Things you never want to hear your player say

[RedMage125]

I try to make an effort for first time players, as long as they are genuine. Like; they might have a strange expectation of what's possible, what's expected , what's "best". Of that there is such a thing as a "best character"

My mom picked up D&D a month ago at the age of 58.

"I want to play an elven princess, who can fight and cast magic, and I want her to have a Dragon pet that holds the soul of her former lover who was executed for having a relation with me"

"Sure. Here's the Fighter class, you will be an Eldritch Knight with the Noble background. I will give you the Ritual Caster feat to start, so you know the spell Conjure Familiar. Well use the Pseudodragon stats for the familiar's stats. We'll say you are the one who rescued your lover's soul and stored it in the Familiar"

The hurdle of first time players is to get what's so cool and engaging about role-playing. So making sure their initial concepts are not rejected outright, but instead tooled.

I second Max. You have a cool mom.

[Cikomyr]

I second Max. You have a cool mom.

Yes. But oh man she was so unsure of herself. Was almost bailed out because she thought she was going to "make the team lose", without grasping how an RPG goes about playing, and what's "winning"

So whatever she would have told me, I'd have rolled with it and found a way to make it work. Because I wanted her to build the confidence in herself that I knew she needed to enjoy the game.

At the moment, she is still unsure of herself about how to play outside combat, since her zone of confidence are games like Hero Quest and Gloomhaven. So again, I try to get her in a zone of comfort where she will gain sufficient mumentum to break out of.

[PhoenixPhyre]

At the moment, she is still unsure of herself about how to play outside combat, since her zone of confidence are games like Hero Quest and Gloomhaven. So again, I try to get her in a zone of comfort where she will gain sufficient mumentum to break out of.

I hope you're British and the bold is intentional

But seriously, that's good advice for all new or unsure players. Let them do cool stuff. Find ways to do this while still keeping the system intact, so they don't get in bad habits.

[The Jack]

I hope you're using standard international English and the bold is intentional

I just wanted you to know how much I hate that particular dialect change. U's are underated.


Seriously though, I want new players, and I want players that push boundries, but new players don't know where those boundries are. I've spent years wanting to profusely apologise to the GM of my first VTM game, simply because I didn't live up to the standards of a Ventrue. My first and only 3.5 character was divisive (with a bad gm, so I don't think much of that) and I look back on much-better but still early games with a critical look.

Now, In my big headedness, consider myself great to play with (though it has been noted that I can seem intense). If you know what kind of setting/game you're in and what the expectations of you are, and can work your concept around that, you can't really go wrong (with relatively normal people).

[RedMage125]

Now, In my big headedness, consider myself great to play with (though it has been noted that I can seem intense). If you know what kind of setting/game you're in and what the expectations of you are, and can work your concept around that, you can't really go wrong (with relatively normal people).

That's okay, I consider myself a great DM. But that's because I started only because I had this idea of what a perfect campaign I would want to play in would be like (start small and local, moving into saving the world, finding out at mid levels that the stuff you did at level one actually WAS related to the master plot), and I eventually started writing out this great plot line, and realized no one was going to run it right but me. I always frame every game I write with "would this seem cool to me, as a player?"

I also stick fairly close to RAW. Not because I think it's "the right way to play", but because any player can look at the rules and know how things are going to work when I run the game. The few house rules I do use are mostly designed to be more in the players' favor, and ALL of them are spelled out to the players before the game starts.

I stick close enough to RAW, in fact, that when a player happens to catch that I did something that contradicts the rules, I welcome rules challenging, and will at least briefly entertain a few minutes discussion on the matter.

But I digress.

I'm also very humble. One of my best qualities, that I frequently expound upon.

[Cikomyr]

ISeriously though, I want new players, and I want players that push boundries, but new players don't know where those boundries are. I've spent years wanting to profusely apologise to the GM of my first VTM game, simply because I didn't live up to the standards of a Ventrue. My first and only 3.5 character was divisive (with a bad gm, so I don't think much of that) and I look back on much-better but still early games with a critical look.

I am curious about the nature and history of both these chars

[Malphegor]

"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee."

You kidding? That's a great backstory.

Once there was a great hero, but they were crippled by a mortal wound. Just barely healed, they're dragged back into the frey, because the Call to Adventure doesn't stop just because you don't have kneecaps any more!

[Kyutaru]

You kidding? That's a great backstory.

Once there was a great hero, but they were crippled by a mortal wound. Just barely healed, they're dragged back into the frey, because the Call to Adventure doesn't stop just because you don't have kneecaps any more!

Um, taking "an arrow to the knee" means they got married. Good luck adventuring as a father with a baby and wife to care for.

[Cygnia]

Um, taking "an arrow to the knee" means they got married. Good luck adventuring as a father with a baby and wife to care for.

V did it. Not very well on the spousal/parental front, but technically was a married adventurer.

[Max_Killjoy]

I've played characters whose entire reason for adventuring was to support a family back home.

[hotflungwok]

Um, taking "an arrow to the knee" means they got married. Good luck adventuring as a father with a baby and wife to care for.

I thought this was debunked?

[Resileaf]

I thought this was debunked?

It was debunked, yes.
Unless the debunking has also been debunked.

[quinron]

"My character has no reason to do that."

There's a reason I've become a firm devotee of Session Zero and establishing firm expectations of how the group will cooperate.

[jintoya]

"how much damage does a bag of cats deal?"

"Time to spam finger of death"

"How many hit points does a castle have?"

"Is a medium creature a medium or large weapon.... Like.. Say...a nun?"

"How many mice would fit in the this chest?"

"How heavy is a castle?"

"Can a dragon hallucinate?" While looking at a stockpile of hallucinogens.

[Guizonde]

"how much damage does a bag of cats deal?"

"Time to spam finger of death"

"How many hit points does a castle have?"

"Is a medium creature a medium or large weapon.... Like.. Say...a nun?"

"How many mice would fit in the this chest?"

"How heavy is a castle?"

"Can a dragon hallucinate?" While looking at a stockpile of hallucinogens.

sheesh, you stole me and my group's shenanigans! to wit:

me, grimm, the dm, and kami: how much damage does a bag of potatoes deal?

vb: how much damage does my 5'6", 250lbs medic do if falling from a building?

grimm: how much damage does a succubus corpse deal to a child?

me: *fondling explosives* how much structure points does that dungeon have?

kaht: i broke through the fourth wall taking drugs. lemme see the script?

eva: time to spam summon rabid badgers. (ok, in all fairness, it was my suggestion)

farren: hold up, i can legit aim for the bad guy's character sheet?! i'm so doing that. (dm proceeded to rip up the miniboss' sheet)

[jintoya]

Just now
Druid: "Is the carry capacity of a centipede still houseruled at a x12?" While purchasing several things that boost carry capacity

Gotta say.... I'd like to see where this goes.

Edit: for the sake of clarity, I'm the druid, I'm posting for my DM who does not have an account

[hotflungwok]

"Well, I'm nauseated, so I might as well use it. I'm moving to here and vomit all around me. Did I hit the invisible dwarf?"

[Cikomyr]

"My character has no reason to do that."

There's a reason I've become a firm devotee of Session Zero and establishing firm expectations of how the group will cooperate.

I just fiat to my players that they HAD a specific quest from the get go. Figure it out.

Luckily, there would be a large pool of personal reasons why each would "be looking for the oracle"

[Quertus]

"Well, I'm nauseated, so I might as well use it. I'm moving to here and vomit all around me. Did I hit the invisible dwarf?"

Bloody awesome!

"My character has no reason to do that."

There's a reason I've become a firm devotee of Session Zero and establishing firm expectations of how the group will cooperate.

Strongly agree. There's no reason for a Paladine to accept a quest to assassinate the good just and lawful ruler of the kingdom. The GM should run a good session 0 that explains what the adventure will be about, so that the players can bring appropriate characters.

[King of Nowhere]

"Well, I'm nauseated, so I might as well use it. I'm moving to here and vomit all around me. Did I hit the invisible dwarf?"

that one seems like a clever use of circumstances. I'd allow it a chance to work

[Kyutaru]

that one seems like a clever use of circumstances. I'd allow it a chance to work

Please don't encourage players. I've had them lose an arm then reply with "I pick up my own arm and beat them to death with it!"

[Max_Killjoy]

I once used a god to kill a demigod (well, effectively by the power level, long story) by knowing which short message to send via what amounted to a Sending spell in a permanent magic trinket, and getting an enraged reaction roll on the part of the god.

Massive fight with high TPK risk, avoided by clever use of what was supposed to be a utility item to help the GM keep things moving along without long delays for communication with our patron, and paying attention to the NPCs' personalities and statements in previous sessions.


Did the GM get pouty or angry or freak out or try to no-sell my gambit? Nope, he rolled with it and thought it was awesome.

I bring this up because some of the things people report not wanting to hear their players say sound like sour grapes over clever moves.

[Tvtyrant]

Neighbor "Your yard is on fire." It was, in fact, on fire. That was the best teamwork my group ever displayed.

"Can I attack while he is monologue-ing?"

"I have to prepare spells now?" Asked at least once a session by the same player.

"I swear if this is another Spelljammer game in disguise I am quitting."

"But is it a hot bear? What would be the seduction role?"

"I try to benchpress the castle. Nat 20, 40 strength."

[Lord Arkon]

"I'm sorry, I don't have the time to put in this game anymore. I have to back out."

[JeenLeen]

Please don't encourage players. I've had them lose an arm then reply with "I pick up my own arm and beat them to death with it!"

I did this in Exalted, but it seemed to fit the flavor and thematics pretty well, so the DM allowed it.

An Abyssal used a Charm that can cut off my arm, and she cut off my sword arm. After checking about penalties for using an off-hand (aren't any), I said I grab my arm and first use it as a weapon to parry her next attack and then use it to wail on her.
I forget if the DM allowed it to still do sword damage as my hand was grasping the sword, or if it was just damage like a club for being an arm.

In most games, I'd agree such is inappropriate.

[allthingslich]

"so anyway guys, that chinese food I ordered for the group. Yea that wasn't chicken."

[Dienekes]

"I'm bored."

"This this session just wasn't very fun."

"This story doesn't make any sense."

"Can't play anymore, schedule won't permit it."

[Resileaf]

This got real real fast.

[RedMage125]

I did this in Exalted, but it seemed to fit the flavor and thematics pretty well, so the DM allowed it.

An Abyssal used a Charm that can cut off my arm, and she cut off my sword arm. After checking about penalties for using an off-hand (aren't any), I said I grab my arm and first use it as a weapon to parry her next attack and then use it to wail on her.
I forget if the DM allowed it to still do sword damage as my hand was grasping the sword, or if it was just damage like a club for being an arm.

In most games, I'd agree such is inappropriate.

This reminds me of something I saw in a previous thread like this, so it's not my story.

3.5e game, fairly high level. The Barbarian gets disarmed and his weapon is thrown too far away to retrieve quickly.

Barbarian: "I rip off my own arm and start beating him with it"

DM: "Well, you're raging and you DO have a Ring of Regeneration, so I'll allow it. But you'll suffer the -4 non proficiency penalty..."

Barbarian (grinning): "Nope, I took Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Human Limb) last level."

DM "Let me see your character sheet." (looks it over, hands it back). "You win this round you sick ****."

[hotflungwok]

I forget if the DM allowed it to still do sword damage as my hand was grasping the sword, or if it was just damage like a club for being an arm.

Would this make it a two handed sword?