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Thread: I can't Drive.

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default I can't Drive.

    In America,

    Not having the ability to drive is crippling.

    It's the worst thing about my life. It's a matter of personal freedom and need fulfillment.

    Things I want and need I cannot acquire or do because I cannot drive. I can't drive for medical reasons. I know how. I used to do it. But now I'm prohibited and Uninsurable and it's driving me mad. I'm spinning in circles playing video games at home, frequenting the few places within 3 miles of my home, and drawing in my sketchbook.

    I want to go somewhere, anywhere. I want to take my sketchbook and go to a park, leave all the screens behind and just go be somewhere else. I just want to exist as I want to exist where I want to be for any amount of time at all.

    I feel like I'm ranting over such a small thing. I have a good life. My wife loves me, my cats are awesome, my hobbies are fun. I really have nothing to complain about with the way my life is going. I'm just buried in that life, unable to change my days into anything new. Every day is the same as the last, sitting at home, playing City of Heroes, drawing pictures, and writing short stories. Sometimes I get to go to my job, a 15 minute walk from home. Sometimes I get to go spend time at the local university, if I get a ride, it's a 45 minute walk. About twice a month, if I'm lucky, I get to run a D&D game at a friends house, if she can come pick me up, since they live 10 miles from me.

    But that's it. Anything beyond that, if my wife isn't interested I don't get to go, because I can't go anywhere without her. I haven't seen a movie in a theater since Incredibles 2. I haven't been to a live music show in 10 years. I'm 4 hours by car from a major city. If I had a car I'd go live in the backseat for the weekend and spend time in the city.

    Add to that, I'm a 40+ yr old guy.
    I live in a college town. I work with all 20 somethings. I game with all 20 somethings. The only people I know that are my age are my wifes' friends. I know where people my age that I could befriend are, but its not nearby so unattainable.

    I know it probably seems like an insignificant thing to most of you, but it's crushing the life out of me.
    I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place or it has no place here at all.
    I just had to put the words out there before the burned their way out of me in a mad rant in front of a live audience.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chalkarts View Post
    In America,

    Not having the ability to drive is crippling.

    It's the worst thing about my life. It's a matter of personal freedom and need fulfillment.

    Things I want and need I cannot acquire or do because I cannot drive. I can't drive for medical reasons. I know how. I used to do it. But now I'm prohibited and Uninsurable and it's driving me mad. I'm spinning in circles playing video games at home, frequenting the few places within 3 miles of my home, and drawing in my sketchbook.

    I want to go somewhere, anywhere. I want to take my sketchbook and go to a park, leave all the screens behind and just go be somewhere else. I just want to exist as I want to exist where I want to be for any amount of time at all.

    I feel like I'm ranting over such a small thing. I have a good life. My wife loves me, my cats are awesome, my hobbies are fun. I really have nothing to complain about with the way my life is going. I'm just buried in that life, unable to change my days into anything new. Every day is the same as the last, sitting at home, playing City of Heroes, drawing pictures, and writing short stories. Sometimes I get to go to my job, a 15 minute walk from home. Sometimes I get to go spend time at the local university, if I get a ride, it's a 45 minute walk. About twice a month, if I'm lucky, I get to run a D&D game at a friends house, if she can come pick me up, since they live 10 miles from me.

    But that's it. Anything beyond that, if my wife isn't interested I don't get to go, because I can't go anywhere without her. I haven't seen a movie in a theater since Incredibles 2. I haven't been to a live music show in 10 years. I'm 4 hours by car from a major city. If I had a car I'd go live in the backseat for the weekend and spend time in the city.

    Add to that, I'm a 40+ yr old guy.
    I live in a college town. I work with all 20 somethings. I game with all 20 somethings. The only people I know that are my age are my wifes' friends. I know where people my age that I could befriend are, but its not nearby so unattainable.

    I know it probably seems like an insignificant thing to most of you, but it's crushing the life out of me.
    I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place or it has no place here at all.
    I just had to put the words out there before the burned their way out of me in a mad rant in front of a live audience.
    Can you ride a bike? Or does your medical condition prevent this also? While it is not exactly an ideal situation that would seem to significantly increase your mobility and the area that you are able to reach without help. Beyond that you might try talking to your wife if you haven't and explaining this to her to see if that helps. Sorry, I don't have much else for you.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrell1978 View Post
    Can you ride a bike? Or does your medical condition prevent this also? While it is not exactly an ideal situation that would seem to significantly increase your mobility and the area that you are able to reach without help. Beyond that you might try talking to your wife if you haven't and explaining this to her to see if that helps. Sorry, I don't have much else for you.
    Physically I am capable of riding a bike. I tried a couple of years ago to go the bike route, Then I had neck surgery, followed by brain surgery. A bang to the head, even helmeted, could be lethal. If I ditch, I may not get back up.
    Last edited by Chalkarts; 2019-11-03 at 12:57 PM.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I assume public transport in your area isn't enough of a thing to help out?

    Something else that might help is to look into these.... I'm not even sure what they're called. They look like a small car (generally seats 2 people), but they're limited to below 45 km/h. They're basically car-shaped mopeds. I don't know if your condition would allow you to drive one of those, but if it does, it should increase your effective range a bit.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeTess View Post
    I assume public transport in your area isn't enough of a thing to help out?

    Something else that might help is to look into these.... I'm not even sure what they're called. They look like a small car (generally seats 2 people), but they're limited to below 45 km/h. They're basically car-shaped mopeds. I don't know if your condition would allow you to drive one of those, but if it does, it should increase your effective range a bit.
    Public transit doesn't exist here.
    The town is on the rural side of suburbia.
    We have a university but the only buses are campus bound.
    It's a pretty sad college town.
    We have Lime scooters and Zipcars, but same issue, if I ditch on a scooter I probably die
    and i'd need a license to access the Zips.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Are taxis not an option?
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    It might be a bit pricey but Uber/Lift once a week or so to decompress might be the way to go.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Oh my friend, I feel you. I started driving late in life (had an irrational fear of the whole process) and it caused me so much grief I can't even describe. My deepest sympathies.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeTess View Post
    They look like a small car (generally seats 2 people), but they're limited to below 45 km/h. They're basically car-shaped mopeds.
    Microcars. They generally require a moped license (some light electric variants don't) around here, dunno about USA law.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chalkarts View Post
    Physically I am capable of riding a bike. I tried a couple of years ago to go the bike route, Then I had neck surgery, followed by brain surgery. A bang to the head, even helmeted, could be lethal. If I ditch, I may not get back up.
    Have you considered a recumbent bike? It's almost impossible to fall off one of those.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I don't want this to sound like I'm rubbing it in, because I can understand why this depresses you, but I love driving and the freedom of it. Even when I had a two-hour commute through some of the coldest winters on record, I actually enjoyed the driving. I may have lamented the boring car I had or the time away from family, etc., but in sum total I can't say I minded those miles. I had to tell you that before I get to my point, though, which is that I'm at a loss here:
    I'm spinning in circles playing video games at home,
    Is that like, a Wii game? I'll be honest, if I had a legitimate reason to stay home and play video games, I'd turn over my license in a heartbeat. I'd make the fifteen minute walk to work every day, just in case, and when I get there and they say I wasn't scheduled I'd be like "ok" and pop out a DS or Game Gear or whatever from my pocket and do that the whole way back home. Do you have surround sound? Screw the theater, rig up everything you need at home. I'd be lying to say I'm not a little jealous, as sometimes I kinda wish for a little freedom from driving now and then. As you said, if this is the one thing you struggle with in an otherwise lovely existence, it's a good life to have. All things are a matter of perspective, though, and I'd wager there may have been a time when you wished for a good excuse to not have to go anywhere. I'm also sure I might share your screen exhaustion after a mile in your shoes.

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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Imbalance View Post
    Is that like, a Wii game? I'll be honest, if I had a legitimate reason to stay home and play video games, I'd turn over my license in a heartbeat.
    Speaking as someone who was out of work for six months once, you really *don't* want that. You might think you do, but when you're actually at home all the time and can't go out for whatever reason (in my case, it was lack of money rather than lack of car, but the principle is the same) then you start climbing the walls.

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    Kobold

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by factotum View Post
    Speaking as someone who was out of work for six months once, you really *don't* want that. You might think you do, but when you're actually at home all the time and can't go out for whatever reason (in my case, it was lack of money rather than lack of car, but the principle is the same) then you start climbing the walls.
    This.
    Playing video games all the time gets old very fast.
    I'm basically on house arrest with a day job.
    IT SUCKS

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I feel like we may differ in how much we like video games and/or society in general. I like walls. I love the way they separate me from other people. House arrest is also different in that you don't have to have official permission to leave the premises as someone on parole would. You have your freedom, just not the luxury of automotive travel. There are video games to simulate that.

    But if it's a screen break you long for, I would take that sketchbook out and draw everything in sight and add things that aren't, exercise that imagination. Cars are great subjects to toy with visually on paper. Find a sport coupe in your neighborhood and doodle it up with a huge supercharger rising through the hood. Give it Trosley tires and side pipes. Find a nice Caddy and illustrate a lift kit under it. Start mapping your campus as if it was a dungeon. Do the facade of the main building with a wyvern perched atop the parapet.

    But that's me, and it doesn't sound much like you're bored, exactly. The feeling of being trapped can be a killer, so even if my solutions aren't helpful I hope you can overcome it or find the means to get around more.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    You could always try a 3 wheel scooter for transportation. They are relatively safe and can get you to short distances effectively. For longer distances you can (probably depending on how far of it you live) use the subway or a taxi.

    F
    inally Depending on your condition your insurance company may cover transportations and have a special cab for you (this is true in europe; not sure about the US).

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    Well maybe this will cheer you up a little. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the title of this thread.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I don't drive. I took a lot of lessons once, but I wasn't learning. So, I gave it up as a bad job.

    I don't really miss it.

    There are buses and trains here, despite Beeching's axe.

    You do what you want.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Taxis or rideshares seem like the best solution.

    I mean you could also talk to your wife. One would think she could help drive you somewhere if she knew how big an issue it was for you.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Well maybe this will cheer you up a little.
    Big Bang Theory? That's a bold claim.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I don't drive either. While public transit or simply walking get me most places, it does keep me rather stuck in this town and there's definitely times that rankles.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
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    Well, it cheers me up anytime I watch it.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I've had driver's licences in two different countries and never really used them much (I don't like driving and am not a very good driver).

    Sure, occasionally it'll be a nuisance here and there, but I wouldn't call it crippling. Admittedly, I live in large urban centers pretty much all my life, but nowadays, between bicycles, bus, subway and Uber, it's pretty easy to get around.

    I don't mean to dismiss the OP's complaints, I'm just pointing out that there are alternatives out there. Finding out which ones are present in your town and thinking a little outside the box can really help with this issue.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Are scooters, like unpowered sticks on wheels, an option? I don't falling off is more likely than falling while walking, and they're slightly more efficient.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lemmy View Post
    I've had driver's licences in two different countries and never really used them much (I don't like driving and am not a very good driver).

    Sure, occasionally it'll be a nuisance here and there, but I wouldn't call it crippling. Admittedly, I live in large urban centers pretty much all my life, but nowadays, between bicycles, bus, subway and Uber, it's pretty easy to get around.

    I don't mean to dismiss the OP's complaints, I'm just pointing out that there are alternatives out there. Finding out which ones are present in your town and thinking a little outside the box can really help with this issue.
    OP says bikes are unfeasible for health reasons, and public transport is not available. Which leaves livery services like Uber. Which can get costly fast. Assuming they're even reliable in OPs area.

    It is indeed pretty easy to get around if you can afford it.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lemmy View Post
    I've had driver's licences in two different countries and never really used them much (I don't like driving and am not a very good driver).

    Sure, occasionally it'll be a nuisance here and there, but I wouldn't call it crippling. Admittedly, I live in large urban centers pretty much all my life, but nowadays, between bicycles, bus, subway and Uber, it's pretty easy to get around.

    I don't mean to dismiss the OP's complaints, I'm just pointing out that there are alternatives out there. Finding out which ones are present in your town and thinking a little outside the box can really help with this issue.
    I don't mean to rub it out... but you don't live in rural America, and that's fairly clear. We don't have the Subway or Uber, where I live it's thirty minutes by car to the nearest major store. There is no cell phone service, and no ability to bike unless you want to get killed by gas trucks doing 70 MPH in a 55 on the only highway that runs through the area. Now I can drive, but if I couldn't it would be crippling, maybe even more so than it is for OP. Now since OP is in a college town I imagine that there's a little more than we have here, but acting like there aren't places in the US where that would be completely devastating is just absurd.
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    I don't know if you qualify for medicare, but it provides bus rides for people. You call them up and they shuttle you to where you need to go and back.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I feel your pain. I don't drive, and while that's mostly ameliorated by biking (though work being 15 miles away can get old) I spent the last week avoiding biking as much as I could as well, compliments of picking up a nasty concussion in a crash at the beginning of it and not wanting to double up. I was already getting stir crazy after that much time; years of it would drive me nuts.
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chalkarts View Post
    Public transit doesn't exist here.
    The town is on the rural side of suburbia.
    We have a university but the only buses are campus bound.
    It's a pretty sad college town.
    We have Lime scooters and Zipcars, but same issue, if I ditch on a scooter I probably die
    and i'd need a license to access the Zips.
    One of my neighbours has a fourwheeled tiny electric vehicle (basically sits on person), it's even entirely encased in glass. You won't fall of one of those. I think it classes as an electric scooter or similar, he drives it on the bikelanes mostly. It's really slow too. Basically, not all electric bikes/scooters etc are 2-wheelers, I would look into what options may exist. There must be some kind of organisation that deals with disabled people that can give some advice on "mobility scooters" I think the British call them, not sure what they are in the US.

    The other major option as I see it, is to move. People do that all the time. My uncle and his wife moved when the wife got some medical issues and no longer could easily live in a house with stairs so moved to an apartment downtown.

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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I have no idea if that's a thing in America, but do you have a... (I don't know how to translate this) medical driving service? Not sure what to call it. But there's services who drive disabled people, old people who can't drive, people who can't drive for medical reasons, etc. Might be worth looking into?
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    Default Re: I can't Drive.

    I don't know about where you're at, but before my town had sorta proper bus lines, they had a courtesy shuttle that you could call and they'd pick you up at an arranged time and drop you off.

    But honestly, I think the most immediate solution is to have a good long talk with your wife. Sometimes going to things you don't want to is just part of marriage. Bring a book or an ipod or something, Let you have some fun for a while. She needs to support your mental health, and if you're going stir crazy and she's got the literal keys to a solution, she can and should help you.
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