The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #91
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You conclude that your work is finished, as you don't see ninjas around here anywhere.

    I roll to see if any of the mob outside has organs to spare.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  2. - Top - End - #92
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to see if any of the mob outside has organs to spare.
    Through a series of bizarre events you wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a large scar going down your side.

    I roll to go on all the amusement park rides without vomiting even once!

  3. - Top - End - #93
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    I roll to go on all the amusement park rides without vomiting even once!
    You become a veritable legend among amusement park cleaning crews worldwide as: Sicky McSickface.

    I roll to become a world-famous author!
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  4. - Top - End - #94
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    You become a veritable legend among amusement park cleaning crews worldwide as: Sicky McSickface.
    Can I sig this? Not sure if I will but might as well ask permission if I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    I roll to become a world-famous author!
    You write a book, but every word is misspelled - even your own name.

    I roll to build a robot.

  5. - Top - End - #95
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Seventeen cardboard boxes, eight rolls of tape, three markers, and an entire roll of plastic wrap later... you have a giant mess.


    I roll to seduce the next poster.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  6. - Top - End - #96
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    And that's how you ended up in the emergency room with a wrench in your ribcage.

    I roll to extract the wrench.

    (...You know, you did ninja me, but it still fits so well...)
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2019-02-10 at 09:55 PM.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  7. - Top - End - #97
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    How in the Nine Hells did another wrench end up in there?

    I roll to assimilate the next poster into Borgdom.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  8. - Top - End - #98
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    Can I sig this? Not sure if I will but might as well ask permission if I do.
    By all means; that's very flattering!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to assimilate the next poster into Borgdom.
    You are assimilated, yourself.

    I roll to do a handstand.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  9. - Top - End - #99
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, you manage to stand on your hand. As in, with your foot. You're an orangutan now, apparently.

    I roll to dig a hole.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  10. - Top - End - #100
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to fill eighteen hundred potholes in the city's streets before thinking that this might not be working the way you want it to...


    I roll to crash my car.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  11. - Top - End - #101
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    By all means; that's very flattering!
    YAY! Thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to crash my car.
    You drive so safely you're given a medal, a street is named after you, and several biographies are written about you detailing your safe driving. One is even being adapted into a major Hollywood film. They got Chris Pratt to potray you. Hope you're cool with that.

    I roll to legally change my name to Sicky McSickface. Because that's what I'm known for.

  12. - Top - End - #102
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    redjinx's Avatar

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    May 2018
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    Asheville, NC
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're too sick to sign the document.
    I roll to avoid bees.

  13. - Top - End - #103
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Turns out, going into honey production ain't a great way to do that.

    I roll to screw the rules.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  14. - Top - End - #104
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Both you and the rules remain pristine virgins.


    I roll to wash the dishes.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  15. - Top - End - #105
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to wash the dishes.
    You clean them, but a mysterious rogue by the name of Sicky McSickface dirties them up again!

    I roll to uncover the true identity of Sicky McSickface because it certainly can't be me. Nope. Not me.

  16. - Top - End - #106
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    I roll to uncover the true identity of Sicky McSickface because it certainly can't be me. Nope. Not me.
    It is announced on major news programs and in important publications all across the planet: YOU are Sicky McSickface!

    Edit: I roll to...well, roll, because I forgot to.
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-11 at 03:32 PM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  17. - Top - End - #107
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The dice land in your throat and choke you to death.

    I roll to assassinate the king.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  18. - Top - End - #108
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Buji's Avatar

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    Feb 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to assassinate the king.
    You accidentally poison your own drink and collapse in front of the king.

    I roll to zipline across a canyon

  19. - Top - End - #109
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Not only did you fail to zipline across the canyon, you failed to correctly identify what you thought was a canyon. You are eaten by the Sarlaac, and will be digested painfully over the next 1000 years.

    I roll to search the room for my car keys.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  20. - Top - End - #110
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Buji's Avatar

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    Feb 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You find in your room a photo of your (locked) car, inside the car is a little locked black box with a sticky note reading, "Car keys, and lock key in this box"

    I roll to go back in time, to any date.

  21. - Top - End - #111
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You die from old age waiting for your time machine to finish warming up.


    I roll to promote smoking.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  22. - Top - End - #112
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You save countless lives as smokers everywhere quit cold turkey.

    I roll to be a klutz.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  23. - Top - End - #113
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You win a gold medal for your perfect gymnastics routine.

    I roll to bake a chocolate cake.

  24. - Top - End - #114
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You somehow create a vanilla-flavored particle accelerator.

    I roll to airlift the particle accelerator away and sell it to the Russians to be reverse-engineered.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  25. - Top - End - #115
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The world falls out from under you, Wile E Coyote style, and you fall rather painfully about a hundred meters. Then the cable on the particle accelerator breaks...

    I roll to make burnt popcorn and thoroughly disdain events as they unfold.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  26. - Top - End - #116
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You make popcorn of such perfection that you quickly become the head of a popcorn empire--but it's a bit hard to get you to concentrate, because everything in life, even the most mundane of events, sends you into fits of pure elation.

    I roll to remember everything rotten that happened to me.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  27. - Top - End - #117
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You remember everything awful that didn't happen to you. Both due to the sheer volume of this information, and because it includes traumas the like of which we can't even conceive of yet... you're not in a great place.

    I roll to share my popcorn with this poor girl.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  28. - Top - End - #118
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You had the noblest of intentions; you truly did. But you took a small nibble of your oh-so-perfect popcorn, and you couldn't stop yourself from eating the whole thing.

    I roll to guilt-trip Ironsmith for the lack of popcorn-sharing.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  29. - Top - End - #119
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You might have stood a chance, had you chosen a target that wasn't sitting beneath a falling particle accelerator.

    I roll to keep the impact realistic.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  30. - Top - End - #120
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    There is now a crater in the ground the size of Texas.


    I roll to name this new geological feature.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

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