The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #61
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're eaten by a plump seven-year-old who is actually Zombcthutarrasqlhue.

    I roll to check out a book from the library.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  2. - Top - End - #62
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    And you fail, because your idea of "checking out" a book convinces the librarian you're a very different sort of bibliophile.

    I roll to make lunch.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  3. - Top - End - #63
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You attempt to use Sizzlefoot as sandwich meat and are promptly arrested.

    I roll to digest quietly in the plump seven-year-old Zombcthutarrasqlhue's stomach.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  4. - Top - End - #64
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to digest quietly in the plump seven-year-old Zombcthutarrasqlhue's stomach.
    Failure. Your digestion is quite loud. You should really be more considerate of the fact that others may want to eat you when choosing your own lunch. Nobody likes it when someone farts in their stomach.

    I roll to escape prison.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  5. - Top - End - #65
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Jan 2015
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    Astral Plane
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    Male2Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You jump from your minimum-security fence and land in the maximum security penitentiary next door.

    I roll to carouse.
    Spoiler: Quotes
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Zar Peter View Post
    Supagoof took the most blows and incidentally took exactly the same damage Xihirli inflicted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silent_Interim View Post
    Xihirli: Being a better target since 2015.
    Quote Originally Posted by Logic View Post
    I'm good with eliminating Xihirli. I'm not sure how she has managed to live as long as she has.
    Quote Originally Posted by BasketOfPuppies View Post
    Wow I missed a lot today. So, kill Xihirli?
    Quote Originally Posted by Iceseer View Post
    I really wanted what Xihirli said to be true though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramsus View Post
    That was a lot of awesome backstabbing.
    Quote Originally Posted by flat_footed View Post
    I still prefer to see you as the dagger hanging over us all, Xi.

  6. - Top - End - #66
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You carouse on a carousel! In an attempt to attract someone to join you, you flamboyantly jump up and down on one of the horses until it breaks. No one is happy with this.

    I roll to repair several vomit-covered circus rides.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  7. - Top - End - #67
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You burn down the entire amusement park.

    I roll to call the fire department.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  8. - Top - End - #68
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The fire department drowns.

    I roll to call the police.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  9. - Top - End - #69
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    The fire department drowns.

    I roll to call the police.
    It's mistaken for you turning yourself in. You are then promptly arrested for wasting police time.

    I roll to survive the inevitable, once-per-adventure 200-foot fall.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  10. - Top - End - #70
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Psyche! It was a 500-foot fall.

    I roll to try to figure out how to get Crisis21 whole again.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  11. - Top - End - #71
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    inuyasha's Avatar

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    Feb 2011
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    gehenna
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by jwhouk View Post
    Psyche! It was a 500-foot fall.

    I roll to try to figure out how to get Crisis21 whole again.
    Well... they're whole, but you never did figure out where that long thing with all the vertebrae was supposed to fit, so now we've got quite the interesting little unicorn...

    I roll to buy myself more Coco Dyno Bites.
    I'm almost out and these are way too good, please send help
    Come post a magic item to show that not all unique items are immensely powerful tools of the gods!
    Jester of The Rudisplorkers Guild!!

    My cool avatar by Kymme
    My homebrew

    Quote Originally Posted by Xuldarinar View Post
    ..What have I done..? What have you done? That poor lantern archon..

    trophies
    The photo got removed, but I'm a silver trophy winner of Pathfinder Grab Bag XII: of Dungeons and Dragons

  12. - Top - End - #72
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get bitten by a pack of chocolatey dinosaurs.

    I roll to row my boat.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  13. - Top - End - #73
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to put your oar straight through the bottom of the boat, and it sinks in seconds.


    I roll to figure out what my new bone horn is good for.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  14. - Top - End - #74
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your bone horn quivers for a minute, then falls off. Ye spineless coward!

    I roll to polymorph self.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  15. - Top - End - #75
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get an extremely embarrassing erection.

    I roll to write a sentence with as much alliteration as possible!
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  16. - Top - End - #76
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    You get an extremely embarrassing erection.

    I roll to write a sentence with as much alliteration as possible!
    Instead, you turn into a lazy dog as a quick brown fox jumps over you.

    I roll to fix my car.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  17. - Top - End - #77
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You take it apart to find the problem and then can't remember how to reassemble it.


    I roll to math.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  18. - Top - End - #78
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    inuyasha's Avatar

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    Feb 2011
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    gehenna
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Well, alright, you did the math. But you wrote out your work and the answer in a base 9 system, now everyone's confused .

    I roll to conjure more snow.
    Come post a magic item to show that not all unique items are immensely powerful tools of the gods!
    Jester of The Rudisplorkers Guild!!

    My cool avatar by Kymme
    My homebrew

    Quote Originally Posted by Xuldarinar View Post
    ..What have I done..? What have you done? That poor lantern archon..

    trophies
    The photo got removed, but I'm a silver trophy winner of Pathfinder Grab Bag XII: of Dungeons and Dragons

  19. - Top - End - #79
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, you set yourself on fire.

    I roll to recover from my cold.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  20. - Top - End - #80
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to recover from my cold.
    You fall into a coma.

    I roll to forget something.

  21. - Top - End - #81
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You engrave it into your brain, along with the initials "Z.B.".

    I roll to hitchhike.
    Last edited by Sizzlefoot; 2019-02-10 at 01:03 AM.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  22. - Top - End - #82
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, your planet is destroyed to make room for a hyperspace express way. Next time, make sure you know where your towel is first.

    I roll to outrun a troll.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  23. - Top - End - #83
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to outrun a troll.
    A snail travels faster than you.

    I roll to find buried treasure.

  24. - Top - End - #84
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You dig up a barrel full of highly unstable explosives. It goes BOOM when you try to pull it out.

    I roll to find all of Magic_Hat’s body parts after they land.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  25. - Top - End - #85
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You stare into the sky, waiting for them to come down for forty days and forty nights before it dawns on you that you might have missed seeing where they all went.


    I roll to report finding an eyeball in my backyard to the police.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  26. - Top - End - #86
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're arrested for the brutal murder you obviously committed.

    I roll to, once again, testify on my fellow playgrounder's behalf.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  27. - Top - End - #87
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The judge is brought to tears, and the jury are 100% on your side. Too bad you forgot you were supposed to be defending Crisis21 and instead convinced everyone of his guilt. They have now been given the death penalty.

    I roll to perform the execution.

  28. - Top - End - #88
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "...And that incident, kiddos, is why we now label the sharp ends of our axes."

    I roll to frankenstein Magic_Hat back together.
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2019-02-10 at 06:30 PM.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  29. - Top - End - #89
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Arizona
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You attach his left leg to his right shoulder, his right leg to the left side of his pelvis, his left arm to the right side of his pelvis, his right arm to his left shoulder, and his head to his butt. The first thing he says when you bring him back to life is “PLEASE JUST KILL ME AGAIN!”

    I roll to storm Ironsmith’s castle with an angry mob wielding torches and pitchforks.

    EDIT: The mob is defeated by ninjas, apparently.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-02-10 at 06:41 PM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  30. - Top - End - #90
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "And that incident, kiddos, is why we don't mess around with the laws of nature."

    I roll to tame Zombcthutarrasqlue.

    Spoiler: also
    Show
    do we have any artists among us? someone should totally do an art of zombcthutarrasqlue.


    I roll to end the problem of ninja'ing.
    Last edited by Sizzlefoot; 2019-02-10 at 06:40 PM.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

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