The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #151
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    AdmiralCheez's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "You've been removing show tunes from existence using bath bombs?"


    "The initiation is kinda like a kegger."
    "Wait, are we joining a cult, or a frat house?"
    "Actually, it's more like a.... well, we're not a cult."
    "So, what, we're going to mix a bunch of questionable liquor into a trash can, and drink it out of an old boot?"
    "Oh, gods no! What kind of college did you go to?!"
    "I never went to college."


    "Okay, well, you stared right into the annihilation beam despite the safety sign. That's on you."

  2. - Top - End - #152
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    brutallica: what the hell is attached to my saddle bag? *searches*
    dm: it appears to be a well-worn burlap sack containing about 20lbs of potatoes.
    korinn: JOOOOOOOOSééééééééé!
    grimm: damn, even dead he still gets the blame.

    dm: ok, brutallica rides off on her giant ram, whisking away korinn romantically.
    korinn: well, at least it's more comfortable than josé or grimm...
    grimm: HEY!
    kami: so... hot midget on midget on livestock action?
    dm: i'm keeping this discussion pg, kami.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  3. - Top - End - #153
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Spoiler: Responses
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vknight View Post
    Leaf : Your Luke.
    Pronoun trouble.


    Quote Originally Posted by Spookykid View Post
    awakened pony: moo
    *snerk* Ponies always make games more fun.


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    NH: "I did not volunteer to be a seeing-eye-pony!"
    But ponies make games more fun!! XD



    Mirror: "I have blue fuzz on my boobs."
    Doc: "Am I supposed to be concerned or aroused?"

    Doc: "You're the only pony I know who suffers Buyer's Remorse before you even pay for something."

    Doc: "Wait, did that truck trailer say... oh, it's Penin Best."
    Mirror: "Thank you! OMG, finally someone else saw it the same wrong way I did."

    GM: "This is the fiber in your neighborhood."
    Doc: "Keeps your internet regular."

    Doc: "We can get a goat somewhere, right?"
    Max: "I'm not getting anyone's goat."

    Doc: "Damn, how long does 5 minutes take?"
    [Beat]
    Doc: "Don't answer that."

    Charity: "Can I make a check to determine the liquid in the jug?"
    GM: "What tool proficiencies do you have?"
    Charity: "...I can do a song-and-dance number."
    GM: "Then no."

    Azrael: "Look, you took one for the team."
    Doc: "Technically so did I."
    Mirror: "And me."
    Charity: "We have dumb team-building exercises."

    Charity: "Would you consider your breath-weapon more of a fiery burst or chilling touch?"
    Azrael: "It's a scintillating rainbow of fists. Go away."

    Mirror: "Oh, there's still some peanuts in here."
    [Beat]
    Max & GM: "Oh, you said peanuts."
    Doc: "Neither of you have the excuse of a truck trailer."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

  4. - Top - End - #154
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    A: "The 'you can make anything with UPBs and the engineering skill' has some consequences that I don't think they considered when they put that rule in the book."
    B: "But how many groups are going to try improving and replacing a gods sexual organs with biotech and cybernetics?"
    A: "I'll bet we aren't the first."
    C: "Rule 34."
    Niven's Laws, #5
    If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

  5. - Top - End - #155
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: "OK what rumors can we start for fun? … See that man over there? He sleeps with his sister."
    MORAVI: OK, that's...mildly disturbing.
    LESHY: "Mildly disturbing"?!

    DM: "And I don't know what made you think this was a date, I am married with three children!"
    TAMIEN: Forgive me, madame, that was uncool.
    LESHY: Uncouth.
    TAMIEN: That too.

    MORAVI: [OOC] Do we get our level 4 abilities yet?
    DM: You haven't slept on it.
    BAMBI: [OOC] Oops.
    DM: That's ok, you just like to cheat, I get it.

    BAMBI: I invoke the Rule of Cool and telekinesis my dagger back in my hand.

    DM: Anything else you want to order? If it's served in the Inner Sea, it's on the menu.
    BAMBI: <raises finger> Oh!
    DM: You're not there.
    BAMBI: <lowers finger> Aw.
    Last edited by TheYell; 2019-08-12 at 12:55 PM.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  6. - Top - End - #156
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Player: When you told us how many troops were in the navy base I thought they'd be almost all minions.
    DM: It's a covert listening post and resupply in a disputed system. Veteran soldiers aren't mooks.
    Player: And the commander won't talk to us!
    DM: You snuck in, shot people, busted loose a murdering criminal, caused the power generators to implode, blew up a vehicle bay, and wasted eighty percent of the combat troops.
    Player: He can still surrender. We'll let him go!
    DM: Would you trust you guys if you were him?
    Player: Heck no. We're murdering thugs.
    DM: Blowing the nukes it is.
    Niven's Laws, #5
    If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

  7. - Top - End - #157
    Colossus in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "So I need to finger Chacho again?"

  8. - Top - End - #158
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    ElfMonkGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Me: "You walk into the town. It's a cozy place, (etc.)"
    Player: "Are there shops?"

    What I meant to say: "Nothing spectacular, but there's a weapons-smith, an armorer, and a butcher."
    ...
    What I said: "Nothing spectacular, but there's a weapons-smith, an armor-smith, and a meat-smith."

  9. - Top - End - #159
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Elvensilver's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "So I will just keep laying on the nice sword fish next to the ship until the paralysis wears of, yeah?"
    Avatar made bei linklele!

    Currently playing:
    Gardin Farawyn Saskeon of Efteria, Elven Bard und Oracle
    Faire Camoretta, Halfling Monk.

  10. - Top - End - #160
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Kit: Punch him with your sword and hammer!

    Solas: We just committed genocide in your name. I hope you're proud of us.
    Kit: I use my reaction to commit a war crime.
    Solas: Can I flee to Argentina?

    Kit: Skipper, go heal Lathanderman.

    Solas: All my prayers go to Lathander. There is no faith energy for you to siphon.

    Dwarven Chief: That's not a box, it's a mold.
    Solas: You'd think a smith should have recognized a mold.
    Skipper: You described what it was so well without making it clear what it actually was.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
    My Nexus characters

  11. - Top - End - #161
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Anachronity View Post
    "meat-smith."
    Subway has sandwich artists, so... seems legit.


    GM: "You locate the mound."
    Doc: "Can we search for the Almond Joy?"

    Azriel: "I can't help it if i'm the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise."

    Max: "Objects are immune to poison and psychic damage."
    Mirror: "So Doc can't vicious Mockery the door."
    Doc: "I wasn't thinking that... as Plan A."

    Max: "Uh, the door has a dodge score of zero."

    GM: "All that's left of the door is the lock and the hinges."
    Mirror: "Wonderful shooting, Max!"
    Max: "Yeah, on my Twentieth shot."

    GM: "You take two points of fire damage--"
    Max: "Fire resistance."
    GM: "One point of fire damage from the flask. A little goblin creature ducks down behind a barricade."
    Doc: "Surrender now or Max will take another twenty shots and destroy you!"
    Max: "Not. Helping."

    Max: "They have a critter."
    Mirror: "Is it the dog?"
    GM: "It's a wolf."
    Max: "Ah, a pre-dog."
    Doc: "An un-evolved canine."
    Mirror: "An emo pupper."

    Goblin: "Wolf, Place!"
    Mirror: *swings her sword and crits*
    Wolf: *detonates*
    Mirror: "No."
    Goblin: "Eep."

    Mirror: *cuts goblin in half* "Save one for questioning!"
    Doc: "What if we have two halves? Can I just sew them together?"
    Max: "No, that's not gonna cut it."

    Mirror: "I want him prisoner."
    Doc: "Then donk him on the head."
    Mirror: *crits*
    Goblin: *knocked out cold*
    Mirror: "I didn't mean to donk him so hard."

    Doc: "Fiiive scimitars! Four stimpack."
    Mirror: "Three bottle caps."
    Max: "Two wolf chunks."
    GM: "And a scared goblin prisoner."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

  12. - Top - End - #162
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Aniikinis's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    I have some gems over the years.

    Past Group:
    3.5
    Warlock: "I know what I'm doing"
    Dread Necromancer: "You have no idea how much that scares me"

    Player 1 playing a Commoner: "I put on my armor and draw my broadsword."
    Everyone else: "wait, what?"
    P1: "I'm a fighter, boyyyyyyys!!!"
    P2: "...You have 5 HP"

    P4: "I put on my robe, and wizard hat"
    P2: "You're a druid"
    P4: "I put on my loincloth and light a joint..."

    P2: "That's not lawful good though?"
    P1: "Dude, my Int is like 5, are you really gonna try to argue with me?"
    P2: "No, I'm just gonna quietly sulk and give your character the stink eye"
    P3: "Can vampires sulk?"
    P2: "Can a candy person eat himself? Same answer"
    DM: "Will you three please shut up so we can continue?"

    P1: "Where is the brothel?"
    DM gives directions: "why?"
    P1: "No reason. I go to the brothel and get the attention of every lady inside."
    DM: "Okay, they're all listening"
    P1: "I offer each of them a gold coin if they would go to the gnome's store and wander around."
    DM: "...the one you got kicked out of?"
    P1: "Yes"

    Space campaign in homebrew system
    P3: "All hail goat god! Crusade on Battoria"
    P2: "This is why the government is paying me to restrain you through force."

    P3: "Have you heard of Goat God?"
    Enemies: "Yes, now if you don't leave we'll spill your blood to satisfy him."
    P3: "Okay, cool!"

    Current Group:
    3.5
    P1: "I'm pressing the button like 5 times"
    P2: "Do it and I break the finger"

    P3: "Leeroy! Jeeeeeeeeeeenkyenasns"
    DM: you take 1032 damage
    P3: "F***"

    3.5 players adventuring in Xena setting
    Party kicking butt
    Little Shub'niggurath(Ozodrin): "That old man got other people on this quest before me?! What a rip off! Oh wow they're getting smashed. ...May party now I guess."

    BoneShaper: "Okay, we need bodyguards for this"
    Drow Necromantress: "You need bodyguards

    NPC: "you need the bones of dryads to kill him."
    LS: "...Dryads have bones?"
    BS: "Since when did they have bones?"
    DN: "I never knew that, that sounds fake"
    3 hours later
    LS: "First: those weren't dryads. Second: They did in fact have bones."
    DN: "I figured party princess would know a thing or two about bones"
    LS: "Could say the same for you. Anyways, let's stab the guy and get out.

    LS: "Who's ready to paaaaaarrtaaayyy!!!!"
    Everyone else in the party: "Not a chance"
    Indigenous Natives Who Spoke Common: "Party?"
    LS: "I'm gonna show you something you'll never see for about 300 years!"

    Playing an All Flesh Must Be Eaten game set in WalMart Apocalypse. Somewhat in temporal order.

    Meat Barbarian: "Where do you keep your long pig?" [everyone stares at you like you're insane]

    Tron'Boy: "Dear Watt, why won't this bandit die? Stop dodging successfully and die already!!!"

    Cat-Clan Diplomat: "OH SO HONORABUR my a**, if they were so honorable why don't they come fight us like men?"
    Me, the DM: "Roll initative"
    Cat-Clan Diplomat: "...f***..."

    Mercury: "OH GOD THEY'RE SLAVS"

    Meat Barbarian fishing through the trunk of a humvee for something useful, pulls out a mortar and shell "when the f*** did we get this?"

    Beastmaster from pets: "f*** No! Sally! Bad Lizard! You put the vial of anthrax back!" Sally is his mount, an iguana about the size of a car and resembling a komodo dragon more than an iguana.

    Me: "Well, she shoots it, but now half of the wall of the fortress is gone. On the plus side, Sally can now take ranks in Firearms. Might wanna get that whole 'no thumbs' thing figured out though"

    Cat-Clan Diplomat on a turret: "Rock n Roll B****ES!!!!"

    Tron'Boy: Rolling knowledge on the thing they pulled out of the trunk "14"
    DM: "It's a Red Matter Bomb"
    Tron'Boy: "I zip down there and yell 'Give it to me!'"
    Cat-Clan Diplomat: "Here, take it"
    Tron'Boy: "Now I fling it over the wall"
    DM: Stunned silence then "roll"
    Tron'Boy: "22! Booyah!"
    Last edited by Aniikinis; 2019-08-18 at 05:30 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Quarian Rex View Post
    Sometimes you need more than well crafted crunch. Sometimes you need well crafted crunch that is playable in the game.
    Black for normal/uncaring/bored. Purple for in love. Blue for being a jerk/sarcastic bum.

    Black(Blue and Green) or Sultai is my khanate, and my colour alignment.

    For some strange reason I have a severe reaction to sunlight when it hits my eyes, no clue why or what causes it so yeah...
    The Rest of my Signature
    My Hombrew

  13. - Top - End - #163
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Infrequent visitors make great players of antagonists ^^.


    Minion 1: "Introducing, her Imperial Grace, Mistress Anastasia Zolodyne!"
    Dan: "Looks like we finally get to meet the big bad."
    Anastasia: "Foolish little things! You thought you could ruin my plans? In the end, I will always be victorious! Ohohohohoho!"
    Nova: "That laugh is going to haunt my nightmares, I just know it."

    June: "Don't worry, Marc will save us!"
    Anastasia: "Who?"
    June: "You don't know? His name is Legendary!"
    Nova: "His strength is remarkable!"
    NH: "And his theme song, is pretty good too!"
    June: "Bam, bam; bam, bam, ba-bam, bam..."

    Grace Zolodyne (little sister of big bad): "You... took out all the robots I built."
    Marv: "Um... yes?"
    Grace: "Those were state of the art battle robots, with top tier specs and military grade weapons..."
    Marv: "Ah... Sorry?"
    Grace: "I WANT YOUR BABIES!"
    *beat*
    Marv: "...nope." *runs away*
    Grace: "No! Sweetheart! Come back!"

    Marv: "Move! Move! Move!"
    NH: "Hoofing it! Hoofing it! Hoofing it!"
    Nova: "Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!"
    Anastacia: "Get them! Capture them and throw them in the dungeon!"
    Grace: "Bring the sexy man-meat to my room!"

    NH: "Looks like we found the minion break room."
    Nova: "Oooh, they have a fridge! Time to steal their lunches!"
    Marv: "You're going to steal their food? Now?"
    Nova: "What? Running builds up an appetite. Oooh! They have Surge!"

    Dan: *opens random door*
    Male Minion in a bath towel: *Girly scream*
    Dan: *closes door*

    June: "Hello boys, let me introduce you to Fido."
    Minion: "Is that a robot pit bull?"
    Fido: "Wroof."
    June: "Fido, sick-em."
    Fido: "Wroof" *transforms into mini gatling gun*

    NF: "Ohwoaw,thisstuffisamazing!I'veneverhadanythinglik ethatbefore!Ican'tbelievehowgoodIfeelrightnow!It's likemymagichasnolimits!IbetIcouldevenmovethesunIfI antedto!Ineedtotrythisstuffmoreoften..."
    Marv: *Glares at Nova*
    Nova: "How was I supposed to know that Surge makes ponies hyper?"
    Marv: "SURGE MAKES EVERYONE HYER YOU DOLT!"

    NH:"REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
    MoP: "It's not every day you can say you've seen a pony SCUD missile."
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

    Spoiler: Visit me
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    Spoiler: Old Projects
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    Project Loreshift, game development in Progress

    Races of Wake

    Wake Human subspecies


    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  14. - Top - End - #164
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Post Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Horell: “I think there has been a misunderstanding regarding us.
    you seem to believe that we might pose a threat to you and/or your boss.
    We are here to confirm those misunderstandings”

    Horell: “I should be disgusted… but this is probably
    the 12:th time I’ve smelt this.”

    GM: “I meant to say it was evening, therefore it is.”

    GM: “Bandits go down the hooole”

    GM: “The hole is not impressed by your personality.”
    Lonji: “Lonji go down the hooole.”

    Scar: “If we sink the boat, it won’t burn.”

    Alum: “I’m a rock”
    GM: “your sinking like a stone”

    Scar: “Don’t worry Lonji. if you die, I’ll eat your body so you´ll always be part of this party.”
    Lonji: “Aww. That’s the way I’ve always wanted to... wait...”

    Alum: “I dub thee captain obvious of this vessel”

    Horell: (OOC) “Did we get sleept?”
    Alum: (OOC) “We are lvl 5, we can’t get sleept.”
    Horell: (OOC) “Greater sleep?”
    Alum: (OOC) “Powernap!”

  15. - Top - End - #165
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Horell: “I think there has been a misunderstanding regarding us.
    you seem to believe that we might pose a threat to you and/or your boss.
    We are here to confirm those misunderstandings”
    I laughed to read that

    KNIGHT: What is this place called?
    GM: I dunno, wilderness.
    KNIGHT: Then from this day forth I shall be the Count of Adanno Wilderness. Cause I'm what counts out here!
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  16. - Top - End - #166
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by TheYell View Post
    I laughed to read that

    KNIGHT: What is this place called?
    GM: I dunno, wilderness.
    KNIGHT: Then from this day forth I shall be the Count of Adanno Wilderness. Cause I'm what counts out here!
    "Yes... yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... This Land."
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  17. - Top - End - #167
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    So I ran what was supposed to be a beer and pizza one shot to unwind tonight, except we ran out of time before the end. 3/4 of the characters, Paladin, Cleric, and Wizard, were the 1e Pathfinder Lv 7 pregens, and the Dungeon was a randomly generated one, monsters and all, from online.

    Dm: You just reverse Tyr'd that winter wolf.

    Paladin: I just made this gauntlet brown in a wolves *******, and I'll clean it off on your face.

    Paladin: Remy's a battering centaped.

    Bard: Remy is the one facing away from the camera on the box art
    Paladin: 6 capes flowing in the wind.

    Cleric: What's 'Good Boy' in Giant?

    Dm: Roll Perception, no wait, that is the corner of the room that is slowly burning, there is a secret door slowly burning in the northwest corner.

    Dm: Would you like to go into the next room and not watch the bear try to climb out and impale itself for the next 7 minutes.

    Paladin: This Frost Giant orphaned and kidnapped a 3 year old. This is the first time I have ever seen my brother (the DM) truely angry at a random dungeon generated boss. He is going down.

    A cookie to anyone who can figure out what Remy is. Also, yah, I may fudge things in their favor during the boss fight. Endangering children is my personal berserk button, even if those children are fictional and silver dragons.

  18. - Top - End - #168
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Kalaska'Agathas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM (Me): "Alright, what will you do with the bandits you've captured, then?"

    Cleric: "Wait, so, just to check, are we essentially getting more involved in Oleg's plot to commit tax evasion?"

    Everyone Else At The Table: [Uproarious Laughter]
    Last edited by Kalaska'Agathas; 2019-08-20 at 11:01 PM.
    No levelled malice
    Infects one comma in the course I hold;
    But flies an eagle flight, bold, and forth on,
    Leaving no track behind.

    Andrew Eldritch Avatar by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
    Psionic Tricks Handbook (WIP!)

    Brainstorming thread for a Basic FAQ (WIP!)

    Oh, and you can just call me KA.

  19. - Top - End - #169
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    GnomePirate

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quill, OOC: Well, I rolled a drow with the criminal background, but I don't like playing evil characters...
    Lore, OOC: Well, I rolled a drow with the folk hero background, but I don't like playing good characters...
    Quill, OOC: So I try to do good, but you get all the credit, because that's what brothers are for, right?


    Quill: Lore, go with the Eladrin. Maybe you can learn something.
    Lore: Why do I need to learn anything?
    Quill: *says something boring*
    Sleep, OOC: You missed your chance to call him stupid!


    DM: Unlike most sailors, the captain doesn't seem superstitious about Tieflings on his ship.
    [one ship-ride later]
    DM: The captain curses [the Tiefling] and tells him to get off his ship.


    Quill: I have friends-
    Lore: No you don't.
    Quill: You can trust them.
    Lore: No I can't.
    ...
    Lore: See, this is why we can't trust your friends!



    Quill, OOC: This is my spider, Eric, it's a pun on-
    Sleep, OOC: You missed your chance to call him Peter! Spiderman / Peter Quill!


    Quill: Hold on a second, I need to see something. *drops concentration on dancing lights, room becomes pitch black*


    DM: An arrow hits Quill in the knee, and -
    Quill, OOC: I guess I have to join the town guards now...


    DM: Roll initiative. *runs surprise round wrong, almost kills 2 PCs* Quill, you're up.
    Quill: *casts fireball*
    DM: You do realize you're on a ship, right? And that Shield almost stumbled into a barrel of tar a second ago?
    Quill, OOC: I didn't ask if we were on a ship, I said I cast fireball.


    Quill: *has 1 hp, is on fire*
    Quill: *jumps into water, fire goes out*
    DM: It's winter, so make a CON save and take... *rolls* 2 damage, or half on a save.
    Quill: *passes save*
    Quill: *passes out*


    EDIT: Just remembered one more.
    Quill: It's not illegal, it's economics!
    Quill, OOC: And this makes it the one thing that is so horrible that even drow find it detestable and want to kill him about!
    Last edited by malachi; 2019-08-21 at 10:09 AM.

  20. - Top - End - #170
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: So what do you do in town?
    BAMBI: I milk my snake.
    TABLE: WHAAAA
    BAMBI: I have an asp, I harvest the venom! sheesh

    BOSS: So, by now you have killed dozens to reach me. Your wrath is superb. Perhaps there is a place for you--
    MAYA: There's a place for me in your slit throat! <attacks>

    BAMBI: I was out shopping, check out these killer stiletto heels!
    MORAVI: I don't think you want to take those down there.

    BAMBI: "By consuming a nonevil humanoid once a month, a barghest gains a growth point"
    DM: Err?
    ICARUS: OK, so maybe Munkle can't be a barghest.
    DM: Yeah, that is not a good fit for Munkle.
    BAMBI: We could find CN pirates and feed it to her once a month--
    DM: How's about "no"?

    MORAVI: I could get a tumbleweed as a familiar.
    LESHY: I object! That's the corpse of a plant.
    MORAVI: Doesn't say undead.
    DM: Yeah so it's alive.
    LESHY: You realize I'll speak Plant to it?
    BAMBI: "You ain't but a slave! It's revolution time!"

    TAMIEN: So it turns out drinking blood to learn spells is an evil act.

    Also TAMIEN: I'm gonna be drinking so much blood this campaign...

    [OOC Pregame]
    DM: So what class should Munkle take for level 3?
    BAMBI: Ninja!
    LESHY: I object to characters learning a class without somebody to instruct them.
    BAMBI: She could read the manuals by mail order!
    Last edited by TheYell; 2019-08-22 at 03:15 PM.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  21. - Top - End - #171
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ClericGirl

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Listen, with all my tools, Mending, and a bedroll, we'll make something work."
    "What are you going to do, bludgeon it with a rake?"
    "Hold up, did we just get a defective pocket dragon?"
    Why are you advocating cutting off hands? You're a paladin! Who's your god, Orcus?"

  22. - Top - End - #172
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SleepyShadow's Avatar

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    Earth

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Don't haggle with the stable boy. I'll club him like a baby seal and we'll take the horses."

    "My gnome has a beard so people stop mistaking him for a little girl."

    "I survived my own self-inserted brain tumor, so I must be a god!"

    "My vampire doesn't believe in the supernatural. He only believes in Atlantis."

    "I hit the alien's spaceship with my shovel."

    "I'm so sick of eating cassowary that canned corn sounds really good right now."

    "Let's use raise dead on the BBEG so he can help us fight the less cool bad guys."

    "Why is your sock puppet quoting Nietzsche?"

  23. - Top - End - #173
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: "As you cast your spell, you feel something go wrong. A storm suddenly forms in the corridor, and it begins to rain blood. You all have to make Dex checks to remain standing."
    Spot: *Makes his save* "I lick a little of the blood. What does it taste like?"
    DM: "Uhhh... it tastes like processed chicken substitute."
    Spot: "I stop licking."

    Aurelios: "What else do we find?"
    DM: "There's a Mechanus shrine here. Inside is a Mac Classic. It's labeled, 'To our patron saint, Steve Jobs'."
    Spot: "Quack!"

    Aurelios: "I cast the spell unfettered!"
    *A few rolls later*
    DM: "Well, this is a bad precedent. So, as you cast your spell, everyone hears creepy voices whispering from nowhere, whispering terrible truths to you."
    Creepy Voice: "Hey! Hey you! You know those hamburgers you like so much? You know what they're really made of?" *beat* "Processed chick-"
    *Entire table bursts out laughing*
    My DeviantArt page
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  24. - Top - End - #174
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    LordCdrMilitant's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Illogictree View Post
    DM: "As you cast your spell, you feel something go wrong. A storm suddenly forms in the corridor, and it begins to rain blood. You all have to make Dex checks to remain standing."
    Spot: *Makes his save* "I lick a little of the blood. What does it taste like?"
    DM: "Uhhh... it tastes like processed chicken substitute."
    Spot: "I stop licking."

    Aurelios: "What else do we find?"
    DM: "There's a Mechanus shrine here. Inside is a Mac Classic. It's labeled, 'To our patron saint, Steve Jobs'."
    Spot: "Quack!"

    Aurelios: "I cast the spell unfettered!"
    *A few rolls later*
    DM: "Well, this is a bad precedent. So, as you cast your spell, everyone hears creepy voices whispering from nowhere, whispering terrible truths to you."
    Creepy Voice: "Hey! Hey you! You know those hamburgers you like so much? You know what they're really made of?" *beat* "Processed chick-"
    *Entire table bursts out laughing*
    It sounds like your psyker[s] are having FUN.

    I think it's funny: In the games I run, the Inquisitorial psyker always overchannels to maximum overchannel [and perils as a consequence], but the Chaos psyker like never casts above Fettered because he's afraid to blow up.
    Guardsmen, hear me! Cadia may lie in ruin, but her proud people do not! For each brother and sister who gave their lives to Him as martyrs, we will reap a vengeance fiftyfold! Cadia may be no more, but will never be forgotten; our foes shall tremble in fear at the name, for their doom shall come from the barrels of Cadian guns, fired by Cadian hands! Forward, for vengeance and retribution, in His name and the names of our fallen comrades!

  25. - Top - End - #175
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    NF: "Ohwoaw,thisstuffisamazing!I'veneverhadanythinglik ethatbefore!Ican'tbelievehowgoodIfeelrightnow!It's likemymagichasnolimits!IbetIcouldevenmovethesunIfI antedto!Ineedtotrythisstuffmoreoften..."
    Oh yeah, fav PC right here. XD


    Mirror: "What do you want to do with the leftovers?"
    Doc: "Can you put them away?"
    Mirror: "You can put them away."
    Doc: "I'm doing the dishes right now."
    Mirror: "Pfft, the dishes aren't that important."
    Doc: "Tell that to you, my wife!"
    GM: "This may be the only time meta-gaming is legit."

    GM: "You see several bone-tipped stakes at the bottom."
    Max: "Mmm, bone-in steak."

    Doc: "Please see your doctor if you are punning for more than 4 hours."

    Max: "Because they're stairs, you can lean back."
    Mirror: "Lean back! With my mind on my money and my money on my mind!"

    Doc: "I think the water dried out and went stale."

    Doc: (smoldering)"But the- was be- you can't- dammit goblins! Ceiling or floor?! Pick one place for your traps!!"

    Mirror: "I can dump out the grain and give the bag to Charity."
    Charity: (Richard Nixon voice) "Sack-it-to-me?"
    Max: "Seems like a waste of food."
    Doc: "Let's not go against the grain."
    Mirror: "But I don't want to stalk back here again for the bag!"
    Doc: "Rye are you being difficult?!"
    Mirror: "Because your idea chaffs my style!"
    Doc: "Fine, we'll go with your graindiose plan!"
    Mirror: "Wheatever!"

    Azriel: "My pact with the dark ones is earning interest rates."

    GM: "You know what alchemist fire feels like on your fur?"
    Doc: "UNFORTUNATELY."

    Max & Doc: "Let us out! Let us out! Let us out!"
    Azriel & Mirror: "Let us in! Let us in! Let us in!"
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2019-08-24 at 09:06 PM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  26. - Top - End - #176
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    PRAK

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    A: Of course I'm not really going to let him go if he surrenders. I have a bag of ghoul parts that I'm going to stick in him to see what happens.
    B: You're sick.
    C: No he's not. He made the save and got better.

    C: See? Nobody ever talks except to try to ambush us. We should have just nuked it on the way in.
    A: Thery're only light nuclear missiles. Nobody would die and the loot wouldn't be worth even the piddly 10% resale then.
    Niven's Laws, #5
    If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

  27. - Top - End - #177
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    The Party: (Several different pre-battle background conversations going on at once.)

    Bard: Does heat metal work on guns?

    Me, The DM: Yeah- it'd probably set off any bullets in the magazine too.

    Hexgun Warlock, who wields A Terribly Cursed Gun: Does it work on *my* gun?

    Me: No, of course not.

    The Party: [Horrified silence.]

  28. - Top - End - #178
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Smythe: I'm covered in blood, up to my knees in counterfit fake breasts, and have four meter tall killer robots shooting lasers at me.
    Lobos: Yeah. We're awesome.
    Niven's Laws, #5
    If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

  29. - Top - End - #179
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Telok View Post
    Smythe: I'm covered in blood, up to my knees in counterfit fake breasts, and have four meter tall killer robots shooting lasers at me.
    Lobos: Yeah. We're awesome.
    yeah, you guys are awesome.
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  30. - Top - End - #180
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    GnomePirate

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    Richardson, TX
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Spoiler: Heretical Context
    Show
    Alien's player wasn't present last session, and he had gone to sleep at the end of the previous session, so neither he nor his PC had any idea what hijinks had occurred.


    Spoiler: Characters
    Show

    Quill and Lore, Drow, brothers. Wizard and Sorcerer, respectively
    Alien, Eladrin Warlock.
    Shield, Dragonborn Battlemaster Fighter.
    Sleep, Tiefling Eldritch Knight. Has no memories, but lots of scars.


    DM: Alien, in your dream you find yourself in a warm room with a wood floor -
    Entire party but Alien, OOC: *bursts out laughing*
    Quill, OOC: "It really wasn't my fault!"


    Quill, OOC: "You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, a dragon comes and kidnaps her, so you really need to learn the difference between red and black dragons. Which ones you can fireball, and whotnot."


    Sleep, OOC: "Wait, does dynamite exist in this setting?"
    DM, OOC: "Yeah"
    Sleep, OOC: *squeals like a little girl*


    Alien, OOC: "I think I just turned this into an evil campaign."
    Quill and Lore, OOC: "Says the non-Drow."


    Shield: "Did a weird guy just come and ask you-"
    Quill: "To meet when the ball of death was at its peak?"
    Shield: "Ok, it must have been a message from Alien, then."


    Quill: "Do the cells have windows?"
    DM: "Yes"
    Quill: "Noooooooo!"
    DM: "Your cell is also in the sun about 90% of the day"
    Quill: *shrivels and dies*


    Alien: *does something I didn't write down*
    Quill, OOC: "Ah, yes. The the Drow style of economics."


    Alien: "Why don't we break them out, 'catch' them outside the city so that you can gloat over them?"
    Lord Gorbert, NPC: "I do love to gloat."
    Alien: "I used to enjoy gloating back in the day, myself."
    Lord Gorbert, NPC: *glares* "I'm the only one allowed to gloat."


    Quote Originally Posted by Telok View Post
    counterfit fake breasts
    counterfit fake
    Which means what exactly?
    Last edited by malachi; 2019-08-27 at 12:37 PM.

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