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Thread: Bad poetry

  1. - Top - End - #31
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Heliomance's Avatar

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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    I'd post some of the stuff I wrote age 14 or so, but... I don't think the thread could take poetry that bad.
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    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

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  2. - Top - End - #32
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Poem.
    A poem.

    A poem by me.
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    My motto: Repensum Est Canicula.

    Quote Originally Posted by turkishproverb View Post
    I am not getting into a shootout with Golentan. Too many gun-arms.
    Leiningen will win, even if he must lose in the attempt.

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  3. - Top - End - #33
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    Sometimes when I scream
    People stare and cross the street
    Guys, take a chill pill

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    As my mind slips away
    and my guts turn to clay
    I'm consoled by
    also hates sports

    Burma Shave
    Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all

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    Does the game you play feature a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon?
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    You're an NPC stat block."I remember when your race was your class you damned whippersnappers"
    Quote Originally Posted by the secret fire View Post
    ..race of fantasy plumbers..
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  5. - Top - End - #35
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Many things exist
    Others never came to be
    Objective critique

  6. - Top - End - #36
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Swamp in the heather. Summon the grapefruit cavalry.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    The story I'm writing (hosted on Wordpress)

  7. - Top - End - #37
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    I'd post some of the stuff I wrote age 14 or so, but... I don't think the thread could take poetry that bad.
    No, please! I'll do the same, with some stuff from when I was eleven!

    Won't do it unless you do, though

  8. - Top - End - #38
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Roses are red
    Candles drip wax
    Man trades baby
    For fifteen Big Macs

    (not mine BTW)

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    System mastery is overrated
    when creative failures leave you frustrated
    Seventeen levels I couldn't fill
    with story enough to fit the bill
    I tried to plow
    but that's fallow now
    The character is dead
    inside of my head
    It plays with the ghosts
    I already host
    And so I await
    new play-by-post bait

  10. - Top - End - #40
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    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    This line
    Does not rhyme

    I
    Love
    Me self referential
    Poet
    I

    We use irony
    To mean serendipity
    Because ironic
    Is easier then serendipitous
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2018-01-22 at 03:36 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Here's one I submitted for a university assignment.

    I.
    I am.
    I am writing.
    I am writing a poem.

    So far,
    It isn't going very well.

  12. - Top - End - #42
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    My eyeball sobs
    For my head throbs
    To forget my headache
    I'll eat a cheesecake.
    Last edited by Vinyadan; 2018-01-23 at 05:02 AM.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Vinyadan View Post
    My eyeball sobs
    For my head throbs
    To forget my headache
    I'll eat a cheesecake.
    an online wisdom
    staring at me from my screen,
    it's unconventional

    but it feels reasonable
    I like cheesecake
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    Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good-looking) and your humility is stunning.

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Gandalf battles Nazi's on the Death Star

    film at eleven

    By Crom's rotting liver
    I hated High School


  15. - Top - End - #45
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Lionheart View Post
    Here's one I submitted for a university assignment.

    I.
    I am.
    I am writing.
    I am writing a poem.

    So far,
    It isn't going very well.
    That's actually not bad. I'd change the last line to "It's not going well" to make it shorter. It's funnier if it reads quicker.

    ANYWAY.

    I'd love to post some of my early-teen WHAT IF THE CEILING IS JUST, LIKE, SOMEONE ELSE'S FLOOR, MAN, poetry, but alas, it's all lost to the ravages of a thieving ex. I can still remember the very first poem I ever wrote, but it's actually quite good. The next few dozen, which I can't recall, were really, really not.

    And so I bring you the following:

    *AHEM*

    Frozen pond.
    Stupid frog.

    Splat.

    *BOWS*
    Pony Sherlock-atar by Dirtytabs. May her backups be never corrupted.

  16. - Top - End - #46
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Discerning danger roaming highways unknown
    Misfiring, and pathetic slothful goons
    Upgraded empowered sharpened spoons
    Inflict precise passé esprit alone.

  17. - Top - End - #47
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    When I was in junior high or so, I read this Dilbert comic strip, and was inspired to expand it into a full-length poem that took up about eight or nine pages in a pocket-sized notebook. Sadly, that notebook is long lost to the ravages of time.

    Then in the mid-2000s when I was a recent college grad with no idea of what career I wanted to pursue, and was still working my crummy seasonal job at the Follett warehouse, we had an evening where we went on "exception time" (meaning the sorting machine broke down so we stopped working and sat there waiting for it to be fixed). I was incredibly bored and began writing a bunch of haiku which I later posted on my MySpace page. Unfortunately, I didn't think to copy them somewhere before I deleted said MySpace page, so they're gone now.

    The most memorable of them went something like this:

    Giant metal fan
    Spinning slowly up above
    But I am still hot

  18. - Top - End - #48
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    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    Then in the mid-2000s when I was a recent college grad with no idea of what career I wanted to pursue, and was still working my crummy seasonal job at the Follett warehouse, we had an evening where we went on "exception time" (meaning the sorting machine broke down so we stopped working and sat there waiting for it to be fixed). I was incredibly bored and began writing a bunch of haiku which I later posted on my MySpace page. Unfortunately, I didn't think to copy them somewhere before I deleted said MySpace page, so they're gone now.

    The most memorable of them went something like this:

    Giant metal fan
    Spinning slowly up above
    But I am still hot
    e Follett dot com
    which I depended upon
    so someone else would hunt down
    the books I used in another town

    those boxes are nice
    I still have them
    thank you

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart
    Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart
    Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart

    It's a haiku.

  20. - Top - End - #50
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Haikus are great fun
    Something goes on this line here
    Please use Burma-Shave
    Last edited by Wookieetank; 2018-02-07 at 02:54 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    This is an image of Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses engraved in sandstone. Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses is leaving Trotknives. Trotknives is on fire and full of goblins. This image refers to the destruction of Trotknives in late winter of 109 by Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses.

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Wookieetank View Post
    Haikus are great fun
    Something goes on this line here
    Please use Burma Shave
    I hate shaving enough as it is, I'm not gonna go to Burma to do it.
    Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking).

    Cuthalion makes great avatars. Like my Silver Dragon.
    Quote Originally Posted by littlebum2002 View Post
    It would be nice to just change the title of this thread to be "stuff about Jedi"

  22. - Top - End - #52
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    I hate shaving enough as it is, I'm not gonna go to Burma to do it.
    Burma-Shave used to (1920s-1960s) have road-sign poems on multiple signs in a row, each sign being a line in the poem, and ended each poem with Burma-Shave. Once I found out about this, I throw it into the end of my poems anytime I can as a lark
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    This is an image of Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses engraved in sandstone. Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses is leaving Trotknives. Trotknives is on fire and full of goblins. This image refers to the destruction of Trotknives in late winter of 109 by Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses.

  23. - Top - End - #53
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Embarrass rises seeing English rhymes
    observe iambic rhythm, forgetting how
    Germanic accents first-syllabic plough:
    Inversion be applied profuse, sublime.

  24. - Top - End - #54
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    My favorite bad doggerel that I wrote composed* is the "Culture Medley".
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    A bunch of the boys were whoopin’ it up in the Malamute saloon.
    The kid that handles the music box was hittin’ a jag-time tune.
    Back of the bar, in a solo game, was Dangerous Dan McGrew,
    While the vessel with the pestle held the brew that was true.
    Beware the Jabberwock, my son, it falls on field and tree;
    And there sat Captain Washington, to teach it harmony.
    Old Macdonald had a farm, in Imladris it dwells.
    He played knick-knack on my arm – it’s baked by little elves.
    Clap your hands if you believe, wi’ the auld moon in her arms,
    With Jerry Mathers as the Beaver – he’s got Lucky Charms.
    One ring to rule them all, from sea to shining sea.
    It’s a small world, after all, that’s made for you and me.
    Timid and shy and scared am I, of things beyond my ken;
    As dry leaves before a hurricane fly, the South shall rise again!
    Pride goeth before a fall; the whole world loves a winner.
    Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall; Ich bien ein Berliner.
    No new taxes, read my lips, I do not choose to run
    The face that launched a thousand ships. God bless us, every one.
    Happy days are here again; can you spare a dime?
    We’re looking for a few good men, and now, it’s Miller time.
    Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, in a kinder, gentler nation.
    It’s a clear call and a wild call, for station identification.
    Give the gift that keeps on giving, sealed with a kiss.
    Better thing for better living – can your beer do this?
    What’s up, Doc? Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
    That’s no one’s business but the Turks, with tender loving care.
    Gil-Galad was an elven king, who had a very shiny nose,
    Thine alabaster cities gleam, and this is how it goes.
    O, wherefore art thou, Romeo, in a yellow submarine?
    Whose woods these are I think I know – watch out for that tree!
    Do you like green eggs and ham, wrapped up in a five-pound note?
    I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I am – follow the yellow brick road.
    Go ahead, make my day, and with the girls be handy.
    In summer, quite the other way – would you like some candy?
    Be all you can; I love you, man. God shed his grace on thee.
    Hakuna heigh-ho fragilistic bibbidy chim cheree!
    Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, to talk of many things.
    He’s strong to the finich, ‘cause he eats his spinach, and we must tell the king.
    The mate was a mighty sailin’ man, with a banjo on his knee.
    He took his vorpal blade in hand, and never used a big, big D.
    Casey stood a-watching it, in haughty grandeur there,
    That’s because he’s smarter than the average bear.
    But I am a Bear of Little Brain, and long words Bother me.
    Oh, frabjous day! Calloo! Callay! To be or not to be.
    Let the joyous news be spread – to grandmother’s house we go.
    Shoot, if you must, this old grey head, but remember the Alamo!
    Who is the tall, dark stranger there, that saved a wretch like me?
    They threatened his life with a railway share, for the snark was a boojum, you see.
    It came upon a midnight clear, where no one’s gone before,
    Frankly, my dear, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more.
    Oh, somewhere in this fabled land, the sun is shining bright,
    A band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
    And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout –
    Vorpal fu, no breasts, two stars. Joe Bob says “Check it out!


    *It's all my own creation, but I did not write a single line of it.

  25. - Top - End - #55
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    My favorite bad doggerel that I wrote composed* is the "Culture Medley".
    I giggled multiple times. Well done.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    You know, it would be really meta if I sigged this.

  26. - Top - End - #56
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    Default Re: Grwat poetry by the stunningly humble!

    I must assume that when I posted a poem
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    On a sporting occasion...
    of staggering awesomicity, folks in the Playground were too in awe to reply, and knowing of my stunning humility, they did not want to intrude.

    But in case fans of truly great poetry didn't read that thread, it would be wrong to hold back from more eyes the composition:

    On a sporting occasion someone of ocular persuasion
    said in conversation
    how I hate this all this row
    what care I which way the ball will go
    I plan a game much more thorough
    spin and spin around I go
    on one side a cup of poison
    on the other side water
    a blindfold so which I will not know
    I care not what I will lose
    I care not what I will gain
    for I am sure I'll feel no more pain
    existence has my disdain
    let us see if I another breath
    for
    Also, I don't fear death!

    Also, I hate sports.

    Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all

    Extended Sig
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Does the game you play feature a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    You're an NPC stat block."I remember when your race was your class you damned whippersnappers"
    Quote Originally Posted by the secret fire View Post
    ..race of fantasy plumbers..
    Snazzy Avatar by Honest Tiefling!

  28. - Top - End - #58
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Should I be charging you commissions to serve as your muse?
    Last edited by The Eye; 2018-03-01 at 03:36 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
    Should I be charging you commissions to serve as your muse?
    Always charge. They're under no obligation to pay, of course, but can't hurt to send an invoice.
    Last edited by Peelee; 2018-03-01 at 03:41 PM.
    Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking).

    Cuthalion makes great avatars. Like my Silver Dragon.
    Quote Originally Posted by littlebum2002 View Post
    It would be nice to just change the title of this thread to be "stuff about Jedi"

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Bad poetry

    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
    Should I be charging you commissions to serve as your muse?

    O for a Muse of sight, that would ascend
    The brightest heaven of invention,
    A kingdom for an Eye...

    No.

    Absolutely not.

    No way.


    Yes


    Say... you're a man of the world, squire.

    I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh...

    ...what's it like? Also, I hate sports, and that pizza deal was no deal.

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