The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #211
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You wished for the most corruptible wish possible.

    I roll to exile the drow to the Underdark.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  2. - Top - End - #212
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    US
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "And that, kids, is why there are now so many Drow in Jamaica. On the plus side, they've chilled out enormously since then."

    I roll to roll a die.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  3. - Top - End - #213
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
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    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The die rolls you.

    I roll to roll a rollaway bed.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  4. - Top - End - #214
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberiadQueen View Post
    I roll to roll a rollaway bed.
    The bed outsmarts you and rolls you away.

    I roll to live in a pineapple under the sea.*

    *Nobody's ever done that right?

  5. - Top - End - #215
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get the "under the sea" part down, not so much the "pineapple" or "living" bits, though. Nyahyayayaya~

    I roll to run an uneventful three-hour tour with my boat.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  6. - Top - End - #216
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
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    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Welcome to the island, Gilligan.

    I roll to build a raft.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  7. - Top - End - #217
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Welcome back to the island, Gilligan.

    I roll to figure out how the Professor made all those gadgets out of palm trees and coconuts.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  8. - Top - End - #218
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You build the raft, but the glue you dissolves after an hour.

    I roll to escape on a Russian sub.

  9. - Top - End - #219
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You sneak into the brig of a prison ship.


    Now that I'm a mind flayer (however that happened), I intend to be the best mind flayer I can be. *rolls to be a mind flayer*
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  10. - Top - End - #220
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Filthy githyanki mind-thrall.

    I roll to use the feared Mind Blast.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  11. - Top - End - #221
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You blast your own mind.

    I roll to send a distress signal to try to get off this island.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  12. - Top - End - #222
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    US
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your distress signal is distressing. Perhaps you stressed the distress too much, restressing the distress of the distress signal in a manner most stressful. Point being, the place now seems too scary and nobody's coming anywhere near it now.

    I roll to build huts that'll survive the inevitable tropical storms.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  13. - Top - End - #223
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Nov 2009
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    Arizona
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    Intersex

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You become quite the expert at building structures entirely out of toothpicks.

    I roll to explore the Amazon Jungle.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  14. - Top - End - #224
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get all of three feet before falling into a river and being devoured by piranhas.


    I roll to spontaneously combust.


    @V: New word! *looks up* Huh... So like the Wicked Witch of the West then?
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2019-03-01 at 01:05 AM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  15. - Top - End - #225
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
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    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, you deliquesce.

    I roll to hop around on a pogo stick.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  16. - Top - End - #226
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Who knew your head was so bouncy?

    I roll to perform first aid on CyberiadQueen's head.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  17. - Top - End - #227
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Aug 2010
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    The Primus Imperium
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    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Her head is now on fire.

    I roll to figure out how band-aids could possibly start a fire.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  18. - Top - End - #228
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Behind Blue Eyes
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    In your experimentation, you manage to set no less than 27 bandaids on fire. While attached to you. And you're still not sure how.

    I roll to put out the fires.
    So, I went completely AWOL... Sorry about that, I will return when life picks up a rhythm again.
    If you need me for anything, or I forgot about something, PM me and I'll see it.
    Quote Originally Posted by frogglesmash View Post
    I guess I'll amend my original statement and instead say that Pathfinder is close enough to 3.5 to spark an argument about how close it actually is.

  19. - Top - End - #229
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
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    It's anybody's guess...
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    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Throwing on an entire vat of kerosene? Nice job, there. That always helps...not so much.

    I roll to smother the fire in ice.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  20. - Top - End - #230
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Mar 2017
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    US
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Trying to smother a person-sized kerosene fire with an ice cube isn't the best idea you've had. Especially since that puts you in spattering range of a kerosene fire.

    I roll to disregard physics.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  21. - Top - End - #231
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    The Primus Imperium
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're arrested by the time police. No, I don't know how that happened either.

    I roll to find happiness.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  22. - Top - End - #232
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You find Happiness, but Happiness didn't want to be found. Happiness immediately defenestrates you.

    I roll to catch HalfTangible with my trampoline.

  23. - Top - End - #233
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Trampoline? You mean this pile of shredded and rotten elastic? Oh...wow, did that end badly.

    I roll to repair the trampoline.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  24. - Top - End - #234
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The bits of shredded trampoline are now on fire. And I'm HalfTangled up in it. Thanks a lot, Cyberiad *glares*

    I roll to accept my death with dignity.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-03-01 at 06:56 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  25. - Top - End - #235
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You hold a large rambuntious death party.

    I roll to bring destruction and death wherever I go.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  26. - Top - End - #236
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Death and destruction get a restraining order against you.

    I roll to find where I left my house keys.

  27. - Top - End - #237
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    It's anybody's guess...
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You discover that your keys are somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle. The rest is up to you.

    I roll to lose track of time.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  28. - Top - End - #238
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Time stops. You will spend the rest of existence knowing exactly what time it is, forever.

    I roll to seduce a bar wench.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  29. - Top - End - #239
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Five minutes after your attempt, you crawl out of the tavern to seek a decent proctologist.


    I roll to find him a decent proctologist.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  30. - Top - End - #240
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Location
    In the fiery pits of Hell
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You find him a small dirty man holding a rusty knife and wearing a t-shirt that says "Bottoms Up!" in large friendly pink letters.

    I roll to open a dimensional rift.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

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