The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #901
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You succeed at showing him all of the bardic knowledge you have! (Spoiler: You're not a bard.)

    I roll to vomit all over the coffee table.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  2. - Top - End - #902
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    I roll to vomit all over the coffee table.
    The table is now the cleanest surface in all the universe and even the multiverse.

    I roll to eat off the this divine table.

  3. - Top - End - #903
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The table devours you whole. (A carnivorous table...I hope it doesn't want seconds...)

    I roll to play hopscotch.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  4. - Top - End - #904
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    I roll to play hopscotch.
    The hopscotch grid comes to line, turns you into a 2D object, places you on the ground, and hopscotches you.

    I roll to cut the Gordian Knot.

  5. - Top - End - #905
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Celticbear's Avatar

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    Aug 2016
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    R'lyeh
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    I roll to cut the Gordian Knot.
    See, you rolled a one, and Alexander just happened to walk in right at that time. Not one for losing, he cut you and the Gordian Knot in half at the same time with his anime Macedonian powers.

    I roll for Initiative!
    Last edited by Celticbear; 2019-09-18 at 05:55 PM. Reason: I spelled "Macedonian" as "roman" for some reason
    "I'M just a guy with a boomerang... I didn't ask for all this flying... and MAGIC!!!" -Sokka

    Avatar by AsteriskAmp

    Quote Originally Posted by Wuff View Post
    the biggest nerd ever who transforms into BEAR is of course alluring.

  6. - Top - End - #906
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Celticbear View Post
    See, you rolled a one, and Alexander just happened to walk in right at that time. Not one for losing, he cut you and the Gordian Knot in half at the same time with his anime roman powers.
    Pretty nifty trick for a Macedonian to have anime Roman powers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Celticbear View Post
    I roll for Initiative!
    Initiative becomes a sentient entity, and decides it wants no part of you.

    I roll to become a great astrologer.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  7. - Top - End - #907
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You become a pretty okay astronomer! Years into your academic career, you start asking one of your colleagues when you're supposed to start writing horoscopes and stuff. She thinks you're joking.

    I roll to punch the monkey!
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  8. - Top - End - #908
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Ubiquitous
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The monkey judo flips you into the crocodile pits.

    I roll a strength check to open a can of salsa.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  9. - Top - End - #909
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Korith View Post
    I roll a strength check to open a can of salsa.
    The can of salsa remains closed and you tear your pants.

    I roll to stitch up Korith's split pants.

  10. - Top - End - #910
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You seem to succeed, but as soon as Korith wears them out in public, they disintegrate into a fine powder.

    I roll to make an incorruptible wish!
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy, Cutty, Erica.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  11. - Top - End - #911
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You wish to be turned into a toad. It happens.

    I roll to think of a good Halloween costume.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  12. - Top - End - #912
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to think of a good Halloween costume.
    You end up thinking of nothing and just go as yourself. But people still seem to think it's a costume - someone else dressed as you - and you somehow manage to win first place in a costume contest and get a lot of candy.

    I roll to dress up as Dire Moose next year for Halloween. Hopefully not too many other people are planning on doing that as well.

  13. - Top - End - #913
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to dress up as Korith, instead.

    I roll to host a Halloween forum fashion show, so I can cash in on everybody's costumes.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  14. - Top - End - #914
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    I roll to host a Halloween forum fashion show, so I can cash in on everybody's costumes.
    You plan it, but because of bad time management skills it's pushed back until February 14th so when you do crash it it's just a bunch of people making out. Everyone is in costume though.

    I roll to plan a Valentine's Day party to see when my bad time management skills get it

  15. - Top - End - #915
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You had to pick Halloween, didn't you?

    I roll to try to resurrect this thread to its past glories.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  16. - Top - End - #916
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by jwhouk View Post
    I roll to try to resurrect this thread to its past glories.
    No.

    I roll to make everyone forget that even by saying "No." I'm still allowing jqhouk to succeed.

  17. - Top - End - #917
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You succeed at making this thread even more popular.

    I roll to do some extreme motorcycle stunts.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  18. - Top - End - #918
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to do some extreme motorcycle stunts.
    Your motorcycle explodes the moment you touch it.

    I roll to get free, complimentary bread at a restaurant.

  19. - Top - End - #919
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are served several helpings of the most expensive bread known to man.

    I roll to go parasailing in Peru with a man in a chicken suit.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  20. - Top - End - #920
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    You are served several helpings of the most expensive bread known to man.

    I roll to go parasailing in Peru with a man in a chicken suit.
    You fill out the form wrong and go parasailing with a chicken in a man suit.

    I roll to eat CyberiadQueen's parasailing chicken friend, and maybe wash it down with that very expensive bread.

  21. - Top - End - #921
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The chicken summons a flock of indestructible killer chickens that peck you to death. Apparently you haven’t played enough Zelda yet.

    I roll to build my own lightsaber.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  22. - Top - End - #922
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    (Yeowch. Cuckoo Death Squad. He really should've seen that one comin'.)

    You build the Death Star.

    I roll to appease the birds that are harassing our poor friend; he only wanted a snack, after all.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  23. - Top - End - #923
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    No matter how hard you try, it never quite seems to add up.

    I roll to be an ace at Sudoku.
    You become a deuce at Sudoku instead.

    I roll to design a 5e bugbear fighter who can make 16 opportunity attacks a turn.

  24. - Top - End - #924
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    PST
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by KAmber View Post
    You become a deuce at Sudoku instead.

    I roll to design a 5e bugbear fighter who can make 16 opportunity attacks a turn.
    Success! You design the first bugbear pacifist cleric.

    I a will save to resist my daughter's delicious Halloween candy.
    - Something Pithy
    @Mediocre_Bard

  25. - Top - End - #925
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Kiljori View Post
    I a will save to resist my daughter's delicious Halloween candy.
    You eat the candy including the wrappers and part of your house that candy touched.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    The chicken summons a flock of indestructible killer chickens that peck you to death. Apparently you haven’t played enough Zelda yet.


    Oh yeah! I'll show you how's played a Zelda game:

    I roll to play the Song of Storms to ruin Dire Moose's day then travel back in time three days to do it again. Sorry. It was dangerous to go alone. It's a secret to everyone.

  26. - Top - End - #926
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Dire Moose becomes one with Ganon, and proceeds to mop the floor with you. The Cuckoo Death Squad find this hilarious.

    I roll to have all this Thanksgiving decorating already done, and the Halloween boxes put away, without getting dusty.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  27. - Top - End - #927
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Aug 2010
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    The Primus Imperium
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're fairly certain there are now MORE Halloween decorations up than there was when you first rolled.

    I roll to pick out a good present for my brother, mom and dad for Christmas.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  28. - Top - End - #928
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You give each of them a lit stick of dynamite.

    I roll to put up the Christmas lights on the roof
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  29. - Top - End - #929
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to put up the Christmas lights on the roof
    You fall off the roof and end up in a coma, and I visit you every day if only to mock you and remind you I do in fact know Zelda games!

    I roll to let everyone know I have played Zelda games because I'm clearly very mature and me telling people isn't coming from a place of insecurity. Obviously! What? I can let topics die; I'm not that petty.

  30. - Top - End - #930
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Samba Mentality's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2018
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    Your Favorite City

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are committed to a high-security mental hospital for an advanced case of Zelda knowledge insecurity.

    I roll to tell her how I really feel.

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