Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

[Katrina]

*** i most definitely cannot litterally kick its rear-end so far into next week it lands on thursday afternoon.

* I was forbidden from doing this with a girly limp wristed slap in Mutants and Masterminds. Despite being a girl with a strength of 0. And Time Manipulation powers.

[Segev]

Why is casting curse of burning sleep better for keeping the bbeg from escaping your wrath than just hitting him with a damage spell when you otherwise would have cast the curse?

[Lord Torath]

Well, if the BBEG is surrounded by thugs and soldiers (too many to confront at this particular juncture) and doesn't yet know of your existence, a fireball might announce your presence before you are ready. A misc. saving throw doesn't point directly back to you, so Curse of the Burning Sleep is a stealthier option.

[SleepyShadow]

Thanks for backing me up on the wall-licking, everyone

*My alchemist may no longer create ammonium nitrate bombs.

[JMS]

Well, if the BBEG is surrounded by thugs and soldiers (too many to confront at this particular juncture) and doesn't yet know of your existence, a fireball might announce your presence before you are ready. A misc. saving throw doesn't point directly back to you, so Curse of the Burning Sleep is a stealthier option.

Also, maybe you're at a ball or other situation where you don't want to fight, it's a hard to trace parting gift.

[Personification]

I just like the fact that Geology is the ONLY branch of science (other than food science) where licking unknown samples is not only not the worst thing you can do, but is actually encouraged.

[malachi]

I just like the fact that Geology is the ONLY branch of science (other than food science) where licking unknown samples is not only not the worst thing you can do, but is actually encouraged.

In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, one character licks the protagonist's face to determine that he's lying, so we can add sociology and psychology to that list!

[Adrastos42]

I think it's also used in Paleontology to see if what you're licking is a fossil or a rock? (Fossils stick to your tongue because they're porous iirc)

*May not use this as excuse to lick any actual living dinosaurs we encounter.
**Or animated dino skeletons, for that matter.

[CrazyPenguin]

In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

[Personification]

*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

**Even if I'm talking about the claymation kids show with clowns
***ESPECIALLY if I'm talking about the claymation kids show with clowns

[PhoenixPhyre]

*If my only justification for an action is "It happened in Jojo," I cannot take that action.

Alternate rule:

* If it or anything approximately similar to it happened in Jojo, I cannot take that action. Regardless of other justifications.

[JMS]

From actual games:
* May not hold off on picking a gender for my character until I see what's more plot-useful

** Ebberon Changelings are an exception, if your DM lets you. - I so want to play the old way too many identities, and powers changing from day to day build.

[Flyingbooks42]

All from my campaign:

* "Chaotic Garlic Bread" is not an acceptable alignment

* I may not spend more time on the physics, metaphysics, and magic system of my campaign world than on the actual campaign itself
** Especially if nobody else is ever going to know anything about it unless they explicitly decide to research it, which they probably won't do

* "Be able to create a black hole" is not an ability that anybody should ask for when they are level 2

* I may not copy multiple scenes and monsters from a book that exactly one player at the table knows
** Especially if the other players think that it's a Monty Python reference

* The monster that the players are most scared of should not be one of the weakest encounters in the dungeon
** Yes, it's large. And breathes fire. But it's not even 1/100th of the strength of a dragon
*** OH COME ON. It's basically just an overgrown worm. The players should not plan for half an hour to defeat it

* Intimidating the giant rabid poison dart frog with a spear-like tongue is not a valid tactical decision

[Malphegor]

* I probably am not allowed to mind control the party, but I can set up things so that they can be mind controlled in future by me and/or by the BBEG if they share certain abilities with me

** I probably am not advised to use instant save or die spells 6 rounds into an encounter solely because I have to go home irl and I could have finished the encounter in the first round but chose not to for drama


*** Yes Flour is explosive if in the air as a particulant if exposed to flame due to the surface areas exposed and whatnot. No, that will not work.

[Rater202]

*I may not rules lawyer a demon into ceasing to exist by arguing the technicalities of a magically binding nonaggression pact we'd previously formed.
**Even though he'd previously claimed that arguing technicalities was the only way such pacts were enforced.

*Nor can I ask if the murder bot would taste good if I ate it.

[Personification]

*The sentence "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously." Does not insta-kill modrons
** Nor does "This sentence is a lie."
***A dying modron does not repeat the name Norman over and over.

[Bromley20]

* May no longer cast sleep and painless death to kill the first campaign arc's boss at level 1

* May no longer stack templates on the party's goat to turn it into the Goat of War
** Players may no longer choose templates for anything

* May no longer cast blade of blood on a spear and chase an enemy into the orc spearman

* May no longer kidnap NPCs as a way to get information about a mission

* May no longer throw flaming limbs at people

* May no longer attempt to form a hobo cult by healing them and offering them food, water, and shelter in a ruined church

[danielxcutter]

* May no longer cast sleep and painless death to kill the first campaign arc's boss at level 1

* May no longer stack templates on the party's goat to turn it into the Goat of War
** Players may no longer choose templates for anything

* May no longer cast blade of blood on a spear and chase an enemy into the orc spearman

* May no longer kidnap NPCs as a way to get information about a mission

* May no longer throw flaming limbs at people

* May no longer attempt to form a hobo cult by healing them and offering them food, water, and shelter in a ruined church

To be fair, the Blade of Blood one is both entirely legal and not a total cheesefest either.

[Rater202]

If the fate of the universe is ever resting on the outcome of a banjo-playing contest between a ten-year-old and the literal devil, something has gone horribly awry.

[noob]

If the fate of the universe is ever resting on the outcome of a banjo-playing contest between a ten-year-old and the literal devil, something has gone horribly awry.

What?
I believed it was the norm.

I may no longer speak of the uncomfortable costumes fashionable undead wears because they can not feel pain.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

* I was forbidden from doing this with a girly limp wristed slap in Mutants and Masterminds. Despite being a girl with a strength of 0. And Time Manipulation powers.

** My characters favorite superhero series may not be The Continued Adventures Of Time Slapper.

[TeChameleon]

If the fate of the universe is ever resting on the outcome of a banjo-playing contest between a ten-year-old and the literal devil, something has gone horribly awry.

Well, obviously! You got the wrong instrument!

** My characters favorite superhero series may not be The Continued Adventures Of Time Slapper.

..? (minor warning, brief nsfw language)

[Lord Raziere]

* May not counter a sonic-based instant kill gun based on resonance with a pogo-stick and have it make sense
** Especially while cosplaying as batman and the cosplay is the reason why I can pull out the pogo-stick

[Flyingbooks42]

*Worms do not have scales
**Not even if they breathe fire
***It's not a dragon or even a wyrm, it's just an overgrown, overheated worm!

*Pyrosomes may not be mutated by an orb of pure madness battling an orb of pure chaos
**If so, the individual zooids may not attack each other
***This may not be used as evidence for the existence of a nearby orb of pure madness
****If so, then A PLAYER MAY NOT THINK IT WAS AN ENCOUNTER AND SIMPLY KILL IT OFF WITH A LIGHTNING SPELL IN THE WATER

[danielxcutter]

*There has never been, isn't, and never will be a spell called Memeteor Swarm.
**What part of "never will be" did you not get?

[Anonymouswizard]

* The solution is not 'less Spiral Power'.

[TrashTrash]

* I may not cast a minor illusion to make it appear as though my lower jaw has been melted off my face in order to intimidate a tweaker into giving us the information the party needs.
** Especially after our winged Dragonborn has already grappled said tweaker and flown over 60 feet into the air with him to accomplish the same purpose.
*** Definitely do not do this in the exact same place your Dragonborn flew with the dude, since that will attract city guards and end with the whole party in jail.

* No more headbutting fellow party members for following me around.

* Never use Thaumaturgy to yell at a Great Mage to give us back our Cleric. The Cleric will intentionally stay longer and has a 50/50 chance of returning with a bag of magical cocaine for our Druid.

* Use another player's unconscious body as bait, a humanoid shield, a distraction, or a seat.

[dspeyer]

Another campaign, another post here...

* If the rulebook begins with the disclaimer "This is intended as a work of parody and should not be mistaken for a real roleplaying
game.", we will not play a year-long campaign of it.
** If it goes on to specify "Anyway, have fun, and don't take roleplaying too seriously!" I will not take my character too seriously.
*** Just because we've ignored the previous two bullet-points doesn't mean our goal is to break the DM's mind every session with things that belong on this thread.

* Just because we haven't seen a limit to an NPC's ability to duplicate bodies doesn't mean she can double 95 times and create a black hole
** There is no canon that ectoplasm is even subject to Fermi-Dyrac mechanics, much less specifics to calculate its degeneracy pressure from
*** I can't just hand-wave "probably less than neutronium"

* If the DM feels the need to obtain a physical hammer and put the word "ban" on it, we've gone too far
** No stealing and hiding the hammer while he writes on the masking tape

* In a roll-and-keep system, you should never roll a negative number of dice
** Especially not for *all* social skills
*** :: If you must do this, roll and keep as if positive, then negate
**** No trying to antagonize someone, rolling negatively on the task, and using this to become friends
***** If your social skills are that bad, you probably shouldn't be organizing academic conferences

* Ontology does not follow the wave equation
** Even in the astral sea
*** No matter what the anatomy of space-whales would suggest

* Transformation spells do not have eigendecompositions

And from our recent one-shot:
* If a psionic power is limited in the weight of object it can effect, that does not make it vastly more powerful in microgravity.
** If our DM boasted about how this system isn't full of logical issues and holes, we should not spot this one in the very first session.

[Telok]

An oldie but a goodie,
A blast from the past,
It's been 25+ years since...

"I am not allowed to cast Chain Lightning underwater unless I have pre-paid, in full, on the resurrections."

[Flyingbooks42]

From an adventurer's league session:
*We may not capture the goldfish handler with an animated rope bridge.
**The party may not intimidate him using the aforesaid animated bridge and a necromancer with two blue skeletons
***The skeletons especially may not be called Oingo and Boingo
****We may not then kill alll of the prospective replacement goldfish and have the necromancer turn his familiar into a goldfish in order to have a spy.
*****We may not then follow him to the Xanathar's ship, sneak through the ship using the hide bonuses granted by some low-level spells, making even a roll of 1 be higher than the \perception of any creature on the ship, and steal what we came there to steal without fighting the Xanathar
******After that, we may not add insult to injury by unsummoning the familiar and having the Xanathar attack everything around him