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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    smile Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    So jokes!

    I love jokes (and puns) so I though I would share a few with the playground and hopefully learn some new good ones (I need good ones, ask any of my friends)

    Joke 1
    what is faster than the speed of light?
    Spoiler: Answer 1
    Show
    C++

    Joke 2
    Two pamphlets were hanging out, coloring in their coloring book, the usual. So the first one asked the second one to pass the red crayon, the second one says "Brochure"
    Spoiler: Answer (explanation) 2
    Show
    brochure -- bro sure

    Joke 3
    what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    Spoiler: Answer 3
    Show
    Where's my tractor?
    Last edited by Baby Gary; 2017-11-09 at 05:41 PM.
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

    Extended Sig

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    I'm more a fan of 'questionless' jokes myself. A classic:

    Joke #4
    Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says 'boy it's hot in here, isn't it?'

    Th other muffin looks at him and screams 'AHHHHHHHH! A talking muffin!'


    Now If I think of any actually good ones I'll let you know.

    Joke #5
    What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
    Spoiler
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    A stern rebuke from the research ethics committee and immediate cessation of your funding.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    love the muffin one, was going to say that bit you got it before me.

    Joke 6
    what do you call a cow with no legs?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    ground beef

    Joke 7
    what do you call a cow with 2 legs?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    lean beef

    Joke 8
    what do you call a cow with 1 leg?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    stake
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Joke 1 made me laugh (took me a moment to realize it, but after that I thought it was awesome), and I liked the humor from Anonymouswizard.

    I don't get joke 3 (seems a natural response, but maybe I'm missing a pun) or joke 8.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by JeenLeen View Post
    Joke 1 made me laugh (took me a moment to realize it, but after that I thought it was awesome), and I liked the humor from Anonymouswizard.

    I don't get joke 3 (seems a natural response, but maybe I'm missing a pun) or joke 8.
    joke 3 is funny because how obvious it is. I just like it because it is so bad

    joke 8: you stick a stake in the ground (it's one thing in the ground) also steak is, well, cow.

    however jokes are not that good when you have to explain them :( lol

    Joke 9
    what is a broken pencil?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Pointless
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    rooster707's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    This one's my friend's favorite. Somehow, he makes it funny.

    #10: Why did the plane crash?

    Spoiler
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    Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
    Vitruvian Stickman avatar by linklele.
    I have an extended signature now. God knows why.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    I of course, know some more classic 'not quite humour jokes', for example:

    Joke #11
    What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    Spoiler
    Show
    No eye deer.


    Honestly, my best humour is that quick, building off of somebody else's comment humour, which I can't really replicate here.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  8. - Top - End - #8
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    Fiery Diamond's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    I of course, know some more classic 'not quite humour jokes', for example:

    Joke #11
    What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    Spoiler
    Show
    No eye deer.


    Honestly, my best humour is that quick, building off of somebody else's comment humour, which I can't really replicate here.
    And the follow-up...

    Joke #12
    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Still no eye deer.
    Tonitrius Adhael, self-named the Thunder Phoenix, wandering historian and combat mage extraordinaire. When he discovered a genuine magical artifact from the mythical Tower Era, a long gone age when benevolent wizards ruled, he expected it to change the world. He didn't expect to be attacked by demon-worshiping cultists, or for mythical creatures and spells to return to the world...

    This story, Tales of the Thunder Phoenix, is partially based on a Pathfinder campaign.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Joke 13
    what do you call a man with a shovel?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Doug

    Joke 14
    what do you call a man without a shovel?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Douglas

    Joke 15
    what do you call a man floating in water?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Bob

    Joke 16
    who has the best jokes?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Baby Gary
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

    Extended Sig

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Joke #17
    What do you call a man in a bush?
    Spoiler
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    Russel


    Joke #18
    What do you call a man with shoes on his head?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Matt


    Joke # 19
    What do you call a man with bananas in his ears?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Whatever you want, he can't hear you.


    And now, the follow up to the follow up to Joke number eleven.

    Joke #20
    What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and it's head covered in wounds?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Still no bloody eye deer.
    Last edited by Anonymouswizard; 2017-11-09 at 03:57 PM.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    How do you get two zebras in a mini?

    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    One in the front, one in the back.



    How do you get two whales in a mini?

    Spoiler: Answer(s)
    Show
    (a) You can't, it's full of zebras.
    (b) Straight down the M4.
    Warning: This posting may contain wit, wisdom, pathos, irony, satire, sarcasm and puns. And traces of nut.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

    Joke #23
    How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.


    Joke #24
    How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.



    Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Gary View Post
    Joke 13
    what do you call a man with a shovel?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Doug

    Joke 14
    what do you call a man without a shovel?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Douglas

    Joke 15
    what do you call a man floating in water?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Bob

    Joke 16
    who has the best jokes?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    Baby Gary
    My favourite along these lines has always been:

    Joke #25
    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    *said loudly and confidently, and maybe wetly* FSH!!!
    Last edited by ve4grm; 2017-11-09 at 05:03 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Hector stabbed Patrocles, then Achilles stabbed Hector.
    Spoiler
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    It was a Menage a Troy.


    What did the newspaper call it when I killed you?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Murder most vowel.


    You should never trust an evergreen in a fur coats.
    Spoiler
    Show
    They are con in furs.
    Now if everyone could please "Sig" something along the lines of "Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking)", I think that would be good progress.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    My favourite along these lines has always been:

    Joke #25
    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    *said loudly and confidently, and maybe wetly* FSH!!!
    this one is also similar

    Joke 29
    What do you call a fly with no wings?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    A walk (now queue the laugh track)
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    HalflingPirate

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    A police officer was on patrol when he saw a car going extremely slow on the freeway. He put on his lights and pulled the car over, and found it was full of 4 frazzled old ladies, looking extremely frazzled with the exception of the driver. The police officer explains that driving so slow is dangerous on a major highway. The driver says "I'm sorry officer, but a sign just a couple miles back said the speed limit was 22."

    The cop explains that that sign was for the route number, not the speed limit, and they share a good laugh. He then asks why the other old women look so bedraggled. The driver looks at him and says "Well officer, we just turned off route 111."
    Spoiler: To My Fellow Empire Players and GM
    Show
    I may tend to come across as negative, as I usually post when something is wrong or to winge, but I really like this game so far and I'm having loads of fun. Thank you everyone for making it such a great experience!


    Quote Originally Posted by DM
    You are walking down the hallways following the map. You make a left turn, two right turns, step over a tripwire, and turn into a secret door.
    Quote Originally Posted by Player
    I turn into a secret door? Dang the traps in this place are OP!

  17. - Top - End - #17
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    Vinyadan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    You stand in front of a trucker hat. What does it say?

    "Get off the road, *******!"

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

    Joke #23
    How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.


    Joke #24
    How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.



    Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?
    Spoiler
    Show
    The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    for my fellow nerd out there

    Joke 32
    What is faster than the speed of light?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    C++
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

    Extended Sig

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Fiery Diamond's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

    Joke #23
    How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.


    Joke #24
    How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.



    Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?
    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Spoiler
    Show
    The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.
    You come across a river known for being crocodile-infested. How do you safely cross?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Just go ahead and swim. The crocodiles are all at the lion's party.
    Tonitrius Adhael, self-named the Thunder Phoenix, wandering historian and combat mage extraordinaire. When he discovered a genuine magical artifact from the mythical Tower Era, a long gone age when benevolent wizards ruled, he expected it to change the world. He didn't expect to be attacked by demon-worshiping cultists, or for mythical creatures and spells to return to the world...

    This story, Tales of the Thunder Phoenix, is partially based on a Pathfinder campaign.

  21. - Top - End - #21
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    Marillion's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    I work at a restaurant. Whenever someone is looking at their paycheck, I sprinkle it with parsley and say "Your wages have been garnished."

    HA!

    People don't always understand my humour, but as Douglas Adams said, jokes are a lot like cats. If you take one apart to see how it works, the first thing you discover is that you've killed the cat.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I like my women like I like my coffee; 10 feet tall, incomprehensible to the human psyche, and capable of ending life as a triviality.

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Marillion View Post
    People don't always understand my humour, but as Douglas Adams said, jokes are a lot like cats. If you take one apart to see how it works, the first thing you discover is that you've killed the cat.
    "Curiosity killed the cat."

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Gary View Post
    for my fellow nerd out there

    Joke 32
    What is faster than the speed of light?
    The Millennium Falcon, when in hyperspace.

    Also, you'd made that one already -- see your Joke 1.
    Last edited by lio45; 2017-11-11 at 10:00 PM.
    Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.

  24. - Top - End - #24
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Hear about the new parachute?
    Spoiler
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    Opens on impact


    Hear about he new submarine?
    Spoiler
    Show
    It has screen doors to keep the fish out


    Why does the new navy have glass bottom boats?
    Spoiler
    Show
    To see the old navy


    Why was six afraid of seven?
    Spoiler
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    Because seven eight nine

  25. - Top - End - #25
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    OldWizardGuy

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    tongue Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
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    None, that's a hardware problem


    How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
    Show
    One, but the bulb has to want to change


    How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
    Show
    Soup made from multicolored machine parts

  26. - Top - End - #26
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    Flumph

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    biggrin Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Sermil View Post
    .. .. .. EDIT .. .. ..

    How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?

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    Soup made from multicolored machine parts
    Hello, greetings to all. This is my first post on this web sight and it to say I am stealing this for my signature. Thank you for the artistic rendition of my mind.


    . . . Mua ha ha ha ha ha! . . .
    Last edited by Insane Jeenyus; 2017-11-12 at 09:24 AM.

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Sermil View Post
    How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
    Show
    None, that's a hardware problem


    How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
    Show
    One, but the bulb has to want to change


    How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
    Show
    Soup made from multicolored machine parts
    How many new age thinkers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler
    Show
    None, they just start a Coping With Darkness support group.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  28. - Top - End - #28
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    Heliomance's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Sermil View Post
    How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Spoiler
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    None, that's a hardware problem
    How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler
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    None, have software code a workaround instead
    Quotebox
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    I just don't want to have long romantic conversations or any sort of drama with my computer, okay? It knows what kind of porn I watch. I don't want to mess that up by allowing it to judge any of my choices in romance.

    Avatar by Rain Dragon

    Wish building characters for D&D 3.5 was simpler? Try HeroForge Anew! An Excel-based, highly automated character builder. v7.4 now out!

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Not a great place
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler
    Show
    None, have software code a workaround instead
    How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler
    Show
    None, we'll put it in the user manual.



    For something different, how many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler
    Show
    Nobody knows, once you turn on the light they all scatter.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    My favourite terrible dad joke follows:

    Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    The parrots-eat-'em-all.
    "Ech... details..."

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