Silly Plots 3: With government backing we can make it very silly

[Deathkeeper]

Pokecenter

The kid nods, picking up the Stunky and scratching it under the chin. “Let’s come up with a name for you.”
He mutters, and goes to rejoin his friends. Moxie takes to his new owner by clinging to her shoulder.
”Well, I think that went well.” Jace guesses, even if he would have rather Veronica had given the living gas-bombs to someone else. They’re really going to stink.

An Epic Quest

Willa continues to the town, undeterred.
”We’re playing it cool. I’ll need your help gathering information once we’re there. Don’t start trouble, even if they insult me.” Willa doesn’t think Corvus would, but he can be protective sometimes.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

This is where the man- a tall, spindly chap in his late twenties, with dark skin, pale blue eyes and short black hair, wearing a pair of dark green breeches and a red velvet tunic, with a bowler hat on his head and only a dagger at his waist as armament- leads Koshal.

The hole itself is very large, with rough earth walls, a vaguely circular rim and a pile of rubble topped with red tiles in the centre. "This do be me gaffer's house. Or, uh, where it do be, afore it went down to be at the bottom of this big ol' hole. It do be here yesterday, and then there do be a big loud noise, like a thunder blast, and then this morning I do be finding the hole instead." He's got a strong accent, and an unusual one, too.

Around the hole there's lots of signs of a prosperous farm; large fields of radishes, a barn, and the modern tractor the man drove to pick up Koshal and find help.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal looks down the hole and gets a long rope out from his pack. He ties it firmly to a nearby rock and turns to the man.
”Don’t worry, mister. I’ll get your. Um. Gaffer back.” Koshal tried to look confident as he goes down and starts to slide down the rope. Maybe the guy won’t even notice that he closes his eyes and can’t look down as he does so. Or know that he’s cheating with his levitation. Faye gives him a reassuring whine from within his shadow.

Regardless, Koshal makes his way down, regardless of the dizzying drop.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The man doesn't notice, far too worried about his grandfather.

It is a long way down, and once Koshal reaches the bottom several rather interesting things become obvious. Well, three things, really. One is a slightly crooked red wooden door hidden from above by an overhang in the edge. Another is the ornate tea set around his hooves, six delicate mugs and matching saucers, as well as a sugar bowl and a tea pot, made of white porcelain; it's unusual because despite the fact it fell along with the house, it's unmarked and each piece is intact. Koshal won't be able to crush any of it with his hooves, either- unless he's using a magical hoof. The third thing is a hatch, partially concealed by the red roof-tiles scattered over it.

There's no sign of a person down here.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal does have magical shoes, but they’re only enchanted to stay on without needing nails. No enhanced crushing. Koshal bends down to pick up the tea set. It looks so fancy and expensive! He can’t just leave it here in the dust! Spotting the door, Koshal knocks on it politely and tries to open it.
”Hello, Mister? Are you okay? You left your nice teapot outside.” he calls.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The door is unlocked, and swings open when knocked. Beyond, there's a narrow corridor with an arched ceiling, walls and ceiling both made of polished limestone. The stone glows slightly, just bright enough to see. It leads along to another door, a bronze door with many strange runes and symbols set into it.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal gulps, but continues on. And another door! Koshal...well, he does the same thing as last time. He knocks, calls out, and tries to go through this door too. It worked last time, after all.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

This door sparks when Koshal touches it, giving him a painful- but minor- electrical shock. If Koshal responds with pain, he can then open the door- but there's otherwise no answer.

On the other side of the door is a large room with a tall ceiling. It looks like a cross between a mad scientist's laboratory, an operating theatre and a crypt. The floor is covered in white tiles, cracked and chipped here and there by over-use and regularly stained with dried blood, pickling fluid and other, stranger liquids. Three massive stone tables are in the middle of the room, with a tool-covered push trolley next to each. On one table lies a skeleton-like sculpture of scrap metal, with a pile of rotting animal carcasses next to the table. On another table lies a three metre tall humanoid figure, totally naked, with skin marked with stitches and bearing the white and black markings of a cow. It's not complete yet; the skin isn't sewn on everywhere and it hasn't been animated.

The final table has a three metre-tall figure standing next to it, immobile and unmoving, wrapped in the skins of several cows. Its face is horrific, skin pulled tight in strange places over its skull and yet baggy and loose elsewhere. A pair of sheep eyes stare out from its head, set into eye-sockets that aren't quite level, above a nose distorted by the pull of taut skin above it, a pull strong enough it's tugged the upper lip away from the crooked row of nails hammered into its gums to serve as teeth.

Koshal just entered from the east; to the west there's two more doors of a similar design to the one he just used, and an archway leads into another corridor to the south, blocked by a shimmering curtain of magical force.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal cries out, flinching and dropping the tea set. Oh well, gravity can't hurt the pieces.
Once entered however, Koshal's outlook changes dramatically. He takes out his pistol and makes sure it's properly loaded. He also adjusts his scabbard so he can more easily draw it. Thanks to his shortened magical scabbard he can carry his two-handed blade at his waist. Koshal makes a mental note to put something through these monstrosity's heads when he gets the chance. For now he tiptoes over to check out the magical barrier. He has a passing education on magic and might know what is keeping it up.

[Nova_Eclipse]

An Epic Quest

Corvus raises an eyebrow and gives a little grin.

"Perhaps I'll just look imposing, then."

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The third figure stares at Koshal, tilting its head as the minotaur advances through the room. It's standing furthest from the archway, though Koshal does pass quite close to the most incomplete golem to reach the exit he's headed for. The metal struts and supports that make the skeleton aren't all connected, in addition to the total lack of flesh upon the frame. If Koshal keeps his back to the complete golem, it will head to the door he's left open and push it further open before leaving. The golem's leather-clad feet are much softer on the tiles than Koshal's own hooves, so it might go unnoticed.

The archway is covered by a translucent curtain of energy that shimmers and glows when an arc of lightning flickers from one side to the other. It's mostly illusion magic, backed up by some serious evocation magic- concealing what lies beyond and ensuring anyone that tries to bypass it will suffer a serious blast of almost pure magic- there's a hint of elemental fire in the mix, but only a hint. There's a copper plaque mounted on the wall next to it, etched with a vague representation of a human hand. If touched, it performs the same test as the previous door, and then the curtain flickers and disappears. There's another plaque on the other side of the archway that will reactivate the field, if Koshal feels so inclined.

Beyond the archway is a short corridor, just as narrow and matching the previous one before turning sharply to the left. After the turn, it's got a shallow slope upwards before turning to the left once more.

[Slii Arhem]

Spoiler: Quotes

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[Another World]

...last time she'd at least had a towel. And technically she'd allowed herself to be summoned.

Those are luxuries she's denied when so rudely teleported away in her sleep.

There is a very angry, naked angel in the room. She does not bow. She does not smile. She does take a moment to glare at the man behind her, just in case he decides to let his gaze travel lower.

Her deity had devoted a not inconsiderable amount of time to teaching her about her new life, preparing her for her angelic duties. There'd been some amount of warning about potential summons, but a reassurance that, as the lowest ranked amongst his servants (he hadn't meant that as an insult), it was very unlikely she'd ever be the target of any sort of summon spell, and there were ways of saying no.

But nothing about being forcefully summoned in her sleep like this! No weapons, no robes, nothing except her wings, which she could use to cover herself, but instead leaves spread behind her in some undoubtedly pointless display of defiance. "There are more traditional ways to summon heroes, you know. Ways that don't accidentally summon a servant of the divine instead. If you're looking for a hero, you should look somewhere else. I'm no good to you. Particularly when I'm summoned in my sleep with no clothes on!" She folds her arms and redirects her glare to Beauty.

*****

Another World

"Something like that." Beauty admits to Connor before giving a small dismissing gesture with her free hand that turns into one of beckoning, calling forth a priestess to offer the pair of them some loose fitting crimson robes. "Whether or not I have found a proper hero I have need of your strength, both of you, and it does not alleviate the situation to grow upset. It will take a full Cycle for my casters to prepare for the ritual again. About a week of your world's time." She explains with a shrug, as if it was nothing to worry about. "In the meantime, you will be my guests, but if your body tells the truth, are you not a warrior? I have need of one and can reward you well for your time and efforts."

She stands, holding the little statue to her chest as she steps closer to Ithuriel, looking the angel over. "Though I will be frank. Connor, it has been many many cycles since we've last seen one another face to face. Not many of those I've summoned since then have proven themselves or simply lied about being heroes. My situation has grown dire enough to have attempted to try and summon two at a time. It is simply through luck that all of my casters have survived the casting. Or perhaps they've simply grown stronger. Perhaps both." She muses.

"To put it plainly, angel, I am at war and need someone to break the forces opposed to me and my brother, Strength. Already he fights upon the front lines. To do otherwise would simply spell death for everyone who exists here. As ever, however, I will not force those unwilling to fight into the conflict."

Another World

Connor shrugs at the offered robe, having his coat as more than enough concealment. Though for a moment he looked as though he was about to do the stupid, chivalrous thing and offer it to the Angel before him before she'd been offered a robe, since he still had his underwear at least.

"You already know I'm no combatant, lady Beauty, nor do my talents lend themselves easily to making weapons of war, though they can be bent that way." He grimaces slightly as he steps forward. He's lying about how easy it is for him to do so, as Beauty knows from experience, but being easy by hand and easy on his spirit are two different things.

He does turn slightly to the other power in the room, "For what it's worth and for all you can trust a man you've never met, I can tell you that everything I've seen of her tells me she's speaking the truth. This is a very desperate situation and she's risking much. I apologize for treating the situation with so much flippancy, I have things to do back home that will suffer for a week of my absence, not the least if my cart gets ransacked sitting alone in a dirty park. But those are my own, small problems. I can't even imagine the problems it will cause a divine agent to be so suddenly pulled away." He pauses, wondering if he dares continue, before plunging on.

"Which is why I think you should hear her out, at least initially. Just as I cannot imagine your situation, I don't think it's possible for either of us to comprehend what would drive her to this." Left unsaid but hanging in the air is the very real other worry. "How do either of us get home without her willing help?" Connor isn't as worried about this as he was the last time he played guest here, but it's something that may weigh on the angel's mind.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

The advantage to having a familiar in hiding is that it can watch flanks where you don’t have eyes. As soon as the golem starts moving, Faye barks a warning as the shadow blink dog exits Koshal’s shadow, and Koshal whirls around and opens fire with his machine pistol.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The golem is pelted with bullets and moans, not in pain as it can't feel pain, but in surprise. It turns to face Koshal and moans again, the bullets ripping through its body and hitting... Well, no internal organs. The golem's body is made entirely of muscle, stitched around a frame of scrap metal and covered with skin from several cows and decorated with a pair of sheep's eyes. It stands there, and moans at Koshal. It's trying to tell him to stop, and if he doesn't it will start to run towards him, raising its arms up.

[Gnrlshrimp]

[Quiet Grove]

"...Is something the matter?" Sarcadian asks her, only for a moment taking his gaze from the forest to glance over. He currently has eyes of muddy yellow ringed with black, and the bizarre pupils are nearly a square shape. "Just hold there a moment... nearly finished."

Sarcadian's right ear flicks. He whips his gaze about and looses an arrow into the sky, arcing it seemingly toward the horizon. The slim thing grows too distant to determine its exact trajectory, but a patch of trees some miles distant does seem to sway in a motion most unnatural...

His muscular frame downgrades from taut, straining readiness to a more relaxed posture. He eyes the direction he shot toward for another moment, reaching up a hand to rub the back of his head, and then turns toward the women.

"I bid thee welcome... Lucy," Sarcadian says formally. He sets his bow down and hops onto the petal upon which the ladies stand, making it bounce. "I didn't think we would meet so soon."

"Well, I did invite her," says Vivi, throwing an arm around Lucy. "As she says. And now you're going to cook us something to eat."

"Am I, now?" A ghost of a smirk.

Viviana affirms it with a nod. "Something good, please."

Sarcadian huffs out a snort and crosses his arms. "So impudent. At least our guest is polite. Maybe I ought to make you go and fetch our dinner, instead."

[Quiet Grove]

Kneeling down as she is, Lucy is practically catapulted away by the petal-bounce as Sarcadian hops over, scrambling to catch herself before she slides off. She awkwardly climbs to her feet, not really knowing where to look. It still feels sort of disrespectful to actually look at Sarcadian without bowing her head in reverence, but then does that mean she needs to start doing the same for Vivi? Is she allowed to look at either of them?

She settles for sort of half-looking at the two of them and mostly staring off into the distance for the time being. That's an acceptable substitute, right?

"I, um, I could go fetch dinner for-" Lucy pauses, sighs, shakes her head. "N-no. No, I'm a terrible cook. That's a terrible idea. Sorry."

*****

Spoiler: Another World

Show

Another World

"Something like that." Beauty admits to Connor before giving a small dismissing gesture with her free hand that turns into one of beckoning, calling forth a priestess to offer the pair of them some loose fitting crimson robes. "Whether or not I have found a proper hero I have need of your strength, both of you, and it does not alleviate the situation to grow upset. It will take a full Cycle for my casters to prepare for the ritual again. About a week of your world's time." She explains with a shrug, as if it was nothing to worry about. "In the meantime, you will be my guests, but if your body tells the truth, are you not a warrior? I have need of one and can reward you well for your time and efforts."

She stands, holding the little statue to her chest as she steps closer to Ithuriel, looking the angel over. "Though I will be frank. Connor, it has been many many cycles since we've last seen one another face to face. Not many of those I've summoned since then have proven themselves or simply lied about being heroes. My situation has grown dire enough to have attempted to try and summon two at a time. It is simply through luck that all of my casters have survived the casting. Or perhaps they've simply grown stronger. Perhaps both." She muses.

"To put it plainly, angel, I am at war and need someone to break the forces opposed to me and my brother, Strength. Already he fights upon the front lines. To do otherwise would simply spell death for everyone who exists here. As ever, however, I will not force those unwilling to fight into the conflict."

Spoiler: Quotes

Show

Another World

Connor shrugs at the offered robe, having his coat as more than enough concealment. Though for a moment he looked as though he was about to do the stupid, chivalrous thing and offer it to the Angel before him before she'd been offered a robe, since he still had his underwear at least.

"You already know I'm no combatant, lady Beauty, nor do my talents lend themselves easily to making weapons of war, though they can be bent that way." He grimaces slightly as he steps forward. He's lying about how easy it is for him to do so, as Beauty knows from experience, but being easy by hand and easy on his spirit are two different things.

He does turn slightly to the other power in the room, "For what it's worth and for all you can trust a man you've never met, I can tell you that everything I've seen of her tells me she's speaking the truth. This is a very desperate situation and she's risking much. I apologize for treating the situation with so much flippancy, I have things to do back home that will suffer for a week of my absence, not the least if my cart gets ransacked sitting alone in a dirty park. But those are my own, small problems. I can't even imagine the problems it will cause a divine agent to be so suddenly pulled away." He pauses, wondering if he dares continue, before plunging on.

"Which is why I think you should hear her out, at least initially. Just as I cannot imagine your situation, I don't think it's possible for either of us to comprehend what would drive her to this." Left unsaid but hanging in the air is the very real other worry. "How do either of us get home without her willing help?" Connor isn't as worried about this as he was the last time he played guest here, but it's something that may weigh on the angel's mind.

[Another World]

"Yes, I am an angel." Ithuriel takes the offered robe and pulls it round herself, grumbling slightly as she tucks her wings in and pulls them through the gaps in the back, an errant feather or two drifting down to the ground. She raises a hand and creates a shimmering portal in front of her and-

Ah. Okay, well that's definitely not a way out then. The portal is swiftly dismissed before the weird eye-thing on the other side gets any ideas. She shrugs. "I had to check." Nice to know she's stuck here for a week. Hopefully some freaky timey wimey nonsense will occur to mean she's not actually away from her existing duties for that long. Although Intersection does have a procedure for these things, it just involves some reeeeally tedious paperwork. And the timing isn't the greatest either. Getting snatched away from one crisis to helps with another doesn't really seem particularly helpful, overall. If she gets back to find Inside in ruins, it's hardly a fair trade for saving some other place she's never heard of...particularly when she's getting all the wrong sorts of vibes from Beauty.

"I am Ithuriel, angel of redemption. My "warrior-like" appearance is entirely supernatural. I could never do a minute's exercise in my life and I'd still be cursed with these looks." Cursed perhaps not the typical phrase used for one blessed with eternal youth, but there's certain disadvantages to always looking quite so long. She'd be much happier if she'd be frozen at, say, 30 instead. "And as an angel of redemption, my duty is to help those who have become misguided or who are deserving of a second chance, wherever possible. What kind of warrior can't kill anyone they know can yet be turned from their harmful actions to a peaceful life?"

However, if refusing to help results in the deaths of everyone here...

Ithuriel lets out a tired sigh and rubs her forehead. Why her?

"In desperate times, even the most corrupt of kings might spin a tale of woe to seduce a brave and foolhardy knight to their cause. If you want me to help, I need to know that I'm helping the right people. And you have to accept that I cannot simply run around mindlessly killing people in your name if they could be spared and turned from their path."

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal does stop, though at first it’s only because the pistol rounds clearly aren’t accomplishing anything. He stands there for a bit, staring at the golem. He slowly shoves the gun back in its holster and edges towards one of the two closed doors.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The bullets were impacting mostly the torso, since a torso-shot stops most things and is easier than a head shot. In this case, however, all they're doing is punching into what is very nearly solid muscle; shots to the legs might be more effective, since it does still have knees and metal bones it needs to walk.

The golem just stands there, watching, as Koshal moves to a different door. The nearest door is near-identical to the previous door, with the same pain-based electric shocking door. Beyond is a corridor, with a sharp right-hand turn not that far down it.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal slips into the door and slams it behind Faye as she follows him. After making sure the golem doesn’t try to open it after him, he slowly proceeds down the hallway, drawing his sword for good measure.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The golem won't try the door, since it's closed. It knows it can't open the door, so it'll go to try the door Koshal left open, the one into the sinkhole itself.

It's quite a twisty corridor, marked halfway down with a large pentagram painted onto the wall in red ink, with mystic symbols and glyphs marked next to it. It's got five turns. At the far end there's another door, also locked. This one doesn't have the same kind of lock; it doesn't budge unless a touch-pad next to the door is used. Fortunately, the touch pad does have a human hand print marked into the metal.

Beyond that door is a chamber with two other exits, two archways hidden by mundane curtains. One is in the wall opposite Koshal's entrance, the other is in the wall to the left- the same direction the room Koshal just left was in. This room is an alchemic laboratory, with a row of cauldrons and a bench covered in bottles and bundles of herbs, feathers or bones. There's a bare work area decorated by a mortar and pestle, a silver-bladed knife and a mixing bowl. A dark fog drifts across the floor, concealing whatever lies beneath.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal doesn’t have much knowledge of alchemy or potion-making, though he can read. He scans the bottles for any interesting labels. Though unless something literally or figuratively jumps out at him, he will likely simply cross the room and exit from the far door.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

'Potion of Hairgrowth', 'Fake Youth', 'Angel Tears', 'Philter of Invisibility', 'Vampire Dust (H.W. sol)', 'Troll Urine'... There's a lot of bottles. There's also six different types of water- holy, rain, fresh spring, sea, stagnant and filtered.

Before he has a chance to leave, however, the dark fog extends up into a tall figure, resembling a human in a robe, though it's all made of dark fog- and at least a head taller than Koshal, though much slimmer. There's still plenty of fog to cover the floor; it hasn't displaced any of it. There's a pair of softly glowing white eyes lurking in the fog-figure, looking down at Koshal. "You trespass here. The master should have dealt with you. I haven't seen the master since the loud noise. Is the master alive? Please, I must know." The voice is deep and echoes far more than the chamber should allow, and doesn't originate from the figure- it comes from the fog, all of it.

[Gullara]

An Epic Quest

Willa continues to the town, undeterred.
”We’re playing it cool. I’ll need your help gathering information once we’re there. Don’t start trouble, even if they insult me.” Willa doesn’t think Corvus would, but he can be protective sometimes.

An Epic Quest

Corvus raises an eyebrow and gives a little grin.

"Perhaps I'll just look imposing, then."

[An Epic Quest]

As the two near there appears to be more of a stir. One guard atop the walls moves closer to another. They appear to exchange words before the first descends off the other side of the wall. Before they even fully approach a small slide on a individual sized door built into the gate opens. "You walk on protected grounds, spirit." The words aren't aggressive, but it is a warning.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal raises an eyebrow at the fog creature. He probably can’t beat it with a sword.
”Your mastee’s grandson sent me to rescue him. So I have no idea. You want to give me directions on where to look? Or what’s going on here?” he tells the creature.

[An Epic Quest]

Willa decides not to argue the point about her status. It’s plenty likely centaurs don’t exist normally in this world and it’s yet another thing that got left out of the briefing. So she’ll tell the truth, and just leave that part out.
”I’m not here to cause any trouble, Sirs. We’re just here for information, I assure you. And maybe some water.” she swears.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

"I am forbidden to leave this chamber. I cannot assist you in this quest. This is the master's alchemical workshop. I do not know what lies elsewhere in this complex, I am forbidden to leave this chamber." Which is a bit of an issue for a guide, or directions for that matter.

[Deathkeeper]

Mysterious Sinkhole

Koshal nods.
”Well, thanks anyway. See ya!” he says with a wave, and makes to exit from the far door.

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

Beyond the curtain is another room, no corridor this time. This room is dedicated to storage, it seems. There's six large barrels, a battered chest, and a pile of crates. There's five more doors, three in the wall opposite, one in the same wall as Koshal just entered by, to his right and one in the wall to his left.

The floor here is covered in geometric patterns and designs, and lit by six floating orbs of light. Two of the orbs are yellow, one is purple, one is bright green, one is white and faint, flickering intermittently and the final orb is a very bright white, nearly drowning out the other colours.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

Koshal stops to check the chest. He doesn't plan on keeping anything he finds, but what if there's a key or something he needs? If it's useful he'll return it later.

Koshal also stops to poke the purple ball lightly with his sword. What's the point of making your magic lamps different colors? Seems impractical on the eyes.

[Nova_Eclipse]

[An Epic Quest]

Corvus nods in agreement with Willa.

"We're not here to cause trouble. I'm just here to protect her."

[Earl of Purple]

Mysterious Sinkhole

The purple orb of light squeaks as it's poked, flinching away and floating up to try and avoid being stabbed again. There's no physical thing to stab, though, so it's not harmed, but it does seem as though... Well, as though Koshal hurt it. Which is pretty bizarre, as it's just a floating orb of purple light.

This is a storeroom, where things go if they're too useful to throw away but not quite useful enough to see regular use. As such, inside the chest there's three empty glass bottles, one cracked; a bicycle helmet with a broken strap; a book of wooden boards padlocked shut, the name The Compendium of Malevolence burnt into the outside; a six-fingered silk glove; a flask of salt water and an imp's skull floating in a bottle of translucent red liquid. It also becomes obvious that the chest itself is broken, slightly; one of the hinges has broken, so all the weight of the lid is going onto the other hinge, which is only just able to handle the weight of the lid.

[Deathkeeper]

[Mysterious Sinkhole]

"Oh, I'm sorry." Koshal says to the light, and turns away.

As for the chest, well, "All this stuff is useless!" he grumps, dropping the lid back into place. Koshal moves on to the door on his left. Faye is helping him keep an idea of where he's been. He will be fine though, he was born with a very good sense of direction.