What's the Stupidest Thing You've Ever Seen Players Do? (3.5/PF/d20)

[Sto]

How stupid is wanting to roll diplomacy to get past Iron Golems that have been instructed to let no one through a door?

[noob]

How stupid is wanting to roll diplomacy to get past Iron Golems that have been instructed to let no one through a door?

Not so much.
Maybe if you get some way to use diplomacy on nonintelligent constructs.
There might be an obscure source that allows that.
Or maybe make the list of bonuses you have to diplomacy until the gm gives up and say that you succeed with the 3244 bonuses to diplomacy you have.

[RNightstalker]

This is a second-hand story but there was a party back in 1st that was annoying the tar out of the DM wanting to play a game with gunpowder in it. The DM finally gave in and said "Fine! I'll put all the gunpowder in the world in one room in this dungeon." The only problem was the party's SOP had become to throw a lit torch through any door they found and then slam it closed...I was never told if they were able to close the door or not lol.

[The Kool]

I have to share something that's somehow both brilliant and stupid. Back in the AD&D days, I witnessed a party going through a dungeon. Party finds a secret room with a door on the other side. Door looks interesting, might be a puzzle. Floor is covered in gold coins. Party dives in headfirst and loots every single coin in that room, scraping it into backpacks. Then they look at the door, and trigger a chain lightning trap that was SUPPOSED to bounce off the floor and shock everyone in the room multiple times thanks to standing on highly conductive metal. They lived due to their ignorant munchkinity.

[EldritchWeaver]

This is a second-hand story but there was a party back in 1st that was annoying the tar out of the DM wanting to play a game with gunpowder in it. The DM finally gave in and said "Fine! I'll put all the gunpowder in the world in one room in this dungeon." The only problem was the party's SOP had become to throw a lit torch through any door they found and then slam it closed...I was never told if they were able to close the door or not lol.

What is the purpose of throwing a torch and and closing the door?

[King of Nowhere]

How stupid is wanting to roll diplomacy to get past Iron Golems that have been instructed to let no one through a door?

this is the new textbook case of "too dumb to fool"

Unless maybe you can take ulysses' hint and try to persuade them that you are called "no one", but i'd go more for bluff in this case

[noob]

What is the purpose of throwing a torch and and closing the door?

So that you can take door shards in the face while being killed by the pressure change.

[thorr-kan]

I have to share something that's somehow both brilliant and stupid. Back in the AD&D days, I witnessed a party going through a dungeon. Party finds a secret room with a door on the other side. Door looks interesting, might be a puzzle. Floor is covered in gold coins. Party dives in headfirst and loots every single coin in that room, scraping it into backpacks. Then they look at the door, and trigger a chain lightning trap that was SUPPOSED to bounce off the floor and shock everyone in the room multiple times thanks to standing on highly conductive metal. They lived due to their ignorant munchkinity.

If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid.

One of the priests in my Al-Qadim campaign tried evangelizing to a dao, in what was supposed to be an overpowered combat encounter. Due to some spectacular dice rolls and some really, really good player fast talk, he gained a convert to Kor, the god of wisdom. Not a henchman, but somebody willing to talk.

And the evangelizing has spread...

[RNightstalker]

What is the purpose of throwing a torch and and closing the door?

Not a clue...I wonder if they were still itching to play with gunpowder as they were rolling up new characters?

[Logosv]

What is the purpose of throwing a torch and and closing the door?

Spoiler

Show

In theory, the thrown torch stands a chance of triggering any traps immediately beyond the door, which the door would then protect the party from.

Additionally, there are several non-trap possibilities that the torch might warn you of or otherwise see your advantaged for having thrown it. For example:
- If there are creatures in the room, throwing a torch among them is likely to provoke a response, which might let the party make a listen check to notice them.
- If the room is filled with a gas that displaces oxygen, the torch will cease to burn shortly after having been thrown in. My personal guess is that their GM did this once, and the party picked up the torch-throwing as a precaution against a repeat.
- If the room is very dark, the thrown torch will provide a minimal amount of light without requiring hands, while being very cheap.

Overall, as trap-finding rituals go it does have the advantage of being fast, rather than shuffling a series of five-pound weights onto every square before daring to step on it and letting loose backs of ball bearings to check for inclines.

As for my contribution to the thread, I'm not sure if it counts as foolish, but my group has been taking on challenges rather recklessly, especially considering that one of us hasn't shown up since the second session. Most recently, we decided that we could take the optional boss fight while low on spell slots, answering 'yes' to the GM's dreaded "are you sure" in the process.

On the other hand, and why I'm not sure if it actually counts as foolish, is that the increased difficulty is likely to put us 3-4 levels ahead of what was planned by the end of the campaign.

[5crownik007]

I failed to read the thread title, but I feel like it's arbitrary to restrict dumb player stories to just 3.5, PF & d20. If you feel I'm wrong, sue me.

Game system was Stars Without Number 1e.

Spoiler: The Story

Show

Crash landed on a radioactive planet controlled by a totalitarian socialist government(that wasn't stupid, they were just screwed by dice).

Planet was TL3(no FTL space travel) but the largest city in the province that they crashed in did have a tightly secured government space launch center. There was also a TL4 Exchange Station in the system, so they did have a plausible means of escape.
The idea was that they were going to do jobs for corrupt gov't officials, travel through the intricate map I had created and have an adventure(between the session where they accidentally landed and we played, I made a map & adventure).

Instead of that, they decided to go directly to the spaceport and try to sneak in. I really should have seen it coming, I mean they really didn't want to be there.

So, they snuck in, nearly got slaughtered when they were caught, boarded a space shuttle, killed the pilot, overrode mission control's control lockout and attempted to blast off as an attack helicopter fired a missile at them. Mission control had also drained a majority of the fuel, meaning that they crash landed inside the city limits. In my infinite mercy I allowed them to survive although I really shouldn't have.

They went on to find the secondary means of escape I had placed, in case a situation like this occurred.

[ColorBlindNinja]

I failed to read the thread title, but I feel like it's arbitrary to restrict dumb player stories to just 3.5, PF & d20. If you feel I'm wrong, sue me.

Well, I did post this in the 3.X forum.

[Mike Miller]

This thread had been made before in the RPG forum. Now it is specific to third ed

[Mrark]

We had to somehow infiltrate the majority of the party in an important Noble’s house (also a very well equipped 15th level warrior) to organise an ambush while he was having sex in his Harem. While the barbarian could enter the room flying with the dragon from height (the roof was windowed to make a more romantic atmosphere), the rest of the party had no idea of how to sneak in surpassing the magic defenses and the controls. The cleric then said “we could pretend we are the plumbers, then go repair the bathrooms until it’s time”.


It worked.

[The Random NPC]

We had to somehow infiltrate the majority of the party in an important Noble’s house (also a very well equipped 15th level warrior) to organise an ambush while he was having sex in his Harem. While the barbarian could enter the room flying with the dragon from height (the roof was windowed to make a more romantic atmosphere), the rest of the party had no idea of how to sneak in surpassing the magic defenses and the controls. The cleric then said “we could pretend we are the plumbers, then go repair the bathrooms until it’s time”.


It worked.

Reminds me of a saying I like.
If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid.

[Mrark]

Reminds me of a saying I like.
If it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid.

You are right, indeed.

[jintoya]

Had some players who thought freeing an ancient death god who clearly was not happy about being replaced from a dungeon/fortress/prison might be a good idea... He was supposed to be more of a questionable motives quest giver... Ended up seeing the campaign altered heavily and killing the paladin

[Oberron]

Had a player who was shackled, had no gear, at level 1 try to fight the captain of the guards(who had improve grapple), failed to beat the captain in a grapple (player rolled a 14 total), because he refused to give his name to the census taker who was wanting to make records to prove he was a legal citizen and was going to be freed. He slammed his dice down and raged quit saying I was "using the stick and not the carrot", mean while the two other players (who where kenders) gave one of their 7 names and was already free and having a fun time in the town....

[Resileaf]

Eyeballs are objects

Only if they're not inside your body at the time.

[Silva Stormrage]

Where does it say that? I'm pretty sure a gauntlet is still an object despite being on your hand, and a warforged component is an object even though it's embedded inside you. Treating body parts as objects does make the rules go haywire so it's best not to do this but technically gogogome's players did not break the rules.

They aren't objects because they are alive... Living things are creatures not objects, in this instance eyes still attached to creatures are just part of that creature. You can't just target a part of a creature and say it's an object... If you declare you can take any part of a creature and declare it and object then you get silly things like casting Shatter on someone's eyes.

[Silva Stormrage]

Plants are objects and they're alive.

The rules do go haywire just like you said which is why I don't suggest people do that so I'm not gonna defend my position.

The exact quote regarding plants are "Note that regular plants, such as one finds growing in gardens and fields, lack Wisdom and Charisma scores (see Nonabilities) and are not creatures, but objects, even though they are alive."

The only reason regular plants are objects is because they lack a Wis/Cha score so I guess I was not accurate with my first statement. Still eyeballs are attached (usually anyway) to creatures with Wis/Cha scores so that logic doesn't apply. Still no real need to continue this derail.

[The Random NPC]

The exact quote regarding plants are "Note that regular plants, such as one finds growing in gardens and fields, lack Wisdom and Charisma scores (see Nonabilities) and are not creatures, but objects, even though they are alive."

The only reason regular plants are objects is because they lack a Wis/Cha score so I guess I was not accurate with my first statement. Still eyeballs are attached (usually anyway) to creatures with Wis/Cha scores so that logic doesn't apply. Still no real need to continue this derail.

So what you're saying is piercings are not objects while worn.

[Resileaf]

So what you're saying is piercings are not objects while worn.

No, we're saying that eyeballs are bodyparts, not objects.

[Quertus]

I just noticed that the title says "players", not "characters".

That being the case, I'm pretty sure that the indisputable answer, for the stupidest thing any 3e player I know has done, from the PoV of any of my tables, is, "switching to 4th edition".

[The Kool]

So what you're saying is piercings are not objects while worn.

A piercing, despite being in contact with your body, is not a part of your body. It is an object in your possession (which follows slightly different rules from an unattended object). Something formerly an object that has become part of your body (like, say, a graft) ceases to be an object and becomes a part of the creature in question.

[Bobur]

My players fight an army of hobgoblins in a ruined city, which belongs to a Lv20+ red dragon.
So far they did everything they could do piss him off. Broke into his lair, killed his pets, killed the hobgoblin king, "nuked" the city....
But at some point the dragon appeared and got a hold of some of them.
With some smart magic the grp escaped but in a chaotic way and nobody of the players knew where the rest was going. So 1 player did the smart thing and shouted the name of the city where we came from... of course the dragon heard and payed the city a little visit soon after.

Stupid and for me personally enraging:
I played an animal-like character who had a quest to find some old dwarf friends.
We found one in a mine, dead. The thing is, our rogue found him since he went ahead, recognized the dwarf and FOR SOME REASON thought it was a good idea to kick his face in so that my character wouldnt recognize him and... I dont know... wouldnt have to feel bad?
This made my quest basically impossible to finish and I tried to use my sent ability (cause animal) to recognize the smell and of course I roll way too low and fail that too... no way that I could know it was him until my team tells me... which they didnt until way later.

A low lv grp got imprisoned by the Drow. Withot any gear and rather low level, 2 of the players were taken out of the cell to do forced labor.
The guard was fully equipped and had a sort of werewolf with him to keep a watch on the 2.
One player talked the other into fighting them... which did not go well. One died and the other got badly beaten.

A player got tired of his PC so that character took his leave and soon after his new character was introduced in an underdark adventure.
A duergar dwarf. In a scenario where he was obviously the key for our grp to get out of yet another prison cell or not even getting there since we were still walking in chains, when he arrived and lead the group of prisoners through the duergar city.
His story introduction was presented to him on a silver plate by the DM and all he had to do was lie to some guards and we all would go free, running from the city.
But no. All of a sudden he wanted to do the unexpected and sell us out to his king (which was about to be removed from power anyway). The usurpers knocked him out for being a loyalist, stripped him of everything and threw him in the cell with the rest of us.... So not only did he not free the others, he also lost all his stuff AND made enemies with our grp. Well done man... well done.

The grp got into a fancy royal diner, because they got warned that something dangerous might happen there.
Our cleric was mistrusting of the food and cast a detect poison spell on it... in front of the guests and royalty. Which of course was a big insult and the PC had to leave the party.

[Lord Torath]

I have to share something that's somehow both brilliant and stupid. Back in the AD&D days, I witnessed a party going through a dungeon. Party finds a secret room with a door on the other side. Door looks interesting, might be a puzzle. Floor is covered in gold coins. Party dives in headfirst and loots every single coin in that room, scraping it into backpacks. Then they look at the door, and trigger a chain lightning trap that was SUPPOSED to bounce off the floor and shock everyone in the room multiple times thanks to standing on highly conductive metal. They lived due to their ignorant munchkinity.

Yeah, that's not how Chain Lightning works. Or how real-world electrical conductivity/resistance works either. But, you know, whatever.

[The Kool]

Yeah, that's not how Chain Lightning works. Or how real-world electrical conductivity/resistance works either. But, you know, whatever.

AD&D, still probably didn't work that way by RAW but the DM was the type who's been running for decades and has those little house rules that make the game feel more mysterious and dangerous. I like his world. Though, to be fair I overstated the implications. The idea was that the first hit was the floor and shocked everyone, then it bounced around normally.

[StarriDanni]

Wasn't DMing, but this was my party in college. I'm forgetting quite a few details, as I was very new at the time, but I remember the stupid quite well.

We're in a cave, and after exploring for a while, we get split up looking for...something. An encounter happens, and I can't for the life of me remember how, but one of the PCs ends up impaled on a thick stalagmite, straight through his stomach, He somehow doesn't die, but he is unconscious. (I want to say he jumped down from a bridge above the encounter to join us. If that's actually the case then consider that mistake 0.)

This particular adventure was pretty much "Leader Dragon Beatstick and His Friends"™, so after the encounter, LDB sees his injured party member and makes 2 mistakes. The first one was removing the impaled PC from the rock. This PC was a midget human of a homebrew class that was essentially being a pokemon trainer, so not a lot of HP. Heavy bleed damage starts from the gaping stomach hole, and we all start panicking.

Now, LDB was a dragonborn (?) that was prestiging into Dragon Disciple. Both the player and the character revered gold dragons as the end-all-be-all, so of course he had a fire breath weapon. It was at this point, entrenched in our panic, he makes mistake #2 and decides to use that breath weapon and cauterize the gaping stomach wound to stop the bleeding. The DM is stupefied, asks "are you sure?" He still goes through with it, all while the rest of the party is slack jawed.

The patient didn't survive the operation. At least the trainer was a good sport about it, but we never really let him live that down.

[Ignimortis]

After last session I finally have something to post here.
Basically...they've entered the dwarven kingdom, which is currently at war with a mysterious force of constructs which seems to be unbeatable but somehow dwarves manage to hold them back through sheer luck and perseverance. The kingdom is huge, the cave ceiling is maybe a kilometer away or even more, and it's full of stars somehow.

Naturally, they get curious. A warlock with Fell Flight and a Wildshaped druid fly over to investigate. They find a mysterious fog covering the top of the cave, and the stars shine on from beyond the fog. The warlock tries to enter it, gets shocked for some lightning damage and Dispel Magic, starts falling down with a shout of "don't touch iiiiiiiiit".

The bird druid doesn't care, flies through the fog at full speed, hears some cautioning cryptic whispering in a tongue she doesn't understand, but is otherwise unscathed. Sees a whole bunch of shiny jewels embedded into the cave's ceiling, all connected by shining magical strands.

Her first thought? Try and drag one out. She succeeds. It's a massive ruby cylinder...and it's also a lynchpin for a massive ward erected by the dwarves' first king, when the magic was powerful and mortals could become gods. The ward is down. The party's dwarf just heard their first king, also their best god, warn all the dwarves in the kingdom that "well, you're basically on your own now, guys, I can't interfere anymore".

Wonder how all of this will play out...