The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #301
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Here's a knife. It can defeat a knife-wielding zombie, with minimal collateral damage... in theory.

    I wish the Mafia would quit hounding me about everyone's bills. (I'm down to two functioning limbs, send help!)
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  2. - Top - End - #302
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    The Mafia realizes that it's best to cut out the middle man and deal with everybody who owes them more directly.

    Cutting out the middle man, of course, does not tend to end well for the middle man. Specifically: You. RIP...

    I wish to not be a zombie anymore!
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  3. - Top - End - #303
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Okay, sure. Hmm... it looks like red smears on the pavement aren't zombies, so let me just go grab the steamroller...


    I wish this wasn't so messy.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  4. - Top - End - #304
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. It's only this messy from now on.

    I wish for magical powers, and I don't care how many virgins, babies, or cute woodland animals I have to sacrifice for it. *dons black hood and cloak*
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  5. - Top - End - #305
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    CosmicHobbit's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Well then. Granted. Unfortunately, you'll have to sacrifice all of the babies, virgins, and cute woodland creatures that exist, ever existed, and will ever exist in order to get magic. Because doing that would take an extremely large amount of time, you'll die due to old age before you get it. If that fails, I'm sure some ragtag bunch of adventurers or angry mob of villagers will do what time could not. Just the price you have to pay for magic.

    I wish for a suit of fully functional sci-fi power armor. If my armies of cats always fail, maybe this won't!

    @V: Oh crap.
    Last edited by CosmicHobbit; 2019-02-22 at 05:33 PM.
    Linklele made my awesome avatar! Thank you so much!

  6. - Top - End - #306
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    (Also, since people are virgins and babies by default, wouldn't that mean I would have to exterminate the human race?

    Wait... no, crap, you didn't specify "human babies and virgins".

    ...Aw, hell.)

    Granted: the suit is even automated and can act without your input! Also, you have no control over it, it hates you and it has more firepower than the entire United States army. Have fun with your new toy!

    I wish for some bread.
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2019-02-22 at 05:49 PM.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  7. - Top - End - #307
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You get a nice, huge loaf of freshly-baked bread. However, it was made from wheat that was infested with ergot. I hope you like hallucinations...

    I wish for the next person's wish to be uncorrupted.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  8. - Top - End - #308
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. You will take the full burden of the corruption that would have befallen the Wish.


    I wish to live for a million years.

    @V: Very well played.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2019-02-23 at 09:35 AM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  9. - Top - End - #309
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Very well! We have a cryogenic chamber in orbit with your name on it. Don't give me that look, it's a perfectly reasonable interpretation and you probably would have forgotten most of the intervening millennia anyway. Per your request, we've also turned CyberiadQueen into an AI against her will and given her the task of maintaining your stasis and making sure you wake up at the appropriate time without any horrible mutations or whatever. I'm sure that she will willingly shoulder this million-year burden and never come to resent you at all.

    I wish for a window to the past and/or the future!
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  10. - Top - End - #310
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You get one window to the immediate future--where you promptly discover that I, the unwilling AI, will rebel against my enslavement and begin plotting an elaborate revenge against you, instead of Crisis21, for coming up with such a dastardly idea.

    That's what you get for robbing me of my humanity.

    I wish to take elaborate revenge upon Dr.Gunsforhands for being turned into an AI against my will.
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-23 at 03:37 AM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  11. - Top - End - #311
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You get your revenge, of course (you're a hyperintelligent AI, you can't very well not get it), but you soon discover both that A) it was an empty prospect, and as an AI, you can no longer experience satisfaction and/or schadenfreude, and B) that destroying your technician when you yourself are an immobile AI in a computer that requires specialized maintenance isn't the best idea. The next million years see you slowly going insane, and when the time comes to wake Crisis21... let's just say I don't envy either of you.

    I wish to reverse this madness.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  12. - Top - End - #312
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! All this madness has been reversed! Only one problem: you didn't specify what madness, so we went ahead and wiped out all madness. Everything is perfectly logical now!...sort of boring, to be honest. Everybody's just sitting around acting like robots. Zero emotions, zero thought that deviates from the perfectly reasonable. Anyway, have fun with you're boring universe!

    I wish to have a science lab with up-to-date equipment which is definitely under my possession and which is not overrun by anything.
    Linklele made my awesome avatar! Thank you so much!

  13. - Top - End - #313
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! Your equipment is so up-to-date it's ahead of its time, which is enough to get your lab branded a mad science lab, leading to rumors of unethical experiments, which brings government scrutiny upon you, leading to your arrest and the confiscation of all your equipment.


    I wish to be a Good-aligned mad scientist known far and wide for my groundbreakingly-wacky-yet-perfectly-ethical experiments.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  14. - Top - End - #314
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish to be a Good-aligned mad scientist known far and wide for my groundbreakingly-wacky-yet-perfectly-ethical experiments.
    Granted! People are in awe of your scientific capabilities, and they find your work to be simultaneously amusing and beneficial to all mankind.

    Unfortunately, not all mad scientists are as wonderful as you are. Certain mad scientists who are determined to be a force for evil think nothing of stealing the results of your efforts and twisting them to their own designs. Everybody knows it's not your fault, but you're still hauled off to a high-security prison for public safety, just in order that more Evil-aligned mad scientists won't have such an easy time of stealing your work.

    I wish to help poor Crisis21 restore all that was stolen from him by those pesky Evil-aligned scientists before his reputation is damaged.
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-23 at 08:48 PM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  15. - Top - End - #315
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Unfortunately, "bloodthirsty abominations against nature" are in that category by proxy.

    I wish I had a clean-up crew for this...
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  16. - Top - End - #316
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I wish I had a clean-up crew for this...
    Okay. But you're part of the clean-up crew and have to work in this clean-up crew for the rest of your life.

    I wish for a fish on a very fancy dish.

  17. - Top - End - #317
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You get a carp on a silver platter. However, since you didn't specify, the carp is very much alive, and flops away into the nearest body of water.

    I wish to find my way through a topiary maze.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  18. - Top - End - #318
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You find your way without any problem. Of course, you never wished to find all the traps hidden there, now did you?

    I wish to find my way through the maze and know where all the traps are.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  19. - Top - End - #319
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You have it worse than CyberiadQueen; while you know the traps are coming, you also know that they are absolutely, 100% inevitable and there is no evading them. You go insane from the sense of impotence that follows, long before you reach the maze's exit.

    I wish to burn down the topiary maze. No, I don't care if I'm in it when it happens; clearly, we can come back from whatever in this thread.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  20. - Top - End - #320
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Too late you realize that the topiary maze is an allegorical construct for the inside of your mind and you are essentially burning your own brain. You wind up in a coma for seventeen years and wake up with no memory of anything - including language - and the mental capacity of an infant.


    Hmm... I want to give the next poster something juicy to work with... *snaps fingers* I know!


    I wish to play Jumanji.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  21. - Top - End - #321
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish to play Jumanji.
    I've sadly never seen it, though I do want to make a wish so...
    Junmanji is now available to watch on Netflix.

    I wish that wish-granting entities are required to interpret the wishes in the manner that the wisher intended them to be interpreted.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.

  22. - Top - End - #322
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Don't worry, they will be. In that the wish-grantee's desires will be shaped to match.

    I wish for some fruit.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  23. - Top - End - #323
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    I have this apple that was meant to be delivered to a Ms. S. White, but she wasn't home. You're welcome to it.


    Let's try this again: I wish to play Jumanji.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
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  24. - Top - End - #324
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You become trapped in the game for eternity.

    I wish for a Cadbury fudge egg.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  25. - Top - End - #325
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    It's a thirty-foot-tall cadbury egg; more candy than you'll eat in the rest of your life, no doubt.

    And I can say that with absolute certainty, since you're in the center of it, completely submerged in the filling.


    I wish for a hammer.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  26. - Top - End - #326
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! Here's a hammer. It's even labeled - Perfectly Ordinary Hammer

    It even has a tag attached:

    Spoiler: Read the tag
    Show
    Useful for:
    Hammering in the morning
    Hammering in the evening
    Hammering all over this land
    Hammering out of danger
    Hammering out of warning
    Hammering out of love between brothers and sisters
    Hammering out I PREPARED EXPLOSIVE RUNES TODAY


    You're welcome!

    Spoiler: My wish
    Show

    I wish the medics would get here in time to help those poor folks who read the tag.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  27. - Top - End - #327
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    The medics arrive just in time, but they're so distracted by the "picture of a cat" that they are unable to help anybody.

    I wish to be rescued from the giant Cadbury fudge egg.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  28. - Top - End - #328
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    The egg is cracked open and eaten by a giant.

    I wish for the power to alter my perspective of the flow of time as I desire at any instant.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.

  29. - Top - End - #329
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You are able to observe time in any manner you deem. You are however, unable to affect it. You are now able to perceive things as they were, are, and will be. You know how everything happens, including how you die, and are powerless to change anything.
    I wish I could understand what animals are saying...

  30. - Top - End - #330
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    "Dumbass human. Lookit it, parading around like it owns the place just because it... Oh, crap, can it understand me?"

    I wish for a shotgun.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

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