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    Lightbulb [Deity & Domain] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

    Porcelain
    Greater Deity (Neutral)



    Though few recognize the fact, almost all peoples give reverence in some way or another to the great god Porcelain. When they feel ill, when bodily needs must be met, it is Porcelain who they kneel before. Even the most pious follower of the other deities will give offering numerous times a day.

    Porcelain appears as a great white being of smooth, glowing stone. He most often takes the odd shape of a mounted bowl, his lips raised in song.

    Porcelain's favorite weapon is the plunger. His symbol is of sparkling water twirling down a dark hole set onto a tiled background.

    Portfolio: Refuse, secretions, purification

    Domains: City, Commode (see below), Gluttony, Water

    Cleric Training: The training of clerics is normally done by other holy men who partake of blessed spirits until they feel the call of Porcelain. A call so strong that the truly dedicated will rush to him and deposit their offering within the holy bowl.

    Quests: Clerics of Porcelain tend not to travel extensively, but when they do they seek to convert the disbelievers and heretics, particularly those that instead give their devotions and offerings to Tree, or even Wall.
    Those that will not convert in spite of all wisdom will be shown the true holiness of Porcelain. The infidel will be held within so that the swirling waters may cool his brow and fill his ears until he hears the calling.

    Prayers: Communion with Porcelain usually takes place about the shrine and are usually lowly muttered and simple. "Oh please, oh please, come on!" or even a groaning of 'Oh god...' are standard and well respected prayers. Fervent followers in the throes of worship may even begin to speak in high pitched whines and gurgles.

    Temples: Temples of Porcelain are located most often in cities and towns, though most homes anywhere have at least one small temple. Public temples are usually tiled and usually contain numerous private shrines for individual devotions. Here they may sit in meditation, reading the holy texts. One can easily detect the particularly devout as the bowl it runneths over with their offerings.

    Rites: The rites of Porcelain often include great feasts of food and strong drink, with holy legumes served in plenty. One is encouraged to imbibe as much as one can so that their offerings to Porcelain will be of great abundance.

    -=-=-=-=-

    Commode Domain
    Granted Ability: You gain immunity to poison.

    Commode Domain Spells
    1. Grease
    2. Whispering Wind
    3. Stinking Cloud
    4. Control Water
    5. Cloudkill
    6. Repulsion
    7. Prismatic Spray
    8. Clenched Fist
    9. Wish
    Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble; 2008-08-12 at 01:21 AM.

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    Callos_DeTerran's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed is he who poops

    ....o.o....









    *Claps* BRAVO! BRAVO!
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    Yeril's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed is he who poops

    Quote Originally Posted by The Vorpal Tribble View Post
    5. Cloudkill

    That is AWESOME

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Clever, interesting, and even kind of cool, but still, ewwwwwwwwwwwww. However, I myself have been found on my knees before the great Porcelain, dreading what is coming, and hoping for mercy.
    Thanks a TON to Almighty Salmon for the Amazing Log Man!

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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed is he who poops

    Quote Originally Posted by Callos_DeTerran View Post
    *Claps* BRAVO! BRAVO!
    Thank you, thank you...


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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    AAAAOOOOH GOD.

    That is a very nice balance of awesome and disturbing.
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    Moff Chumley's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewalker View Post
    AAAAOOOOH GOD.

    That is a very nice balance of awesome and disturbing.
    I second this.
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Bwah-hah-hah! You utter mentalist! This is fantastic.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Vorpal Tribble View Post
    7. Prismatic Spray
    Eugh!

    I am looking forward to hearing more about Porcelain's prophet and great proselytiser, the blessed St. Armitage Shanks.

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    Toric's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Well, I just found my diety for that half-orc cleric I had swimming in my head. :) I'm curious, though, why Wish as the 9th level domain spell for Commode?
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    Draken's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    "PLEASE... AUUUGHH PLEASE COME ON!"

    *splorch*

    "Ahhhh... Better."

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    Keledrath's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    I concur with my fellow Townie Draken. This is extremely disgusting, and yet it has a certain degree of awesome.
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    Contingency is like playing chess but you get to make several moves on your turn, several on you opponents turn and you're aloud to rearrange the board when he gets up to go to the bathroom.
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    $5 says it's a euphemism.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    Bwah-hah-hah! I am looking forward to hearing more about Porcelain's prophet and great proselytiser, the blessed St. Armitage Shanks.
    Nah, it'd be the blessed St. Crapper.

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by martyboy74 View Post
    Nah, it'd be the blessed St. Crapper.
    Amen, my brutha!


    Btw, for some reason these slightly paraphrased lyrics from one of Simon and Garfunkle's songs came to mind...

    And the people bowed and prayed
    To the neon God they made.
    And the sign flashed out its warning,
    In the words that it was forming.
    And the signs said, the words of the prophets
    Are written on the restroom walls
    And tenement halls.
    And whispered in the sounds of silence...

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    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    This is in equal parts awesome and weird. But why Prismatic Spray as domain spell?
    You know, in my next campaign I wanted to play a cleric of Helm. But now I just wonder how to justify Porcelain appearing in FR pantheon.
    Last edited by Morty; 2007-09-10 at 09:54 AM.
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by M0rt View Post
    This is in equal parts awesome and weird. But why Prismatic Spray as domain spell?
    Spray

    1. water or other liquid broken up into minute droplets and blown, ejected into, or falling through the air.

    2. a liquid to be discharged or applied in such a jet.
    Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble; 2007-09-10 at 10:22 AM.

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    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    EWWWWWWWW!!1

    *giggles like a ten-year-old*
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xuincherguixe View Post
    ... that works really well, it's almost like...

    Oh god! Chuck Norris is Cthulhu! It all makes sense now. Everything is meaningless! Only in death can we escape!

    *hangs self*

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Run for the hills!
    Words, my weapons...
    Je veux aller sous votre peau.
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    You rascally psychopath, you.
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaelaroth View Post
    Run for the hills!
    Don't do it! VT statted the hills too.

    (Lovably bonkers Georgian gamer tree-yeti that he is. )

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    Titan in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

    But I thought his name was Ralph...
    Quote Originally Posted by The Underlord View Post
    All hail great Shneekeythulhu! Ia Ia Shneeky fthagn
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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] Blessed are the swirling waters...

    Quote Originally Posted by bosssmiley View Post
    (Lovably bonkers Georgian gamer tree-yeti that he is. )
    Better believe it

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

    Reminds me of Anoia, Goddess of Things That Get Stuck in Drawers.

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

    *Roflcoptors across the world*

    Dude, you WIN. You straight-up WIN.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
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    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Deity & Domain] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

    I have an idea for my next character...

    St. Ralfen Thejonn, cleric of Procelin, and greatest long-distant pisser of all time!

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