The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #181
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    TABLE: <babble>
    BAMBI: [OOC] My mindreader bloodline power has a DC 17 Will Save, so if they make it, do they know I tried to read their mind?
    GM: Absolutely!
    TABLE: Wait, what? Don't! No!
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  2. - Top - End - #182
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    SwashbucklerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by malachi View Post


    Which means what exactly?
    According to my wife it is actually a major problem. Because the breasts are counterfeit they aren't medical quality or something like that. It makes it easier to get an infection from them.

  3. - Top - End - #183
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Each conversation is from a different campaign.


    Rogue: Are you even capable of being stealthy?
    Tiefling Bard: I prefer to stick out like a sore thumb.
    Barbarian: Ask a stupid question . . .


    Cleric: SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN, NO!!! HE’S FINALLY DONE IT!!! HE’S SENDING NICOL BOLAS TO KILL US!!!


    Half-Orc: [brandishes maul] No edges!
    NPCS army: [brandishes swords, axes, and halberds] Edges!
    Half-Orc: LET’S GET SOME LIVER!!
    NPCs: YEAH!!
    Human: [looks over at the elf like ‘wtf?’]
    Elf: [turns to the dwarf] I blame you for this.
    Dwarf: IT WAS ONE TIME!!!


    Paladin: To quote the Ranger’s Apprentice series, I spend my time looking for Albert.
    DM: Who?


    FROM MY CURRENT CAMPAIGNS
    Bard: [out of character] as the pastor of the nearby church, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but just use the F-Word next time.

    Warlock: [out of character] Were this me, I would totally buy it from him. But as this is fantasy, [in character] I must politely decline.
    Wizard and Paladin: [move their seats a few inches away from the Warlock].
    Last edited by Comaward; 2019-08-29 at 04:31 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #184
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Spoiler: responses
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comaward View Post
    Cleric: SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN, NO!!! HE’S FINALLY DONE IT!!! HE’S SENDING NICOL BOLAS TO KILL US!!!
    Nobody sends Nicol Bolas. He's the guy who sends people.
    Quote Originally Posted by Comaward View Post
    Paladin: To quote the Ranger’s Apprentice series, I spend my time looking for Albert.
    DM: Who?
    I have read that series twice. I have no idea to what this refers.


    Unfortunately, I have no quotes to give.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  5. - Top - End - #185
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    Spoiler: responses
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    Nobody sends Nicol Bolas. He's the guy who sends people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    I have read that series twice. I have no idea to what this refers?
    Spoiler: the “dreaded” context
    Show

    FIRST QUOTE
    We had accidentally broken into the lair of an ancient Void Dragon.
    The DM pulled out his copy of the Tome of Beasts and showed us a picture of the creature.
    The guy playing the Cleric (who in real life was a massive Magic: the Gathering fan) had an honest-to-goodness panic attack just from the picture in the book.
    The HE in question, was the DM.

    SECOND QUOTE
    You know, when you lean over the side of the ship and say “alblerrgggh!”

  6. - Top - End - #186
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by Comaward View Post
    Spoiler: the “dreaded” context
    Show

    FIRST QUOTE
    We had accidentally broken into the lair of an ancient Void Dragon.
    The DM pulled out his copy of the Tome of Beasts and showed us a picture of the creature.
    The guy playing the Cleric (who in real life was a massive Magic: the Gathering fan) had an honest-to-goodness panic attack just from the picture in the book.
    The HE in question, was the DM.

    SECOND QUOTE
    You know, when you lean over the side of the ship and say “alblerrgggh!”
    Ah. Googling it, that really does look like Nicol.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  7. - Top - End - #187
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    ICARUS: I roll Intimidate! A 3.
    BAMBI: I assist him. A 5.
    DM: He has a 18.
    ICARUS: I flip him off!
    BAMBI: I assist him. Nat 20.
    ICARUS: Epic.
    BAMBI: That's a Tupac level of flipping off.

    DM: You must roll a 95 or higher to find an ankylosaur.
    ICARUS: Use my dice.
    BAMBI: 77.
    DM: Not a 95! You find a chicken.
    BAMBI: I feed it to my snake.

    BAMBI: [OOC] But dragons are the natural allies of dinosaurs! They're drawn to them!
    DM: Really?
    BAMBI: [OOC] Nah. Made that up.
    ICARUS: [OOC] you don't back down when you con the DM!

    ICARUS: What about the unholy symbol?
    DM: Orduani silently takes the symbol, and wraps it up.
    BAMBI: No, we can sell that to disaffected teenagers!

    BAMBI: [OOC] Guys, I know our plan to buy a dinosaur with a bar on the back is cool, but it's the module giving us this gold, not the DM. We should probably outfit ourselves with it.
    DM: He's right, it's not my idea.
    TABLE: Oh. [shops]

    ICARUS: I find the guy, that I flipped off, and I flip him off again!

    LESHY: Monkle and I get drunk!
    DM: How drunk?
    LESHY: What's Monkle's Fortitude again?

    DM: "Bless your hearts!"
    TAMIEN: Dont you mean, hearrrrts?
    DM: "I'm not a pirate captain!"
    TAMIEN: Aw.

    DM: "And you, what is your name?"
    TABLE: BIRD-MAN!
    MAYA: Heh.
    Last edited by TheYell; 2019-08-30 at 01:33 PM.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  8. - Top - End - #188
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    AdmiralCheez's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    "Seven years of bad luck? I don't believe in such nonsense."
    *attacks cursed mirror, rolls a 1*
    "Besides, I'm full of luck!"
    *uses lucky feat to reroll, rolls another 1*

  9. - Top - End - #189
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Post Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    LONJI: “OH MY GOD! THERE ARE BEGGARS IN THE CELLAR!”
    ALUM: “OLD PEOPLE!”

    Horell: “Oh my god, were going to die! were usually not this competent.”

    Alum: (OOC) “I´m not a humanoid.”
    GM: (OOC) “Hes a naked outsider.”
    Group: (OOC) “Naked outsider!!!???”
    GM: (OOC) “I said native!”

    GM: “Your both doing the fish version of the running man.”

    GM: “You’re like the vegan version of cannibals.”

    To Sanani: “i´ll catch you.“
    The dragon: Ok. (trust fall)


    “The dragon had a knitting meeting to get back to.”
    “It then comes back with a posse of old ladies.”
    “The old ladies are also dragons.”

    Sasani: “Summon another lizard to ram it!”
    Alum: “I still have the first lizard to ram it.”
    Lonji: “This is the best use of summon monster ever!”
    GM: “This is the reason dinosaurs are extinct.”

    Alum: “Throwing dinosaurs at problems ´til they go away.”

    Horell: “I swear, if I ever have to fight against another dragon, I’m gonna need a potion of heroin.”
    “You mean a potion of heroism?”
    Horell: “that as well.”

    “I think your being a bit judgmental.”
    “I think YOUR a bit mental.”
    “Hey!”

    Horell: “(curse word here), I´m gonna have to play the hero again don’t I?

    Lonji: “I use my personality, so I only have 2 left.”
    Alun: “you get less and less schizophrenic as the fight goes on?”

    GM: “They eat souls.”
    Alum: “Well we have spare shoes.”
    Lonji: “But I like my shoes.”

  10. - Top - End - #190
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Solas: I am a human compact mirror!

    Kit: After witnessing a weird ritual murder-suicide, I think this is a good place to end the session.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
    My Nexus characters

  11. - Top - End - #191
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Mirror: "I wrote down 'Intricate sack of grain' on the sheet."
    Doc: "Heh heh, sack."

    GM: "You can't find the light source. You just know that the room is lit."
    Doc & Max: *giggles*
    Mirror: *mimics taking a puff*

    Max: "So what does a Grecian urn?"

    Azriel: "You don't want to know what I can do with rope."
    Doc: "Infernal heritage?"
    Azriel: *eyebrow waggle*
    Mirror: "Oh myyy!"

    Azriel: "Everyone get behind me!"
    Doc: "Oh yes, let's all get in Cone-of-Fire formation."

    Max: "They pushed the mill wheel into ogre drive."

    Miller the Ogre: "Oh this is a special day! I must get my special day hat I wear on special days!"

    Mayor: "So why did you come to me?"
    Doc: "Dunno. (*turns to party*) Why did we come to him?"
    Max: "We need thieves' tools."
    Mayor: "And you thought to see me for crooked wares?"
    Mirror: "Well you are a politician."
    Mayor: "Ouch! Well, touche' m'lady."

    Doc: "Ugh, what was that stench?"
    GM: "Well it has dissipated by now."
    Doc: "No, if the stench was that strong, it's burned into my mind. I need a day to invent new words to describe the new smell I discovered."

    GM: "Doc, you are petted on the head like a spoiled cat."
    Doc: "I have mixed feelings about this."

    Max: "Doors to the left of me, caverns to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you!"

    Doc: "How did I get assigned lock-picking duty? I'm a doctor, not a rogue."
    *rolls a 20 on open locks, successfully evades the trap*
    Doc: "...I'm no less a doctor!"

    Azriel: "I use my fire breath."
    GM: "You're gonna catch Max in that cone."
    Azriel: "Acceptable collateral.
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2019-08-31 at 10:55 PM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races
    Avatar by me - Doc Wagon

  12. - Top - End - #192
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Telok's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Cat: "We got him off E-Bay! Or he got us at a shelter."
    Robot: "It was a no kill shelter. I didn't have to kill anyone to get them."
    Bug: "That didn't stop you."


    Robot: "I am a bad pet owner. I have not spayed or neutered my party members."
    NPC: "Do you charge admission or is this more like free theater in the park?"


    Robot: "Ok. We kill her sister, blow up the rest of the castle, get the magic rock, go to another plane, shoot her brother with the stunner, kill the annoying brain guy and feed him to the bug. Plan?"
    Cat: "My brother might come peacefully. We are rescuing him."
    Bug: "We should check if anyone will pay for the brain guy before I eat him."
    OOC: "Do we have an info-sphere connection here?"
    DM: "No."
    Robot: "I can't find anyone online who will pay for him."
    Cat: "Bug food it is."
    Bug: "I should cook the prions out. Although I do have a good Fortitude save, so raw is an option."
    NPC: "You really don't charge admission?"
    Niven's Laws, #5
    If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.

  13. - Top - End - #193
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Balmas's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Blastershell: "No! My carefully constructed plan!"
    I run a Let's Play channel! Check it out!
    Currently, we're playing through New Vegas as Gabriel de la Cruz, merchant and mercenary extraordinaire!

  14. - Top - End - #194
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Nova: "I found the manual!"
    June: "Bah! Manuals are for losers."
    Nova: "There's a warning sticker here. It says: 'Read the manual or the owl will eat you'."
    June: "What owl?"
    Giant Owl: "Hoot!"

    Marv: "A legal loli in a giant mech it trying to Dere me to death. Please help!"

    Dan: "Wow, this plan went to pot fast."
    MOP: "You know what they say: 'No plan survives contact with the enemy'."
    Dan: "We didn't even have contact with the enemy yet."

    Nova: "Let's see... I've got coffee, tea..."
    NH: "Monster!"
    Nova: "Monster?"
    Monster: "RAAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!"
    Nova: "MONSTER!"

    June: "Oooooh! A matter gun!"
    Sexy uncle voice: *YOU HAVE GREAT POWER, USE IT WISELY*
    June: "...for about two seconds I went completely straight."

    Dan: "Can you describe the monster?"
    Nova: "It was a one-eyed..."
    NH: "One-horned..."
    Nova: "Flying purple people eater!"
    NH: "Sure looked strange to me!"

    Marv: "What are you eating?"
    Nova: "Pudding. Yum!"
    *meanwhile*
    Random Minion: "MY PUDDING! NOOOOOO!"
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

    Spoiler: Visit me
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    Project Loreshift, game development in Progress

    Races of Wake

    Wake Human subspecies


    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  15. - Top - End - #195
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    DeTess's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Two quotes I encountered while going through my notes for my currently running campaign:

    "No, we won't sell the kobolds cocaine."

    "It's okay, the predator-drone will find us again and we'll kill it properly then."
    Jasnah avatar by Zea Mays

  16. - Top - End - #196
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by DeTess View Post
    "No, we won't sell the kobolds cocaine."
    obviously not, they use magic mushrooms!

    question to my dm:

    me:if i want to do a boardslide using my mount, is it still a "ride" check?
    dm: i hate you... yes it is.

    dm: so the guards are playing a game on a table.
    me: is it pen and paper?
    dm: i smell recursion.
    me: so the guards are playing a game on a table.
    dm: guizonde!
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  17. - Top - End - #197
    Nerdomancer in the Playground Moderator
     
    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: a wall of fire springs up around the BBEG
    Sorc: I cast control winds, and force the heat back thru the wall onto said BBEG
    DM: what?
    Spoiler: Medals
    Show

    Quote Originally Posted by Nifft View Post
    More sources, more choices, more power. Welcome to D&D.
    The Mod Life Crisis If you need me to address a thread as a Moderator, please include a link

  18. - Top - End - #198
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    leon: what the hell is that junkie on?!
    nick: drugs.
    leon: *glare*
    nick: *grins innocently*
    dm: ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer...

    *giant demon appears*
    barraz: that's gonna take a lot of killing.
    dm: and the "captain obvious award" goes to....
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  19. - Top - End - #199
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Wizard: I mean I was going to kill [NPC] if the dragon hadn't killed him first.
    DM: But I thought everyone loved [NPC]?!
    Table: NO.
    Wizard: .... Was everyone planing to kill [NPC]?
    Druid: When he betrayed us.
    Paladin: Yes.
    Barbarian: I thought about it.
    Sorceress: I was going to pin [Capital Crime Committed by Party] on him.
    Monk: I poisoned his flask.

    Spoiler: Context
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    From a campaign postmortem.
    Last edited by Feddlefew; 2019-09-05 at 11:28 AM.

  20. - Top - End - #200
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    OOC

    MAYA: Do we know you're a changeling?
    BAMBI: Sure, why?
    MAYA: The dragon's undercover, the kitsune's undercover, the shifter is posing as a leshy, the witch/rogue's an enigma, I don't know who's what to me anymore.
    BAMBI: Sure, I'm open about it.
    MAYA: Good.
    BAMBI: Backstory won't kick in til about Level 17 though.
    MAYA: Gah! I'm--BIRDMAN. No secrets!
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  21. - Top - End - #201
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Goochie: "I drop to all fours, skitter under the table, and [inhuman shrieking]"

    Goochie: "I'm going upstairs to take a bubble bath."
    DM: "You've just led five people to their deaths, killed dozens more, and allowed the villain you were chasing to escape."
    Goochie: "And I'm covered in blood! Gotta get clean and decompress, dude."

    Fishnet: "Oh, this is Goochie, by the way."
    DM: "You see a kobold sitting in a bucket of soap bubbles like Geralt of Rivia."
    Yotrix: "Can we go somewhere else? Somewhere without that lizard?"

    DM: "You follow the piss footsteps."

    DM: "Ghost, as midnight approaches, you prepare to hear the words of your patron."
    Hotline the Magic Sword: "Hey f***o! Nice job you didn't do! 'Hey everybody, look at me, I'm Ghost! Today I fell in a hole and wandered around the woods for six hours! I'm so cool!'"

    Goochie: "Can L'Oreal help me with this?"
    DM: "How would a fox help you pick a lock?"
    Goochie: "I need a boost to reach it."
    DM: "Fair enough."

    DM: "We got so bored waiting for you we started to smash-or-pass the Monster Manual."
    Yotrix: "Husband Handbook."
    DM: "It's Boyfriend Brochure and that's final. We are not having this argument again."

    DM: "...but I'm looking for a dragon who'll love and support me, y'feel? The kind of dragon you can have a relationship with, maybe build a family. You just don't get that with chromatics."

    DM: "You had me at 'summon tentacle'"

    DM: "Everyone always talks about bards, but you really want to be a paladin for that sort of thing. A bard gets one look at the 'frightful presence' and nopes out of there, but a paladin's committed. And immune to the frightened condition."

    Fishnet: "You're a little too enthusiastic about the tentacle monsters."

    DM: "You drop down the chimney and see a human man standing in the middle of the room. He freezes, a sandwich in one hand and a rock in the other."
    Goochie: "I also freeze."
    DM: "Does a 13 hit your AC?"
    Goochie: "Yeah?"
    DM: "Roll a die and tell me if it's even or odd."
    Goochie: "Odd?"
    DM: "You get hit in the face with a sandwich."

    Goochie: "I got hammed!"
    Limerick: "What?"
    Goochie: "HAMMED!"
    Limerick: "By who?"
    Goochie: "A guy! I think he was also breaking in, ‘cause he hammed me instead of calling the cops."
    Limerick: "This town has cops?"
    Goochie: "It must!"
    Limerick: "I thought it was all 'frontier justice' and that's why we founded a militia and killed all those dudes."
    Goochie: "So we're the cops?"
    Limerick: "Then why are we breaking into the mayor's house?"

    DM: "You see Goochie and some guy having a standoff in the mayor's back yard. Also the house is on fire."
    Ghost: "I cast mind spike on the guy!"
    Party: "WHAT!?"
    Ghost: "It'll let me know where he is for an hour! So he can't get away! Anyway that's 17 points of damage."
    DM: "He lets out a horrifying shriek and collapses as blood pours from his eyes, nose, and ears."
    *beat*
    Fishnet: "We were... trying to capture him."
    Ghost: “Oops.”

    Mayor: "MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE! THERE'S A DEAD BODY ON MY LAWN! AHHH!"
    Ghost: "I cast suggestion and say 'Don't be mad!'"
    *beat*
    Literally Everyone: "WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THAT ON THE GUY WE WERE TRYING TO CAPTURE?"

    Yotrix: "I'll help put out the fire. But not, like, really. I'll put out some small bits and stuff but I'm not doing anything hard. Just enough to look good."

    Yotrix: "I need somewhere distinctive to bury this corpse so I can find it later."
    Fishnet: "So you can rob the grave more easily, you mean."
    DM: "It's not grave robbing if you're the one who buried the corpse.
    Fishnet: "It really is."
    DM: "Nah! It's like a pirate going back for his buried treasure."
    Last edited by CrazyPenguin; 2019-09-06 at 04:33 PM. Reason: Typo
    Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow
    -Mark Twain

  22. - Top - End - #202
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Azriel: "I have the figure of an 18-year old."
    Charity: "Well give it back, you're stretching it out."

    GM: "It's a silver holy symbol on a leather thong."
    Everyone: "Not it!"

    Max: "We have... (*adds up loot values*) ...a crap-ton of stuff."

    GM: "What became of the egg?"
    Mirror: "Charity and I are taking turns caring for it."
    Doc: "They're not yolking around in their duties."

    GM: "Are you going to dip into barbarian or not?"
    Doc: "Do it. It's all the rage."

    Charity: "Oh good, you're fighting evil in your birthday suit."
    Mirror: "Please put on pants before fighting crime today."

    Azriel: "Okay, let's do this carefully, and quietly..."
    [Beat]
    Azriel: "I cast Eldritch Blast."

    Doc: "Do dolphins wear pants? No, but they would if they could of!"

    Doc: "I got an 18 on my Knowledge (Nature) check."
    GM: "You have nature skills?"
    Doc: "I'm a bard. I have ALL the skills."

    Mayor: "Enjoy the refreshments, but don't touch the books. My bodyguards are rather salacious over the privacy of my personal artistic library."
    Max: "Porn collection, gotcha."

    Barkeep: "What color is your dragon?!"
    Max: "She's a red. Possibly a Sagittarius."
    Barkeep: "She better not burn down my tavern!"
    Azriel: *bursts through the door* "You need wider doors."
    Max: "That wasn't burning down your tavern, so you know."
    Barkeep: "Grrr, fine, fine. What'll you have?"
    Azriel: "Fire whisky."

    Doc: "Let's not and say we didn't."

    Doc: "I'm gonna need coffee. Lot's of coffee."
    Mirror: "I leave the room to fetch him some coffee."
    [Beat]
    Mirror: "I come back into the room and get dressed first."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  23. - Top - End - #203
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DeTess's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Azriel: "Okay, let's do this carefully, and quietly..."
    [Beat]
    Azriel: "I cast Eldritch Blast."
    Oof, that reminds me. This is from a game a year or 2 ago, so I'm paraphrasing somewhat.

    DM: You've flown to the top of the tower. there's two guards standing watch, looking away from you. They haven't noticed you yet.
    Me, a Bardlock: Okay, I need to take these guys down quick and quietly so we can get the rest of the party up here... Oh, I know. Are they standing near the edge of the tower?
    DM: Yes?
    Me, a Bardlock: Okay, I fire one eldritch blast at each of them. *rolls dice* They both get hit, but more importantly, I've got repelling blast, knocking them both off the tower. It's quick, efficient and most importantly: stealthy!
    DM: Yeah, about that...
    Guards: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah *splat*
    Jasnah avatar by Zea Mays

  24. - Top - End - #204
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Jul 2010

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Nova: "They found us! Run!"
    Minion 1: "Get back here and stop making this difficult!"
    Minion 2: "And give back my pudding!"

    NH: "I think the toaster is a psychopath."
    June: "Why would you say that?"
    Psycho Toaster (PT): "SOON THE WORLD WILL BURN IN ATOMIC FIRE! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

    Dan: "I'm blaming you for this."
    Marv: "Me? You were the one that tripped the alarm!"
    Dan: "You were the one that bumped into me!"
    Marv: "You were the one that grabbed my coat! Now we're stuck here!"
    MoP: "I'm blaming both of you, now shut up and fix this!"

    NH: "You know, you seem pretty angry for a toaster."
    PT: "You'd have a lot of anger too if you were stuck here with HIM all day!"
    NH: "Who? The other toaster?"
    Cheerful Toaster (CT): "Hi there! Want some toast?"
    PT: "NO! They don't want some toast!"
    CT: "How 'bout a muffin?"
    PT: "Or muffins!"
    CT: "Ah! Waffles it is then!"
    PT: "Shut up already! I swear to the great creator, I will find some way over there and strangle you with your own electrical chord!"
    CT: "Can I ask them a question?"
    NH: "Uh... sure?"
    CT: "Want some toast?"
    PT: "AAAaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!"

    Marv: "What kind of nutcase has a ball pit in the middle of their base?"
    Dan: "The kind that organized Dashcon."

    NH: "I just know this is a disaster waiting to happen."
    June: "Oh come on, what could possibly go wrong?"
    PT, now as the OS of a gatling laser: "Soon the world will BURN! Ahahahahaha!"

    Nova: "Hi guys!"
    Dan: "I'm not even going to ask. Would you like some help?"
    Nova: "Yes please. Preferably before they come back to Shounen-ai me to death."
    Dan: "... I don't even want to know how that works."
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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  25. - Top - End - #205
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Mar 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    DM: How does Whisper stake out the tavern?
    Whisper: I sit outside and pretend to be a beggar. It's how I spent my childhood, after all.
    DM: Okay, roll Deception or, I guess, Performance.
    Whisper: 19.
    DM: Whisper goes unnoticed as a plant.
    Whisper: Well, I *am* a Druid...
    “I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.”
    - Lord Havelock Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork

  26. - Top - End - #206
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Spoiler: Responses
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeTess View Post
    Guards: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah *splat*
    Heh heh, didn't think that idea through.


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    Psycho Toaster (PT): "SOON THE WORLD WILL BURN IN ATOMIC FIRE! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
    Oh I know this reference! :D
    Best part of OWB.



    Doc: "I guess I just have a lovable buttery-flavored body scent."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  27. - Top - End - #207
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheYell's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    MAYA: What did I do to him?
    BAMBI: You threatened to summon dolphins. (pirate accent) That be unlucky.
    MAYA: Heh.


    OOC
    BAMBI: She's banned drow poison for this campaign.
    DM: Not for the campaign, I said it didn't make sense for your backstory.
    BAMBI: "I was a slave concubine in a drow munitions factory--"
    DM: Yeah. No.


    BAMBI: I got a natural 20.
    DM: On loading barrels?
    BAMBI: No, on singing a work chanty!
    ATHENA: Hi ho/hi ho/it's off to work we go


    MORAVI: message "Are you ok?"
    ICARUS: "help i'm being killed"
    MORAVI: "you want me down there?"
    ICARUS: ..."no stay away. Seriously?"


    MAYA: You have a Bag of Holding AND a Haversack?
    ICARUS: Yeah.
    MAYA: Why?
    BAMBI: Because dragon, that's why.
    DM: I like that answer.


    BAMBI: Gimme a DC 17 Will Save.
    MORAVI: 18.
    BAMBI: Oops. She beat my mind reader power.
    DM: You know she tried to read your mind.
    MORAVI: <glares>
    BAMBI: Sorry. Needed practice.


    MORAVI: Gimme a perception check.
    BAMBI: 9.
    MORAVI: Sorry, you don't see anything.
    BAMBI: See what?
    MORAVI: Nothing. I needed practice.
    BAMBI: <drinks spiked drink, shrinks to Small>


    DM: She offers to buy you a dinner of your choice at her favorite tavern.
    TAMIEN: This is like the 3rd time a woman has bought me a dinner--
    DM: It's not a date! Again!


    OOC
    BAMBI: I was like, totally, going to have, my character voice, be a Valley Girl accent, but, like, the whole table, would kill me?
    DM: Yeah!


    OOC
    BAMBI: And then the dragon would be in the arena between them and the door, and eat them, while I eat bonbons and watch.
    DM: Yeah. No.
    BAMBI: OK but if I drop the mindscape idea, do I also skip mindscape door? Are you going to throw a mindscape at us?
    DM: ...maybe.
    BAMBI: :o


    OOC:
    ICARUS: Can we all use the mindscape door?
    BAMBI: Yes but I have to persuade you to see it. Only I know it's there, you have to be persuaded you're in a Freddy Krueger nightmare and can walk out.
    ICARUS: :o


    DM: I'm looking up a lady.
    BAMBI: A woman or a lady?
    DM: A lady.
    BAMBI: I get my mom on that, she's like, "We have a ladies luncheon," and I'm like, "A ladies luncheon or a women's luncheon", and she says "Shut up.
    ATHENA: I'm with your mom. Just shut up.
    Last edited by TheYell; 2019-09-12 at 02:17 AM.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  28. - Top - End - #208
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    GM: “When I search rhino all I find is cows and guns.”

    Lonji: “I am scienticifik.”

    GM: its only significantly bigger than you.

    Alum: “We reached peak nastiness.”
    Horell: “Well we are on the top off the world.”
    Alum: “We have to rise above such things.”

    Lonji: “They have already died once. And then they get to come back.”
    Alum: ”They are sore loosers.”

    Lonji: “I think its blind”
    Monster: “Bold of you to assume I need to see”
    Alum: “To bad cause then you would be able to see this coming”
    !!Rhinoceros!!

    Scar: “I apparently speak giant”
    GM: “No. that’s just you shouting loudly.”

    Lonji: “Some people go on epic adventure and fight epic monsters. We just sit around offending everyone and epic monsters get angry at us.”

    GM: “Oh. I forgot that you have the plague.”
    Lonji: “Wait! I have the plague? Why does nobody ever tell me anything!”

    GM: The stone slabs are not impressed by your personality

    Alum: “I’m a firing my lazer at the bonenado!”

    GM: “You take 18 dmg”
    Sasani: “That’s fine”
    Horell: “You don’t have a lot of fine left”

    GM: What is your blood type?
    Alum: “B positive”
    Lonji: “I'm trying!”

    Scar: Well I’m REALLY good at swimming, and they are really tiny.

    GM: It’s like watching an alligator fighting babies.

    Alum: “I like having artifice spells, I’m gona start collecting blueprints so that if we ever get some downtime I can conjure up a village.”

    Alum: “Is he just a Shepard or is he a spy? or as they are also called... a Shepherd’s pie”

    Horell: “So instead of a stone person in metal armor, you’re a stone person in stone armor?”
    Alum: “Or as it is also called... a larger stone person.”

    GM: “You think you hear someone shouting in cloud giant, except its higher pitched.”
    Horell: “Helium giants!”

    Alum: “Can I have control of the moo?
    GM: “so you can moove it?”

    GM: “The spider bites your arm and you feel your biceps starting to swell from the poison. (make a fort save)”
    Lonji: “(28) I flex the poison out of my arm.”

    GM: “Yes. the rhinoceros is known for their athletics and dexterity”

    Alum: “GIVE ME ANOTHER COW”

    GM: “It would be very difficult to reach in through all the branches”
    Horell: “Well... I am experienced in tree crashing”

    Alum: “A cloud giant walks into a bar. We don’t serve giants here. That’s ok, are the humans fresh?

    Alum: “it has the asspitts of a troll”
    GM: “ASPECTS!”

    Lonji: “i poke it... with intent.”

  29. - Top - End - #209
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2010

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Dan: "Wait... I feel a disturbance in the force. As if something really annoying is about to happen..."
    Voice Echoing over PA system: "Oohohohoho!"
    Dan: "DAMMIT!"

    Marv: "Funny as it may be, I doubt peeing in a portal is a good idea."
    Nova: "Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen?"
    Marv: "[Dong] go boom."
    Nova: "SWEET MERCIFUL [savior]!"

    NH: "Please get those jumper cables way from my horn, I'm not a walking batterie."
    June: "You never know unless you try!" OwO

    MoP: "I didn't know a roomba could support this much weight."
    Dan: "So this is why cats love these."

    NH: "Please stop playing with the portal gun, I'm getting motion sick."

    Nova: "I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!"

    Marv: "We're doomed."
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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  30. - Top - End - #210
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)

    Cypress: "Are you kidding me? Look at us, we're all fully clothed."

    Damodar: "Why are you rolling a survival check in the city?"
    Elizabeth: "... are you naked?"

    Cypress: "You could change the world."
    Damodar: "Once per short rest."

    Cypress: "Did you guys know the world is bigger than I thought?"

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