The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    From the original thread:

    “There will be a posted skill check for a specific action each player will be taking, and the poster below you has to post a result from rolling a 1, or crit-failing, that took effect from their skill check. After that, the poster then posts a new skill check scenario.

    For example, lets say the poster above you said that there is a skill check they are making to push an orc off a bridge. The poster below them would say that they rolled a 1, and instead they lightly caressed his back.”

    ————————————————

    jqavins fails to prevent the creation of a new thread.

    I roll to win a game of chess.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-01-24 at 08:03 AM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Fool's Mate seventeen times in a row? Are you sure you're trying to win?


    I roll to throw a party in celebration of the new thread!
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SCPTropes's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally mistake C4 blocks for fireworks.

    I roll a Dex save to avoid the resulting explosion.
    Me being an obsessed fan. (please don't judge)


    "Mankind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us; we must stand up for ourselves. While the rest of mankind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
    We secure. We contain. We protect." (SCP Foundation)

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You spontaneously combust.

    I roll to go back in time and prevent the explosion from ever happening in the first place and avoid being trapped in a grandfather paradox while I'm at it.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to go back in time and prevent the explosion from ever happening in the first place and avoid being trapped in a grandfather paradox while I'm at it.
    You go too far back in time before agriculture even exists, and your time machine runs out of power.

    I roll to make a roast for Superintendent Chalmers with NO hi-jinks whatsoever.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your oven explodes, your kitchen catches fire, and your house burns down.

    I roll to mine for gold.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    Your oven explodes, your kitchen catches fire, and your house burns down.
    That's just the aurora borealis.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to mine for gold.
    Here's chocolate wrapped in gold to look like a gold coin.

    I roll to hit Homer with a chair while he's in bathtub.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SCPTropes's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Homer hits you with a bathtub while you're in a chair.

    I roll to make a good character.
    Me being an obsessed fan. (please don't judge)


    "Mankind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us; we must stand up for ourselves. While the rest of mankind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
    We secure. We contain. We protect." (SCP Foundation)

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You make Zizzt Xo'Lurden, Chaotic Good drow ranger with and extra dose of edginess and no character flaws.

    I roll to commit the perfect murder.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You shoot your victim in the middle of a police station, surrounded by cops.

    I roll to defend Sizzlefoot at his trial.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You end up pleading for the judge to give your client the maximum possible punishment under the law.


    I roll to report on the trial.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
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  12. - Top - End - #12
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    An angry cop punches you in the face He's arrested, but spreads rumors that you started it. You loose your job as a journalist and turn to living on the streets. Years later, the cop comes back for revenge.

    I roll to appease Fraz'Urb-Luu.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to appease Fraz'Urb-Luu.
    You are vaporized for your disrespect.

    I roll to make more people use the metric system.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Pixie in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The metric system is now banned worldwide.

    I attempt to weight my dice so they only roll nat 1s.
    Me being an obsessed fan. (please don't judge)


    "Mankind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us; we must stand up for ourselves. While the rest of mankind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
    We secure. We contain. We protect." (SCP Foundation)

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You break your dice beyond all repair in the attempt.


    I roll to find awesome dice.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You find SPCTropes' broken dice.

    I roll to fix the dice.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You melt them down into a puddle of plastic goo.

    I roll to ride a motorcycle.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You mistake one of those Bird scooters for a motorcycle. As soon as you take it out on the road, you're run over by a bus.

    I roll to help the driver of the bus convince her bosses it was an accident.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    She kicks you in the shins as they drag her off to be executed.

    I roll to bake a cinnamon roll.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You make some halfway decent applesauce.


    I roll to transform and roll out!
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You transform into a solid cube of steel and can’t do anything.

    I roll to forge a sword out of this cube of solid steel I found.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You forge an axe of solid steel.

    I roll to carve the axe with mystic runes.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to carve the axe with mystic runes.
    Okay. You carve them, but the runes always make you forget to tie your shoes so you're constantly tripping.

    I roll to buy Sizzlefoot shoes without laces.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to buy laces, but no shoes.


    Now that I'm a solid steel axe carved with mystic runes, I roll to figure out how to wield myself.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You somehow manage to slice yourself clean in half.

    I roll to repair Crisis21.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You shatter him into his component atoms.

    I make a wild empathy check to convince the tiger not to attack me.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-01-27 at 12:31 AM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    In retrospect, rubbing the tiger's ears and saying "good kzin" was probably a bad idea.

    I roll to drive Dire Moose's mutilated body to the ER.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    On the way there, you suffer a nuclear brain fart and decide to ask me for help.

    I roll to do what I do best!
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    I roll to do what I do best!
    You are sued by Wolverine for plagiarism because Wolverine is the best there is at what he does. Just be glad he only decided to sue you and not disembowel you.

    I roll to make a Wolverine/Deadpool buddy cop movie that's (a) rated R and (b) outside the MCU.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The writing is horrible and the special effects suck, and both Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds hate you for ruining their careers after the movie is the biggest box office bomb in history.

    I roll to sue Dr. Gunsforhands for malpractice.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-01-27 at 06:30 PM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

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