The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You name it George.

    I roll to pilot a submarine.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #122
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "All hands, abandon ship. All hands, abandon ship."

    You're probably feel less embarrassed if you were actually out at sea when this happened.



    I roll to fix my car.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  3. - Top - End - #123
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    The Malk's Avatar

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    Feb 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    "All hands, abandon ship. All hands, abandon ship."

    You're probably feel less embarrassed if you were actually out at sea when this happened.



    I roll to fix my car.
    With all the leftover parts after disassembly, you're at least certain you can make 4,936 Matchbox cars out of the scraps. Silver lining.



    I roll to face myself in the mirror today.

  4. - Top - End - #124
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You put up a good effort, but there was nothing you could do after it fell off right before you got to the mirror.

    I roll to become a famous physician.

  5. - Top - End - #125
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Gallifrey (Or Hyrule)
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You become a famous mortician. What the heck; we need them, too.

    I roll to surf.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  6. - Top - End - #126
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Whelp. Surfing on the slopes of hell wasn't exactly what you had in mind.

    I roll to appease the great Zombthutarrasqlue.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  7. - Top - End - #127
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Even from where you're sitting, waist-high in stomach acid, you can tell it's not appeased.

    I roll to do a cartwheel.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  8. - Top - End - #128
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    As with a *certain someone* and The Rules earlier in this thread, you remain a virgin, but the cart driver gives you an odd look.

    I roll to auto-cannibalize.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  9. - Top - End - #129
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    (You know you're doing poorly in life when neither abstract concepts nor inanimate objects want anything to do with you. )

    Well, you can't really eat yourself raw, so you'll have to cook first. You're about halfway through the slow-roasting process when you realize the problem with this chain of events.

    I roll to boot up my computer.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  10. - Top - End - #130
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your computer sure looks snazzy in that pair of Doc Martens.

    I roll to roll out the barrel.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  11. - Top - End - #131
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    That old revolver was your only weapon against the orcish invaders, and now you've broken it. Oh well.

    I roll to cast fireball.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  12. - Top - End - #132
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You cause the entire stack of barrels to collapse and land on you. The barrels happened to contain a shipment of alchemist’s fire for the local adventure shop, so they explode and kill you.

    And then some ninja cast Fireball on the entire scene so anything that wasn’t already on fire has burst into flames as well. Including the ninja. And all the invading orcs. So much for the entire warehouse district, I guess.

    I roll to investigate the loud “KABOOM” I just heard.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-02-13 at 11:57 PM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  13. - Top - End - #133
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are flattened by debris.


    I roll to mind my own business.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  14. - Top - End - #134
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to mind my own business.
    You go bankrupt before you even fill out the paper work.

    I roll start a better business than Crisis21.

  15. - Top - End - #135
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You can't even afford the paperwork.

    I roll to build an intergalactic empire.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  16. - Top - End - #136
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to build an intergalactic empire.
    The bill gets blocked in the Senate. You can try again, but you have to sit through over 6 hours of boring political talk.

    I roll build yet another Death Star only bigger than any that came before it!

  17. - Top - End - #137
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic_Hat View Post
    I roll build yet another Death Star only bigger than any that came before it!
    You make a tiny Death Star out of Legos, and it's too adorable to be taken seriously.

    I roll for everybody to be properly intimidated by Magic_Hat's cute little Lego Death Star! (Yep, that's a sentence you hear every day...)
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-14 at 04:07 PM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  18. - Top - End - #138
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You think you might have something until someone trips over it and undoes five whole minutes of work.

    I roll to sit through the Senate meeting. Maybe that Binks fellow can still help me build my new empire...
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  19. - Top - End - #139
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Meltdowner's Avatar

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    Jan 2019
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    Neo Africa
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You can barely stand to spend one minute sitting through it. You walk out, but Jar Jar Binks catches sight of you and decides to help you build your new empire. It fails horribly.

    I roll to land the killing blow on this stunned harpy.
    Avvie by yours truly.

    You only need a few good friends in life; and you absolutely stick by them no matter what.

    Mirai, Asher, Ezra, Shuyoru
    Karasu, Ruth, Rosalind, Swetlana

  20. - Top - End - #140
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You attack with your cursed sword of polymorph other. The harpy becomes a five-headed red dracohydralisk and devours you immediately.

    I roll to stop Lyle the Red Dracohydralisk Lord from starting HIS own galactic empire.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  21. - Top - End - #141
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Lyle successfully forms the most benevolent galactic empire ever imagined and you are lynched by the populace for trying to prevent it.


    I roll to do nothing.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  22. - Top - End - #142
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to do nothing.
    You find yourself compelled to do everything at once. Due to the impossibly massive amount of energy this requires, you soon pass out cold.

    I roll to make my mail carrier get something right, for a change!
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  23. - Top - End - #143
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your mail carrier is intercepted by a ninja and never heard from again.

    I roll to usurp our dracolisk emperor.
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2019-02-14 at 08:17 PM.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  24. - Top - End - #144
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    Your mail carrier is intercepted by a ninja and never heard from again.
    YESSSSS!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to usurp our dracolisk emperor.
    Our dracolisk emperor mocks your efforts, and sets you up as an example to all who would dare challenge said imperial authority.

    I roll to help Ironsmith escape from imminent execution for the aforementioned traitorous act.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  25. - Top - End - #145
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Through a series of unfortunate blunders, you wind up as the Ironsmith's executioner. As poor Ironsmith's head is removed from their body by your massive ax, you shed a tear for your departed friend.

    I roll to resurrect the dead Ironsmith.

  26. - Top - End - #146
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Thanks a lot for making me deader than dead, dude. Thankfully, I always keep a lab full of clones for just such an occasion.. though I'll be the first to admit they tend to be a bit glitchy.

    I roll to find my feet. I'm sure they're around here somewhere.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  27. - Top - End - #147
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You find them when you stub your toe painfully into a razor sharp splinter of poison oak.

    I roll to find Bigfoot.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  28. - Top - End - #148
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to find Bigfoot.
    Instead, Bigfoot finds you. You are never heard from again.

    I roll to discover a new exoplanet.
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-15 at 12:06 AM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  29. - Top - End - #149
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
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    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You instead provide solid, unmistakable evidence that there is no real Bigfoot.

    I roll to destroy the world.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  30. - Top - End - #150
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    It turns out throwing your lego Death Star at a planet does a much better job of breaking the bricks than the planet.

    I roll to treat the poison oak in my feet.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

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