I want to talk too

[Zaharra]

I really like playing roleplaying games, I've had good and bad experiences but overall I'm pretty happy with most GMs I've played with and my own characters. I have a soft voice (I get mistaken for a child on the phone by strangers), and even when I talk as loudly as I can without shouting people with loud voices can still talk over me easily, and trying to join in often means straining (and sometimes losing) my voice.

When I play in person games, I've always worked out with everyone that I'll raise my hand when I'd like to speak and wait for other people to finish speaking to speak, almost everyone has been pretty respectful when I've requested that.

Now I'm playing in an online game where we mostly play over discord but we also do some text based Rping and when it comes to the text part I'm fine, but when we talk the DM has to step in every time to give me a turn to speak.

Do loud voice people feel frustrated too? Do they understand that it's impossible to speak as loud as them without screaming? Is there a better way to take turns speaking without needing the person running the game to step in?

[daemonaetea]

I'd actually like to chime in here and say I'd really love this advice too, albeit for the opposite reason. When DMing I generally don't have a good solution to getting the quieter voices at the table into the discussions, and it really bothers me. When things are slower or calmer I do an ok job at making sure the quiet people aren't lost - I'll generally specifically turn to them and ask for their input, to make sure everyone pays attention to them - but as soon as things get tense and move quickly, I find it hard to slow down and remember the ones who are getting lost in the shuffle. So if other players or DMs have good advice on this topic I would really like to hear it.

[PhoenixPhyre]

First piece of advice--bring this up to the group OOC. Don't accuse or complain, simply state that you're not having as much fun as you wish because you're finding it hard to be heard and ask for their cooperation. If you're friends, that should go a long way. Also, don't feel bad if the DM's stepping in to help you be heard--that's part of their job as a mediator.

Second, from the DM's side--I play almost entirely with teenagers, many of whom...don't have exactly well developed social skills. When they get excited, they get loud. I've found that the absolute best thing to do is to freeze game time and get everyone's input before resolving anything. Just go around the table asking "what are you going to you say/do in this situation". Once everyone has had input (and possibly modified what they'll do based on what others say), then resolve the actions in whatever order seems best. Don't let the loud people get a jump on things by declaring actions that make the rest of the group's input moot or expecting instant resolution (and thus the ability to take another "turn"). Yes, this involves ignoring people or asking them to be quiet if they're talking out of turn. I generally raise one hand to the person who is being disruptive as a "not now--your turn will come" signal. Call it "social initiative order"

[Pauly]

One thing I’ve seen some groups use is a token of some sort that if you’re holding no one else is allowed to speak. Something like a plushy toy or a juggling ball.

You put it in the center of the table, and put it back when you’ve finished having your say. It’s the DM’s job to enforce that other players are quiet and that people don’t hold onto the token too long (30 seconds is usually the upper limit, but some groups up it to a minute) or overuse the token. One rule I’ve seen used is that you can’t use the token again until 2 other players have used it, to prevent 2 players shutting down a game while they argue.

Sometimes the DM will throw the token to a player who’s being quiet or talked over to give them face time.

[MarkVIIIMarc]

As a player, I'm loud sometimes, I raise my hand others, maybe when I feel like I've been too loud or everyone is clamoring for the DM's attention.

As DM in person I kinda like the hand raising. I don't mind a kick in the shin, a D4 tossed at me or whatever to get my attention either.

Some folks are fast talkers, some slow, some quiet.

When I'm a good player I don't step on the toes of others. When I'm a good DM I notice who wants my attention.

Just by human nature I'm not omnipotent or even 100% self aware so if a player ever feels like I'm ignoring them I hope they can do something to bring it to my attention.

[Vhaidara]

One trick that I've used just as a means of making sure everyone gets their chance to speak is actually rolling into initiative for conversations. If you have a tracker like, for example, roll20 does, the DM can use that and keep track of who has had a turn to speak. Is it flawless? No, but it usually at least makes sure everyone has a chance to speak their piece.

[johnbragg]

I'd actually like to chime in here and say I'd really love this advice too, albeit for the opposite reason. When DMing I generally don't have a good solution to getting the quieter voices at the table into the discussions, and it really bothers me. When things are slower or calmer I do an ok job at making sure the quiet people aren't lost - I'll generally specifically turn to them and ask for their input, to make sure everyone pays attention to them - but as soon as things get tense and move quickly, I find it hard to slow down and remember the ones who are getting lost in the shuffle. So if other players or DMs have good advice on this topic I would really like to hear it.

In my family game, there is a lot of talking over each other, and one of my kids hates being interrupted (which doesn't always stop him from interrupting others...) So I tend to go around the table and enforce turns, almost like a classroom. In a discord or group chat situation, I might do the same by initiative (even off initiative order, keep the turn-taking the same until the next set of initiative rolls?)

[Kaptin Keen]

This isn't as obvious as it seems. I have a loud voice - I can't not have a loud voice. Not only that, on top I also have somewhat reduced hearing (from military service), so I'm not automatically aware of the volume of my voice. And while it seems obvious that I should be considerate towards less loud people - it's simply not a question of just chosing to be so. I can't not be loud. I cannot whisper, simply because you cannot speak up.

[hymer]

I agree with the 'talk to them', though it will no doubt be difficult for them to change their behaviour. Letting them know, however, is essential in beginning to change the culture of conversation-by-volume. Getting the GM to help, and implement some of the sane advice about speaking in turn, is the way forwards.

In the mean time, non-voice cues may well be in order. Raising your hand has been mentioned - or you can go to waving your arms in the air, perhaps even standing up. In that more assertive vein, there's making a shrill whistle if you have the knack. Cutlery-on-glass is classic. Slamming a large book shut can work, though it seems angry. Rapping your knuckles (or some substitute, but be careful it doesn't scratch the table) on the table may work. Clapping your hands three times may recall their days of kindergarten.

Edit: You can also ally yourself with the loudest voice in the room. Sit next to them, and arrange that you can tug their sleeve to have them call for silence, so you can speak.

[Zaharra]

This isn't as obvious as it seems. I have a loud voice - I can't not have a loud voice. Not only that, on top I also have somewhat reduced hearing (from military service), so I'm not automatically aware of the volume of my voice. And while it seems obvious that I should be considerate towards less loud people - it's simply not a question of just chosing to be so. I can't not be loud. I cannot whisper, simply because you cannot speak up.

It's not a matter of me not "speaking up", I can't shout till I'm unable to work the next day to play a game. Being a loud person doesn't mean you can't be considerate, just realize how much time and space you take for yourself and consider if you're allowing a fair share to others.

[Mordaedil]

As somebody who is pretty soft-spoken as a guy, I can identify with this quite a bit. I have trouble speaking up at meetings at work and stuff and for games, the only blessing I have is that I have friends that respect me enough to apologize and offer me to speak my piece first. And sometimes I'll say sorry too and allow them to speak theirs first, trying to keep mine at mind until they have said theirs.

I don't really have much to offer besides wait for an opening and start speaking or maybe raise your hand when you need to speak, despite how awkward that is.

As a guy though, I still talk louder than the girls in our group, so I'll always be on the listening front to make sure I don't step on proverbial toes when it comes to that. And yes, sometimes it just becomes a situations where everybody says "sorry" at eachother for five minutes.

[Kaptin Keen]

It's not a matter of me not "speaking up", I can't shout till I'm unable to work the next day to play a game. Being a loud person doesn't mean you can't be considerate, just realize how much time and space you take for yourself and consider if you're allowing a fair share to others.

Being a quiet person also doesn't mean you can't be considerate.

What you're doing is projection. You are telling me how I am, and what I do - how much 'space and time' I 'take'. You happen to be wrong. There isn't a quieter version of myself I can chose to be instead. I don't have a softer voice I can speak in. I'm not being loud. I'm being me. You're asking me to not be me.

You're asking me to tiptoe around you, because 'you have a soft voice'. And you're showing zero consideration the other way. You frankly want everyone to behave in a manner that suits you. And I'm saying: That's not so simple.

The solution you yourself proposed - raising a hand - is fine. What @hymer suggested is also a good idea.

But if you're on Discord, I personally think you're screwed. Unless you simply adjust your mic level.

[johnbragg]

Being a quiet person also doesn't mean you can't be considerate.

What you're doing is projection. You are telling me how I am, and what I do - how much 'space and time' I 'take'. You happen to be wrong.

Well, we're going by what you said, your self-description.

There isn't a quieter version of myself I can chose to be instead. I don't have a softer voice I can speak in. I'm not being loud. I'm being me. You're asking me to not be me.

You're asking me to tiptoe around you, because 'you have a soft voice'. And you're showing zero consideration the other way. You frankly want everyone to behave in a manner that suits you. And I'm saying: That's not so simple.

The solution you yourself proposed - raising a hand - is fine. What @hymer suggested is also a good idea.

But if you're on Discord, I personally think you're screwed. Unless you simply adjust your mic level.

I think a GM can enforce turn-taking on Discord, personally.

[PhoenixPhyre]

I teach teenagers. Some of whom are intrinsically LOUD people. But there's a huge difference between being physically loud and talking over people/refusing to let others get a word in edge-wise. The first is a normal trait and no big deal. The second is rude and inconsiderate. Even loud people can pay attention to others. It's not like they're loud when they're not talking, after all. Just flat out leave gaps.

The most effective loud people I've seen are the ones who pay attention and will ask things like "we haven't heard from X recently--what do you think?" Or who will ask that player a direct question (which encourages others to be quiet).

Taking turns when talking is something that should be learned in middle school. For adults to talk over each other is unsupportable at any volume.

Yes, quiet people (either those whose voices are naturally soft or those who don't normally speak a lot) have to be a bit more assertive to be heard, especially in unmoderated conversations. But a little consideration goes a long way. And RPGs (if there's a DM) are anything but an unmoderated conversation.

[Kaptin Keen]

Well, we're going by what you said, your self-description.

None of this is about me. But I think you should try to re-read it.

I think a GM can enforce turn-taking on Discord, personally.

Dunno. Never used Discord. I'm just talking VOIP in general.

[MoiMagnus]

I fear that you're not alone with this problem. A lot of my female friends playing RPG have it. Some of my male friend too (approximately the same number of each, so far less in proportion).

While I'm not able to explain the details, this is far more than just about about "talking louder". You probably had those teachers that nobody cared about and sounded stupid when speaking loud to ask for silence, and those teachers that managed to have perfect silence while never talking loud. A kind of "vocal charisma".

I do some improvisation theater, and I can safely says that when I try to play an character with authority, people listen to me far more than they listen to "normal me". I have no idea what I change in my voice, but something change.

Lastly, there is the "bonding" part. I've played RPG with twins, and you really feel like they have a private discussion channel (if multiple people talk at the same time, they will only hear their twin, and other things like that). Good friends are the same in less extreme.

[Neknoh]

Other than upping your microphone, typing in chat and solving it on a social level ooc, you could also spend time doing voice exercises prior to games.

Warmups and volume exercises can help you anunciate better and gain a little bit of volume. I am not saying "start shouting" or "change the way you speak and act entirely", rather, use theatre techniques for voice projection and song-warmups to enhance your voice. It will increase your volume whilst decreasing your strain, and it will also make your words a lot clearer and easier to pick up on which will "fake" an even louder volume.

As for DM's:

Do not force quiet people to speak up, but the moment you hear them starting to say something and then being interrupted or backing down, go "no, wait, what were you saying?" Or "yeah? Go ahead" it encourages them to speak their mind and shows them you're on their side.

[KillianHawkeye]

Unless you simply adjust your mic level.

This is what I was going to say. The simple solution is for OP to increase the volume of his mic input to compensate for his quiet voice.

[PhoenixPhyre]

This is what I was going to say. The simple solution is for OP to increase the volume of his mic input to compensate for his quiet voice.

That's not a game you can win, though. I've been around enough groups of really loud people to know that it just becomes an arms (voice) race.

One of my D&D groups that I supervise (in a school club environment) has a couple really really loud and overbearing people. If others try to out-loud them, they just ramp up the volume. Or if they get excited. Or...

[Rhedyn]

I really like playing roleplaying games, I've had good and bad experiences but overall I'm pretty happy with most GMs I've played with and my own characters. I have a soft voice (I get mistaken for a child on the phone by strangers), and even when I talk as loudly as I can without shouting people with loud voices can still talk over me easily, and trying to join in often means straining (and sometimes losing) my voice.

When I play in person games, I've always worked out with everyone that I'll raise my hand when I'd like to speak and wait for other people to finish speaking to speak, almost everyone has been pretty respectful when I've requested that.

Now I'm playing in an online game where we mostly play over discord but we also do some text based Rping and when it comes to the text part I'm fine, but when we talk the DM has to step in every time to give me a turn to speak.

Do loud voice people feel frustrated too? Do they understand that it's impossible to speak as loud as them without screaming? Is there a better way to take turns speaking without needing the person running the game to step in?

I hear the soft spoken person just fine and I get annoyed if they stop talking just because they feel interrupted. As a GM, I hear you. As a player, I can get the GM to hear you.

[Maclay]

It might be worth seeing if the group would be okay with letting you use some sort of chime or bell to indicate when you'd like the opportunity to speak. Nothing abrasive or interrupty, possibly along the lines of the sorts of tone you might have on your phone for text alerts. It could even be a sound that fits the setting like a wolf-howl or the like

[Tvtyrant]

This seems more of a personality thing then anything else. You could whisper and be overheard if people wanted to hear you, it is the other players deciding to talk over you that is the problem. Talk to everyone about having a talking turn order so everyone gets a chance to speak, if over mics you could see about having something like a chess clock with a pass option for it.

[geppetto]

I really like playing roleplaying games, I've had good and bad experiences but overall I'm pretty happy with most GMs I've played with and my own characters. I have a soft voice (I get mistaken for a child on the phone by strangers), and even when I talk as loudly as I can without shouting people with loud voices can still talk over me easily, and trying to join in often means straining (and sometimes losing) my voice.

When I play in person games, I've always worked out with everyone that I'll raise my hand when I'd like to speak and wait for other people to finish speaking to speak, almost everyone has been pretty respectful when I've requested that.

Now I'm playing in an online game where we mostly play over discord but we also do some text based Rping and when it comes to the text part I'm fine, but when we talk the DM has to step in every time to give me a turn to speak.

Do loud voice people feel frustrated too? Do they understand that it's impossible to speak as loud as them without screaming? Is there a better way to take turns speaking without needing the person running the game to step in?

Learn how to speak from the diaphragm. You'll find your voice much louder and clearer without any strain on the throat.

[Eszett]

Discord has a feature that can be made available to certain roles that allows you to bind a Priority Push-to-Talk key. This lowers the volume of others by a significant amount while it's pressed.

Under Role settings, it's titled Priority Speaker and is at the very bottom.

[Malphegor]

oh, god, being the quiet person is awful.

So hey, I cast my fireball... if... anyone cares. It deals 20 damage, reflex for half...

Hours later, they're still shouting at each other about some music thing I don't understand...

I've found acting bombastically in-character snaps them out of it, which is why my next D&D character is going to be a dwarf based on Brian Blessed despite my original plans to play a relatively meek cancer-causing disney Princess knockoff who speaks all sweetly and quietly.

[Eldan]

oh, god, being the quiet person is awful.

So hey, I cast my fireball... if... anyone cares. It deals 20 damage, reflex for half...

Hours later, they're still shouting at each other about some music thing I don't understand...

I've found acting bombastically in-character snaps them out of it, which is why my next D&D character is going to be a dwarf based on Brian Blessed despite my original plans to play a relatively meek cancer-causing disney Princess knockoff who speaks all sweetly and quietly.

I love playing characters like that. My last one was a culturally viking-inspired pirate/bear warrior barbarian. He'd mostly walk around shirtless and tell the most over the top tales about his previous adventures. Like the time he had to jump into the sea and strangle a sperm whale to feed his rowers when they were adrift for too long. Or that time he quieted a storm by singing shanties so loudly that it countered the wind. Or that time he came back from the dead by secuding and then marrying a valkyrie (they had an amicable relationship in the afterlife and split on friendly terms). No one ever took him seriously, until the first really tough fight about three sessions in, when he turned into a grizzly bear the size of an elephant. "Oh yeah, I can do that too, but it's not all that remarkable, is it? Now let me tell you about something really interesting I did once..."

[Draconi Redfir]

i'm actually a lot like you but on the other side of the field. I'm a pretty loud / normal speaker, but the problem is I've somehow been mentally conditioned to shut up the MOMENT i hear someone else talking. Even if i started first, i'll open my mouth to say "my character ru-" and then someone else starts going off on what their character does, and i instantly stop, waiting for the next opening where noone is quiet. At witch point i get cut off again. and again... and again... and again...

and by the time i actually get to finish my sentence, the thing i wanted to do is no longer relevant

thinking i outta make a sign or something to hold up idk.

[Kaptin Keen]

oh, god, being the quiet person is awful.

So hey, I cast my fireball... if... anyone cares. It deals 20 damage, reflex for half...

Hours later, they're still shouting at each other about some music thing I don't understand...

I've found acting bombastically in-character snaps them out of it, which is why my next D&D character is going to be a dwarf based on Brian Blessed despite my original plans to play a relatively meek cancer-causing disney Princess knockoff who speaks all sweetly and quietly.

Sounds awful - people having fun like that. Terrible. Not sure why you even hang around people like that.

Sarcasm aside, I hope it's abundantly clear that there's more than one point of view, and that your's isn't automatically the right one. Sure, hours later sounds bad, if that's not an exaggeration it may be a bit much. But honestly, I've been there: The rest of the group isn't in the mood to play. Even if that's the case, so what? Must they play regardless - because that's what you want?

Consideration goes both ways. You don't get to automatically be the ... 'victim' ... just because you're quiet and they're not.

[NorthernPhoenix]

Sounds awful - people having fun like that. Terrible. Not sure why you even hang around people like that.

Sarcasm aside, I hope it's abundantly clear that there's more than one point of view, and that your's isn't automatically the right one. Sure, hours later sounds bad, if that's not an exaggeration it may be a bit much. But honestly, I've been there: The rest of the group isn't in the mood to play. Even if that's the case, so what? Must they play regardless - because that's what you want?

Consideration goes both ways. You don't get to automatically be the ... 'victim' ... just because you're quiet and they're not.

As others have mentioned, that's a silly argument, since no one is "loud" when they're not talking. It's not about "volume", but whether or not you choose to use it to drown out other people.

[Durandu Ran]

Sounds awful - people having fun like that. Terrible. Not sure why you even hang around people like that.

Sarcasm aside, I hope it's abundantly clear that there's more than one point of view, and that your's isn't automatically the right one. Sure, hours later sounds bad, if that's not an exaggeration it may be a bit much. But honestly, I've been there: The rest of the group isn't in the mood to play. Even if that's the case, so what? Must they play regardless - because that's what you want?

Consideration goes both ways. You don't get to automatically be the ... 'victim' ... just because you're quiet and they're not.

Thank you for tirelessly warning us about the scourge of quiet shy people wanting to participate in a hobby, and how accommodating their concerns is bad.