I wrote a cyberpunk book. Could I get some help with the blurb?

[Drenn]

Hi all!

I'm in the middle of writing a cyberpunk series about a hacker named Glitch trying to survive the cyber dystopia. I post chapters on a weekly basis and I'm in the midst of releasing the second book. I've had some really good responses thus far, so I'm trying to pull together all the collateral I need make a print run and start selling them at conventions.

Could I get some feedback on this blurb for book 1?

“Luck” is a word amateurs use right before people start dying in messy ways.
The job was supposed to be simple - get in, get the data, get out. But when the plan is blown apart, Glitch, a hacker with more talent for computers than people, must push her ingenuity and nerve to extremes to make it out alive. Enemies become allies and loyalties are tested as adversaries must band together if they are to have any hope of survival in the cyber-dystopia city of Neosaka.

Here's the link if anyone wants to take a look at the story itself. http://www.glitchlogs.com/
Book 1 is free for now, but that may change come the New Year.

Thanks in advance for the help! :)

[Batou1976]

I think that's a more-than-decent blurb. Go with it unless/until you find something better.

[Drenn]

I think that's a more-than-decent blurb. Go with it unless/until you find something better.

Thanks! That's very encouraging. :)

[truemane]

I would make the first line a quote. But it in quotation marks and italics. And I would also shorten it. Make it punchier. More declarative rather that descriptive. Or something. Making it a quote makes it a part of the story, rather than a description of it. Makes it a little more visceral. A little more immediate. But it's also dead air unless it somehow reveals something about the work that you want showcased, or unless it's REALLY REALLY awesome.

I would also avoid the 'The job was supposed to be simple..." line. It's been done and done and done again. it is, in fact, pretty much the bog-standard template for all run/job/gig based dystopian stories. Figure out what your story that's special and unique and open with that.

"Tourists always talk about luck. Until people start dying."

Ask anyone and they'll tell you: no one can hack a system like Glitch. But she's as bad at people as she is good at data and when she misplaces her trust, her careful organized life is blown apart in a torrent of blood and betrayal. Now she has to move fast and think faster if she's going to make it out alive. Enemies become allies and loyalties are tested as adversaries must band together if they are to have any hope of survival in the cyber-dystopia city of Neosaka.

(I'm not convinced that the quote is cool enough to earn its keep, and 'blood and betrayal' is also a little cliched, and I clearly have no idea what your story is actually about, but something like that anyway)

[Kaytara]

-clicks around on website- It's like Invisible Inc and Mirror's Edge had an antisocial baby. You're a gaming fan, you say? ;)

This actually doesn't look terrible. I might check it out. Free until New Year's, eh...

[Drenn]

-clicks around on website- It's like Invisible Inc and Mirror's Edge had an antisocial baby. You're a gaming fan, you say? ;)

This actually doesn't look terrible. I might check it out. Free until New Year's, eh...

Yeah, I play probably more video games than is strictly good for me. :P Gonna leave it up for a little while longer, since the cover artist is facing some delays. Hope you enjoy!

[Kaytara]

Any particular games that inspired this? I ask purely out of curiosity. I've been playing a lot of cyberpunk lately. ^^

[Drenn]

Any particular games that inspired this? I ask purely out of curiosity. I've been playing a lot of cyberpunk lately. ^^

ShadowRun Returns and then the Tabletop RPG "The Sprawl" are the two big game influences. I was also halfway through reading Snowcrash at the time, with The Sprawl probably being the heaviest influence. I enjoyed Deus Ex well enough too, but that came later. What games do you play?