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Thread: Tell A Joke!

  1. - Top - End - #91
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    You know what they say about explaining the joke and how it's like dissecting a frog? You get the joke but the frog is dead.
    I'm of the opinion that once a joke's finished being told, it's already dead, so you lose nothing by dissecting it if someone asks.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.

  2. - Top - End - #92
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Two tanker ships collided and sank. One ship carried red paint. The other carried blue paint.
    ---it is feared the survivors are marooned.

    Two cannibals were eating a clown.
    One turned towards the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"

  3. - Top - End - #93
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops08 View Post
    Two tanker ships collided and sank. One ship carried red paint. The other carried blue paint.
    ---it is feared the survivors are marooned.

    Two cannibals were eating a clown.
    One turned towards the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
    Cannibal jokes are in terrible taste...

  4. - Top - End - #94
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Cannibal jokes are in terrible taste...
    You just can't stomach them? Too unpalatable? Leave a bad taste in your mouth?
    Last edited by Peelee; 2018-12-12 at 02:01 PM.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  5. - Top - End - #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    You just can't stomach them? Too unpalatable? Leave a bad taste in your mouth?
    I just think they are hammy, they leave me salty. At the very least people should pepper them with better jokes.

  6. - Top - End - #96
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I just think they are hammy, they leave me salty. At the very least people should pepper them with better jokes.
    I dunno, you have too many and it just sounds like a mouthful
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

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  7. - Top - End - #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    I dunno, you have too many and it just sounds like a mouthful
    I don't think we should roast people for telling them, but the jokes are half-baked.

    A seasoned joker writer would be far more palatable.
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2018-12-12 at 02:11 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #98
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I don't think we should roast people for telling them, but the jokes are half-baked.

    A seasoned joker writer would be far more palatable.
    That's the thing, most would be biting off more than they could chew, and it would take a while to digest.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  9. - Top - End - #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    That's the thing, most would be biting off more than they could chew, and it would take a while to digest.
    I admit you are the better punster. The loss will eat me up inside.

  10. - Top - End - #100
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I admit you are the better punster. The loss will eat me up inside.
    The trick is to pun a la carte, and not bunch a whole lot of them together at once.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  11. - Top - End - #101
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    How do you think the unthinkable?
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    An ithberg.
    I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.

    I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that.
    -- ChubbyRain

    Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.

  12. - Top - End - #102
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Knaight View Post
    How do you think the unthinkable?
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    An ithberg.
    Barcelona humor, eh?
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  13. - Top - End - #103
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Not safe for work

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    One saturday night, a young man came home to his father who had always considered him somewhat of a weenie.

    "I thought I told you to be home before midnight?"
    "I know dad, but guess who just tried anal sex for the first time."
    "Really? That's my boy! I'm gonna grab some beers, and we can sit down for a real man to man talk!"
    "Thanks, but I'd rather stand. My ass hurts like you wouldn't believe..."

    Last edited by Misereor; 2018-12-13 at 08:16 AM.
    -
    What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder, stronger, in a later edition.
    -

  14. - Top - End - #104
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    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Misereor View Post
    Not safe for work

    Spoiler
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    One saturday night, a young man came home to his father who had always considered him somewhat of a weenie.

    "I thought I told you to be home before midnight?"
    "I know dad, but guess who just tried anal sex for the first time."
    "Really? That's my boy! I'm gonna grab some beers, and we can sit down for a real man to man talk!"
    "Thanks, but I'd rather stand. My ass hurts like you wouldn't believe..."

    That's hilarious.

  15. - Top - End - #105
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    Like, you can't handle my power, man!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nifft View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Marywn View Post
    TIME FOR THESAURUS.COM!
    Consummate
    For a sufficiently sexy Fey patron, that might be the best word yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Have Barbarian Bear Totem Centaur, who's being ridden by a Cavalier Centaur, who's being ridden by a Life Cleric Centaur, who's being ridden by a Goliath Monk, who's being ridden by a Gnomish Warlock.

    HI-HO SILVER, AWAYYYYYYY~!

  16. - Top - End - #106
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    A traveler walks into a shop. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

    "Twelve coins for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand coins more for the story behind it."

    "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

    The transaction complete, the traveler leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a ditch and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another ditch, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as thousands of rats swarm from ditches, garbage piles, stables, and old carts. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

    No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously. Now, there are millions of rats, closely following. By the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats seventy wagons long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a sign post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into the river with the other, as far as he can heave it.

    Pulling his legs up and clinging to the sign post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the river, where they drown.

    Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the shop.

    "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

    "No," says the traveler, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."

  17. - Top - End - #107
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    That's a fantastic take on a lawyer joke that I never heard before. Ten internet points to you, good sir!
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  18. - Top - End - #108
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    What is the difference between a zippo and a hippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    Vibranium: If it was on the periodic table, its chemical symbol would be "Bs".

  19. - Top - End - #109
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    DrowGuy

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    Why does a 11 year old couldn't go to the pirate movie?

    Because it was rated Arrghh!

  20. - Top - End - #110
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    Life is like a box of chocolates, You never know what your going to get.

    Can I get a refund please. I don't like peanuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nifft View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Marywn View Post
    TIME FOR THESAURUS.COM!
    Consummate
    For a sufficiently sexy Fey patron, that might be the best word yet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Man_Over_Game View Post
    Have Barbarian Bear Totem Centaur, who's being ridden by a Cavalier Centaur, who's being ridden by a Life Cleric Centaur, who's being ridden by a Goliath Monk, who's being ridden by a Gnomish Warlock.

    HI-HO SILVER, AWAYYYYYYY~!

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    Why does a 11 year old couldn't go to the pirate movie?

    Because it was rated Arrghh!
    You messed it up by adding a "g"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strigon View Post
    Wow.
    That took a very sudden turn for the dark.

    I salute you.
    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    I wish it was possible to upvote here.

    I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.

  22. - Top - End - #112
    Dragon in the Playground Moderator
     
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Spoiler: What letter does a pirate love?
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    The C.

    Spoiler: What letter does a pirate hate?
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    The cease and desist.
    Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.

    Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2

  23. - Top - End - #113
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Why did the zombie cross the road?

    To look for the other brains.

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Spoiler: What letter does a pirate love?
    Show
    The C.

    Spoiler: What letter does a pirate hate?
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    The cease and desist.
    Spoiler: What's a pirate's biggest fear?
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    A sunken chest with no booty
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockphed View Post
    Dwarf Fortress would like to have a word with you. The word is decorated with bands of microcline and meanaces with spikes of rose gold. On the word is an image of the word in cinnabar.
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    This is an image of Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses engraved in sandstone. Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses is leaving Trotknives. Trotknives is on fire and full of goblins. This image refers to the destruction of Trotknives in late winter of 109 by Wookietank the Destroyer of Fortresses.

  25. - Top - End - #115
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    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Why can't computers tell christmas and halloween apart?
    Because DEC 25 == OCT 31.

    Something I saw online a while ago:
    I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not panicking, like his passengers.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.
    Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!

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  26. - Top - End - #116
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    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    What do you get when you cross a dad joke and a rhetorical question?

  27. - Top - End - #117
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    BlueWizardGirl

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    Quote Originally Posted by DwarvenWarCorgi View Post
    What do you get when you cross a dad joke and a rhetorical question?
    Awkward silence?
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.
    Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!

    she/her



  28. - Top - End - #118
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    A few years ago Hugh Hefner had to call the police. A religious order of monks was selling flowers from a booth in his front yard. After a few hours of tense negotiations the police got the friars to pack up and leave.

    In an interview, the friars claimed they would have gotten away with it, but:
    "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

  29. - Top - End - #119
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    RedWizardGuy

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    12 minutes of Red Skelton jokes
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQi6txKzag

  30. - Top - End - #120
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    Default Re: Tell A Joke!

    Why was the guy with no hands a teetotaler?
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    Because he couldn't hold his liquor
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

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