Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

[enderlord99]

And? random words

Idiots don't eradicate smallpox, is my point.

[lcavalheiro]

That rant made me remember one:

An indefinite, non-countable group made of physics, biologists and mathematicians went to a pub. There, first one asked to waiter, "Man, I want a beer!", second one asked, "I want half a beer", third one, "A quarter of beer, please!". Before fourth could talk, waiter replied, "Ok, I got it!", and brought two beers.

[lcavalheiro]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?

Spoiler: It's coming...

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Again!

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Have at you!

Show

First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Ending phase...

Show

Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

[WarKitty]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?

Spoiler: It's coming...

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Again!

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Have at you!

Show

First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Ending phase...

Show

Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

There's always the Moorean solution.

Spoiler

Show

For those not in the know, G.E. Moore presented a response to skepticism. He held one hand up in front of his face and declared "there is a hand here." He held another hand up and declared "there is another hand here." He then reasoned, since he knows there are at least 2 things in the world, the external world exists.

[Kail11]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?

Spoiler: It's coming...

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Again!

Show

First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Have at you!

Show

First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?

Spoiler: Ending phase...

Show

Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

Ahaaaaa! Good one :P

[InvisibleBison]

A man is driving through the countryside one day, and as he passes a farm he happens to notice one of the pigs has a wooden leg. Intrigued, he goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. The farmer comes out, and the man introduces himself and says "I couldn't help but notice one of your pigs has a wooden leg, and I was wondering why."

The farmer smiles and says "Ah, that'd be Horace. About, oh, two years ago now, Horace bursts into my bedroom in the middle of the night and wakes me up, squealing and running around and making a whole lot of fuss. Naturally, I wondered how he'd gotten there and why he was so worked up. He ran out into the hall, and I followed him and that's when I saw that the house was on fire! Horace had seen the fire, jumped out of the pigpen and came running to alert us. The house burned down, but my family and I were fine. That pig saved our lives."

"Amazing," says the man. "I take it Horace hurt his leg at some point, and the wooden leg is a replacement?"

"What? No, no." The farmer shook his head. "Horace was fine."

"Then why does he have a wooden leg?"

"Well," said the farmer, "A pig like that... you don't eat him all at once."

[Casimir-Ivanova]

Two flies are on a pile of manure. One fly cuts a fart, and the other fly says "Hey, I'm eating here."

[Some Android]

Why did the anime protagonist cross the road?

Spoiler: punchline

Show

Because it was a filler arc.

How many shonen anime protagonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler: punchline

Show

Only one, but you might have to sit through a few episodes of filler.

How many Madoka Magica magical girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler: punchlin and major series spoilers

Show

Five: one to screw in the light bulb and the rest to die horrible, surreal deaths.

How many Starks of Winterfell does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler: punchline and I guess also spoilers that are several seasons old

Show

Three: one to screw in the light bulb, one to get beheaded, and one to get pushed out of a window resulting in them getting crippled for life. Then the first Stark is eventually beheaded as well.

How many characters from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler: punchline

Show

One, but whoever you think it is you are wrong! It is actually I, DIO!