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    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]



    "Parody is protected speech."
    ~Zz'ditri, The Order of the Stick

    The Fabulauirtis

    Long ago, in the days of yore, or about half a decade ago tops, came the mythic ones. The warriors, the ones made of bone, the billion-fighting-ones, the ones with names made up of jumbles of random syllables strung together. Born of some egoistical power trip, with (ex) tags borne proudly upon their supernatural abilities, they came down, bent on self-aggrandization and wilful poor design.

    Truly, none might have defeated this insurgence of poor design had there not been a concert of voices raised against the mythic insurgents. Lo, they cried such things as "This is overpowered BS", "The ability names are really stupid", "This was just someone realising that they could create something as powerful as they liked so they did it", "Seriously, what were they thinking?" and "This reads as somewhere between an ego trip and masturbation." And as they proclaimed those things, they looked to a creation which would mock viciously the mythic classes and their general ridiculousness!

    Like a comedy trying to take itself seriously, the mythic tide rose, and like a comedy which is actually comical, the FABULAUIRTIS rose against them, to mock them viciously! Truly, their mothers were hamsters and their fathers smelt of elderberries, for no D&D game is complete without at least one Monty Python Reference. The fabulauirtis is the parody which reveals to all the ridiculousness of that which is ridiculous!

    DISCLAIMER: I'm sure the people who make mythos classes are lovely. I just felt the need to parody mythos classes (and mock them viciously!). Please try not to take it personally. Large portions of mythos were skimmed and-or exaggerated in the making of this deliriously-constructed parody.

    DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: I'm seriously sorry you guys.

    Hit Die: d10
    Skill Points: 6 + Intelligence Modifier
    Class Skills: Balance, Bluff, Craft (Really Long Ability Names), Decipher Script, Disable Device, Hide, Intimidate, Jump, Knowledge (Arcana), Knowledge (Local), Knowledge (Nobility and Royalty), Knowledge (Nothing), Move Silently, Perform (Kazoo), Perform (Unintentional Comedy), Profession (Professional), Sleight of Hand, Speak Language (Bad Greek), Speak Language (Gibberish), Swim, Tumble, Use Magic Device and Use Rope.
    Proficiencies: The fabulauirtis is proficient with all simple and martial weapons, plus the katana, the glaive-glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive and the giant pig with a squealing commoner attached. They are proficient with all light, medium and heavy armour, and with all shields, including tower shields.
    Level BAB Fort Ref Will Special
    Mythos
    Excellencies
    1st +1 +2 +2 +2 Mythic Mythos of Mythic Mythology Myth, Mythos Known, Exceptional Mythos, Excellent Excellency of Excelling Excellence, Characteristic Class-Defining Ability I
    +2
    +1
    2nd +2 +3 +3 +3
    +0
    +1
    3rd +3 +3 +3 +3 Characteristic Class-Defining Ability II
    +1
    +0
    4th +4 +4 +4 +4
    +0
    +1
    5th +5 +4 +4 +4
    +1
    +0
    6th +6/+1 +5 +5 +5
    +0
    +1
    7th +7/+2 +5 +5 +5 Fantastic Mythos
    +1
    +1
    8th +8/+3 +6 +6 +6
    +0
    +1
    9th +9/+4 +6 +6 +6 Characteristic Class-Defining Ability III
    +1
    +0
    10th +10/+5 +7 +7 +7
    +0
    +1
    11th +11/+6/+1 +7 +7 +7
    +1
    +0
    12th +12/+7/+2 +8 +8 +8
    +0
    +1
    13th +13/+8/+3 +8 +8 +8 Legendary Mythos
    +1
    +1
    14th +14/+9/+4 +9 +9 +9
    +0
    +1
    15th +15/+10/+5 +9 +9 +9 Characteristic Class-Defining Ability IV
    +1
    +0
    16th +16/+11/+6/+1 +10 +10 +10
    +0
    +1
    17th +17/+12/+7/+2 +10 +10 +10
    +1
    +0
    18th +18/+13/+8/+3 +11 +11 +11
    +0
    +1
    19th +19/+14/+9/+4 +11 +11 +11 Exalted Mythos
    +1
    +1
    20th +20/+15/+10/+5 +12 +12 +12
    +1
    +1

    Mythic Mythos of Mythic Mythology Myth: A Fabulauirtis' power is expressed in terms of one or more "Mythos", the building blocks of the legend that they are, and the stories that they have told and will tell. While any given Mythos varies from the rest, they share some similar traits. They are always Extraordinary abilities, and when they reference a difficulty class for an imposed saving throw, that saving throw is always calculated as (10 + 1/2 class level + the number of syllables you managed to get into your character's forename without annoying the DM, unless otherwise stated). When a Mythos references a "level" that is not clearly defined in some other way, such as "character level", it refers to "class level" as in the number of levels one has in the Fabulauirtis class. When a Mythos references "allies", it specifically does not refer to the Fabulauirtis using it. When a Mythos grants a feat as a bonus feat, it is regardless of whether the character meets the prerequisites for that feat (unless otherwise stated), and if the character already possesses that feat (in some permanent fashion - via the normal allotment gained by leveling up, or through another Mythos, and so on, but not those gained temporarily, such as via a "Heroics" spell), they must replace the prior instance of that feat with another feat that they qualify for. When a Mythos refers to a "weapon" being wielded by the Fabulauirtis, unless otherwise noted, it does not apply to unarmed attacks, natural weapons, or improvised weapons. Because, why would we use the standard D&D definitions of these things when we could write new ones just for these classes?

    Every Mythos has a Tier. The Tier of a Mythos ranges from 1 to 4, typically referred to as Exceptional, Fantastic, Legendary, and Exalted. Exceptional Mythos tell the story of a myth who is only a little bit mythic, a creature whose ability to tell reality to sit in the corner only has the ability to destroy logic, not campaigns. A Fabulauirtis with Fantastic Mythos is a mythic creature whose ability to do magic in an antimagic field is well known among the lands, and upon seeing whom many have suspended their disbelief by the neck until dead. Legendary Mythos are the abilities which have almost, but not quite, given up and admitted to being overtly magical, posessed of names which defy common grammar and make up words in abundance. Exalted Fabulauirtes wield their abilities with pride, safe in the knowledge that behind the laugh-out-loud ability name which takes up half the page on its own lies the power to tear the campaign in two, and possibly the actual campaign setting too.

    Some Mythos, in addition to their initial stated effect, have Basic and Advanced manifestations. When a Fabulauirtis gains access to a Mythos with a list of Basic manifestations, they may choose one such manifestation, and they gain that benefit immediately as well. This choice may not be changed later. When a Fabulauirtis gains access to a Mythos with a list of Advanced manifestations, they may choose one such manifestation, and they gain that benefit upon achieving their next level of Fabulauirtis. This choice may be changed at any point before receiving the chosen manifestation itself, but not after (choosing beforehand is just an easy way to mark it down on your character sheet so you don't forget that you'll be getting something later). Essentially, this is a really, really fancy way of saying that the level after you pick a mythos, you pick an advanced manifestation.

    Mythos Known: A 1st level Fabulauirtis begins play with two Exceptional Mythos that he qualifies for if this is his first level in a PC character class. At higher levels, he gains additional Mythos as noted on the Fabulauirtis class table (One at every odd level and one at 20th level for some reason).

    For characters that multiclass into Fabulauirtis after having taken levels in another PC character class, the 1st level of Fabulauirtis grants only a single Exceptional Mythos, rather than two. Because screw multiclassing, that's why.

    A Fabulauirtis also has the ability to learn more Mythos, above the ones automatically allotted to xyr by leveling up. By creating further myths about xyrself, xe may gain Mythos Points, an intangible resource representing nothing in particular. The Fabulauirtis' unique method of wealth-destruction in order to create Mythos Points is to actually create literal mythos - the Fabulauirtis must pay to create self-aggrandising statues, pay bards to sing tales of xyr glory, or put on a show-fight with a fake evil villain and elaborate costumes. For each gold piece's worth of wealth wasted on this crap, you get a Mythos Point, which is clearly just meant to be a way to encourage you to do something which would be essentially stupid in reality by using a metagame currency.

    By spending 1,000 Mythos Points, and 250xp, xe may learn an Exceptional Mythos. A Fantastic Mythos requires 5,000 Mythos Points and 500xp. A Legendary Mythos takes 10,000 Mythos Points, and 1,000xp. And an Exalted Mythos takes 20,000 Mythos Points and 2,000xp. And never start a sentence with "And"!

    For half the listed price for a given Tier, a Fabulauirtis may learn a Basic or Advanced manifestation of a Mythos they already know of that Tier.

    Learning Mythos above the standard amount requires astounding, nearly single-minded relatively standard levels of devotion to the story of the Fabulauirtis. One may only utilize this ability while more than half of his effective character level (ECL) is devoted to levels in the Fabulauirtis class.

    Excellent Excellency of Excelling Excellence: As denoted on their class table, a Fabulauirtis gains a certain number of abilities known as "Excellencies". These tend to be more general, generic, and passive than a Mythos, but are useful nonetheless, and are drawn from their own separate list, unsegregated by Tiers. Like a Mythos, a Fabulauirtis may learn more Excellencies above xyr allotted amount. Each one costs 1,000 Mythos Points and 100xp, plus an additional 1,000 Mythos Points and 100xp for each time a new Excellency is innovated beyond the first. (So, 2,000mp and 200xp for the second, 3,000mp and 300xp for the third, etcetera.)

    Characteristic Class-Defining Ability: The Fabulauirtis has some kind of special ability unique to their class, or at least one which sets them apart from other Mythos classes, well maybe. At first level, the Fabulauirtis can use xyr equivalent of the bard's bardic music to inspire courage. At third level, xe can use inspire competence. At 9th level, xe can inspire greatness, and at 15th, xe can inspire heroics. Xe still needs the required perform ranks, usually forcing her to rely on a kazoo or unintentional comedy.

    Exceptional Mythos

    Spoiler
    Show
    Ablative Critique-Rejecting Finger-In-Ear Negative-Denial Shield
    Prerequisite: -

    The myths were protected from anyone saying anything bad about them by a shield of not listening to anything that anyone had to say unless it unerringly praised the creator.

    You gain DR/- and resistance to everything equal to your level.

    Basic:

    Armour Class is Generally Useful Comprehension: You get a profane bonus to armour class equal to the number of syllables you managed to get into your character's forename without your DM complaining about it.
    Eternal Fortitude of Bad-Idea Pursuing: You get a profane bonus on fortitude saves equal to the number of syllables you managed to get into your character's forename without your DM complaining about it.
    Reflexive Critique-Dodging Evasion: You get a profane bonus on reflex saves equal to the number of syllables you managed to get into your character's forename without your DM complaining about it.
    Wisdomless Wilful-Ignorance Creation Design: You get a profane bonus on will saves equal to the number of syllables you managed to get into your character's forename without your DM complaining about it.

    Fluff-Clarifying Snark Riposte
    Prerequisite: -

    The creators were excessively rude when people didn't immediately grok their overly-long, self-contradictory backstories.

    When a creature is trying to make a diplomacy check, you may attempt a bluff check opppsing it. If you succeed, their diplomacy check backfires, having the opposite effect to the one intended. Under the standard rules, this means that the other creature's attitude towards the diplomacy-user worsens by a step.

    Alternatively, you can use a bluff check to drive a creature into a rage as a standard action. Take a bluff check opposed by their will saving throw. If they fail, they must rage as a barbarian of their level for as long as possible.

    Montage of Questionably-Relevant Characters
    Prerequisite: -

    The creators loved creating line-ups of creatures who had very little to do with their creations except a tenuous connection to the same theme.

    Whenever you carry around at least eight pictures of different people with even the most tenuous relevance to you, you, you may use them to inspire you to greatness. If you display prominently all eight pictures, you get a bonus on all skill checks and ability checks equal to the number of syllables you managed to fit into your character's forename without the DM getting annoyed at you. You lose this benefit if any of the pictures is destroyed.

    Supernatural is Extraordinary Redefinition
    Prerequisite: -

    The laws of physics can SUCK it!

    You gain the ability to use any ability as though it were extraordinary, including the spells you use via use magic device. Indeed, all your items also function as intended in an antimagic field or similar as though they were extraordinary.

    Surrounded by my Devoted, Unquestioning Cult
    Prerequisite: -

    The makers were not often criticised, because they generally had a cult of a same few people who would view their work and fill discussions with their undying praise.

    You can, as a standard action, call upon the people of the area around you to come and protect you. The nearest creature, plus one more nearby creature per level, out of those low-level commoners and other ordinary folk, rushes to protect you from your attackers.

    Working-as-Intended Gambit
    Prerequisite: -

    The creators tended to respond to criticism that Mythos was too powerful with assurances that it was totally meant to be that way and everything was fine.

    Whenever you would deal damage with an attack, you may decide that some other amount of damage that some creature dealt to a single target that round was a fair and balanced amount of damage to deal, and deal that amount of damage instead. For example, if your attack would deal 12 points of slashing damage, and earlier in that round a wizard dealt 32 points of fire damage to one target and 17 to another with a fireball, you may do 32 points of slashing damage instead. You must directly observe the initial instance of damage being dealt, however.


    Fantastic Mythos

    Spoiler
    Show
    Adoring-Fan Strongest-is-Best Imbalance Acceptance
    Prerequisite: Surrounded by my Devoted, Unquestioning Cult and Working-As-Intended Gambit exceptional mythos

    The creators were often blindsided by the fact that their fans loved overpowered nonsense just as much as they did.

    Whenever one of your allies deals damage with an attack, if your damage you dealt in a single attack against a single target within the last round, not taking into account the effects of your Working-As-Intended Gambit, was greater, they may choose to deal that much damage instead. For example, if you use your Working-As-Intended Gambit to deal 32 points of damage instead of 12, when an ally would deal 6 points of damage with an attack, you may have them deal 12 instead.

    Calling out the Names of your Attacks Before you Make Them
    Prerequisite: -

    The creators didn't assign these abilies silly names for the sheer hell of it. I mean, they did, but...

    You gain the ability to empower your attacks by shouting out their names. Whenever you use a feat such as power attack, a spell from your Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation, or any other activated ability with a name, you can shout out the name of the ability first as a swift action. If you do, the benefit or effect of the ability is doubled. However, your opponents get a warning against the attack, giving them a +4 bonus to armour class and saves against that attack.

    Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation
    Prerequisite: Supernatural is Extraordinary Redefinition exceptional mythos

    You gain the ability to cast a small number of arcane spells from the wizard/sorcerer list, as though you were a sorcerer of your own level minus 6. The exception is that you use the number of syllables in your character's first name instead of your charisma modifier, and of course these spells are extraordinary because why wouldn't they be, really?

    Narrative Moves in You
    Prerequisite: -

    The creators thought that people should be able to just decide that things happened differently to how they did beause reasons. This saddened the great Dee Em, who already had a fully detailed world written up.

    Once per day, with a great surge of effort tantamount to a move action because why would I not make that reference, you can change a minor detail of the setting - for example, you can decide that a house is in a different location in a city or that the city sports a small fencing guild.

    Physics-Defying Definitely-Not-Telekinetic Sympathetic Relocation Axiom
    Prerequisite: Supernatural is Extraordinary Redefinition exalted mythos.

    You can literally break the laws of physics and it's (ex) because hey, just because the guy at the gym can't do it, and no guy at any gym ever could ever concievably do it, doesn't mean it can't be done, okay!

    Your attacks can hit any creature you have line of effect to, though this doesn't change your threatened range because we're pretending that this class is balanced, okay! You can pick up, throw or operate things as though they were in arm's reach with a mere gesture.

    X is Y Formulation
    Prerequisite: -

    The makers loved declaring that two things were identical, and then adding an extra word on the end in a way which just about makes sense but is exceptionally jarring.

    You can turn one material into another in a location you can see as a standard action, up to 10 cubic feet of material per 2 levels (though all of it must be a single object). Attended and/or magical objects can save against this effect, which negates it if successful; creatures aren't affected at all. The transformation lasts 1 round/level, though the material retains its new form. "Material" here means some kind of solid material out of which one might build or make things.


    Legendary Mythos

    Spoiler
    Show
    Channelling My Finishing Move, Please Wait
    Prerequisites: -

    The makers weren't fans of realistic combat, why should we be?

    You can do anything that is part of preparing for your next attack, such as casting the true strike spell or loading a weapon, as a free action. In reality, it does take time, but the forces of cinematic convenience allow you to do this without anyone thinking to interrupt.

    Advanced:
    Villainous-Monologue Talking-Is-A-Free-Action Pontification: You may, as well as talking, pace, pontificate, proseletyse, and generally be a condescending prat as a free action.

    Climb the Greatest Mountain, Then Pick it Up and Throw it at Someone
    Prerequisites: Physics-Defying Definitely-Not-Telekinetic Sympathetic Relocation Axiom fantastic mythos, Supernatural is Extraordinary Redefinition exceptional mythos

    Every mythos class needs a way to be able to throw mountains.

    Your Physics-Defying Definitely-Not-Telekinetic Sympathetic Relocation Axiom now allows you to exert unlimited force on the things that you wish to move, allowing you to pick up mountains or whatever. You also automatically succeed at using the force to grapple, bull rush, trip, and so forth, because there's no real point just assigning you an arbitrarily-high bonus to it, is there?

    Copied-Ability-Advancing Triple-Hyphenated-Word Advanced-Wizard-Emulation
    Prerequisites: Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation fantastic mythos

    Your effective sorcerer level for your Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation is your level minus 4, instead of minus 6.

    Disingenuous Narrative-Powered Offscreen-Death-Invoking Resurrection
    Prerequisite: -

    The makers didn't like people breaking their toys - that made the makers sad. On that basis, they gave their toys ridiculous resurrection powers because why the hell not?

    If you die, the moment that no-one is looking at you, you get back up. No, I don't care if you were carved into tiny pieces, burned, fed to the dogs, then the dogs were burned for good measure, you get back up. You then become alive at full hit points because that's okay.

    Even-Level-Abhorring Self-Aggrandised Class-Generation Ego-Trip
    Prerequisite: -

    And lo, the makers decided that class features should not fall on the even levels, and nor should the mythos, so all you would get were the excellencies which even the makers admitted were not very good by comparison!

    You may as a standard action inflict upon a creature the curse of the even level, much feared by fighters and usually laughed off by rogues. For 1 round/level, that creature loses all class features they gained at even levels, such as most of a fighter's bonus feats or a rogue's evasion. For a spellcaster, check how many spells/day were attained at even levels (for example, a wizard gains 1 cantrip at an even level and 2 first-level spells at even levels). The character cannot cast spells of that level if they are at or below the remaining spells/day they gained at that level. Similarly, check how many power points a psionic character gained from even levels and restrict them from manifesting that would bring them below that. A successful will save negates this effect.

    Yes, your opponent can't even. We know.

    Obvious-Reference Not-the-Droids-You're-Looking-For Obfuscation
    Prerequisites: -

    The makers ripped off a lot of stuff. I mean, were inpsired by.

    You get a +30 bonus to bluff checks. In addition, you can use bluff to convince people of things irrespective of how unlikely or impossible they may seem without any kind of penalty.


    Exalted Mythos

    Spoiler
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    Four-Hypen-Word-Using Ability-Empowering-Wizard-Emulation
    Prerequisites: Copied-Ability-Advancing Triple-Hyphenated-Word Advanced-Wizard-Emulation legendary mythos, Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation fantastic mythos

    Sample text.

    Your effective sorcerer level is your level minus 2 for your Literally-Spellcasting Ability-Copying Totally-Extraordinary Hyphenated-Phrase Wizard-Emulation fantastic mythos.

    This isn't Even my Final Form!
    Prerequisites: -

    I have another finishing move! You'll see!

    Because you haven't reached your final form yet, you are the beneficiary of a constant shapechange effect with a caster level equal to your class level, and of course it's (ex) why would it not be (ex)?

    Our Market Research Shows that Players Like Really Long Ability Names So We Made this Ability to Have the Absolute Longest Ability Name Ever
    Prerequisites: -

    ...elemental.

    Whenever you attack, you may declare yourself to be using one of your Mythos or Excellencies. Instead of naming a Mythos or Excellency that you actually have, make one up. You get a bonus to all damage rolls, to the save throw DC of the attack, and to d20 rolls made as part of the attack (such as attack rolls or to overcome spell resistance) equal to the number of words you can get out before your DM stops you to say that they've realised that it's not a real ability name.

    Ultimate Immortal Tao of Non-Sequitur Madeupwordsian Eternal Blade of the Ages
    Prerequisites: Climb the Greatest Mountain, Then Pick it up and Throw it at Someone legendary mythos, Physics-Defying Definitely-Not-Telekinetic Sympathetic Relocation Axiom fantastic mythos, Supernatural is Extraordinary Redefinition exceptional mythos

    You can use your telekinetic ability to destroy a creature utterly as a standard action. Yes, even if they can't die. Yes, even if they have an ability which stops you stopping them from dying. Yes, yes, even if they have some other clever way of stopping you from killing them. Yes, even then. Yes, yes, yes.

    They are, however, allowed a fortitude save. Success on this save still allows you to deal 2d100 damage to the creature, though.


    Excellencies

    Spoiler
    Show
    [Ability] Syllabic Mastery
    Prerequisite: -

    You can gain this excellency up to 6 times, one for each ability score. Each time you do, you use the number of syllables you could get in your character's forename without the DM objecting to it in place of the modifier for that ability score, if it's higher.

    Bonus-Feats-Are-Not-Class-Features Denial
    Prerequisite: -

    You immediately gain combat expertise, improved initiative and power attack as bonus feats.

    Boring Bonus Addition
    Prerequisite: -

    You gain a +4 bonus to all D20 rolls.

    Ill-Defined Attribute Function Call
    Prerequisite: Proficiency with weapon

    Whenever you deal damage to a creature, you may take an opposed check against the creature you're damaging. You add the number of syllables in your character's forename to the roll. The opponent adds their relevant ability modifier. If you succeed, your opponent takes additional damage equal to your strongest ally's skill ranks in the relevant skill. A creature with the Obstreperous Shell-Cracking Mien excellency takes further damage equal to the manifester level of that ability.

    While this entire class is a joke, this excellency is even more of a joke. It's deliberately too unwieldy to use and therefore should not be taken even if you are proficient with weapon.

    Obligatory Other-Class-Feature Knock-Off
    Prerequisite: -

    You gain a bonus on all saves equal to the number of syllables you could get in your character's forename without your DM objecting to it.

    Really Quite Good at [Skill]
    Prerequisite: -

    Choose a skill. You get a +5 bonus on skill checks using that skill, and can take 10 on uses of that skill, even when threatened.

    Last edited by Jormengand; 2017-11-10 at 04:10 PM.
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    You know, it would be really meta if I sigged this.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Gideon Falcon's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    I understand that you mean it all in good fun, and I don't take it personally myself, but even with the disclaimer the opening paragraphs read like they were meant to be taken personally. I'm not normally the type to suggest it, but, just to be safe, I would really suggest using less antagonistic wording.
    It's a falcon. Wearing a Fedora. Your argument is irrelevant.
    Official Member of the No Cussing Club

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Gideon Falcon View Post
    I understand that you mean it all in good fun, and I don't take it personally myself, but even with the disclaimer the opening paragraphs read like they were meant to be taken personally. I'm not normally the type to suggest it, but, just to be safe, I would really suggest using less antagonistic wording.
    With the amount of fire I'm playing with, I'm honestly just quite glad that the response was only suggesting that someone else might be offended, rather than offense. I might edit the opening paragraphs; I might not. I'll admit that I can't think of a clever way to tone it down.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    You know, it would be really meta if I sigged this.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Alright, you know that this means war, don't you? Watch out for a horrifically mangled Truenamer that's somehow even worse than the Tome of Bringing Only One Decent Subsystem version, a martial discipline dedicated to kill truenamers, a horribly mangled hypermundane and a serpent-themed Titan of I Can't Into Cool Mundanes That Aren't Nonsensically Allergic to Magic that only serves to be the butt of jokes. Believe it.

    Seriously though, the opening paragraphs (and, mind you, the entire class) skim the tide between "parody" and "straight-up insulting", which is honestly something that I see you doing a bit too much. I mean, not liking the ToB/Mythos System? Fine. Calling it the Tome of Magic: Swords Edition and, well, making this entire, obnoxiously snark-filled class as "parody"? Not so much. I'm honestly pretty angry at this, which I guess meant that you succeeded at your goal. Well done. Well done.

    EDIT: Also, considering the Veteran is way more unbalanced than the Bellator (or heck, any of the hypermundanes compared to their Mythos counterparts), I feel that you might be quite a bit hypocritical when it comes to balance. Just saying.
    Last edited by roko10; 2017-11-12 at 09:31 AM.

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Jormengand's Avatar

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by roko10 View Post
    Alright, you know that this means war, don't you? Watch out for a horrifically mangled Truenamer that's somehow even worse than the Tome of Bringing Only One Decent Subsystem version, a martial discipline dedicated to kill truenamers, a horribly mangled hypermundane and a serpent-themed Titan of I Can't Into Cool Mundanes That Aren't Nonsensically Allergic to Magic that only serves to be the butt of jokes. Believe it.
    Generic Flaming Comment In Response!

    Seriously though, the opening paragraphs (and, mind you, the entire class) skim the tide between "parody" and "straight-up insulting", which is honestly something that I see you doing a bit too much. I mean, not liking the ToB/Mythos System? Fine. Calling it the Tome of Magic: Swords Edition and, well, making this entire, obnoxiously snark-filled class as "parody"? Not so much. I'm honestly pretty angry at this, which I guess meant that you succeeded at your goal. Well done. Well done.
    I'll admit that I was on a bit of an anger trip (or annoyance trip) when I wrote this and probably should have been a bit less... everything about it. Okay. But there are a few things:

    For a start, Tome of Magic: Swords Edition isn't really insulting. It's a succinct abbreviation of, essentially, the entire problem with Tome of Battle in my, and a lot of other people's, eyes. I'm not going after the ToMSE's designers and sending them insulting messages about their mothers. If you think that ToMSE is a grievous insult, then I think you need to take a step back.

    Similarly, I tried to restrict my criticism to things that the Mythos makers had made or done rather than who they were. Ill-Defined Attribute Function Call, for example, was a straight-up reference to the fact that one of the Mythos abilities doesn't work properly without DM fudging because it tries to ask for the level and ability modifier of racial immunity to fire. Fluff-Clarifying Snark Riposte was a reference to a Mythos creator actually doing that, much to the chagrin of someone trying to ask perfectly reasonable questions about the Mythos' backstory (Mythos' mythos?). I tried to avoid saying "The creators were fat, lazy slobs who needed to shower more" (because let's face it, they're probably not, and that's mean) and instead said "The creators tended to make this class design decision that I didn't like".

    EDIT: Also, considering the Veteran is way more unbalanced than the Bellator (or heck, any of the hypermundanes compared to their Mythos counterparts), I feel that you might be quite a bit hypocritical when it comes to balance. Just saying.
    The veteran is more likely to compete with wizards on equal terms and less likely to destroy cities with nonmagical ki fireballs or eat the sun. I regard this as a win. And if you wanted to be the first Mythos-fan to insult hypermundanes, I have some bad news for you. And no, I didn't get all offended.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Sorry, I was probably pissed off too much to think clearly. Most of your refutals actually make sense in retrospect, though I'm still feeling a bit burnt about this class.

    I would like sources on those two "inspirations", too. I'd freely admit that some Mythos works (heck, including mine) aren't as good as Xefas' own, but that's the risk of emulation.

    Also, Jorm, you're really not fooling anybody. Everybody knows that you're a Titan yourself, this class wouldn't throw anybody off the trail.

    Spoiler: If you're completely missing the joke
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    Last edited by roko10; 2017-11-12 at 10:09 AM.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by roko10 View Post
    I would like sources on those two "inspirations", too. I'd freely admit that some Mythos works (heck, including mine) aren't as good as Xefas' own, but that's the risk of emulation.
    Right, okay. The System Call one actually references the excellency in question in the text - it's a teramach excellency which can be found in the list.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    Obstreperous Shell-Cracking Mien
    Prerequisite: One Fantastic Mythos

    The Monster is convenient to no one. It is always stronger and faster than one might expect. No plan is perfect enough to contain it, no wall too great for it to shatter, no safety so absolute as to bring hope.

    While in a Rage, whenever one of your rolls would be opposed by a perfect effect (Such as rolling fire damage against a creature immune to fire, or attempting to grapple a character under the effects of Freedom of Movement - an effect with no direct way of circumvention. So, fire resistance would not apply in the former case, since it can be circumvented by dealing more damage.), you may make an opposed roll against it. Roll a d20 and add your class level and Strength modifier. The opposition rolls a d20, and adds a relevant level modifier (such as caster level for a spell or the properties of a magic item, meldshaping level for the effects of a Soulmeld, class level if it is the direct effect of a class feature, etc) and a relevant ability modifier (such as Intelligence for a Wizard's spell, Constitution for a Soulmeld, or Charisma for a Paladin's immunity to fear; use your best judgment). If you succeed, your roll transpires as if the offending perfect effect did not exist, and any ongoing effects of your roll are similarly unhindered (so, a grappled character with Freedom of Movement would not suddenly become ungrappled later, nor would they be immune to being pinned or constricted in the same grapple, although letting go of them, and then attempting to grapple them a second time, would require another opposed roll).
    I can only assume that the level modifier for racial fire immunity is one's hit dice and that its key ability is constitution because it's ultimately an ability about not dying, but I as a DM (in a hypothetical situation where I'm DMing for Mythos classes, which happened precisely once. Never again) have to make that up on the spot. I really, really don't like making the DM make that kind of judgment call.

    The Fluff-Clarifying Snark Response was a little unfair, because it wasn't actually a mythos creator being snarky, but one of their adoring fans, a fact which I managed to completely think past. Still, close enough for me to crack a joke at it.

    Quote Originally Posted by roko10 View Post
    Also, Jorm, you're really not fooling anybody. Everybody knows that you're a Titan yourself, this class wouldn't throw anybody off the trail.
    Shucks.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Not sure what's worse, the insults, or that I want to see this developed into a proper class.

    But seriously, if you're willing to put this much work into a critique I wonder what you could do if you criticized them more. I know I would love some on my class (shameless plug).

    Yeah, overall good stuff and I found it to be rather funny.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    I agree that said 'adoring fan' could have handled the question better, but you joke about it as if everyone in the fandom was doing it. There are better ways of addressing that, and grouping Mythos fans as mindless parroting admirers is not one of them.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jakman217 View Post
    Not sure what's worse, the insults, or that I want to see this developed into a proper class.

    But seriously, if you're willing to put this much work into a critique I wonder what you could do if you criticized them more. I know I would love some on my class (shameless plug).

    Yeah, overall good stuff and I found it to be rather funny.
    Speaking of which I suggest Necromancy be invoked as you are OP and only one with permission to do so.

    Side note, I'm not sure if you want this included in the compendium?
    Last edited by Lanth Sor; 2017-11-13 at 06:16 PM.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Lanth Sor View Post
    Side note, I'm not sure if you want this included in the compendium?
    I mean, you might as well, for completeness' sake. And hilarity's.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Hilariously enough, having Resistance Everything also includes Positive Energy. AKA: Healing Magic. Something to note if (For some godforsaken reason) someone ever plays this.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sgt. Cookie View Post
    Hilariously enough, having Resistance Everything also includes Positive Energy. AKA: Healing Magic. Something to note if (For some godforsaken reason) someone ever plays this.
    Positive and negative energy are specified not to be energy types despite the name, so you can't have energy resistance to them and you can't choose them if called upon to pick an energy type.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEAC

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand
    Disingenuous Narrative-Powered Offscreen-Death-Invoking Resurrection
    Prerequisite: -

    The makers didn't like people breaking their toys - that made the makers sad. On that basis, they gave their toys ridiculous resurrection powers because why the hell not?

    If you die, the moment that no-one is looking at you, you get back up. No, I don't care if you were carved into tiny pieces, burned, fed to the dogs, then the dogs were burned for good measure, you get back up. You then become alive at full hit points because that's okay.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand
    Escape Death
    You're very hard to kill.
    Prerequisites: Veteran level 8th
    Benefit: If you're killed, you turn out not to have been dead and wake up 3d6 minutes later at 1 hit point (although your fast healing will quickly give you more). To all inspection, you are still dead for those minutes. If you die three times in a single 24-hour period, your body finally finally gives in and you don't get up.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Positive and negative energy are specified not to be energy types despite the name, so you can't have energy resistance to them and you can't choose them if called upon to pick an energy type.
    Libris Mortis, page 29.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    The veteran ability does not works against a bunch of things including stuff like petrification then destruction of the statue then turning the statue in dust and spreading in across all the far realms.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by noob View Post
    The veteran ability does not works against a bunch of things including stuff like petrification then destruction of the statue then turning the statue in dust and spreading in across all the far realms.
    Yeah, this. The veteran ability works if you're burned by a fireball and your slightly-singed corpse turns out to be a slightly-singed unconscious guy. Some of the Mythos abilities just work just because.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    Yeah, this. The veteran ability works if you're burned by a fireball and your slightly-singed corpse turns out to be a slightly-singed unconscious guy. Some of the Mythos abilities just work just because.
    As written, the veteran ability just says “killed”. It doesn’t specify any requirements or how killeded you must be. You just turn out to be not dead.

    It’s a moot point either way because your “parody” ability isn’t even founded in any truth. All of the ressurection abilities in Mythos are all Exalted mythos and have drawbacks or obstacles. Meanwhile, the Veteran can start to ignore death by level 8.
    "No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between his shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style."
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    As the old saying goes, "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby get his ass wrecked."

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluydee View Post
    As written, the veteran ability just says “killed”. It doesn’t specify any requirements or how killeded you must be. You just turn out to be not dead.
    Technically, yes. In reality, if it were meant that way, I'd have put in the reams of "Yes even then" clauses which characterise Mythos abilities in general.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    And there is yet worse: there is actually a mythos ability who says that you kill dead the creature even if it have a power to come back and even if its power to come back ignore abilities that allows to kill for good creatures with the ability to come back.
    The fact this ability was done on a serious mythos class makes this mythos class look logical, balanced and designed by someone who was not joking.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    The Bellator needs to jump through an encounter-based hoop to get resurrected at all, though. The Veteran gets three free 1-ups that are restored every day.

    In fact, let's just extend the Veteran/Bellator comparisons for fun. This is especially valid, as whilst I admit that some other Mythos classes do have abilities that break the (Ex) Tag (read: almost all of the Jaggantha and [External] Kathodos Mythos), but the Bellator (aside for My Story Doesn't End Here, and maybe A Sword Too Great For This World) really doesn't fit that bill. When it comes to "vanilla Mythos," at least. The results of my musings can be found spoilered down below

    Spoiler: Mythos VS Tricks
    Show
    The Bellator is forced to take multiple Mythos to specialize in multiple fighting styles ([Something Something] Styles and Thousand-Armed Weaponmaster Intuition) , something that the Veteran can get with two Tricks (Combat Maneuver Master and Master at Arms). The Veteran can get free movement in even the heaviest armors with one Trick, whilst the Bellator best hope that his strength modifier is high enough to do so. The Veteran can get unlimited AoO (Great Reach), something that the Bellator completely lacks.In fact, they can't even phase like the Flash to teleport/waltz into another plane without any aid, unlike the Veteran (who can use Find Rift and Find Planar Rift) or have attacks that ignore all DR (Mortal Wounds) or Concealment (Perfect Aim). They also are more likely to break down entire buildings (Roy's Gambit) or potentially blow up a city (Brewmaster) at level 4. Finally, the Veteran can access most of their Tricks right out the gate. The Bellator's truly "broken" Mythos are gated behind levels.

    What the Bellator does have above the Veteran is unlimited access to Blade Magic Martial Maneuvers (which still cost an arm and a leg to pay for in MP and EXP and they can't learn capstone maneuvers), superior crafting abilities (as the Veteran lacks an ability that's roughly equivalent to Armament-Forging Soldier Sagacity.) They also can benefit from magic and magic items (and in fact can even craft them using Heroic Panoply-Forging Puissance), whilst the Veteran has an inexplicable allergy/vow about not using magic, otherwise they become a glorified Warrior (Though, then again, that's most likely for balance reasons).

    Finally, the Bellator can potentially learn every Iron Mythos in existence, by expenditure of MP and EXP, but that would take an ungodly amount of time and most campaigns (even Mythos-using ones) would wrap up before the Bellator can escalate to that level. The Veteran only can have about 20 tricks "online" at a time, but they can have access to every Veteran Trick by simply trading in a trick for another. (Also, Jorm, you should specify what action it takes to swap out Tricks.


    TL;DR: Veterans have better overall combat ability and flexibility in their ability choices. Bellators are more flexible itemwise and can be buffed by magic, potentially making them surpass Veterans in certain party compostions.

    Also, keep in mind that I'm not even opposed to the concept of hypermundanes despite this analysis (and the comment before about Hypermundanes and Balance, which was a result of anger clouding my judgement). Heck, I even like the Veteran, even despite the weird "Veterans HATE magic and only adventure to show mages who's boss! But actually, they're totally fine with magic! Except when they would benefit from it, in which case they have a mental breakdown." thing they have in the fluff, and the Code of Conduct Righteous Desperation (I never liked Codes of Conduct, so that might just be me).

    Finally... I would like to make more Mythos VS Hypermundane posts like this. Is that okay, Jorm?

    EDIT: It should be noted that Mythos classes are meant to be tier 2, which is basically the point where balance takes a well-deserved holiday. At this point, casters can potentially pull out some "you think I died? PSYCH!" trick when well-optimized (but not TO-optimized), so the "people die when they're killed ability" is necessary to keep Mythos classes competitive.

    Also, noob, the ability that traps people when you killed them all end after the Mythos character dies (as it is the case with Protagonism-Devouring Legend Singularity or the Syntrofos' The Gatasattva's Wailing Flesh), so no, it isn't just "lol, if we kill you, you ded permanently". We haven't lost that much of our sense of balance yet.
    Last edited by roko10; 2017-11-14 at 01:29 PM.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Sorry but the ability I was referring to was definitively not about trapping and I do not remember it having one of the names you gave.
    I believe it was on the terramarch I will try to find it back.
    Ok I was wrong it ends when the terramarch die.
    But I guess you can then petrify the terramarch and make his body disappear and technically he will not be dead.
    Last edited by noob; 2017-11-14 at 01:46 PM.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Quote Originally Posted by noob View Post
    Sorry but the ability I was referring to was definitively not about trapping and I do not remember it having one of the names you gave.
    I believe it was on the terramarch I will try to find it back.
    ...That's Death-is-Death Conclusion, and it just makes people die when they're killed, disregarding any fancy things. And it's Legendary, meaning that it can only be accessed at level 11 or higher. And you have to make sure that you're going to fight people that can be resurrected (i.e Liches), since you have to take Protagonism-Devouring Legend Singularity (something that, while neat, is pretty situational for and at this point, there are much more interesting and less situational Teramach Mythos out there.

    The Syntrofos does has the same ability, though it lacks the "now you're trapped and can't be resurrected!" rider, unlike the Teramach's, though it has a Vorpal enchantment.

    ...also, I hope this doesn't become just a "vent all your grudges against Mythos" thread.

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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    Yeah, I didn't like the 'death is death realization' or whatever it was called either, but it does act as a balance against the resurrection mythos many classes have. But the point Roko is trying to make is that there is a similar philosophy behind the Mythos classes and the Hypermundanes; that nonmagical warriors should still have nice things, and that being powerful is fun. They are made to be extremely powerful. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a veteran trick that also shuts down rejuvenation abilities- or at least several abilities to ignore various defenses.
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    Default Re: "Inspiring quote. Nonsensical threat! BATTLE CRY!" [3.5 Mythos/Parody, PEACH]

    I seriously want to dip this for the proficiency in
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    Last edited by Goaty14; 2017-11-15 at 07:19 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by ComaVision View Post
    My ten foot pole and I are going to go prod less dangerous traps.
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