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Thread: Tell A Joke!
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2018-12-06, 04:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: Tell A Joke!
I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.
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2018-12-12, 08:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2018
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
Two tanker ships collided and sank. One ship carried red paint. The other carried blue paint.
---it is feared the survivors are marooned.
Two cannibals were eating a clown.
One turned towards the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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2018-12-12, 01:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
Last edited by Peelee; 2018-12-12 at 02:01 PM.
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2
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2018-12-12, 02:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 02:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
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2018-12-12, 03:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Re: Tell A Joke!
How do you think the unthinkable?
SpoilerAn ithberg.I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.
I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that. -- ChubbyRain
Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.
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2018-12-12, 03:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
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2018-12-13, 08:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2016
Re: Tell A Joke!
Not safe for work
Spoiler
One saturday night, a young man came home to his father who had always considered him somewhat of a weenie.
"I thought I told you to be home before midnight?"
"I know dad, but guess who just tried anal sex for the first time."
"Really? That's my boy! I'm gonna grab some beers, and we can sit down for a real man to man talk!"
"Thanks, but I'd rather stand. My ass hurts like you wouldn't believe..."
Last edited by Misereor; 2018-12-13 at 08:16 AM.
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What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder, stronger, in a later edition.
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2018-12-13, 01:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Gender
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2018-12-13, 02:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2018
- Location
- Mount. Everest
- Gender
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2018-12-14, 04:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2018
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
A traveler walks into a shop. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve coins for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand coins more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the traveler leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a ditch and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another ditch, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as thousands of rats swarm from ditches, garbage piles, stables, and old carts. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously. Now, there are millions of rats, closely following. By the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats seventy wagons long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a sign post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into the river with the other, as far as he can heave it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the sign post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the river, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the traveler, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
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2018-12-14, 04:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
That's a fantastic take on a lawyer joke that I never heard before. Ten internet points to you, good sir!
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2
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2018-12-16, 11:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
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2018-12-16, 12:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: Tell A Joke!
Why does a 11 year old couldn't go to the pirate movie?
Because it was rated Arrghh!
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2018-12-19, 10:16 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2018
- Location
- Mount. Everest
- Gender
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2018-12-19, 09:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.
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2018-12-19, 09:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
Spoiler: What letter does a pirate love?The C.
Spoiler: What letter does a pirate hate?The cease and desist.Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2
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2018-12-19, 09:30 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
Re: Tell A Joke!
Why did the zombie cross the road?
To look for the other brains.
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2018-12-20, 03:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Gridania, Eorzea
- Gender
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2018-12-20, 05:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2018
- Location
- six feet under
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
Why can't computers tell christmas and halloween apart?
Because DEC 25 == OCT 31.
Something I saw online a while ago:
I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not panicking, like his passengers.Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
Extended Signature.
I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.
Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!
she/her
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2018-12-21, 02:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2018
- Location
- New England
Re: Tell A Joke!
What do you get when you cross a dad joke and a rhetorical question?
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2018-12-21, 03:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2018
- Location
- six feet under
- Gender
Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meum est.
Extended Signature.
I'm not not a humanoid. Come not not be one too.
Answer trivial questions in the OOTS trivia thread!
she/her
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2018-12-30, 12:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2018
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
A few years ago Hugh Hefner had to call the police. A religious order of monks was selling flowers from a booth in his front yard. After a few hours of tense negotiations the police got the friars to pack up and leave.
In an interview, the friars claimed they would have gotten away with it, but:
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
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2018-12-30, 08:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2018
- Gender
Re: Tell A Joke!
12 minutes of Red Skelton jokes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDQi6txKzag
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2019-01-02, 02:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Re: Tell A Joke!
Why was the guy with no hands a teetotaler?
SpoilerBecause he couldn't hold his liquor