Fantasy Puns, Jokes and Humorous Quests needed!

[Personification]

So if anyone is still reading this thread,

I'm out of ideas. I need a single character side quest for the bard. He's dumber than Elan but incessantly positive and this character trait tends to encourage others to help him succeed. He specialized in Lute as his instrument and also as his weapon, thinking it would give him a double bonus. He goes through a lot of lutes.

Anyone out there or am I talking to the wind?

He must work to stop a trade war in sigil, his opponent: a lady who knows all that glitters is gold and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
Potential allies: air genasi-dwarf lute-craftsman (the Aerosmith), his lutes are built to activate dream-based spells, an air-elemental and his/her husband/wife the earth elemental, they travel the multiverse in a lead zeppelin, The beatles, a group of four polymorphed gnomes living in a modified yellow painted Apparatus of Kwalish, Brimstone "Pink" Floyd, a fire genasi named for his distinctive skin color, he is a wizard and his favorite spells are chromatic orb, prismatic spray, and prismatic wall.

[eru001]

how do you know when the Paladin archer has run out of arrows?

He pulls the stick out of his backside as a backup weapon.

[KorvinStarmast]

There was a virtuous young maiden who needed to be escorted from her home, a walled town, to a city some miles away since she was betrothed to the duke's third son. Three guardsmen and a priestess were assigned to escort her on the two day journey. For the night stop, they rested in the Northman and Bait Inn on the outskirts of a village on a lake. This village consisted mostly of small summer homes for the wealthy nobles of the realm. Just north of the village was a cemetery where many famous mausoleums that had been carved by the best sculptors in the land. There on the shores of this lake, where maple and elm trees grew in abundance, was the final rest for many noble families, known as Shady Shores.

Unbeknownst to the maiden's escorts, a shadow had taken up residence in the cemetery, though in the local slang it was referred to as the shade.

That night a full moon arose, the light of which came in the window of her room, waking her. She looked out on the lake and was quite taken by the natural beauty. She decided to take moonlight walk and reflect on her life, how it would change, and how living as part of the duke's family would be a new challenge for her. As she wandered, she came into the cemetery and was amazed at the high quality of the mausoleums, and the tombstones, each being an example of superb craftsmanship. While so engrossed in exploring these wonderful sculptures, the shade emerged from its haunts and surprised her. She cried out as she felt the life ebb out of her once the shadow grabbed her arm, not letting go. She pulled and she kicked, but bit by bit her strength left her, until eventually she lost her strength, and then her life.

The guards and the priestess were frantic the next morning, not being able to find the maiden. Luckily for them the ground had been soft, so they eventually tracked her footprints to the cemetery. There the prints stopped, amidst the sings of a struggle. The priestess saw some movement among the trees near the center of the cemetery. She investigated only to find, to her horror, that the young lady was now maiden the shade.

[Chromium Snyde]

The THREE QUESTS. Sword mastery, thievery, and treasure..err.. huntery.

Seriously though, learning to use insults in battle a la monkey island would be fun.

If not, a solid steel lute (+3 damage or whatever) as a quest reward. He now has a heavy metal weapon.

[bc56]

In a dungeon, some cannibalistic undead had a deal with the monster in a neighboring room, that when a trap went off, they would get to eat the bodies. The PCs went in, bypassed the trap, and killed the demon, then went back and set off the trap to see what happens. The undead heard and asked the demon to hold up its end of the deal. It didn't (it was dead). The undead then smash through the door using a coffin as an improvised battering ram. The party rogue says, "As all this happens, I stand there aghast!

We all cracked up at that one.


Alternate presentation.

Elf: stand down ghoul, I am immune to your paralyzing touch!
"Ghoul": How dare you say that to me! I'm aghast!