The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #181
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You come down with a really horrible stomach virus and start projectile vomiting mid-song.

    I roll to clean up the resulting mess.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  2. - Top - End - #182
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to clean up the resulting mess.
    You make it 10,000 time worse.

    I roll to build a machine that will generate scenarios I can post in "Roll a 1" silly message board threads.

  3. - Top - End - #183
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    A rock you can slam your face into until you deliriously blurt out a scenario does not count as a "machine".

    I roll to build a tower.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  4. - Top - End - #184
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to build a tower.
    You dig a well - the polar opposite of a tower.

    I roll to steal the well Ironsmith dug in the event it has water, and I can profit off it.

  5. - Top - End - #185
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You give him your life savings and the deed to your house in exchange for the well, which is bone dry.



    I roll to invest in paperclips.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  6. - Top - End - #186
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Gallifrey (Or Hyrule)
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    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to invest in paperclips.
    The bottom falls out, when people worldwide decide that they prefer staples.

    I roll to take Crisis21's money and reinvest it more wisely for the poor guy.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  7. - Top - End - #187
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to destabilize the world's financial markets.

    I roll to rebuild society in the resulting post-apocalyptic wastes.

  8. - Top - End - #188
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Repeatedly stabbing everyone and everything you meet is not a "society", it's just more counts of assualt and manslaughter I can add to the record.

    I roll to ruin the world further and feed on the pain of innocents so I can ascend to godhood.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  9. - Top - End - #189
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You fail to account for your own presence in the world and are too miserable to ascend. Someone else seizes the opportunity and has you smote.

    I roll to ignore our new overlord.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  10. - Top - End - #190
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    People now - understandably - think that your lips are welded to his posterior.


    I roll to accept the inevitable.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  11. - Top - End - #191
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Gallifrey (Or Hyrule)
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Crisis21 View Post
    I roll to accept the inevitable.
    You rebel wildly against the inevitable.

    I roll to sell tickets to Crisis21's rebellion against inevitability.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  12. - Top - End - #192
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    In retrospect, you probably shouldn't have charged in quataloos.

    I roll to Do Something about the Apocalypse.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  13. - Top - End - #193
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your actions taken to prevent the Apocalypse actually cause the Apocalypse to happen instead.

    I roll to survive the Apocalypse by living in a nuclear fallout bunker.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  14. - Top - End - #194
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Dire Moose View Post
    I roll to survive the Apocalypse by living in a nuclear fallout bunker.
    You you eat all the food in the bunker on the first day and starve to death.

    I roll publish a book.

  15. - Top - End - #195
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    That might have gone better if you hadn't used your only copy of the manuscript to wipe up a wine spill in your kitchen.


    I roll to end the world.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  16. - Top - End - #196
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The world kicks you off rather forcefully, sending you flying into the moon, which hates you.

    I roll to not make a Majora's Mask reference.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  17. - Top - End - #197
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Ironsmith View Post
    I roll to not make a Majora's Mask reference.
    You quote the game line for line--which has the inadvertent effect of making my day!

    I roll to not love the Zelda reference so much...
    Last edited by CyberiadQueen; 2019-02-25 at 11:27 PM.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  18. - Top - End - #198
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    I roll to not love the Zelda reference so much...
    You love the Zelda reference even more to the point it's starting to become creepy.

    I roll see if the monster in the old mansion is really a monster or an old guy in a mask trying to steal real estate.

  19. - Top - End - #199
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You take a right at albuquerque and never make it to the location of the mystery in the first place. In fact, you are thoroughly lost for 2d4+3 years.


    I roll to commit acts of villainy.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  20. - Top - End - #200
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Jan 2019
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    Gallifrey (Or Hyrule)
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are now the world's greatest hero.

    I roll to be Crisis21's ally.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  21. - Top - End - #201
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You accidentally flay Crisis21 alive.

    I roll to recruit a new hero to defend Heropolis.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  22. - Top - End - #202
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    In retrospect, a hero named The Sloth was probably not a good team member.

    I roll to restock the fridge.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  23. - Top - End - #203
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to create a vacuum inside the fridge, making it nigh impossible to open.

    I roll to buy a new refrigerator.

  24. - Top - End - #204
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You blow all your refrigerator money on a crane game trying to win a cheap ugly plush.


    I roll to play Jumanji.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  25. - Top - End - #205
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    Behind Blue Eyes
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You play Jumanji. I mean really, choosing to play in the first place was the real mistake.

    I roll to flee the country while I still can
    So, I went completely AWOL... Sorry about that, I will return when life picks up a rhythm again.
    If you need me for anything, or I forgot about something, PM me and I'll see it.
    Quote Originally Posted by frogglesmash View Post
    I guess I'll amend my original statement and instead say that Pathfinder is close enough to 3.5 to spark an argument about how close it actually is.

  26. - Top - End - #206
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get stuck in the border fence, torn up by barbed wire, and if that wasn’t enough, a moose from the Canadian side gives you a big slobbery kiss.

    I roll to become a superhero.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  27. - Top - End - #207
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You take on the identity of the mighty Sloth.

    I roll to become a supervillain.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  28. - Top - End - #208
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    US
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Five charities and twelve orphanages later, you realize you might've deviated from your evil scheme a bit.

    I roll to fall off a cliff.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  29. - Top - End - #209
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Physicists across the world are frantic trying to figure out how in the world you managed to fall up.


    I roll to blow someone's mind.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  30. - Top - End - #210
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Somehow you turned yourself into a Mind Flayer and sucked their brains out of their head instead.

    I roll to come up with an uncorruptable wish
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

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