Things not to do when fighting Gnolls.

[Conners]

0.5. Do not copy the, "Things not to do when fighting Kobolds" thread in hope for extra laughs.
1. Do not challenge them to arm-wrestling competitions. More often then not you'll pull back a stump.
1a. And more often then not, they'll pull back a meal.
2. Gnolls do not make good pets, regardless of advertising.
3. Do not mistake gnolls for knolls, it's not very professional.

[Citizen Joe]

4. Grassy gnolls are NOT good sniping positions.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

4. Grassy gnolls are NOT good sniping positions.

4a. However, a 16th level Gnoll Ranger would make a very good sniper, and quite possibly be a Grassy Gnoll if he were being camoflauged...

[ocato]

5. A gnoll is dangerous, a g'noll is hilarious.

[nifler]

6. Do not start a slap fight with a gnoll. Just in case, y'know, you lose.

[de-trick]

7. Attack the Gnoll wearing different armor or non armored gnolls first
(spellcasters ether sorcerer or druid)
8. If the Gnoll has wings or look demonic run away

[Conners]

9. Don't laugh when the gnolls bring out their shortbows, it just makes them aim at your teeth*.
10. Don't assume that since gnolls can't count, they won't know if they outnumber you.
10a. Although a wise idea is to runaway before they realize they outnumber you.
11. Never forget that gnolls don't get penalties to wisdom, so that dog suit won't work.
12. Gnolls are actually closer related to cats then dogs, so send the catfolk out from the hole your hiding in to parle.
13. Gnolls are lazy, but I'm sure their slaves have made plenty of traps for you.

*Or tongue.

[clockwork warrior]

14. always remember, they are laughing at you, not with you
15. begging for mercy only wets their appetite
16. no, they are not just puppys and just need some love, never.

[Swooper]

17. Don't try to confuse them by hinting that they're the descendants of gnomes and trolls. It will only make them more angry.

[Ikkitosen]

18. Remember, a gnoll is not just for Christmas; if carved properly it can last well into the new year.

[Crow]

19. Don't panic. At least they're not kobolds.

[Conners]

19a. Yes, they're only bigger, way stronger, much tougher, and have hyena jaws. There's obviously nothing they have over kobolds, besides they're equipment.

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

20. Do not get them wet. Ever smell wet dog? This is worse. Like wet, burning dog.

[Oeryn]

21. If you get a chance to parley with them, it's not pronounced "guh-nole".

They hate that.

[The_Werebear]

22. Do not call one a b*tch. Even if it is technically accurate.

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

23. Gnolls do not like to play fetch. Unless your name is Bugs Bunny.

[Raolin_Fenix]

24. Do not refer to helpful Arcanoloths as "the nicest gnoll you've ever seen." (Someone in my group did this in Planescape -- fortunately it was the Friendly Fiend.)

[Wraithy]

25. stand between a gnoll and his dinner, you may end up on the menu
26. attempt negotiations with a gnoll while wearing your spiffy new magical item "vest of many meats"
26a. or after drinking an "elixer of tastyness"

[Kaelaroth]

27. Take measurements of his coat, then size them up to yourself, while drawing out plans for Armani during a peace conference between the gnoll tribes and your elven hamlet. It never helps.

[Crow]

28. Never scold "Bad dog!", when they attack. It just makes them angry.

"vest of many meats"

This little gem just replaced Murlynd's Spoon in my campaign...

[Crazy_Uncle_Doug]

29. Do not tickle a Gnoll, just to hear his cute hyena-laugh.

[Hyrael]

30. Make a plan that requires recognizing the difference between male and female gnolls. Seriously, it's nearly impossible.

[Shatteredtower]

31. Cursing them out as "a pack of cowardly jackals" tends to have unpleasant results.

32. Similarly, asking one, "Didn't you used to be in a Hanna Barbera cartoon?" is also just asking for trouble.

[Ralfarius]

33. That laugh is not indicative of mellow, friendly individuals, so stop making that joke.

[Fax Celestis]

34. When faced with a gazebo sitting atop a grassy gnoll, remember: it's the gazebo that's dangerous:

Spoiler

Show

[warty goblin]

35) Poking gnolls in the armpit doesn't make their legs twitch.

[mockingbyrd7]

I might be running a gnoll ranger (or even writing about one) some time soon, and I had a list of things that would be humorous for him to do. I'll have to add some of these to the list.

[purepolarpanzer]

36. Alpo is not an adequate distraction.
37. A rolled up newspaper does not count as a +1 Gnollbane Greatclub.
38. Summon swarm cannot be used to bring down demonic fleas.
39. Throwing a bone at a gnoll just reminds it how meaty your thighs are...
40. Remember, control the pet population. Kill or neuter a gnoll today.

[Fhaolan]

*Fhaolan just sits there... tapping his harp... and sighs, because he can't resist joining in.*

Don't roll over and play dead. It may confuse them, but only momentarily.

Holding out your hand and saying "Shake a paw?" is a good way to loose the hand.

Going up to the gnoll with the punk rock mohawk and saying "Who does your hair?"... No wait, that might actually work... hold on...

Nope, that didn't help either. Nevermind...

[Conners]

41. I don't care if your chaotic evil, half-gnolls are not cute!
42. No, whimpering will not give you a bonus on your diplomacy check.
42a. Nor will it let you make a bluff check to convince the farmers you are an over-sized puppy.
43. Gnoll fur is not in fashion.
43a. No not even then.
43b. You are no longer allowed to skin gnolls.
44. If you repeatedly collect the teeth and body parts of gnoll corpses, then you can only expect to have Yeenoghu's ghouls continually visit their wrath upon you.
44a. Especially after that raid on his temple.

((Sorry if these aren't especially funny, but I was half-asleep when I wrote them.))