guarding knight
    With all my heart
    I wish to help
    I simply have no right

    Deep in your heart
    I cannot go
    A new friend lately met
    Your private pain
    I should not know
    I cannot lift it yet

    And so I stand
    And helplessly
    I watch you there, wishing
    That I was closer
    But for now
    I'm outside, looking in.


    Spoiler: We Stand, January 2012
    Show

    Feeling helpless
    Watching, hearing
    The bitter flow of tears.
    You are my friend
    I feel your pain
    But I'm too far away.

    These things in life
    Are yours to bear
    But not to bear alone.
    Please, let us in
    So we can help
    And stand with you 'gainst pain.

    Your friends all stand
    Arrayed around
    To help, to hear, to hold.
    Those bitter tears
    Of broken heart
    We long to wash away.

    You're not alone
    You're never lost
    We stand, and will remain
    So let us listen
    Let us help
    In any way we may.


    Spoiler: Self Reflection, March 2012
    Show

    I see you cry and I react
    I charge to save the day
    A white knight on a noble steed
    To bear the pain away

    Such arrogance! to think that I
    Could shoulder all your cares
    And such insensitivity to try
    I am no knight
    And you are not a damsel in distress
    Though well-meant, I strip you of yourself.

    You are not broken, I no smith -
    And yet I only see the flaws.
    What makes me think I have the right
    To dare to try and fix you?
    Defining you by nothing but your scars

    You are a person, first and last
    An equal, and my friend
    I see at last how I have done you wrong.
    I saw your tears, and saw no more
    I graciously deigned to help
    My actions said no equal, but a child.

    I did not treat you as a person
    Did not let you stand yourself
    I needed you to need me, so I "helped".
    I see it now, that I was wrong
    And yet, I don't know how to change
    Please, help me be a friend, and not a knight?


    Spoiler: Sometimes, December 2017
    Show

    Sometimes things donít work out
    Sometimes itís no-oneís fault
    Sometimes things just fall apart
    Sometimes the support that someone needs
    Isnít the support I want to give
    Sometimes what they need is a friend
    Not a rescuer, not a lover
    When I want to help, I need to stop and ask
    ďAm I doing this for them, or for me?Ē
    If I help with any thought of reward, itís no help
    If I help in the hope they will love me for it, itís no help
    If I care for them, if I want to help, I must help in the way that they need
    Let my only reward be that they are happier

    Itís okay to not be able to help
    I must care for myself as well
    Sometimes the wounds are too raw
    Sometimes I cannot be what is needed
    But if I want to help then I must be honest
    Am I dressing their wounds, or my own?
    Because the two are not the same
    And I cannot do both at once
    Let my help be selfless, or none.
    Suffice it to say that I have much the same problem with chivalry.

    Spoiler: Tell Me a Shadow
    Show

    Tell me a shadow of whatís wrong
    So little weighs so heavily
    I donít know what to say to you
    Dispel these dragons I canít see
    Tell me a little more
    Lean all your weight on me


    Your poems are deeply appreciated and probably helpful to me thank you very much for sharing! This stuff is valuable!

  13. - Top - End - #253
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Boggartbae's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Oh cool! A thread with cool people in it! This is the best!

    Those poems made me cry; I empathised with some of them way too much. Good job!

    Spoiler: Some vagueness directed at my mom and her husband
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    Please don't compare trans women to old male rockstars. I know I don't pass like at all, but when you insist on comparing me to a man, even after I ask you to stop, you're just being mean and unsupportive.

    Also, the opinions of queer people on the bigotry we face will always matter more than those of straight and cis people. And, why are you even trying to defend a movie that came out 20 years ago, especially since I said it was really good except for the transphobia? Like why is it so important to you?

    Why can't y'all just learn to listen and respect what I have to say about trans issues?
    LGBTitP

    Quote Originally Posted by ViperMagnum357 View Post
    I think I would agree with Boggartbae

  14. - Top - End - #254
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    A cute and funny text game about ghost investigation in a high school setting - "Known Unknowns" by Brendan Patrick Hennessy:
    http://known.zone/
    The protagonist, Nadia, is a bisexual girl. But the real star of the show is her non-binary best friend Kaz.

  15. - Top - End - #255
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grytorm View Post
    Tend to enjoy naturally occurring pesticides as seasoning.
    Or as mild (or not so mild) psychoactive agents. Like caffeine.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  16. - Top - End - #256
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by JusticeZero View Post
    Solution: Stay on E. Dress masculine when visiting your parents. Take pictures away when you find them. Visit OFTEN.
    One of the things that happens a lot is change blindness. As long as they don't see any big differences, they will not notice any changes because their memory will just retroactively update. Tell them you are growing your hair out for some fashion reason that makes sense, don't give them any reason to look at pictures from the last few years, and they might be totally unaware that you are on estrogen even if you hit DDD cups, laser off your body hair, voice train into the extreme high end of the androgynous range (higher than most girls need by the way) and 100% passing features.
    Hopefully this is the case. While I'm pretty sure my parents are going to take it well, you never know with these things, and since I'm living with them right now, that could go real bad.
    Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
    I make music if folk-punk is your thing

  17. - Top - End - #257
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

    I've been at this genderfluid thing for almost 2 months now and it's going nowhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.

    I can't stay male because I want to be female. I can't transition to female because I'll miss being male. Both male and female aspects of me are completely legitimate, and to lose either one would be losing part of myself. I can't be both because that just makes me a guy who dresses as and pretends to be a girl, and not actually a girl, and I want to really be a girl. I can't be neither, because that prevents me from being either male or female. What am I supposed to do?
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  18. - Top - End - #258
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

    I've been at this genderfluid thing for almost 2 months now and it's going nowhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.

    I can't stay male because I want to be female. I can't transition to female because I'll miss being male. Both male and female aspects of me are completely legitimate, and to lose either one would be losing part of myself. I can't be both because that just makes me a guy who dresses as and pretends to be a girl, and not actually a girl, and I want to really be a girl. I can't be neither, because that prevents me from being either male or female. What am I supposed to do?
    What would you miss about being a guy? That might help you determine the problem.
    LGBTA+itP

  19. - Top - End - #259
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eldest View Post
    What would you miss about being a guy? That might help you determine the problem.
    This is exactly the kind of response I didn't need. When I say I can't be either one without missing the other, why zero in on trying to help me be female and leave being male behind? Why not the opposite or one of the other in between options? Unless it's generally assumed that being neutral or both is inevitably one step on the journey toward a complete transition.

    Please explain why you jumped on Option #2 while dismissing everything else.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  20. - Top - End - #260
    Firbolg in the Playground
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    This is exactly the kind of response I didn't need. When I say I can't be either one without missing the other, why zero in on trying to help me be female and leave being male behind? Why not the opposite or one of the other in between options? Unless it's generally assumed that being neutral or both is inevitably one step on the journey toward a complete transition.

    Please explain why you jumped on Option #2 while dismissing everything else.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

    I've been at this genderfluid thing for almost 2 months now and it's going nowhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.

    I can't stay male because I want to be female. I can't transition to female because I'll miss being male. Both male and female aspects of me are completely legitimate, and to lose either one would be losing part of myself. I can't be both because that just makes me a guy who dresses as and pretends to be a girl, and not actually a girl, and I want to really be a girl. I can't be neither, because that prevents me from being either male or female. What am I supposed to do?
    Call me crazy but I imagine it was the bolded.

    Normally when people ask for help and advice, people try to offer it. Leaping at them for asking questions of you that you invited isn't helpful, is it? Especially when you put words in people's mouths. Eldest at no point dismissed anything you said, at no point said he was trying to help you be female. Heck, at no point did he even use a female word.

    You said you'd miss being a male and all Eldest did was ask you what about being male would you miss.

  21. - Top - End - #261
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    This is exactly the kind of response I didn't need. When I say I can't be either one without missing the other, why zero in on trying to help me be female and leave being male behind? Why not the opposite or one of the other in between options? Unless it's generally assumed that being neutral or both is inevitably one step on the journey toward a complete transition.

    Please explain why you jumped on Option #2 while dismissing everything else.
    I don't know about Eldest, but if I were capable of psychically pulling your thoughts out of your head and sorting them out for you at a distance, I would be considerably wealthier than I am at the moment.

    You're going to have to give us some more information.

    What do you mean when you say you'll miss being male? You say you want to be female, you've taken steps to achieve that outcome, but you say you'll miss being male. What is it about the male experience that will you miss? What is different/better about being female?

    Also, what is your (and only your, other people are probably going to disagree with some aspect of your answer but we're talking about the inside of your skull, not theirs) definition of "really being a girl" instead of a "guy who dresses as and pretends to be a girl"?
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  22. - Top - End - #262
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    I'm sorry to get defensive. I'll post more soon. In short though, the question was on how to live when I have both male and female sides that need to be expressed. and I made a knee jerk reaction to Eldest's statement where I assumed they wanted me to find ways to keep my male aspects around while otherwise going female. Apologies for making assumptions.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2017-12-12 at 06:49 PM.
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  23. - Top - End - #263
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Hello! I'm new to these threads. I have no dire issues relating to my gender or sexuality right now but of late, Ive been on some medication and seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for certain other mental health issues I have, and it's had me thinking about and questioning things in my life. Specifically how to deal with my family. I consider myself bisexual but if I want to be technical maybe its better to describe myself as bi-romantic, demisexual. I'm a woman married to a man, so nobody in my family really gives me a hard time about that (other than the fact he is foreign so sometimes I have to put up with some real racist jerks), but its more the fact that its a side of me that they have completely refused to even acknowledge through my life.

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    I've never made any attempt to hide my sexuality, but I've never been particularly open about it either. If someone asked me I would tell them. My parents have always spoken of how they are open and accepting and it doesnt matter if someone is gay, but they had always been avoidant of acknowledging it with me. There was a time when I lived with them, where I was discussing through MSN with a friend who had realised she was attracted to other women and admitted to her my own bisexuality, left the room to get a drink and came back to see my dad reading the conversation on my computer screen then grounded me from the computer without ever actually giving me a reason why. I've had girlfriends, and the parents have just completely refused to acknowledge it, and would instead make (often insulting) comments about me being a shut in because I didnt have boyfriends and wanting to date anime characters (1. Dont know where they got the anime thing from since I'd lost interest in that several years earlier and 2. Of course I had boyfriends I just didnt tell them about it because they got weird about that in other ways).

    My own female best friend, who I was never actually involved with or attracted to but I would behave very affectionate with, they would never let me be alone with her in a room with a door shut. Heck, at one point they went so far as to install glass doors in a lot of the rooms to 'see what the kids are doing.' I was never outwardly told that I was wrong or anything like that, but the implication was there without anyone ever discussing it with me. These days, I just dont discuss it with anyone, and it took several years to even admit it to my husband (he was shocked at first but was completely accepting after the surprise wore off).

    Im not really sure what Im getting at or looking for here. Just with the therapy I've been having lately its had me dwelling on some things from my younger years that bothers me. Despite never being outwardly abused over it, it does feel like I've been shunned and ignore for my sexuality. A part of me wants to sit down and discuss it with my parents, but I feel like if I do actually confront them with it Im not going to like the response I finally get.

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  24. - Top - End - #264
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    That's tough! Maybe you can transition towards female up to a point where you are androgynous enough that you can switch more comfortably from one to the other?
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Boggartbae View Post
    Oh cool! A thread with cool people in it! This is the best!

    Those poems made me cry; I empathised with some of them way too much. Good job!
    Thanks! I think? Is making you cry good? Which ones did you particularly empathise with?
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    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  26. - Top - End - #266
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    This is exactly the kind of response I didn't need. When I say I can't be either one without missing the other, why zero in on trying to help me be female and leave being male behind? Why not the opposite or one of the other in between options? Unless it's generally assumed that being neutral or both is inevitably one step on the journey toward a complete transition.

    Please explain why you jumped on Option #2 while dismissing everything else.
    The only reason I asked what I did was because, from my limited insight, it appeared you were invested more in being a girl with certain things you like about being a guy. I went through a short genderfluid phase before figuring out I was a transwoman, and the question was intended to cross that possibility off the list, by finding out how you were /not/ like me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    Eldest at no point dismissed anything you said, at no point said he was trying to help you be female. Heck, at no point did he even use a female word.
    Really, really not a he, friend.
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  27. - Top - End - #267
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I've been at this genderfluid thing for almost 2 months now and it's going nowhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.
    For me, I had to race full tilt for the end of the spectrum that I didn't have experience with for awhile before I could get a perspective on where I really was. So my advice - because it's what I had to do - would be to dive into transitioning with both feet FOR NOW, and then after a while of that, use that perspective to better figure out where you SHOULD be. It's okay to backtrack to where you belong.
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  28. - Top - End - #268
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

    I've been at this genderfluid thing for almost 2 months now and it's going nowhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.

    I can't stay male because I want to be female. I can't transition to female because I'll miss being male. Both male and female aspects of me are completely legitimate, and to lose either one would be losing part of myself. I can't be both because that just makes me a guy who dresses as and pretends to be a girl, and not actually a girl, and I want to really be a girl. I can't be neither, because that prevents me from being either male or female. What am I supposed to do?
    I feel you. That's one of the downsides of being genderfluid and something I've struggled with on and off since I realised I'm genderfluid five years ago.
    Some things that might help you decide what to do:

    1)Know that no matter whether you decide to transition or not doesn't make you any more or less of your gender. You are still a guy on your guy days if you go on HRT and/or have surgeries and you are still a woman on your female days if you decide that you don't want to transition.
    2)Think about what exactly you want/don't want depending on your gender and how you could deal with not having that/having that. As an example- do you need breasts do be happy as a girl? Would you feel bad having breasts as a guy? Depending on your answer, you might decide that you need HRT because you wouldn't be happy on your girl days without having breasts and wearing a binder on your guy days would be easier. Or you might decide that having breasts on your guy days would be worse than not having them on girl days so you might opt for no HRT and only wearing breast forms on girl days. Look at all the possible effects of HRT and look how much you want each of them (or not want them) and if any of those are dealbreakers for you- I'm not that well informed on what HRT does for trans feminine people so I'll use an example from myself: I would love the body fat changes that testosterone would give me, I would like the increase of body hair and the deeper voice, and I could deal with the facial hair. But T also does certain *ahem* downstairs changes and I definitely don't want those, they are a dealbreaker for me. So even though I would want a lot of the effects of T, because of this one thing I have decided to not pursue getting HRT, at least for now. So, make a list and look if the positives of transition outweigh the negatives for you and decide based on that.
    3)Know that you don't need to have all the answers right now and that you can change your mind any time and that's okay! You can stop HRT if you feel like it doesn't work for you anymore, or you can decide to start at a later time. Transition also doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. There are plenty of trans people, especially genderqueer and genderfluid people, who decide to transition for some time and then stop. There are people who go on T and later get electrolysis because they like all the changes except the facial hair. There are people who want top or bottom surgery but don't want HRT and people who want HRT but no surgery. Just make sure you know all the possible changes and which of them are permanent so you don't get surprised.
    4)Think about things that can help you feel more like your current gender that are not actual physical changes. Things like makeup, the right clothes, shaving, breastforms/binding/tucking/packing etc can go a long way in making you feel more comfortable. Also having different names and pronouns depending on your current gender can help if you have supportive people who use them (even if it's just online).

    I hope some of that is at least a little helpful to you. And if you need someone to talk to about this stuff, I'm willing to listen.
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  29. - Top - End - #269
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    In many very real ways, I actually have transitioned. I am out to most of my family and friends as genderfluid, and most of them have gotten to spend significant amounts of time with female me. I've gotten a number of membership cards and such changed to reflect my preferred name and pictures of my female self as well, as I spend more of my off hours as female and spend my work hours and a few other situations as male. I'm already doing a minor version of HRT and have been for almost a month now.

    On the subject of breasts, I have wished for them since I started puberty. I did all kinds of things to myself to make it look like I had them. I can't achieve anything close with breastforms or whatever because I want to actually see and feel them on me, even when I'm not wearing anything. I'd prefer not to have to bind as male, but having real breasts is worth it to me. Electrolysis is another thing I plan to do as I hate having to shave all my body hair off in the mornings.

    On the male side, I definitely don't want to lose what I have downstairs, and I still want everything there to function as it used to. I also don't want my desires in that area to lose their intensity.

    Not sure how possible any of that is or what that would indicate about me.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2017-12-13 at 08:53 PM.
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  30. - Top - End - #270
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    Default Re: LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    In many very real ways, I actually have transitioned. I am out to most of my family and friends as genderfluid, and most of them have gotten to spend significant amounts of time with female me. I've gotten a number of membership cards and such changed to reflect my preferred name and pictures of my female self as well, as I spend more of my off hours as female and spend my work hours and a few other situations as male. I'm already doing a minor version of HRT and have been for almost a month now.

    On the subject of breasts, I have wished for them since I started puberty. I did all kinds of things to myself to make it look like I had them. I can't achieve anything close with breastforms or whatever because I want to actually see and feel them on me, even when I'm not wearing anything. I'd prefer not to have to bind as male, but having real breasts is worth it to me. Electrolysis is another thing I plan to do as I hate having to shave all my body hair off in the mornings.

    On the male side, I definitely don't want to lose what I have downstairs, and I still want everything there to function as it used to. I also don't want my desires in that area to lose their intensity.

    Not sure how possible any of that is or what that would indicate about me.
    This is a really complex situation. It seems like what you really want would be to be able to fully physically transition between male and female depending on the day, which unfortunately isn't possible at the moment.

    If I'm not wrong, I think genderfluid folks need to come to terms with it being the outward expression and internal feeling that matters more than the physical form?

    Regardless, I think your doctor may have a point (based on something you brought up earlier). With the complexity of the current situation, you might want to hold off on hormone treatment until you know for sure what you want, what you need, and what the effects will be.

    For example - estrogen can cause you to grow breasts, but can also interfere with your... er... functioning downstairs. There are tradeoffs to be considered.

    I really think you should do this under the care of a doctor, anyways. Your current one seems willing to support you in the endeavor, just hesitant as you seem conflicted at the moment. But HRT causes (some) permanent changes, and if you have medical support available you should probably use it.

    I hope you figure out what you need and can achieve it.
    Last edited by ve4grm; 2017-12-14 at 11:16 AM.

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