The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Erina Player Race

    The Erina are a race of hedgehog people, who build their villages in networks of tunnels. They live simple lifestyle in the woods, usually keeping to themselves, but there do exist communities of Erina in cities, often living like urchins scrounging around for what food they can find, though they do this by choice, as they dislike farming.

    Size: Erina are usually about 2' tall, and weigh from 30-40 lbs. Your size is small.

    Alignment: Erina generally tend to stay aloof in matters relating to good, or evil, and don't often rely on laws on their commuities, as they all generally have more pressing matters at hand, namely making sure food stores are adequate. Most Erina tend towards neutral.

    Speed: Erina are small in state, and can't cover quite as much distance as some of the more long-legged people's. You have a base waking speed of 20'.

    Ability Score Increase: Your Constitution score increases by 2, and your Dexterity by 1.

    Hardy: You have resistance to poison damage and advantage on saving throws against being poisoned.

    Quills: Creatures who hit you with a melee attack are looked by your doors, and take 1d4 piercing damage. You also have advantage on Strength(Athletics) or Dexterity(Acrobatics) checks to avoid or escape from being grappled. In addition, enemies who grapple you take 1d4 piercing damage on every one of their turns they continue to do so, as your spines dug their way into your enemy's skin.

    Diggers at Heart: Erina are natural tunnel-diggers. You have a burrow speed equal to your walking speed.
    Last edited by Unktena; 2018-05-20 at 02:01 PM.
    To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ninja_Prawn's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    UK

    Default Re: Erina Player Race

    Are you looking for feedback? If you are, read on!

    The balance here is a little... unusual. Small size and a 20 ft. land speed are clearly negative features, which leaves a lot of room for other features. And then you've got Quills, which is hugely powerful. Do the plusses and minuses balance out? It's honestly hard to say. It needs a thorough playtesting, at the least. Even then, I'd be inclined to tone down the extremes (e.g. 25 ft. movement, but dealing the quill damage costs a reaction).

    And then I just have some random comments on the language...

    Quote Originally Posted by Unktena View Post
    often living like urchins... as they dislike farming.
    I'm not really clear on the causality here. Why does a distaste for farming lead to being a street urchin?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unktena View Post
    they often choose being degrees of lawfullness.
    'Lawfulness' isn't really something you can 'be', and the 'degrees of' sounds really awkward. I'd go for something like "some Erina tend towards Lawful outlooks"

    Quote Originally Posted by Unktena View Post
    small in state
    The word you were looking for is stature.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unktena View Post
    looked by your doors
    Is that... some kind of hideous typo? I begin to think this whole thing has been run through Google translate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unktena View Post
    enemies who grappled you take 1d4 piercing damage every turn they continue to do so, as your spines dug their way into your enemy's skin.
    The tense and plurality here is wonky. It also doesn't accurately specify when the damage is taken. A better phrasing would be: "creatures that are grappling you take 1d4 piercing damage at the start of their turn, as your spines dig into their skin." Though my feeling is that the last clause should be cut, as not all creatures have skin. As a general rule, it's better to put the fluff of an ability at the start and, once you've switched to mechanical descriptions, to stick with crunch until the end.
    Last edited by Ninja_Prawn; 2018-05-20 at 09:02 AM.
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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: Erina Player Race

    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    Are you looking for feedback? If you are, read on!

    The balance here is a little... unusual. Small size and a 20 ft. land speed are clearly negative features, which leaves a lot of room for other features. And then you've got Quills, which is hugely powerful. Do the plusses and minuses balance out? It's honestly hard to say. It needs a thorough playtesting, at the least. Even then, I'd be inclined to tone down the extremes (e.g. 25 ft. movement, but dealing the quill damage costs a reaction).


    And then I just have some random comments on the language...


    I'm not really clear on the causality here. Why does a distaste for farming lead to being a street urchin?


    'Lawfulness' isn't really something you can 'be', and the 'degrees of' sounds really awkward. I'd go for something like "some Erina tend towards Lawful outlooks"


    The word you were looking for is stature.


    Is that... some kind of hideous typo? I begin to think this whole thing has been run through Google translate.

    The tense and plurality here is wonky. It also doesn't accurately specify when the damage is taken. A better phrasing would be: "creatures that are grappling you take 1d4 piercing damage at the start of their turn, as your spines dig into their skin." Though my feeling is that the last clause should be cut, as not all creatures have skin. As a general rule, it's better to put the fluff of an ability at the start and, once you've switched to mechanical descriptions, to stick with crunch until the end.
    I did intend for the poor speed to sort of balance out the burrowing and the quills, yes.

    Noted on the language, sorry about that, I'm a common American, so I'm not to good at English. Probably has something to do with all the pictures in my books.

    Thanks for pointing out the thing with the grappling, I didn't notice that.
    To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

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