Doctors work with/are vampires, conspiracy theory.

[S@tanicoaldo]

Let's say that vampires are real, if they are real they need blood, let's say that vampires are real and lived in the shadows until nowadays, it is a lot harder to kill and drink a mortal's blood nowadays then it used to be we presume.

So now when we think of vampire they always use other methods to get, drink and harvest blood, most of the time they use modern medicine, it's very convenient that we voluntary remove and store our own blood for medicinal purpose, so is not a stretch to think that an old, powerful and vastly rich immortal being has a way to get that blood from doctors. High quality risk free blood btw.



Have you ever noticed that the blood is never enough? I know I always donate, I know all my friends and acquainted donate and yet the blood reserves are always very low, almost as if they are being used for so other purpose, maybe a nefarious purpose *Dun dun Dun*

But then that got me thinking, were the middle ages so different? We picture a time where no one would miss a peasant or two gone missing but is that really? What about their family? In such small community I'm sure people would notice and that's when the doctors come in... Again.

You see for some odd reason doctors at that time where bossed with blood, they used leeches to remove blood and that was used to cure all sorts of things, such methods didn't help of course but it makes me wonder, where did all that blood went? Did they just burned the leeches after use or did they sell it to their vampires overlords as a way to get blood without killing an important peasant and their family that were necessary to plow and harvest the fields?

And just take a look at how doctors used to dress themselves:



This outfit looks more fitting for a necromancer or dark mage than a healing man, and it protects the user form head to toes from all forms of contact with the outside world, no smoke, gas, miasma or even I don't know... Sunlight... Could touch your skin.

So if these facts in hand it's now a crazy idea to assume that the medieval doctors worked or even were vampires all this time and these alliance of medicine and vampires continued from that time to the present days.

What you guys think?

This is a joke Btw I'm not crazy. c:

Ok, I'm not this crazy.

[Aedilred]

Let's say that vampires are real,

And you lost me.


Purely on a point of pedantry, I believe the "terrifying bird-mask doctor costume" was a feature of the early modern era and the resurgent plague in the 1600s rather than the Middle Ages. While I concur that the costume is indeed entirely sinister I also can't help but wonder about cause and effect: whether part of the reason it seems so is because of the association with plague, which is in itself scary.

[S@tanicoaldo]

And you lost me.


Purely on a point of pedantry, I believe the "terrifying bird-mask doctor costume" was a feature of the early modern era and the resurgent plague in the 1600s rather than the Middle Ages. While I concur that the costume is indeed entirely sinister I also can't help but wonder about cause and effect: whether part of the reason it seems so is because of the association with plague, which is in itself scary.

Come on, just indulge me.

I can actually testify that it's naturally scary and creepy looking, I showed that picture to friends and family members who are unaware of the plague doctors existence and asked them to guess what it was about, they all concluded it looks scary creepy and something out of a horror movie or story.

Also, I know that it’s modern and not medieval but people assume it’s medieval so I just roll with it.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

The thing was supposed to function like a sort of biohazard gas mask. Spoiler: it didn't quite work.

This idea has been done in a lot of vampire stories. The opening to Blade 2 is good, but Dr. McNinja did probably my favorite version.

[S@tanicoaldo]

The thing was supposed to function like a sort of biohazard gas mask. Spoiler: it didn't quite work.

This idea has been done in a lot of vampire stories. The opening to Blade 2 is good, but Dr. McNinja did probably my favorite version.

Really? I thought i was being original :/ Can you link that for me plz?

[Lvl 2 Expert]

Really? I thought i was being original :/ Can you link that for me plz?

This is where the doc visits the red cross (might not actually be very good, I'm just a huge fanboy.) This is Blade's version.

[PacMan2247]

It was also a thing on Buffy the Vampire Slayer; there was a hospital in Sunnydale where vampires would go to buy (in the case of Angel) or steal (virtually all of the other vampires who couldn't be bothered to hunt) blood from some of the hospital staff.

[S@tanicoaldo]

Oh yeah modern doctors I know, but that vampires ate used medicinal leechs as food is original no?

[Aedilred]

Oh yeah modern doctors I know, but that vampires ate used medicinal leechs as food is original no?

I doubt it. I recall seeing jokes about doctors bleeding their patients and selling the blood to vampires in kiddy-history books when I was a child.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

The movie "My best friend is a vampire" (confusingly enough told from the perspective of the vampire) uses a butcher rather than a doctor, then again those guys can drink pigs blood.

[Scarlet Knight]

In Italy, the healers were Stregi and were all short and heavy women.



Everyone knows female vampires are young and hot looking. Ergo, "doctors" were not vampires.

[~Corvus~]

Goodness. The outfits demand quite a story, and I shall provide it. But first...

The biggest asset to the idea that Doctors could be vampires (and especially in the Middle Ages) is not the outfit but actually a man named Galen who developed the Humoral Theorem. The bodies were comprised, he postulated, of Blood, White bile, Black Bile, and phlegm. The highest-content of these were blood, but people got ill because they actually had too much blood and thus made their systems out of balance. The cure for this? Get your blood drained. You know what's even crazier? Doctors also wrote down that they discarded the blood. Really, doctors? You went through all that trouble to SAY you discarded it, but if it was worthless why did you even bother with it? Are you sure you weren't supporting an underground network of vampires? The Arabs doctors picked up the practice, too, and became exceptionally good at it. The Humoral Theory lasted into the 19th century, even as science and anatomy progressed well beyond its rudimentary and painfully flawed system. Why is that? Well obviously our OP has found out And now a story about about the crazy outfits and how it ties in to all of this.

The earliest documented reportedly documented cases of the Bubonic Plague were actually in Upper Egypt during the prosperous and productive collaborative time between Egypt and ancient Greece. While these cases were said to have been there, it's only recently been confirmed to be fact. (When outsiders burninated Alexandria to the ground its loss set the world back ~ 500 years of accumulated knowledge, much of which documented ancient world events). When the Italy-occupied port city of Caffa fell to the Mongol hordes in the 15th century, the plague arrived soon after in the ships of its refugees seeking asylum from the even scarier Mongols. European doctors facing the nasty and ravishing plague bemoaned themselves this disease that the world had never before been seen...until they realized that, no it had, that it had been in UPPER (Southern) Egypt nearly a millenium earlier! The doctors more or less were Cosplaying as animals to try and channel the revered creatures of Egypt's past. In particular, the Vulture was revered as bearer of Plague that cleansed the land; the Ibis was seen as a creature of math, magic, and other things besides. Essentially, the doctors were trying to channel the magical curative powers of Egypt and mysteriously cure it with hilarious terrifying outfits.

It was also a thing on Buffy the Vampire Slayer; there was a hospital in Sunnydale where vampires would go to buy (in the case of Angel) or steal (virtually all of the other vampires who couldn't be bothered to hunt) blood from some of the hospital staff.

All the better evidence that Joss Whedon knows what's up in this crazy world.

[Honest Tiefling]

I doubt it. I recall seeing jokes about doctors bleeding their patients and selling the blood to vampires in kiddy-history books when I was a child.

I feel like this was something a Horrible Histories book did...

However, why bother with human blood when you can drink as many darn cows as you please? Or people with vampire kinks. I feel like that could also be exploited, and has less oversight than a hospital, where plenty of nurses might ask where the dang blood went.

Through maybe that's why doctors always have cold hands.

[8BitNinja]

You just found this out? I thought this was common knowledge.

[JeenLeen]

I've heard, but don't know for sure, that blood goes bad after so long in storage. One part of this theory could be that the timetable for blood storage is made-up or at least shortened, so that the blood that has to be disposed as spoiled can instead to funneled to vampires.

That way, fewer humans have to be 'in on it' and the conspiracy has a higher viability of being maintained. It also lowers the likelihood that a human stumble upon it while doing an audit.

I guess scientific research on "time blood spoilers" would have had to have been doctored (pun intended) and advances in research stymied or corrupted, but that seems reasonable influence for nigh-immortal beings, assuming they have money and power in line with, say, the Camarilla of World of Darkness lore.

---
To look at your theory in a reverse fashion: I would say that, if vampires were real, then there's probably something going on with them and blood banks.

But I think it's unlikely too many doctors are in on it. Or, if you want doctors 'in on it' in some way, perhaps they are just being paid off to ignore what's happening, and think it's going to back-alley doctors or some wierdo who wants blood. I've heard stories of drug use being somewhat common to relieve stress and endure long hours among hospital staff; perhaps it's actually there to help blackmail folk into being complicit and not want too much bookkeeping on hospital supplies, such as blood.

[Scarlet Knight]

However, why bother with human blood when you can drink as many darn cows as you please? Or people with vampire kinks. I feel like that could also be exploited, and has less oversight than a hospital, where plenty of nurses might ask where the dang blood went.

Through maybe that's why doctors always have cold hands.

I would guess that the night shift at a slaughter house would be perfect...but I suspect vampires hate animal blood the way men hate quiche.

...
But I think it's unlikely too many doctors are in on it. Or, if you want doctors 'in on it' in some way, perhaps they are just being paid off to ignore what's happening, and think it's going to back-alley doctors or some wierdo who wants blood. I've heard stories of drug use being somewhat common to relieve stress and endure long hours among hospital staff; perhaps it's actually there to help blackmail folk into being complicit and not want too much bookkeeping on hospital supplies, such as blood.

Yes, too much paperwork. However a vampire in a big city would do well. He can move around at night without attracting notice and plenty of homeless to feed off of so long as you can dump the bodies. If the vampire has mind control, he doesn't even have to kill them, just make them forget why they feel weak the next day. The police will blame the drugs or alcohol.

[Brother Oni]

I've heard, but don't know for sure, that blood goes bad after so long in storage. One part of this theory could be that the timetable for blood storage is made-up or at least shortened, so that the blood that has to be disposed as spoiled can instead to funneled to vampires.

The official shelf life of whole blood is 6 weeks, but there's evidence that it starts to spoil after 2 or 3 weeks: link.

The short shelf life combined with the limited resupply (over here, men can donate once every 12 weeks, women every 16 weeks) and constant use by both hospitals and other companies, it's not surprising that blood stocks are always generally low.

[JeenLeen]

The official shelf life of whole blood is 6 weeks, but there's evidence that it starts to spoil after 2 or 3 weeks: link.

The short shelf life combined with the limited resupply (over here, men can donate once every 12 weeks, women every 16 weeks) and constant use by both hospitals and other companies, it's not surprising that blood stocks are always generally low.

Oh, yeah. Just, if this conspiracy were assumed to be true, we could hypothesize that the actual shelf life is longer and the actual usage by hospitals and companies is less than is actually recorded. A good bit is still used for transfusions and/or research, but some of it gets funneled to vampires. (In other words, I'm not meaning to dismiss the actual problems of blood shortages. Though I admit I am making light of real problems by discussing them in a hypothetical conspiracy setting. On a serious note, thanks for that article. It was an interesting read.)

It would actually be neat to see a vampiric scientific or 'environmental' essay or study on whether or not lies about blood shelf life negatively impact human blood sources in a (to vampires) significant way. Such as, is it better to have blood shipped to vampires, or better to have enough blood for a healthy human population. I reckon vamps would err on the side of "let a few (hundred? thousand?) extra humans die" for increased easy blood supply.

[Brother Oni]

It would actually be neat to see a vampiric scientific or 'environmental' essay or study on whether or not lies about blood shelf life negatively impact human blood sources in a (to vampires) significant way. Such as, is it better to have blood shipped to vampires, or better to have enough blood for a healthy human population. I reckon vamps would err on the side of "let a few (hundred? thousand?) extra humans die" for increased easy blood supply.

Running with the conspiracy theory a bit, a rich enough vampire could start up their own business buying blood from donors. The American Red Cross buys plasma for ~50USD and there's always a need for healthy volunteers for clinical trials.

A company could be set up to buy whole blood from donors; depending on how much effort they put into screening the blood (both for them selves and for paperwork reasons) and how legitimate they keep the business, some of the whole blood or its products could be sold onto to hospitals or pharma companies to recoup some of the operating costs, while the vampire has the cream of the crop for itself. Alternately, they could sell blood to other vampires who don't want to go through the effort of finding a fresh victim for every meal.

Further to the Blade II example (and the later human farm scene), the TV series Ultraviolet has vampires experimenting on transfusing artificial blood into a person and seeing if that makes it edible for them (the vampires in that series incorporate some other elements of the other vampiric lore, making them significantly different to vampires in other series).

[chainer1216]

Lets take this even further, did you know coconut water can be used as a "filler" for blood in emergencies? Imagin if you will, ancient vampires who drink not blood, but coconut water, to them the act of drinking blood is disgusting and barbaric and they use their influence to push up the demand and production of coconuts.

Thats right, vegan, alt-medicine Vampires, truely a blight on the world.

[JeenLeen]

Lets take this even further, did you know coconut water can be used as a "filler" for blood in emergencies? Imagin if you will, ancient vampires who drink not blood, but coconut water, to them the act of drinking blood is disgusting and barbaric and they use their influence to push up the demand and production of coconuts.

Thats right, vegan, alt-medicine Vampires, truely a blight on the world.

To add some metaphysics from WoD: the Keui-jin (Eastern vampires, though a completely different type of supernatural) start off having to eat flesh to gain chi, which they need to survive. Then they move up to drinking blood, and it seems most stay around there. But, eventually (at least with enlightenment), their ability to gain chi gets better such that they can just regain it from the ambient energy in the air.
I could see the coconut-vamps, rightly or wrongly, saying that moving to regaining energy from a plant shows they are superior to those who rely on the crass method of drinking blood.

I'm picturing this started by some shipwrecked vamp who got stuck on an island, cowering during the day in wreckage and praying for some subsistence, and--like a starving man eating dirt--starts to try his fangs on a coconut shell out of desperation. And then finds it works. After a few decades to centuries stuck there with just coconuts, ego naturally leads to thinking it is better than blood. And then it gets into vogue once that vamp gets back in touch with others.

[S@tanicoaldo]

To add some metaphysics from WoD: the Keui-jin (Eastern vampires, though a completely different type of supernatural) start off having to eat flesh to gain chi, which they need to survive. Then they move up to drinking blood, and it seems most stay around there. But, eventually (at least with enlightenment), their ability to gain chi gets better such that they can just regain it from the ambient energy in the air.
I could see the coconut-vamps, rightly or wrongly, saying that moving to regaining energy from a plant shows they are superior to those who rely on the crass method of drinking blood.

I'm picturing this started by some shipwrecked vamp who got stuck on an island, cowering during the day in wreckage and praying for some subsistence, and--like a starving man eating dirt--starts to try his fangs on a coconut shell out of desperation. And then finds it works. After a few decades to centuries stuck there with just coconuts, ego naturally leads to thinking it is better than blood. And then it gets into vogue once that vamp gets back in touch with others.

This is great.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

I would guess that the night shift at a slaughter house would be perfect...but I suspect vampires hate animal blood the way men hate quiche.

Quiche is probably one of the top five foods in the world or something, and I'll arm-wrestle while downing a pint of beer anyone who says otherwise.

[Scarlet Knight]

Beer and arm wrestling? That's a win-win! I'm in!

[8BitNinja]

Lets take this even further, did you know coconut water can be used as a "filler" for blood in emergencies? Imagin if you will, ancient vampires who drink not blood, but coconut water, to them the act of drinking blood is disgusting and barbaric and they use their influence to push up the demand and production of coconuts.

Thats right, vegan, alt-medicine Vampires, truely a blight on the world.

I've had to deal with a whole pack of them once. Went to a Whole Foods at around 2 in the morning and they were everywhere.

[EliVasbinder]

This would make a good movie. But honestly, there are many reasons why blood is not enough. One of them is that it expires I guess. And also they have to filter it and check for viruses. I am pretty sure if vampires are real they steal blood, but it's definetly not a global and organized thin in the sphere of medicine.

[Insane Jeenyus]

When I discovered 18 years ago that I was a diabetic, I noticed the the docs were always sending me to the lab for blood draws .. .. .. It got so bad I started calling them the blood letting and leaching clinic. after my 6 week long induced coma in 2011, My "Donations" to the blood letting leaching clinic became several times more often, which all in all makes me wonder why all off this blood???

This thread's theory makes a lot off sense!

[Scarlet Knight]

When I discovered 18 years ago that I was a diabetic, I noticed the the docs were always sending me to the lab for blood draws .. .. .. It got so bad I started calling them the blood letting and leaching clinic. after my 6 week long induced coma in 2011, My "Donations" to the blood letting leaching clinic became several times more often, which all in all makes me wonder why all off this blood???

This thread's theory makes a lot off sense!

Mmmm, sweet blood! I wonder if they mark your blood bags with glucose levels the way alcohol labels have proof?

[kevindean]

I love these theories so much! Shane Dawson's are my favourite!

[paddyfool]

Goodness. The outfits demand quite a story, and I shall provide it. But first...

The biggest asset to the idea that Doctors could be vampires (and especially in the Middle Ages) is not the outfit but actually a man named Galen who developed the Humoral Theorem. The bodies were comprised, he postulated, of Blood, White bile, Black Bile, and phlegm. The highest-content of these were blood, but people got ill because they actually had too much blood and thus made their systems out of balance. The cure for this? Get your blood drained. You know what's even crazier? Doctors also wrote down that they discarded the blood.

You know what's even crazier? We still do this. For instance, therapeutic blood draining is still in use for people with polycythaemia rubra vera (a condition of excessive red blood cell production) and for people with haemochromatosis (a condition of excess iron storage) to correct the excess in either case. (EDIT: among other conditions https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3934278/). It's not the only treatment option, but for many people it remains a practical one. And while most countries are ok with using haemochromatosis blood for donation, polycythaemia rubra vera blood is still just thrown away.