Predicting final fates of individual Order of the Stick members (& other characters)?

[drazen]

I believe I posted in another thread my prediction for Eugene's ultimate fate: Roy will defeat Xykon once and for all, but he will not be destroyed, and Eugene will wander the clouds for all of eternity.

But what about other characters in OOTS? Where do we think they will finally end up, as of the final page/epilogue? From a storytelling perspective, what would be "poetic justice," in a sense?

Here are my guesses:


Roy: Sucks it up and takes a level of non-fighter for some obscure feat he really needs for the final battle, and never really wins the argument with his dad. Ends up adventuring with Elan and slowly going insane.
Durkon: Raised but dies again, as does Hilgya, but Kudzu ends up with Sigdi or one of the Five, after Durkon heals his mom's arm.
Belkar: Dies, since we know he does. Probably in the final battle because it's being foreshadowed to a ridiculous degree.
Vaarsuvius: Lives, but loses all magic casting ability (isn't there something about a magic user breaking magic items that does this? Maybe the phylactery...?) and lives a long, lonely elven life without their spouse.
Elan: Supposedly he gets a happy ending, unless the Oracle meant the fake one in the desert, which was *a* happy ending, but not *THE* happy ending.
Haley: Not sure. Perhaps Ian does not make it? Her story is really hard for me to think of an "ending" for.


And a few others:

Redcloak: Dies and somehow ends up destroying Gobbotopia in the process.
Xykon: (un)Lives, but in a different dimension where he is permanently cut off from Stickworld.
O-Chul: Dies in a heroic sacrifice, obviously.
Lien: Probably ain't gonna make it either?
Tarquin: Imprisoned in a cell like the one Lirian used on Xykon. Dies of old age there, alone and forgotten, with his empire toppled (or maybe overrun by the refugees from Gobbotopia, if it is destroyed?)
The Dwarves: May have a serious vampire problem on their hands for a while, because how do you know when you get them all? Unless Bloodfeast will be enlarged in the climax, blowing Firmament into a smoking crater and the sunlight kills them all. Actually, that does seem like an Order of the Stick style victory, now that I think about it.

[Fyraltari]

Are you feeling allright, drazen?

You sound gloomy.

[Harbinger]

I have some.

Vaarsuvius: Dies unceremoniously tripping over a root, roasts in Hell for all eternity.
Haley: Arrested and put on trial by the Lawyers for her thefts, dies in prison.
Durkon: Vampirized again by the Exarch. The spirit doesn't fall for the same trick, so Durkon is forced to watch as his friends and family are massacred.
Mr. Scruffy: Eaten by a hawk.
Belkar: Falls in deep depression after death of Scruffy, realizes the sanctity of life too late. His "death" is the spiritual one of a halfling so overcome with remorse that he slips into non-functional alcoholism.
Elan: Loses his mind after Haley is arrested, constructs an elaborate fantasy in his mind about his happy life with Roy and Haley. His "happy ending" exists only in his desperate dreams, but somewhere deep down he knows it's all a lie.
Roy: Loses his sword to a rust monster, gives up adventuring to take care of the near catatonic Elan and Belkar. Grows old and fat, a worthless failure.

Jirix: Stages a coup in Gobbotopia, proclaiming a secular republic. Assassinated after three months, nation falls into anarchy. Thousands die.
Redcloak: Realizes the sheer futility of his plan, rejects The Dark One and becomes a hermit. Later dies of encephalitis.
Xykon: Osteoporosis.
Monster in the Dark: Finally steps out of the darkness, realizes that he was nothing but darkness all along, body and soul.

Hel: Her vampires overrun the Earth. She is happy at first, but then realizes that despite all her power, no one loves her. Eventually contracts mummy rot.
Thor: Drinks himself to death.
Odin: Pecked to death by his own ravens.
The Snarl: Chokes to death on the screaming souls of countless innocents.

I tried to match the tone of the original post.

[drazen]

Are you feeling allright, drazen?

You sound gloomy.

I'm fine (guess it's just a melancholy day). Wasn't trying to be depressing, just thinking about how lots of characters meet their comeuppance in OOTS, such as Miko or Tsukiko, and applying it to the rest.

[The Pilgrim]

I smell a Predict the Worst Downer End Possible Contest!

Challenge Accepted!!!

Roy: Has his ass totally handed to him by Xykon. Again. But this time Julia shows up and casts Feather Fall on him, saving his life. Eugene gets to scorn him for all eternity.

Durkon: Dies of Spynx Pox. Goes to Hell.

V: Attempts to kill Xykon with an ultra powerful spell and accidentally slaughters her ex and children instead.

Haley: Gets permanently polymorphed into looking like Crystal. With lime green boots.

Elan: Suffers additional brain injury that causes him to believe he is Nale. Kills mother because she picked Elan over him. Then recovers his former self, loses it after realizing he has killed mom, and is institutionalized.

Belkar: Gets stuck with the Belt of Masculinity/Feminity. Attempts to commit suicide at the loss of his manhood, but fails. Relatives of Buggy Lou capture him and force him into sexual slavery under the stage name "Belkaretta".

Redcloak finishes the Ritual, discovers that the Big Plan of the Dark One to get a fair share for the Goblins is to turn them all into Humans.

Ian Starshine, Captain Amon-Zora, Gannji and Enor end up killing each other due to mistrust.

Tarquin: Dies of old age as the benevolent unifier who brought peace and prosperity to the Wester Continent. Becomes a Legend, and the role model per excelence for all rulers, leaders, and storytellers.

O-Chul: Sells his soul to the IFCC in order to save the last gate. Dies and his soul is tortured for all eternity.

Xykon returns to real-life Earth were he originally came from. Becomes the next POTUS.

[KorvinStarmast]

Xykon: Osteoporosis.

Now that's funny!

Haley: Gets permanently polymorphed into lookin like Crystal. With lime green boots.

Man, that's mean!

[Synesthesy]

After having defeated Xykon, all the Order contracts a colon tumor caused by the Thor Prayer(R).

[Auguries]

Eh, I doubt everything will be a downer. The best endings to epic stories tend to be bittersweet.

Roy: Saves the world, gets the girl, retires in luxury to raise several children with dark-brown cellophane wings. A true hero's ending.

Elan: Takes down Tarquin in the least interesting way possible. He uses his bardly knowledge to ruin any hope of a story ever being made about it. He visits Roy every chance he gets , to Roy's utter "delight".

Haley: After Tarquin is taken down and Ian is thoroughly rejected, she pursues the destruction of Gobbotopia. However, after seeing how peaceful the city is, plus the fact that the Azurites have settled comfortably on the island, she will abandon her dreams of liberation to save the world another war. Haley will settle for freeing the Azurite slaves, and will spend her life with Elan by her side.

Belkar: Belkar will die saving the world. He might go the way Kraagor did, but I think he will manage to sneak his way into Limbo (barely). The journey of how he grows out of his evil side is what I most hope to see in the last book.

Durkon: I suppose his fate will depend on what happens with his mother. He could live or die, I'm not sure.

V: My favorite character in the series, and thus who I've put the most though into. V's journey from aloof POS to true remorse is what really makes OOTS special IMO. Remorse is such an interesting character trait and yet I don't seem to see it that often. For that reason, I think it would make sense that this rare emotion coming from someone with the past behavior of V deserves some payoff in the end. But, not before V suffers some more.

Here's my theory: V stops Redcloak by destroying the Mantle via Disjunction (Redcloak rapidly ages, and dies regretting all the goblin lives he threw away, not realizing that Gobbotopia will live on). The Disjunction costs V all the powers he spent a hundred years to get. V is thus knocked out of the rest of the fight. When the battle is over, V tries talking to Blackwing, only to realize that without V's magic, Blackwing is now a regular raven. V is very upset, and accepts this fate as worthy punishment.

V tags along with the party after the climax, but falls into a deep depression. The team decides on an intervention. They setup a surprise meeting between V and Kyrie (and maybe V's master for good measure). After a good, long talk, Kyrie gives V another chance. V spends a long life in peace doing whatever he can to make up for past mistakes. Bittersweet at it's finest.

[Kish]

I'll play, too!

Roy will marry Celia, get over his issues with spellcasters, and live happily ever after.

Elan and Haley will live happily ever after. They may or may not get married.

Durkon will live happily ever after.

Belkar will die sacrificing himself to save Mr. Scruffy, and go to Limbo. The last anyone will hear from him will be an outraged scream of, "WHAT? I've been Evil all my life!"

Vaarsuvius will be disintegrated sacrificing themself to protect a strange black dragon from Xykon. Their afterlife destination will never be stated.

Mr. Scruffy will live happily ever after with Hinjo, who will not take him anywhere dangerous.

Jirix will lead the people of Gobbotopia away from the Dark One's worship, and will abolish slavery and make a new peace treaty with Hinjo, negotiated with O-Chul.

O-Chul will negotiate the peace treaty with Jirix. He will remain the soldier guarding the borders of reality, in many ways, few of which actually involve combat.

Redcloak will discover that his niece grew up to be a wizard when she disintegrates him. He will initially be dreading meeting his brother, but will cringe when he learns that his brother has never shown up at the Dark One's army. Upon asking questions of the devils there, he will learn that his brother is in Ysgard with his wife and sons, and has no interest in visiting Redcloak. An even worse blow for Redcloak will be when the number of dead goblins showing up to join the army slows to a trickle (see Jirix).

With the aid of Redcloak's niece and the creature in the darkness, the Order will strip Xykon of his magical powers, destroy his phylactery, and trap him in the Astral Plane to float among the ideas for all eternity. Since he'll have no particular ability to steer toward the more sadistic ideas, he will be both bored to the point of complete insanity, and constantly reminded that most people's minds worked in a way he was never able to understand.

Redcloak's niece will live happily ever after.

The creature in the darkness will live happily ever after.

The Snarl will be unmade.

Oh oops, did I get the tone of the thread wrong?

[Worldsong]

Wait, why does the OotS need a 'comeuppance'? That stuff is for characters who refuse to learn and grow from their mistakes.

[Sloanzilla]

Goblin Dan: Continues to get rich.
The Oracle: Gets killed when he tells a druid his wife is cheating on him with the druid's animal companion.
Crystal: Still dead.

[woweedd]

Roy: Defeats Xykon, marries Celia, and retires famous, content, and helping to train the next generation of Fighters.
Haley: Marries Elan, takes over the Thieves Guild, lives the rest of her life tanned, rested, and surrounded by money.
Elan: Lives to see Tarquin get defeated thanks to his plan, gets a happy ending.
Vaarsuvius: Sacrifices their magic and/or their life to bring back the victims of Familicide via Epic Spell. Never reunited with their spouse, but their conscience is clear.
Durkon: Regenerates his mother's arm, becomes new High Priest of Thor. Gains sole custody of Kudzu.
Belkar: Is killed while defending the final Gate, dying to save the world in an act of self-sacrifice that would have been unthinkable when we first met him. Dies just barely counting as CN.
Xykon: Destroyed utterly.
Redcloak: Though Gobtopia survives, he does not, and, in fact, is killed at the phalanges of Xykon, just after a reason-you-suck speech.
Jirix: Reforms Gobtopia, including abolishing slavery. The Azurites get a peace treaty, and, in fact, become allies. Azurites and Goblins know peace at last, and live together in perfect harmony.
O-Chul: Becomes the second-in-command of the Sapphire Guard. Marries a Goblinoid woman. Their children are terrifying to the Forces of Evil.

[Sloanzilla]

Edited since the above edit causes this edit to no longer make sense.

[Aveline]

I'm 100% sure Haley will defeat Bozzok.

He died in #980, but I suppose one could take that as Haley "indirectly defeating" Bozzok.

[Sloanzilla]

Edited due to edit.

[zimmerwald1915]

Every cast member eventually merges into some Outer Plane.

[woweedd]

Every cast member eventually merges into some Outer Plane.

Very true.

[jwhouk]

Oh, come on, no one took the "Rocks fall, everyone dies" option?

[RatElemental]

Vaarsuivius: Spends the rest of their long elven life trying to set right what they've done, maybe succeeding, maybe not. Epic spells that raise the dead or heal people are off the table for arcane casters to actually cast, but they can develop them. V could create an anti-familicide spell and inscribe it on a tablet as part of their penance. A personal sacrifice that will enable someone else to do lots of good and get all the glory, fitting.

Belkar: Will die before the comic ends, and likely spend all of eternity in some flavor of hell. It'll be a spectacular blaze of glory though, I'm sure.

Oona: Possibly made to see the error of her ways by the monster in the dark once Redcloak and Xykon are out of the picture.

Greyview: When icy jaws of death come for him, he really won't have gotten enough treats. No more nod, no more treat.

Fruit Pie the Sorcerer: Has already merged into the semi-elemental plane of delicious fruit filling.

Hobgoblin Warrior from Strip #433, Panel 3: Goes on to be come a mighty general in the dark one's army on Acheron, waging eternal war across the infinite metallic battlegrounds.

[KorvinStarmast]

Presuming that Roy and Celia have kids in their after-the-gate-epilogue, would the kids be air genasi? (or is that restricted only to genii/human breeding?) She's an outsider, elemental plane of air, right? Close.

OK, my predictions.

Roy: defeats Xykon, sword gets destroyed in the process. He and Celia happy ever after somewhere and have a family.
Eugene: gets into Celestia but spends most of eternity climbing that mountain. Gets side tracked a lot.
Haley: Survives final battle, but (see Ian below) victory is bittersweet because Dad dies during the revolution.
Elan: Haley and Elan find a special place to live; have kids who are incredibly dexterous and good looking.
Belkar: dies in battle. Goes to whatever afterlife will have him. (Possibly becomes a Halfling demigod of war, worshipped by evil halflings and evil rangers).
V: spends rest of life trying to atone for Familicide. May or may not succeed. I'd like V's ending to be "has to expend all XP ever earned to craft the epic spell that reverses familicide" and so returns to level 1 (or pre level 1) wizard ... and has to decide whether or not getting all that arcane power back would be worth the effort. Not likely, but a possible V ending.
Durkon: After the battle, goes home. Becomes next high priest of Thor.
Xykon: destroyed.
Redcloak: dies at the end of Lien's spear during climactic battle.
Lien: becomes second in command of Sapphire Guard.
O'Chul: becomes leader of Sapphire Guard, initiates significant reforms.
Oracle: is already damned by Tiamat, and spends eternity in that valley telling people the future for pay. Can never leave.
Sabine: never falls in love again.
Tarqin: is beheaded during the revolution led by Ian Starshine. Buried in an unmarked grave.
Ian: Leads the revolution, but dies during the last battle.
MiTD: becomes a fixture in the Southern lands, and remains friends with O'Chul. Runs a gaming academy, where Go is the most popular game.
Oona and Greyview: die during battle wit the Snarl.
Jirix: leads Gobotopia to prosperity.
Hinjo: rebuilds Azure civilization in the new location. Dies of old age, buried in the Temple of the Twelve in Cyan City. Some distance away, Hinjopolis is founded as the next Azurite city as the Azurites expand/grow over time due to hard work and commerce.
Kazumi and Daigo: have a big family. Eventually have a large enough estate that the nobles accept them as legit. Kazumi's Lemon Squares become the national dessert of Azurites. She has franchises in multiple cities. (Sorta like a Mrs Fields cookies deal ... ). Gets filthy rich.
Hilgya: retains custody of Kudzu, but Durkon eventually gets to play a role in Kudzu's life.
Kudzu: rebels abainst both parents. Becomes a druid.

[Aveline]

How certain are we, really, that Belkar will die before the comic ends? The Oracle has insinuated that Belkar will have no use for savings accounts or birthday cakes, but his only comment from the oracular trance was about Belkar's "last breath ever". In this comic, that could mean anything. And the Oracle does seem to love yanking people's chains with Jedi truths.

[Kish]

The Oracle also said Belkar is not long for this world.

If you want to theorize based on the Oracle lying, feel free, but I won't be joining you.

[Aveline]

The Oracle also said Belkar is not long for this world.

There are many worlds in this universe. It was suggested in another thread that Belkar could wind up in the Astral Plane, an "other world" where one does not breathe.

[Kish]

Sure. I suspect that would be a worse fate for him than death; the Astral Plane, with no one to kill, does not look like a place Belkar would find interesting.

[KorvinStarmast]

Sure. I suspect that would be a worse fate for him than death; the Astral Plane, with no one to kill, does not look like a place Belkar would find interesting.

But I think that might be a nice piece of cosmic justice. (IIRC, boredom is what he hates as much as anything else. Don't have OoTPC handy, but him sitting in prison bored is how he started out ... or not. I also have that little short story about an early adventure of his .... hmmm)

[Resileaf]

Well this thread started as "OotS as imagined by the Warhammer devs" but it seems things have gotten more in line with what I expect from the Giant.

[Aveline]

But my point is, could these prophetic insights not add up to *something* other than death for Belkar?

[Kish]

Many people have looked for a way Belkar will evade the prophecy over the years. They've been overt ("pfft, why would a prophecy come true?" "The Oracle is a liar whose prophecies never come true"). They've been bizarre ("Belkar counts as dead if his personality has changed at all since the Oracle said that"). They've hinged on ignoring parts of the prophecy ("He'll become a vampire, who is in control of his body for some handwaved reason, and the 'not long for the world' line won't matter." "Someone else named Belkar Bitterleaf will die, and it won't matter that the Oracle also called him The Halfling, Him, and Your Friend"). They've, occasionally, been plausible but still horrible for Belkar ("he'll wind up imprisoned in the Astral Plane/Snarl-world/etc., where they have no cake and don't breathe").

Never--not once--has one actually been plausible without being an awful fate for Belkar.

[Jasdoif]

But my point is, could these prophetic insights not add up to *something* other than death for Belkar?

Absolutely. But I'm not sure "dead" and...let's say "turned to stone in an area that becomes inaccessible for anyone who'd ever cast stone to flesh"...is much of a distinction.

[Aveline]

Many people have looked for a way Belkar will evade the prophecy over the years. They've been overt ("pfft, why would a prophecy come true?" "The Oracle is a liar whose prophecies never come true"). They've been bizarre ("Belkar counts as dead if his personality has changed at all since the Oracle said that"). They've hinged on ignoring parts of the prophecy ("He'll become a vampire, who is in control of his body for some handwaved reason, and the 'not long for the world' line won't matter." "Someone else named Belkar Bitterleaf will die, and it won't matter that the Oracle also called him The Halfling, Him, and Your Friend"). They've, occasionally, been plausible but still horrible for Belkar ("he'll wind up imprisoned in the Astral Plane/Snarl-world/etc., where they have no cake and don't breathe").

Never--not once--has one actually been plausible without being an awful fate for Belkar.

I take it, then, that there are awful fates that stand as plausible (if few) alternatives to death?

Absolutely. But I'm not sure "dead" and...let's say "turned to stone in an area that becomes inaccessible for anyone who'd ever cast stone to flesh"...is much of a distinction.

That isn't the only other possibility, either.