The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #241
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Aug 2018

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzlefoot View Post
    I roll to open a dimensional rift.
    You open a portal to...

    ...A ROOM WITH A MOOSE!

    Google it. You'll thank me later.

    I roll to make more Invader Zim (or just general Nickelodeon) references on these forums.

  2. - Top - End - #242
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    What's Invader Zim?

    I roll to find my keys.

    @V: I know, but he rolled a nat 1 to get more Zim references on the board.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-03-02 at 03:09 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  3. - Top - End - #243
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    What's Invader Zim?
    Only the greatest show to bless Nickelodeon...okay second, but no one beats Avatar the Last Airbender.

    I roll to find my keys.
    You find them...in the desert. Unfortunately you're lost and don't have enough resources to survive.

    I roll inform everyone on the planet how awesome Invader Zim is.

  4. - Top - End - #244
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Everyone decides that you're extolling the virtues of 'Big Brother'.

    I roll to tap-dance on water.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  5. - Top - End - #245
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You fall into the water. In front of your childhood bullies, your friends, your coworkers, and that cute boy you like.

    I roll to operate a tank.

    @V: I didn't even get an actual tank?! Awwwww, I suck at this...
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-03-02 at 03:23 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  6. - Top - End - #246
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    All of your fish die due to your horrible idea of operation.

    I roll to help CyberiadQueen dry off.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  7. - Top - End - #247
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Let's just say you're darned lucky that I love water so much, because now I'll never get dry.

    I roll to dance in the rain.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  8. - Top - End - #248
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    As soon as you go outside to dance, the rain stops. You go back inside, and it starts up again. You go out, it stops; in, it goes. This goes back and forth for a while.

    I roll for the sun to brighten your day.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  9. - Top - End - #249
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "In the wake of this storm that's left fifty dead and caused over four and a half million dollars in property damage, we're left to wonder... 'who was the jerk that rolled a 1 THIS time?!'"

    I roll to flood the earth.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  10. - Top - End - #250
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You develop a process that reverses global warming, unleashing the next ice age and causing sea levels across the world to drop fifty feet.


    I roll to build a snowman.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  11. - Top - End - #251
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The rising costs of materials and labor leave you destitute and homeless.

    I roll to pull of the heist of the century.

  12. - Top - End - #252
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You break into a prison. Specifically, the break room for the officers guarding the place.

    I roll to arrest him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  13. - Top - End - #253
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "Hey Earl."

    "Yeah Mick?"

    "Is that a guy bound hand and foot at the top of a telephone pole with his pants around his ankles?"

    "I think so, Mick."

    "'Sbout what I thought."

    "Think we oughta help the guy?"

    "Nah, I hear he caused that hurricane a while back."



    I roll to make a faulty time machine.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  14. - Top - End - #254
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You make such a magnificent time machine that you become the next Doctor. I'm envious.

    I roll to defeat a Dalek.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  15. - Top - End - #255
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Dire Moose's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You poke it with a screwdriver. Of the mundane non-sonic variety. The Dalek is unaffected and vaporizes you.

    I roll to fix a malfunctioning plasma coil by reversing the polarity of the phase inducers before the warp core breaches. While doing a convincing impression of a Scottish accent.
    Last edited by Dire Moose; 2019-03-02 at 03:38 PM.
    LGBTitp
    Genderfluid AMAB, hence the gender symbol. I switch as it suits me.

  16. - Top - End - #256
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You are eaten by The Moose.

    I roll to convince the Doctor to kill that annoying little Clara by making her enter a Dalek shell.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  17. - Top - End - #257
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, you manage to convince the (uninhabited) Dalek shell to carry out its intended function a-

    "EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TERM-IN-ATE!!!"

    ...Well, it was nice knowing you.



    I roll to hold the multiple funerals for everyone who has died on this thread.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  18. - Top - End - #258
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Instead, you resurrect us all. Boy, it's good to be alive again!

    I roll to invade Antarctica.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  19. - Top - End - #259
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "... How did we get to the Gobi desert?"

    I roll to make the desert lush.

    @V: ..................
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-03-02 at 06:18 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  20. - Top - End - #260
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    The desert slaps you and scuttles off, muttering "bakabakabaka" under its breath. But I guess that's just what you get when you make a desert blush.

    I roll initiative.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  21. - Top - End - #261
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You suffer five surprise rounds from your enemies before you can move.


    I roll to order pizza. (I swear I got the one guy at the store who nat 1-ed his Perception check...)
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  22. - Top - End - #262
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You get charged triple. And also, it's not pizza, it's a pumpkin.

    I roll to hide.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  23. - Top - End - #263
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Peekaboo! I see you!

    I roll to fall in a puddle.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  24. - Top - End - #264
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're now a sun-dried mummy.

    I roll to jump over a pit.
    Last edited by Ironsmith; 2019-03-02 at 08:42 PM. Reason: Ninjas. Ninjas everywhere.

  25. - Top - End - #265
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    "....and that's how I met my husband, and why we live in a pit."

    I roll to ally with the other Playgrounders with a thing for world domination and, well, dominate the world.
    Easydamus says I'm a neutral half-elf wizard 1/druid 1.
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 15
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 12

    When in doubt, Hail Dread Cthulhu.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

  26. - Top - End - #266
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You manage to find all of those who desire world domination and convince them to follow your brilliant plan for world domination by selling yourselves all into slavery. The rest of the world will never see it coming.


    I roll to facepalm.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  27. - Top - End - #267
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You slam your face into a palm tree. Ow.

    I roll to become an expert archer.
    Love is the ultimate trip. --Micky Dolenz

    Rest in Peace, Peter Tork
    February 13, 1942-February 21, 2019
    Men are Mortal
    Music lives Forever

    #LiberateHongKong

  28. - Top - End - #268
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Ironsmith's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    And now, the safest thing in the galaxy is whatever you're aiming at.

    I roll to parry these stray arrows like I'm a badass jedi.
    Who're you? ...Don't matter.

    Want some rye? 'Course ya do!


    Here's to us.
    Who's like us?
    Damn few,
    and they're aaall dead.

    [+]

  29. - Top - End - #269
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    Your brilliant energy sword activates gloriously, on the wrong end. The super-heated tip melts through your boot like a blowtorch through ice. As you hop about screaming in pain, your erratic movements carry you directly into the path of arrows that would have otherwise missed harmlessly.

    The princesses are both claiming their pregnancy is due to you. The king confronts you on this issue. Roll for diplomacy.....

  30. - Top - End - #270
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: The “Rolled a 1” Game II: Critical Fail

    You're now forced to marry both of them and pay your entire check in child support. Good luck trying to satisfy two wives, neither of whom like you.

    But hey, you're not dead... for now.



    I roll to meet someone I can have a good, healthy romantic relationship with.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-03-03 at 02:53 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

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