The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Wish Granting on a Budget

    Because clearly we don't have enough wish-granting threads here.

    As usual, poster #1 Wishes for something, and Poster #2 grants that Wish before making their own Wish, becoming Poster #1.

    The twist here is that all wish granters are on a budget. The exact details and limits of the budget are left to each specific wish granter, so long as it is not enough to fully grant the Wish as stated.

    To give a classic example:

    Poster #1: I wish for a million dollars!

    Poster #2: Sorry, but I'm not allowed to exceed ten grand on any single wish. Union policy and all that.


    I'll start.


    I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2018-06-28 at 08:06 PM.
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  2. - Top - End - #2
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend.
    You get a female pen pal who is mildly attractive and who lives in another country.

    I wish for Iron Man's high tech armor.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ElfRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Sorry, the tech department's on strike. You get medieval plate armor instead.

    I wish I could use GiTP smilies on other sites.
    I'm Chaotic Good! Ish!

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Due to fair use policy you can have some, but not too many, and only if you use them in a quote.

    I wish I could have a police light and siren on my car so I can avoid traffic jams.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    The-lost-Byte's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    If we sell your car and invest the profit in drinks at a bar, we may get you a one time ride in a policecar with siren and light in a low-trafic area.

    I wish for a snake. If i place my expectations low enogth, it can not be a big letdown. Also, I like snakes...

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Well, I'm not allowed to handle anything live and we're fresh out of rubber snakes so here's a long sock and a few colored markers.


    I wish for a grand feast.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  7. - Top - End - #7
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish for a grand feast.
    Here's what I have for you:

    -cold fries
    -half a burger
    -a cup of soda that's mostly melted ice

    I wish I was the best dancer on the planet.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Here's a plaque that says that you are the best dancer on Uranus. If you ever went there, it would be true

    I wish for a less humorous name for the 7th planet in our Solar System
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzanne Collins
    Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be if we met at midnight in the hanging tree


  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Tighten was the only name I could trademark.

    I wish for a turtle and a donut.
    Spoiler: Quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zar Peter View Post
    Supagoof took the most blows and incidentally took exactly the same damage Xihirli inflicted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silent_Interim View Post
    Xihirli: Being a better target since 2015.
    Quote Originally Posted by Logic View Post
    I'm good with eliminating Xihirli. I'm not sure how she has managed to live as long as she has.
    Quote Originally Posted by BasketOfPuppies View Post
    Wow I missed a lot today. So, kill Xihirli?
    Quote Originally Posted by Iceseer View Post
    I really wanted what Xihirli said to be true though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramsus View Post
    That was a lot of awesome backstabbing.
    Quote Originally Posted by flat_footed View Post
    I still prefer to see you as the dagger hanging over us all, Xi.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Well we have a bagel and some turtle meat. I'm sure it would be pretty tasty

    I wish for a gallon of gas

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Here is a balloon. Inside it has a gallon of air, which is a gas.

    I wish to have the best costume on Gencon.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I've got an old Darth Vader costume that someone dyed neon pink. Will that work?


    I wish to be a superhero!
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish to be a superhero!
    Congrats. You're Hawkeye of the Avengers.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChaoticHarmony View Post
    I wish for a less humorous name for the 7th planet in our Solar System
    I wish I posted earlier because Futurama has a hilarious take on this:

    Professor: I'm sorry Fry but scientist renamed that planet centuries ago to end that stupid joke.
    Fry. Oh. What do you call it now?
    Professor: Urectum.

    I wish I had the power to materialize ice cream and a container for said ice cream (bowl or edible cone) and edible toppings for said ice cream.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Some Android View Post
    Congrats. You're Hawkeye of the Avengers.



    I wish I posted earlier because Futurama has a hilarious take on this:

    Professor: I'm sorry Fry but scientist renamed that planet centuries ago to end that stupid joke.
    Fry. Oh. What do you call it now?
    Professor: Urectum.

    I wish I had the power to materialize ice cream and a container for said ice cream (bowl or edible cone) and edible toppings for said ice cream.
    Granted! I was able to send you back one minute in the past. Because of the low budget though, I can't grant your other wish

    Edit: I guess there wasn't enough in the budget for me to make a wish here
    Last edited by ChaoticHarmony; 2018-07-01 at 05:01 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzanne Collins
    Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be if we met at midnight in the hanging tree


  15. - Top - End - #15
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Granted! You can summon any type of ice cream once in a Styrofoam bowl. Can you imagine how expensive it would be for unlimited ice cream generation?

    I wish for the ability to completely control tine.

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Extrail View Post
    I wish for the ability to completely control tine.
    I can give you the power to slightly bend the tines of forks, will that work?


    I wish I could fly.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  17. - Top - End - #17
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I can give you this ticket for one flight from Dublin to Belfast on Ryanair good for only the off peak season, will that work.

    I wish for shiny new limited issue dice.
    Quote Originally Posted by RadarMonkey1 View Post
    I suddenly feel that my character is not as optimized as it could be...

    Oh well, it should still be fun.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ElfRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Here, you can have the dice from the Monopoly set in my basement.

    I wish I didn't have to do chores.
    I'm Chaotic Good! Ish!

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Granted! Here is your own personal maid. She is an expert at every possible chore you could need done. Unfortunately we didn't have enough to pay her, so you're going to have to work 3 full time jobs in order to afford her services.

    I wish my budget wouldn't get cut
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzanne Collins
    Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be if we met at midnight in the hanging tree


  20. - Top - End - #20
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I can ensure that you retain half your current budget after this next round of cuts. Best I can manage.


    I wish to see an awesome movie.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
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  21. - Top - End - #21
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I wish to see an awesome movie.
    I can only show you a one minute scene on youtube from an awesome movie the studio that made said movie is okay with being online. Also the resolution isn't HD.

    I wish I had a giant robot I would pilot.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I can only give you this tiny robot, and a remote control to control it.

    I wish for the bible.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    The-lost-Byte's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Well, here is a book I picked up from the one-dollar-basket of the libary. Bible was greek for book, right?

    I wish for someone to teach me how to use th sockpuppet-snake correctly.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Here is a link to the wiki-how article on sock puppets.

    I wish for a big screen OLED TV so I can watch the world cup football with my friends.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Orc in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Well I've got this old plasma screen you can have, it's pretty big.



    I wish for a brand new corvette
    The first rule of gaming, before you have even chosen the game is and always should be

    HAVE FUN

    (FUN being defined as it is in dwarf fortress)

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    Quote Originally Posted by braveheart View Post
    I wish for a brand new corvette
    I can only give you this picture of a corvette I printed.

    I wish I had a personal library containing every book in existence.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    The-lost-Byte's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    You get a libary-card and a index of books, that will have to do.

    I wish for the Lawyer-army needed to defend a pokémon-fangame from nintendo and retroactivly revive a bunch of projects I would have loved to see suceed.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I can give you the betas to those games and an attorney to talk to, but i can't possibly afford that no one could.

    I wish for an army of chck norrises. to obey my commands

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    ElfRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    You get one amateur wrestler who owes you a favor.

    I wish berry trees were ripe all year round.
    I'm Chaotic Good! Ish!

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: Wish Granting on a Budget

    I've got a packet of blackberry seeds and a do-it-yourself gardening manual.


    I wish for a mountain of ice cream. And a thousand spoons.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
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