The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your spirit guide to the afterlife cheerfully informs you that you are dead and incapable of suing anyone.


    I roll to reforge my scattered atoms into an awesome new body.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
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  2. - Top - End - #32
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally become chlorine gas.

    I roll to run away from Crisis21.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to run away from Crisis21.
    You bump into him/her/them at the store twenty minutes from now.

    I roll to write a wacky sitcom where Sizzlefoot and Crisis21 are roommates.

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You remember that Crisis21 is still chlorine gas, and you still write the sitcom. In the first episode, everyone in the apartment building dies. Then the show ends.

    I roll to give Magic_Hat advice on writing wacky sitcoms.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to give Magic_Hat advice on writing wacky sitcoms.
    You give me advice, but it too closely resembles the Great Gatsby so you are sued for copyright infringement.

    I roll to go back in time and stop the Great Gatsby from being published so I can publish it.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You assure him that I can remain a compelling character despite being a sapient cloud of chlorine gas.


    I roll to control my form better so I don't kill my new co-stars.


    You run afoul of an anti-time ninja trap and are erased from existence.


    I roll to control my chlorine form better so I don't kill everyone around me.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2019-01-27 at 10:16 PM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
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  7. - Top - End - #37
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You explode.

    I roll to beat my friends at Mariokart.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to beat my friends at Mariokart.
    You end up beating your friends WITH a copy of Mariokart and they are all hospitalized for their injuries.

    I roll to find those droids I was looking for.

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    These most certainly aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along.

    I roll to resist a psionic monk's charm person spell-like ability.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    These most certainly aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along.
    "These aren't the droids we're looking for. Move along."

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to resist a psionic monk's charm person spell-like ability.
    You end up in a gold bikini chained to a giant slug.

    I roll to try to trick people into thinking parsec is a unit of time.

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Nobody will ever let you live this down.

    I try to make scrambled eggs.
    Spoiler: Quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zar Peter View Post
    Supagoof took the most blows and incidentally took exactly the same damage Xihirli inflicted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silent_Interim View Post
    Xihirli: Being a better target since 2015.
    Quote Originally Posted by Logic View Post
    I'm good with eliminating Xihirli. I'm not sure how she has managed to live as long as she has.
    Quote Originally Posted by BasketOfPuppies View Post
    Wow I missed a lot today. So, kill Xihirli?
    Quote Originally Posted by Iceseer View Post
    I really wanted what Xihirli said to be true though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramsus View Post
    That was a lot of awesome backstabbing.
    Quote Originally Posted by flat_footed View Post
    I still prefer to see you as the dagger hanging over us all, Xi.

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Xihirli View Post
    I try to make scrambled eggs.
    A person named Sam won't let you eat them unless they're green and also served with ham.

    I roll to chop down some truffula trees to make some thneeds.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    A dangerous new breed of slaad has been perfected- the orange slaad. Orange slaadi are covered in fur and have thick mustache-shaped fur of a lighter color on their faces underneath a dog-like nose. But looks can be deceiving- orange slaadi can cast charm plants and animals at will, and can transmit chaos phage via "speaking for the trees". One of these monstrous creatures attacks you. You are now 1d6 scraps of blood-soaked flesh on the ground.

    I roll to protect Oerth from an invasion of orange slaadi.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are now 4d6 scraps of blood-soaked flesh on the ground.


    During this invasion of bloodthirsty Lorax knock-offs, I roll to get my exploding chlorine form under control.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    During this invasion of bloodthirsty Lorax knock-offs, I roll to get my exploding chlorine form under control.
    It was stolen by the Grinch.

    I roll to sell stars to sneetches and also offer star removal.

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The sneetches have joined the Soviet Union and already have the only star they need: a red one.

    I roll to manipulate the sneetches into starting a war with the orange slaadi.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to manipulate the sneetches into starting a war with the orange slaadi.
    You try to, but a feline in stripped headgear gets them to play instead.

    I roll to clean up my house after that same feline in stripped headgear trashed my home.

  18. - Top - End - #48
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You trip over a brick and fall into a hole in the floor so deep it leads to the Underdark. Drow slavers surround you.

    I roll to teleport Magic_Hat away from the drow.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to teleport Magic_Hat away from the drow.
    You teleport with Magic_Hat away from the drow. But you teleport to several horrible places - oh the places you'll go!

    I roll to steal a holiday and/or increase the size of a major bodily organ several times.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You shrink your brain to the size of a pea.


    I roll to detonate the Grinch.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're arrested.

    I roll to testify on Crisis21's behalf.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    SCPTropes's Avatar

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    Oct 2018
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Thanks to you, Crisis21 has been sentenced to death. As a sentient cloud of chlorine gas, that means he will be turned into salt.

    I attempt to stop the chain of Dr. Seuss references. (Oh wait, I already did!)
    Me being an obsessed fan. (please don't judge)


    "Mankind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us; we must stand up for ourselves. While the rest of mankind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
    We secure. We contain. We protect." (SCP Foundation)

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Having successfully broken the chain, you go to the local fish market to buy some seafood to celebrate. You end up getting one fish, then two fish, then a red fish, and finally a blue fish.

    I roll to make fish and chips.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The judges decide that your Fully Integrated Seafood Hardware and Carnivorously Handraised Indigent Potatoes do not count as 'fish and chips'.


    I roll to accept my new salt form.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to accept my new salt form.
    You are put on pretzels to make them taste better.

    I roll to make a slasher movie.

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    I roll to make a slasher movie.
    Your attempts at making an authentic-looking slasher movie instead creates an authentic serial killer, who murders the entire production crew. On the plus side, the sequel is gonna have way more publicity than it'll ever need.

    I roll to find my lost dog.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get lost. Your dog comes home, looks for you for a bit, shrugs, and sits down to watch television.

    I roll to create a cult of Cthulhu.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Cthulhu eats you and your would-be cultists instead.

    I roll to summon myself a new animal companion.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You summon an unholy hybrid of Cthulhu and our old friend, Zombie Tarrasque. It eats you.

    I roll to roll a d20.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You wind up rolling your eyes instead. You still get a '1'.


    I roll to become one with my pretzelness.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

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