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    Default Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

    This is now the twelfth episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

    1: [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.
    2: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
    3: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
    4: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas
    5: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law
    6: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear!
    7: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then
    8: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire?
    9: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing IX: GNO GNOMES!
    10: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice
    11: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
    1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
    2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

    Asterisks are highly recommended, though.
    Last edited by Anonymouswizard; 2018-11-14 at 09:35 AM. Reason: title update
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *May not decide who the big bad is and the exact reason that they kidnapped the protagonists until after the game started.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    * I may not RP my elk companion as a mobster
    ** even if he kills on order
    *** such tasks are not an "assignment"
    **** my elk does not consider himself On The Job
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    * If my robot PC has a stealth mode it may not declare “coke vending machine wearing sunglasses” to be it’s stealth mode.
    ** if my robot PC becomes famous it may not negotiate with Pepsi for a better advertising deal.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *Spooky things happening in an abandoned campground by a lake does not automatically mean this is a horror movie.
    **I can't start speculating my character is safe based on which slasher movie tropes she fits under.
    Last edited by Rater202; 2018-11-14 at 09:07 PM.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *Matte Painting is not a valid background choice in D&D 5E
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    * I may play a bastard son of a diplomat and the now king, hinting at myself being the best choice for future king.
    ** Doing so in a game with everyone being kids to the king is okay if I premeditate wanting to be king.
    *** I may however not have all signs point at me, then laugh and dump charisma and all charisma stats.
    **** No, I may not substitute Charisma with Strength and Constitution for social interactions
    ***** Even though I wished it worked that way, social encounters are not decided by arm wrestling nor endurance competitions.
    ****** Punching the foreign emissary for being a "weakling" is right out.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *Tungesten telephone poles are not a common commodity, nor are they listed under trade goods.
    **You cannot just openly buy weapons of mass destruction on space amazon.
    ***You cannot just buy weapons of mass destruction, period.
    Guardsmen, hear me! Cadia may lie in ruin, but her proud people do not! For each brother and sister who gave their lives to Him as martyrs, we will reap a vengeance fiftyfold! Cadia may be no more, but will never be forgotten; our foes shall tremble in fear at the name, for their doom shall come from the barrels of Cadian guns, fired by Cadian hands! Forward, for vengeance and retribution, in His name and the names of our fallen comrades!

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    ***You cannot just buy weapons of mass destruction, period.
    Well in fact, there are readily available materials at the local grocery store that can be converted into WMD quite easily. Hang on, knock on my doo
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *"just sit on the problem" should never be the first course of action.
    **especially if the problem is currently a player.

    *groin attacks are always permitted in game. groin attacks, however accidental, to players or the gm are not.

    *no more throwing my pet rock.
    **even if the victim insulted said pet rock based on its weight.
    *** i am preemptively banned pre-gunpowder siege engines.
    **** i am preemptively banned pet rocks as animal companions.

    *if my character's weapon needs more damage dice than what i can hold in both hands, it's gonna get nerfed.
    **same goes for damage rolls.

    *no more conning players into eating "pickled green beans", even if they're too stupid to not know the difference between green beans and hot peppers.

    *no, projectile vomiting is never a surprise attack.
    **it will force a constitution check, however.
    ***you're playing a drug dealer, not a slaad!!

    *the following classes are preemptively banned: irs agent, lawyer, tax collector, loan shark.
    **they are however worth double xp.

    *halfling war kazoos are supposed to be a joke, not a mid-game goal.
    **same goes for orc didgeridoos.
    ***no hollowing out a greatclub for the double whammy, no matter my craft (instrument) skill.

    *"thicker than a kardashian's rear-end" is not a valid insult for a dimwit in pathfinder.
    **"faker than photoshop" can't be said in pathfinder, either.

    *no, the game is not more boring than vanilla ice cream.

    *no more making the dm snort tortilla chips in surprise.

    *no matter how much i beg, "baby punting" is not an orkish federated sport.
    ** baby eating competitions are not a gnoll pay-per-view event.

    *nothing should ever go "splat" from being punted. before the landing, anyways.
    **cannot bring a punt gun to a baby punting competition i organized.
    ***cannot start a baby punting league.
    ****even if they're elf babies.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by TheYell View Post
    Well in fact, there are readily available materials at the local grocery store that can be converted into WMD quite easily. Hang on, knock on my doo
    * Applying chemical knowledge to RP your alchemist is great flavor
    ** Bridging a few gaps in knowledge and processability with semi-magical hubbub is viable
    *** You are NOT creating nonmagical alchemical weapons stronger than the ones in the PHB for a fraction of the price, rivalling Fireballs in damage!
    **** You cannot mope if the engineer at the table can suddenly build functional gliding planes who are propelled by bound air elementals.
    ***** This is how magepunk happens. You ruined a perfectly good medieval setting. Are you happy?
    ****** NUCLEAR REACTORS MADE OUT OF FORCE WALLS?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?
    Last edited by Spore; 2018-11-16 at 06:36 AM.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *When the DM looks at you in horror, holds her head in her hands and/or stares at the ceiling silently saying why, your plan is not going to end well.

    *We experienced players are to discourage the new folks from pursuing the path of the murder hobo. Pointing out that it just takes one good attack roll for the NPC’s gear to become party loot is frowned upon.

    **Not allowed to just burn down a grassland because we can’t spot the incoming gnoll raiding party anymore.

    ***Operation: Needle in a Haystack easy mode should not be recommended by the party Druid

    * being true neutral doesn’t mean I have to match bandit kills with the same number of innocent villager kills to keep the world balanced.

    * while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.

    * showing the GM/DM/ST anything on the SCP wiki page is forbidden by the rest of the party
    Last edited by PastorofMuppets; 2018-11-16 at 11:01 PM.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    * My problem is supposed to be that the party are turning into supervillains, not that they aren't any good at it.
    ** It doesn't matter that they can't nick a mug from a museum without being caught.
    *** Or that this group has never really got the hand of planning...
    Last edited by Anonymouswizard; 2018-11-17 at 07:24 AM.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *If the party goes full HAM on the cultist hideout with molotovs, firearms, thrown pipe-bomb grenades, etc., in a metropolitan area, cannot be surprised if a SWAT team promptly arrives and kills us.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    JAL_1138: Founding Member of the Paranoid Adventurer's Guild.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    - If it's something mortals were not meant to know, I've already found six different ways to blow myself and/or someone else up with it.
    Gnomish proverb


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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by PastorofMuppets View Post
    * while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.
    Everyone's looking at (and, perforce, listening to) the guy torturing the plaid cat trapped under his arm, so they don't notice the rogue sneaking up behind them to shank them?
    Play your character, not your alignment.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by John Campbell View Post
    Everyone's looking at (and, perforce, listening to) the guy torturing the plaid cat trapped under his arm, so they don't notice the rogue sneaking up behind them to shank them?
    it's like reciting the litany of stealth. it works because it has to. the fact it pulls overtime doing it is of no concern to you.

    source: the ecclesiarchy of the god-emperor of mankind.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    it's like reciting the litany of stealth. it works because it has to. the fact it pulls overtime doing it is of no concern to you.

    source: the ecclesiarchy of the god-emperor of mankind.
    Spoiler
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    Wasn't the big joke that there was no Litany of Stealth, and it was just an unclear way of saying shut up.

    Plus I remember some of the Litanies had to be said at discussing volumes, like the Litany of Silence when preparing an ambush. I think or was in Fortissimo and went:
    With cat-like tread
    Upon our prey we steal...


    * Ecclesiarchal prayers and Litanies are not just Gilbert and Sullivan songs.
    ** They are not on my little list. I don't even have a little list.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *May not make a mind flayer bard just to reference the “octopus and bagpipe” joke.

    Spoiler: in the event someone hasn’t heard the joke
    Show

    A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on the counter and says “I’ll bet anyone here $100 that this octopus can play any instrument you put in front of it.” Somebody puts down a harmonica and a $100 bill. Octopus goes over to the harmonica, picks it up, looks it over, and plays a blues tune. Guy collects his hundred bucks, picks up the octopus, and leaves. Next day, guy goes back to the bar with the octopus, same thing, bets $100 the octopus can play anything. Somebody brings up a guitar. Octopus examines it, wraps a tentacle or six around the fretboard, plays a flamenco song. Guy collects his $100 and leaves with the octopus. This goes on for a week with all sorts of different instruments—fiddle, trombone, banjo, flute, and so on—until finally someone brings in a bagpipe.

    The octopus goes over to the bagpipe, looks it over every which way with a puzzled expression, runs its tentacles across the pipes, and sits back scratching its head. The bar patron who made the bet asks “What’s the matter, can’t you play it?”

    The octopus says “Play it? I’m trying to f%^& it, if I can figure out how to get it out of its pajamas!”
    Last edited by JAL_1138; 2018-11-17 at 10:23 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    JAL_1138: Founding Member of the Paranoid Adventurer's Guild.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    - If it's something mortals were not meant to know, I've already found six different ways to blow myself and/or someone else up with it.
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *I cannot print out the entirety of the Old Man Henderson Page on 1d4chan and all of it's attendant images for the sake of having a summoning catylist.
    **Old Man Henderson is not Type Earth.
    ***There's already a Type Earth.
    ****Just because the Cthulhu Mythos exists in-universe that doesn't mean I can invoke Henderson.
    *****Henderson is not a God.
    ******Worship of Henderson does not require you to smoke the Necronomicon.
    *******Nor the (Un)Holy Books of any faith.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *I may no longer let the fighter get a free grapple against a monster because it rolled a 1
    **i should not let the party roll to befriend the pteradon
    *** friggin nat 20
    ****i should not let the bard use charm magic on the pteradon
    *****I should not let them role to try to take the pteradon
    ******another nat 20... FINE YOU HAVE A PET PTERADON
    The first rule of gaming, before you have even chosen the game is and always should be

    HAVE FUN

    (FUN being defined as it is in dwarf fortress)

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    JAL_1138: Founding Member of the Paranoid Adventurer's Guild.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    - If it's something mortals were not meant to know, I've already found six different ways to blow myself and/or someone else up with it.
    Gnomish proverb


    I use blue text for silliness and/or sarcasm. Do not take anything I say in blue text seriously, except for this sentence and the one preceding it.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    *The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.
    ** It is not the GM's attempt at a novel.
    *** Even if I supply the players manuscripts.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PastorofMuppets View Post
    * while bardic music can aid skill checks there is no such thing as the bagpiper’s quiet song even if it does somehow aid a stealth attempt.
    I believe that the song played to make this check is actually playable on any instrument, including the bagpipe.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    *The eldritch tome that drives men mad is not the 300 page, ever-changing “Backstory of Doom” of Old Man Henderson.
    **I cannot smoke the Backstory of Doom to gain Henderson's power.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    I believe that the song played to make this check is actually playable on any instrument, including the bagpipe.
    That is a pretty good piece to explain Perception but not Stealth ;)

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    * There are pieces of advanced technology that do not double as explosives.
    ** It is not my duty to change that fact with endless Repair rolls.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Spoiler
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    Wasn't the big joke that there was no Litany of Stealth, and it was just an unclear way of saying shut up.

    Plus I remember some of the Litanies had to be said at discussing volumes, like the Litany of Silence when preparing an ambush. I think or was in Fortissimo and went:
    With cat-like tread
    Upon our prey we steal...


    * Ecclesiarchal prayers and Litanies are not just Gilbert and Sullivan songs.
    ** They are not on my little list. I don't even have a little list.
    arg. i got owned at my own game. first edition there was no litany of stealth for the joke, the second edition (which i own) does specify it is to be whispered and it boils down to "fail your spot check, please mister eldritch horror".

    i don't know which i find funnier.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Aug 2014

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    *I cannot “win” Call of Cthulhu by having my Investigator sell his house in Arkham, Massachusetts and move to Pismo Beach, California before the DM can drop the first plot hook.
    Spoiler: Playground Quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    JAL_1138: Founding Member of the Paranoid Adventurer's Guild.
    Quote Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    - If it's something mortals were not meant to know, I've already found six different ways to blow myself and/or someone else up with it.
    Gnomish proverb


    I use blue text for silliness and/or sarcasm. Do not take anything I say in blue text seriously, except for this sentence and the one preceding it.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    The Underworld
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    I cannot undergo secondary mutation in the first adventure.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Spore's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2013

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permiss

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    I cannot undergo secondary mutation in the first adventure.
    * I cannot start off the adventure with divination abilities and Knowledge and Instinct of 1.
    ** Having a high Body+unarmed score doesn't mean I read in the blood splatters I leave of my enemies.
    *** You're not called the oracle and your catchphrase cannot be: "I'll see the future, I see your death."
    **** No WWF wrestler intros for you!

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