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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Kid Jake's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    A grizzled cowboy strolls into the saloon one evening for a night of hard drinking. He's the quiet type and spends the night drinking in silence in the corner alone. In fact he's so quiet, that wanting to get a rise out of the stoic gunslinger, some of the younger patrons sneak out to hide his horse while he's drinking.

    When he finishes up, he walks outside and is of course enraged to discover his horse missing.

    The cowboy kicks in the saloon door, rests his hand on his weathered revolver and in a booming baritone growls "Listen up you worthless yokels, my horse is missing and if one of YOU don't find it for me before I finish this drink I'm going to do what I done down in Texas....and I don't like what I done down in Texas. Nobody likes doing what I done down in Texas..."

    So the cowboy sits down, has a drink and when he walks outside his horse is waiting for him. As the cowboy swings up onto the saddles the bartender runs out and shouts "Wait! I've got to know...what did you do down in Texas?"

    The cowboy scowls and replies "I walked home."
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter_Wolf View Post
    At least we can say Kid Jake has style. And possibly is insane.
    My Campaign Journals

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Troll in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    A film shoot.

    Default Re: Jokes: they are supposed to make you laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Joke # 19
    What do you call a man with bananas in his ears?
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    Whatever you want, he can't hear you.
    We do not discuss bananas here.
    Spoiler: Previous avatars
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    The story I'm writing (hosted on Wordpress)

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Jun 2017

    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    What's orange and rhymes with parrot?
    Spoiler: THE PUNCHLINE
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    A carrot!

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Fiery Diamond's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    So a rope slithers into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender just stares at it and goes, "Get out of here, we don't serve ropes here." The rope leaves and goes and messes itself up, gets all tangled, messes up its hair, and so on. Then it goes back in and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that rope that was just in here?" The rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
    Tonitrius Adhael, self-named the Thunder Phoenix, wandering historian and combat mage extraordinaire. When he discovered a genuine magical artifact from the mythical Tower Era, a long gone age when benevolent wizards ruled, he expected it to change the world. He didn't expect to be attacked by demon-worshiping cultists, or for mythical creatures and spells to return to the world...

    This story, Tales of the Thunder Phoenix, is partially based on a Pathfinder campaign.

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    A horse walks into a bar.
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    The barman asks 'why the long face?'
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    The horse replies 'my wife just died.'
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

    Spoiler: playground quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Orc in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Dec 2016

    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    These are good jokes. Thanks OP!

    For the following, insert <college name> where you see these. I'm from Texas, so I will use Aggies.

    What happened to the <Aggie> hockey team?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    They drowned during spring training.


    ----------------------------------------------------------

    How many Sith lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    Two


    How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    Two, but I don't know how they got in there.


    How many veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    Slam fist on table.

    YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!

    *note, be careful with this one.


    -------------------------------------------------------------

    Studies have shown that most chain smokers actually smoke cigarettes.

    What's brown, and sounds like a bell?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    Dung!
    Last edited by robnar; 2017-11-16 at 09:23 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Essex, England
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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by robnar View Post
    What's brown, and sounds like a bell?
    Spoiler: JOKE
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    Dung!
    What comes steaming out of cows backwards?

    Spoiler: JOKE
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    The Isle of Wight Ferry!

    Actually, the town is spelled "Cowes"...
    Warning: This posting may contain wit, wisdom, pathos, irony, satire, sarcasm and puns. And traces of nut.

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Red Fel's Avatar

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    Aug 2013

    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    I'm more of a fan of story-style jokes than question-answer jokes. Observe.

    -------------------

    A duck waddles into a saloon, waddles right up to the bar, hops up onto a stool, and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, perplexed at this talking duck, is gobstruck for a moment, before responding, "No, we haven't got any grapes." The duck shrugs, inasmuch as a duck can shrug, hops off the stool, and waddles out of the saloon.

    The next day, in waddles the duck again, right up to the bar. He hops up onto the same stool, and asks again, "Got any grapes?" The bartender shakes his head, "No, we still don't have any grapes." The duck shrugs, hops down, and leaves.

    This continues for two weeks. Every day, around the same time, the duck waddles in, waddles up to the bar, and asks his question - "Got any grapes?" What started as a strange and amusing happenstance has become a thing of dread and annoyance for the hapless bartender.

    One day, the duck waddles in, repeating the daily ritual, and hops up onto his regular stool. Before he can ask his question, the bartender snaps, "Listen, you little twerp, if you ask me about grapes one more time, I'm gonna glue your beak shut, nail your feet to the floor, and clobber you with a hammer!"

    The duck pauses, tilting its head slightly. "Got any glue?" it asks. "No," replies the bartender.

    "Got any nails?" "No," comes the reply.

    "Got any hammers?" "No."

    There's a pause.

    "Got any grapes?"
    My headache medicine has a little "Ex" inscribed on the pill. It's not a brand name; it's an indicator that it works inside an Anti-Magic Field.

    Blue text means sarcasm. Purple text means evil. White text is invisible.

    My signature got too big for its britches. So now it's over here!

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Christopher K.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Here are a couple that went over pretty well on Reddit a while back:

    Joke 1:
    Our monk bit off a bit more than he could chew when he challenged the dragon to a boxing match.. he didn't know he was going up against Bahamut Ali.

    Joke 2:
    We fought the same villain twice in our cyberpunk campaign. I swear, it was like there was a Lich in the Matrix.
    Last edited by Christopher K.; 2017-11-17 at 04:13 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaidu View Post
    Wait, but, how would they - what would they - you, sir, have just destroyed my mind.
    TBM Games, 5E content and reviews.
    Latest article: Epic Legacy Player's Guide Review

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Baby Gary's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Christopher K. View Post
    Here are a couple that went over pretty well on Reddit a while back:

    Joke 1:
    Our monk bit off a bit more than he could chew when he challenged the dragon to a boxing match.. he didn't know he was going up against Bahamut Ali.

    Joke 2:
    We fought the same villain twice in our cyberpunk campaign. I swear, it was like there was a Lich in the Matrix.
    these are both really good and really bad... at the same time
    Muad'drin tia dar allende caba'drin rhiadem! Los Valdar Cuebiyari! Los! Carai an Caldazar! Al Caldazar!

    Amazing avatar by Linklele

    Extended Sig

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cats View Post
    Oh wadda you know Gary, you're just a baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yes, but immunity to wizard and resistance to fighter kinda makes up for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by daremetoidareyo View Post
    It's all fun and games until you encounter the roc weremegalodon

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Christopher K.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Gary View Post
    these are both really good and really bad... at the same time
    Well they were for dmdadjokes, so they're supposed to be groanworthy
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaidu View Post
    Wait, but, how would they - what would they - you, sir, have just destroyed my mind.
    TBM Games, 5E content and reviews.
    Latest article: Epic Legacy Player's Guide Review

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Velaryon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Whatís the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle?

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    Attire!



    Why did the bouncy castle cost twice as much as last year?

    Spoiler
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    Thatís inflation for you.



    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says;

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    California
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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    (This one works best if you actually tell it to someone out loud)

    So, there's a hotel. One night, a salesman arrives and asks for a room. Clerk says "OK, here's the key for room 549. It's just up the stairs there -- but be careful, the 99th step is very unstable and you might fall in if you step on it."

    The salesman takes the key and proceeds up the steps, carefully counting as he goes.
    5...
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it safely to his room.

    The bellboy follows with his luggage. The bellboy is new and needs to carefully count steps:
    5...
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers the luggage.

    Salesman decides he's hungry. Calls room service and asks for a burger, fries and a Coke. The waiter comes up the stairs carrying the food:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers the order.

    Well, then a married couple shows up and asks for a room. Clerk gives them room 551, but warns them about the 99th step. The husband goes up to the room:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to the room.

    The wife finishes parking the car, and follows her husband up the stairs:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to the room.

    The husband decides he's hungry, so he calls room service and asks for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Pepsi. The waiter climes the stairs with the order:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and the food is delivered.

    Meanwhile, a business woman arrives at the front desk, having been dropped off by an Uber. She gets room 565. and the same warning about step #99. Up she goes:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to her room.

    The bellboy follows with her luggage:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers her luggage.

    The business woman decides she needs a little something after a hard day, so she calls room service and orders a rum-and-Coke. The waiter brings it to her:
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    95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and she gets her drink.

    Now, what is the moral of this story?

    Spoiler: Drumroll please
    Show

    2 out of 3 people surveyed preferred the taste of Coke to Pepsi!

    (That's what we call a 'shaggy dog' story.)

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Velaryon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Two men set out to go ice fishing. As they are augering a hole in the ice, they hear a booming voice come from above them, saying,

    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

    The two men look around in confusion for a moment, then they pack up, move about 30 feet, and start making a new hole. Soon they hear the booming voice again,

    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

    The two men look around again, then pack up their gear, move another 30 feet, and start getting ready to try again, when they hear,

    "I TOLD YOU THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

    Both men look up and call out "God? Is that you?"

    "NO, YOU IDIOTS! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK."

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Kid Jake's Avatar

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    furious Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    A man wakes up in the morning and as he's getting ready to go to work a booming voice seems to shout "OUTSIDE!", so the man panics and scrambles outside. Once outside, the voice bellows "TREE!", so the man runs to the oak tree in his back yard, whereupon the voice demands "DIG!"

    Without hesitation, the man falls to his knees and starts digging in the dirt with his hands. "DEEPER!" the voice commands when he begins to slow down and so he tears at the ground until his hand latches onto a ratty old duffel bag in the ground. The man drags it into the sunlight and stares at it for a moment in wonderment, until the voice shouts "OPEN!"

    Quickly the man unzips the bag and dumps its contents onto the ground. At a glance, he estimates there's more than $100,000 in loose bills. Before he can even think of something to say at this kind of luck, the voice is at it once more, it shouts "VEGAS!" and so without hesitation he grabs the money and rushes to the airport to get a plane to Las Vegas.

    The flight is quiet, but the second he touches down the voice shouts "CASINO!" so he has the cabby drop him off at the closest one. As soon as he gets out of the card, the voice shouts "ROULETTE!", so he runs to the roulette wheel and as the voice thunders "BLACK!" the man throws down every cent he has on the table.

    The ball bounces around for a tense moment before the croupier calls out "Red 23!"

    The voice just screams "FUUU-"
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter_Wolf View Post
    At least we can say Kid Jake has style. And possibly is insane.
    My Campaign Journals

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Von_Derpington's Avatar

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    Default Re: Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

    Jokes. Yes. I love jokes.

    A photon walks into a hotel. The man at the desk asks the photon if he would like him to take his bags. The photon replies:
    Spoiler: End Of Joke
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    "Nah, I'm traveling light."

    Why is is hard to get into koala college?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    They have very stringent koalafications.

    Why did the duck cross the road?
    Spoiler: Answer
    Show
    To get to your house.

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Spoiler: End Of Joke
    Show
    THE DUCK.
    Last edited by Von_Derpington; 2017-12-01 at 08:08 PM.

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