The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed - Coming in December and available for pre-order now
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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. They manage to win and publicly thank you for making their victory possible with your wish, so now everybody in the world hates you and wants you dead.


    I wish someone would end the Joker and Riddler's reign of terror.
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  2. - Top - End - #32
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. Now That the beyonder killed everyone else. It's just the joker, riddler, and choticharmony now.

    I wish that everyone came back to life.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    They do, but it's not the same life as before due to weird stuff with causality.

    I wish I wasn't so ugly.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
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  4. - Top - End - #34
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. You are now under the effects of a baleful polymorph spell and are a cute little kitten.

    I wish bc56...I mean the cute little kitten...had some fun toys to play with.
    This is a boring signature.
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  5. - Top - End - #35
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted they're caltrops, and mines.

    i wish for nothing.
    Last edited by Extrail; 2018-04-17 at 10:52 AM.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Why, yes, you did indeed make that wish before I posted, but the strain of time travel has left you with a bit of brain damage. You might need to go see a doctor for that. The nearest one's a bit of a quack, but beggars can't be choosers.


    I wish I could get a sensual haircut from a beautiful lady hairdresser.
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  7. - Top - End - #37
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! It's a wonderful experience. The haircut itself, though, is hideous, and you spend the next several weeks hiding in your house in shame.

    I wish that I would never again have writer's block.
    Proud member of the Tautology Club.

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  8. - Top - End - #38
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kneenibble's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You shall never be troubled by this affliction again, sir, even as you change careers to work in the beer industry just to pay the bills for now. While you shovel out literally tons of spent grain from the tun after a mash, carefully worded and beautifully human stories whirl through your head like yarn winding off a spindle. But the work is hard; and the market is saturated, meaning your pay is not great at this early juncture in your career. It will take some time to build yourself into a position with more clout than disposable labour. You find yourself mentally and physically exhausted in your down time and cannot summon the energy to actually write. Instead, you fatten yourself on the inoffensive commercial lagers from your employer and squander your mind in vacuous supine entertainment. The writer's block is gone. And so is your passion.


    I wish that a gorgeous European prince would give me a cursed opal necklace.
    Last edited by Kneenibble; 2018-04-17 at 01:26 PM.

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! but the European sent his guards to retrieve it back once more as it was entirely accidental, and requested it be done by deadly force.

    I wish for a toucan or two cans.

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You get both! Maybe you should have asked for a toucan xor two cans?

    I wish to be human again.
    Last edited by bc56; 2018-04-17 at 04:01 PM.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
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  11. - Top - End - #41
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You become human again. However, to the best of my knowledge, Lizardfolk do not have emotions. So, your newfound emotions hit you all at once, and the sheer amount of feleings that you experience have adverse affects. Nervous, you sweat. Angry, you coench your hands into fists. Surprised, still nervous, scared, terrified, and more all at once, your heartbeat speeds up to the point where it simply gives up and stops beating. You die, but at least you're a dead human.
    That's probably the darkest thing I've ever written.

    I wish to have a massive space station the size of a planet under my authoritarian rule.

    @V Ya got NINJA'D! Finally, I was the ninja for once!
    Last edited by CosmicHobbit; 2018-04-17 at 04:17 PM.
    Linklele made my awesome avatar! Thank you so much!

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Ninja'd

    Granted! You are given complete command of Space Colony 99076, a planet sized vessel home to billions of innocent happy people. You smile in victory for a moment before you realize the ship is caught in the gravitational field of a black hole, and you don't have enough fuel to escape it. You have about a day before the people find out, and another 3 before you are sucked into the endless void.

    Wow, that is depressing, I wish something would cheer me up so I can continue being a functional member of society

    @^ I had such a good one too dammit lol, good ninja-ing
    Last edited by ChaoticHarmony; 2018-04-17 at 04:22 PM.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! you become a functional member of society, and are happy once more, but this is granted, because every terrible moment you go through you forget. Your parents death, being fired, even failing a quiz. This makes you have a happy, but rather hollow life. As you forget your loved ones to compensate for the inability to find them, and the inevitable loop you'd be in. Slowly ever slowly you even forget yourself and when you fully do you finally die.

    I wish that there was peace on earth between all nations, and that everyone judged people by their own merits rather than trivial things.

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    In an absolute miracle, all the world's leaders declare a halt to ongoing aggressions and name a summit to discuss judging others by the merits of their virtues. The world is hopeful and anxious as the summit approaches, eager to see the leaders of the world come together in lasting peace.

    It all falls apart within the first ten minutes as it becomes apparent that none of them can agree precisely which virtues others should be judged by the merits of.

    World peace lasted all of a week, and the war that follows dwarfs all the wars that came before combined.


    I wish sex was not seen as a wicked, ugly, or shameful thing.

    @V: Considering the standard for granted wishes here, that's coming out way ahead of the curve. I'll take it.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2018-04-18 at 08:06 PM.
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  15. - Top - End - #45
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. Being male or female is no longer seen as a wicked, ugly or shameful thing.

    I wish the weather would be nicer today.
    This is a boring signature.
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  16. - Top - End - #46
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! but it's so imperceptiably different you don't even notice it.

    I wish i had a perfect clone of myself.

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! This clone looks like you, has your voice, and acts just as you do. Only... it has none of your flaws. It never gets angry, never forgets things, and always succeeds at its tasks. Soon, it replaces you, and none of your original friends and family notice.

    I wish that I always would have whatever object I needed to complete a task.
    Proud member of the Tautology Club.

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  18. - Top - End - #48
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. I shall give you your first task: Suicide bomber. Have fun with the explosive vest that detonates in 3... 2...


    I wish to be clear of the blast radius.
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  19. - Top - End - #49
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! the center of the sun is far enough away right?

    I wish that the sun was a bit bigger.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! The sun size increases by a small but noticeable amount. Unfortunately increasing the size of something so massive and crucial to our galaxy, even just a little bit, has extreme consequences on the solar system. First, the sudden added heat and radiation now descending on our planet melts the polar ice caps, flooding the world in near boiling water, as those caught directly in the sunlight burn to a crisp. Next, the gravitational force keeping our planets in orbit is increased, throwing everything caught in it off course, flinging entire planets out of the solar system. Finally, the sun itself can no longer sustain its own weight, and so collapses in on itself, causing a supernova to happen within a week of the new size.

    Phew...that was a lot of work..I wish I won't be Ninja'd on this wish

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! It puffs out as part of the corona's normal cycle of expansion and contraction, albeit in a flukish manner. You can just barely see the difference if you stare at the sun with your eyes unprotected. Which you do.

    I hope ChaoticHarmony gets the joke. I Wish for them to be immensely entertained.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
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  22. - Top - End - #52
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    ChaoticHarmony stares at your post for several seconds, his mouth twitching ever so stubbornly into a grin. A few more seconds and he begins to chuckle to himself, entertained by your jest. The chuckle slowly grows into full-on laughter which begins to turn into outright guffaws. Tears of mirth stream down his face as he falls out of his chair to the floor, laughing uncontrollably. It's too much. He laughs so hard he can't breathe, and he can't stop. After several minutes of laughing to hard to breathe, he asphixiates. He is discovered minutes later by a friend who calls the hospital. An ambulance is sent as fast as humanly possible, but ChaoticHarmony is declared dead on arrival.


    I wish to have a whirlwind affair with a lovely lady cheerleader.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  23. - Top - End - #53
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    CosmicHobbit's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! You have an affair in a whirlwind. It's really quite dangerous. Also, the lovely lady cheerleader is your aboleth ex-girlfriend, risen as a zombie. What? She's lovely by zombie aboleth standards! And yes, her occupation in life was "cheerleader". Don't ask.

    I wish I could be Crisis21 and the aboleth's third wheel.
    Last edited by CosmicHobbit; 2018-04-19 at 07:03 AM.
    Linklele made my awesome avatar! Thank you so much!

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    You are! In that they ride a trike together, and you are transformed into the third wheel of the trike.

    I wish I had written tricycle instead of trike.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
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  25. - Top - End - #55
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted. But you wished for you to write trike, instead of tricycle, and here we are.

    I wish there was no other universe but our own.

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! All of the universes in existence other than the one we are currently in are instantly destroyed. At least a few of those universes have physical laws that allow beings born within them to travel to other universes, and at least a few alien races have developed technology that allows the same. Now that their universes no longer exist, they have no choice but to come to ours, and they aren't happy...

    I wish that the common cold was completely eradicated.
    Proud member of the Tautology Club.

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  27. - Top - End - #57
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Granted! The virus known as the common cold is no more! In defense to its utter destruction however, the strain mutated and is now something completely different that is common for people to get.

    I wish Crisis21 just straight up killed me instead of making me axphixiate on my laughter

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Okay. *shoots, stabs, disembowels, draws and quarters*
    Quote Originally Posted by Kneenibble View Post
    Your laughter withers in your throat as Crisis21 puts on the hangman's sackcloth hood, and doffs the gloves of fun. You bid farewell to him and take your last glimpse of the sun. You die a death of shame upon a day of dark disgrace. You have a noose about your neck, and a cloth upon your face. You drop feet foremost through the floor into an empty place.

    I wish I could stop running into my aboleth ex.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2018-04-19 at 11:12 AM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  29. - Top - End - #59
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kneenibble's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Your laughter withers in your throat as Crisis21 puts on the hangman's sackcloth hood, and doffs the gloves of fun. You bid farewell to him and take your last glimpse of the sun. You die a death of shame upon a day of dark disgrace. You have a noose about your neck, and a cloth upon your face. You drop feet foremost through the floor into an empty place.


    Ninja edit You shall not run into her because, crafty aberration that she is, she does not wish to be seen. But her orifices still twitch with the memory of your love-making, a memory relived over and over again with all the vivid power of an abolethian ancestral recollection. And she watches you with undying patience, hidden and skulking, waiting for a time when your emotional circumstances grow vulnerable enough to reignite the old flame. The day may yet come, sir. And soon.


    I wish for the afternoon off to do some serious day-drinking.
    Last edited by Kneenibble; 2018-04-19 at 11:17 AM.

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Cristo Meyers's Avatar

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    Default Re: Corrupt a Wish II

    Quote Originally Posted by Kneenibble View Post
    Your laughter withers in your throat as Crisis21 puts on the hangman's sackcloth hood, and doffs the gloves of fun. You bid farewell to him and take your last glimpse of the sun. You die a death of shame upon a day of dark disgrace. You have a noose about your neck, and a cloth upon your face. You drop feet foremost through the floor into an empty place.


    Ninja edit You shall not run into her because, crafty aberration that she is, she does not wish to be seen. But her orifices still twitch with the memory of your love-making, a memory relived over and over again with all the vivid power of an abolethian ancestral recollection. And she watches you with undying patience, hidden and skulking, waiting for a time when your emotional circumstances grow vulnerable enough to reignite the old flame. The day may yet come, sir. And soon.


    I wish for the afternoon off to do some serious day-drinking.
    Granted, but the only booze available is poorly-made American beer.

    I wish Spring would finally get here.

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