The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Prior Threads~
    Here (I), Here (II), Here (III), Here (IV), Here (V), and Here(VI).

    doc: that's not supposed to go there!
    belsunce: isn't that what a mechanic is supposed to say?
    louka: meh, the human body is a beautiful machine.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sarah's snuck into enough movies to know that this can only end in one of two ways: She's not particularly interested in murdering a high school while covered in animal blood and she's too young for the other thing.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  3. - Top - End - #3
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Playing Exalted. Some choice quotes so far...

    ST: So... yeah. You got nine silver XP for making that one burger.
    P1: Welcome to the crafting system, enjoy your stay.

    P1: Meat sword. Not the kinky kind; the deadly kind.

    P2: After all, it's not unlikely the circle (or at least the abolitionist members) may have to clash with the Guild.
    P3: WHAT'S THIS?! CAPITALISM!?
    ST: Capitalism ho!
    P2: Burgermerchant and [P3's char], the capitalism hoes!
    P3: MalReynoldsSpeechless.gif

    P2: Can Hungry Ghosts enjoy burgers?
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

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    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imbalance's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: you find 9 recoverable spears among the dead sahaugin
    Me: great. How soon can I cut a few to length and start training Rizzo and his mousefolk kin to defend themselves?

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    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    They’re playing Secret Hitler at the historical wargaming table!

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    Orc in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    GM: *upon realizing that a high level animation spell that one of the player was planning on taking would be large enough to animate an entire mansion* When you said you wanted settlement building, this wasn't quite what I had in mind.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    me: vb, could you please get your butt out of my field of view?
    vb: come on, it's almost as attractive as my wife's!

    dahrzull: vb, mind getting your butt out of my screen?
    me: told you!
    vb: that was the grenade's fault...

    vb: gui, your butt is ruining my aim!
    me: it was the grenade, i swear!
    dahrzull: sorry about that.

    i love dying light. i hate friendly fire, but those quotes are worth it.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  8. - Top - End - #8
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Scientist PC: so ooc question since I missed the first hour, are we still on planet communism?
    Last edited by 5crownik007; 2019-04-06 at 08:28 AM.
    "You... little... *****. It's what my old man called me, it's like it was my name, and I proved him right, by killing all the wrong people. [And], I love ya Henry, and I'll never call you anything but your name, but you gotta decide; are you gonna lay there, swallow that blood in your mouth, or are you gonna stand up, spit it out, and go spill theirs?" - Unknown

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    Orc in the Playground
     
    Coventry's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Spoiler
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    Gathur Silkfire (Bard) is a recent addition to the team.

    ... it was one of those nights.


    PC 1: Is a halfling part panda?
    PC 2: No, you're thinking of Ling Ling
    PC 1: So, are they one-quarter panda?

    Symeon-OOC: So the gnome does a cannon-ball dive into the swimming pool
    Arksbane-OOC: As the gnome dives in, Arksbane casts Vision of Hell on the pool
    Killian-OOC: Killian lays back in the Hellpool, with a cocktail in hand
    Symeon-OOC: We need to add an illusion of the drink being on fire
    Killian-OOC: Oh, that turns it into real "fire water"

    DM: The water of the pool has healing properties. For example if there are kinks in the back ...
    Gathur-OOC: No! We're in another room!
    DM: *facepalms*
    Last edited by Coventry; 2019-04-06 at 11:51 PM. Reason: ... edited for less context!

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Player 1 - "I'll cast speak with animals to wingman the bull with one of the cows."

    __________________

    Player 1 - "Why did I let you two go off on your own?"

    Me - "You had to get back to wingman for the bull..."

    __________________

    GM - "You realise you're walking in a straight line, and that's never happened before."

    Player 2 - "I've never walked in a straight line before!"



    GLaDOS Avatar and Pokémon Sig. by me

    Spoiler: Alternate Avatars
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    Leah and Saura, and Summer Rose by me

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    D&D

    AEthelwyn: Should I add some brass gears?

    Lizard!Magnis [OOC]: I'm envisioning myself being this extremely masculine dragon.
    ***several days later***
    AEthelwyn [OOC]: *Is struck by a most disturbing mental image of a dragon with a messy beard and giant pectoral muscles sticking through his scales*


    Dark Heresy
    Spezzal-Furs: I come back from a hard day of hunting Eldar on our ship and find that you guys have stolen a tank!

    World Eaters Terminator: I bet you a skull that our guy wins.
    Mishka: Deal.

    Mishka: I feel kind of bad about blowing up his spaceship. He was a nice guy.
    Last edited by LordCdrMilitant; 2019-04-08 at 03:09 PM.
    Guardsmen, hear me! Cadia may lie in ruin, but her proud people do not! For each brother and sister who gave their lives to Him as martyrs, we will reap a vengeance fiftyfold! Cadia may be no more, but will never be forgotten; our foes shall tremble in fear at the name, for their doom shall come from the barrels of Cadian guns, fired by Cadian hands! Forward, for vengeance and retribution, in His name and the names of our fallen comrades!

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Warlock: Here's the plan. We break into the castle, find Ireena, and rescue her from Strahd. Then we beat the tar out of her til she's almost dead, then use all of our illusion magic to disguise ourselves as her. Add a couple mirror images, and voila, a room full of badly injured Ireenas. Strahd won't risk hurting her, so we can all just walk out!
    DM: Wait, say that plan again?
    Last edited by NRSASD; 2019-04-08 at 04:08 PM.

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    Recherché's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Cleric: “These are undead puppies, they are not the cute puppies. They are bad dogs.”
    Paladin: “All dogs are good dogs.”

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sarah: "...So... Either we're in the matrix or we've stumbled into some kind of radically different parallel reality? ...Are we going to have to murder a tyrannical God-King? Please tell me that we are because I've had the weirdest urge to murder an overpowered jackass on an ego trip for a while now."

    Koutarou: "I wouldn't be so quick to assume there's an overpowered jackass behind this. Or that if there is, that we can win. I also have no idea what this "Matrix" you refer to is."

    Sarah: "...A shared dream of a false reality controlled by a person on the outside, which can be recognized by things that don't make sense. Like seeing a dozen identical snowflakes."

    Much, much later.

    Sarah: "...Me not dumb. You do bad to me, then you dumb. Me eat you and puke you back up just to make you hurt. Agree or no... dice? Head hurt, hungry, not brain well."
    Last edited by Rater202; 2019-04-09 at 09:05 PM.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Myrmidon, disgraced town guard turned hardened fighter: So, how does Selûne feel about gambling? Sinful/not sinful?
    Azora, professed moon-worshipper: Why? Thinking about confessing your sins?
    Myrmidon: No. But there's no point converting if they don't allow fun.

  16. - Top - End - #16
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    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Look, unless you know how to sneak into a sanctuary or why an American girl without a drop of non-white blood has a Japanese-named sword spirit, I ain't got no business with you."
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Charity: "You're my favorite dad."
    Doc: "Uh, I'm your only dad."
    Charity: "And that made picking favorites easy."

    Charity: "Brushing my teeth made me think of all the times I threw up yesterday."
    Doc: "It reminded you of throwing up?"
    Charity: "No, just the brushing teeth part did."
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2019-04-12 at 05:46 AM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    dm: badgers aren't projectiles!
    kami: they are if you've got my strength score!

    free: anything is lunch if you're brave enough.
    korinn: crazy enough, more like.
    josé: jury's out on that one in our case.

    dm: josé! what did i say about teabagging demons?!
    josé: no more than my attacks this round?
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    While looking at minis on the table:
    "Oh my good, look at the butt on this ogre! Did you paint the buttcrack or did it come with it?"
    "Look at this one, his ass looks sculpted."

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    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "And let's face it, do you want Hell under the control of a borderline edgelord teenager?"
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

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    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Charity: "Oatmeal raisin cookies are the Dark Souls mimics of cookies."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Newly-infected Wereraven Warlock: Is that how lycanthropy is spread? I thought it was through bites.... oh...
    Warlock's Wereraven boyfriend: *looks at floor, blushes in embarassment*
    Monk: We left you alone for one night! ONE NIGHT
    Cleric: At least it wasn't chlamydia


    Ranger:
    So in the first corner we have Team Bird, with a kenku ranger, a newly-infected Wereraven Warlock, and her Wereraven boyfriend.
    Cleric: Then we have Team Elf, with our full elf cleric and the two half-elves.
    Paladin: The Agents Keeblar?
    Monk: NO
    Other Paladin: And finally, we have Team Cat, with our Tabaxi druid, our paladin who thinks she's a cat, and an actual Sabre-tooth Tiger.
    DM: So you're... what? BCE?
    Cleric: Nah. Varying degrees of people

  23. - Top - End - #23
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    GnomePirate

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    This is over a couple of sessions.

    Vocalae: Can you cast prestitididigate on me to clean my clothes?
    Vorn: Not until you can pronounce the word correctly.
    Vocala: Prestigate? Presditidigate? [several more tries] Prestidigitate?
    Vorn: *casts the spell*

    Nacris, OOC: I pity the poor stonemason when all the guards start checking the insides of rocks for drugs.

    Vocala: Don't worry, it's clean
    Vorn: Says the woman who slept cuddling a rat!
    Vocala: I didn't know he was there, and I discarded him afterwards.
    Vorn: Oh, so you just use men until they're not useful for you anymore.

    NPC Werebear: The rest of the were-animals don't really like non-were-animals, so they're getting pretty antsy at your presence. You should probably leave.
    Nacris: That's okay, Vorn's racist too.
    Vorn: Exactly how is telling them that supposed to help?

    Nacris: Why are you still breathing?
    Vocala: Oh, right. Thanks! I should stop now.

    Vocala: I leveled up, so I'm going to learn pres-[mumble]-gate!
    DM: You can't cast it until you can pronounce it correctly.
    Vocala: [continues struggling]
    Queen, who's player is a non-native english speaker who has never played the game before: You mean prestidigitation?
    DM: Queen, you now know the Prestidigitation cantrip. Despite playing a Ranger.

    Vocala: Since it's been a few days, I'm down to 5 pocket sausages.

    Vorn: Just so you know, the city we're just about to enter is extremely strict about magic use. Do not, under any circumstances, cast any spell. Not even a cantrip.
    *Five minutes pass*
    Nacris: Vocala, I'm not going to let you go off and talk to a smuggler in prison by yourself. We can't deal with you getting arrested.
    Vocala: You can trust me!
    DM: Vocala, you feel something hit your hair.
    Vocala: I cast pres-
    Nacris: NO!

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Yoachuallathui's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Comissar View Post
    Player 1 - "I'll cast speak with animals to wingman the bull with one of the cows."

    __________________

    Player 1 - "Why did I let you two go off on your own?"

    Me - "You had to get back to wingman for the bull..."

    __________________

    GM - "You realise you're walking in a straight line, and that's never happened before."

    Player 2 - "I've never walked in a straight line before!"
    Same player:
    "Darn it, i shouldn't have fed all the stun guns to cats!"

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    Rater202's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Sarah suddenly has memories of being an ordinary pig, then a really hungry pig, then being butchered and accidentally fed to a human girl.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here.

    Awesome Avatar by Emperor Ing
    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Paladin, clutched in the talons of a hungry Roc flying into the sunset: "It's ok bard! We're going on an adventure together!"
    Wereraven bard, also clutched in the talons of a hungry Roc flying into the sunset: *screams in terror*

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    GM: You know this urchin is the son of the town drunkard. He's beloved by all the shopkeepers in the market. They would all adopt him in a heartbeat if anything happened to his dad.

    STRIX: Is he human?

    GM:...yes

    STRIX: M'kay then
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

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    VelociRapture12's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    You notice with absolute clarity that the wall is moving. You can see each section move and writhe about seeming to call to you, and as you do you feel a presence watching from afar. Roll a will save.
    Avatar by linklele

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    malax mendez: "i seductively play with my abacus."

    even with context, it makes no sense. hell, it's been 7 hours and i still can't figure it out.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    MONK: Screw rescuing the dwarves! We're in it to kill goblins! No goblin lives matter!

    WIZARD: Cast Charm Person.
    SAMURAI: Did you do that out loud?
    DM: I didn't see a Stealth check.
    SAMURAI: <slaps self>
    DM: Hey Monk, does an 18 hit you?


    DM: He's charmed but you still have to persuade him to let you tie him up.
    SORCERER: I'm a changeling with 20 CHA, I get naked and say "Hey, let's get tied up!"
    MALE PLAYERS: Bwahahaha!
    FEMALE PLAYERS: ...


    HUNTER: I'm still in the woods looking for my animal companion.
    RANGER: I'm with him, I hold up a badger. "Is this it? Hurry it's spraying"
    HUNTER: Speak With Animals, I hear the badger cursing him.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

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