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  1. - Top - End - #91
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Zhentarim View Post
    Any relationship is better than no relationship. Try couples counseling.
    That is wrong.

    While I can't speak for Celtic, if you're in an abusive relationship or anything like that, your best course of action is to GET THE HELL OUT OF IT. (Assuming you can do so safely, at least. But the threat of danger should you leave is a sign that you need to get out.) While I sincerely hope Celtic's relationship is nothing like that, if they aren't happy with their significant other, no relationship is indeed better than having one.
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  2. - Top - End - #92
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Zhentarim View Post
    Any relationship is better than no relationship. Try couples counseling.
    Sweet eight pound six ounce baby Pelor, NO. I know JNAProductions already said it, but if it's abusive, get out. That applies to dudes as well.

    But I assume that is NOT CelticBear's issue, so...Well, are you set on breaking the relationship? If it is what is needed, it should be done so the two of you can have time to process this and heal. Are you in a situation where you can physically remove yourself from a shared domicile? Visit a friend or family member? Heck, if work won't allow a vacation, volunteer for some extra work hours?
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  3. - Top - End - #93
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Celticbear View Post
    I'm trying to get past a relationship but it's hard. Neither of us want to really be together anymore, but we just persist. I don't know how to just permanently break it. There's really not much more to tell.
    Have you tried talking about it? "I don't feel like being in this relationship anymore and I think you feel the same way. How can we move forward?"
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  4. - Top - End - #94
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Not a terribly serious problem, but one I wanted to get off my chest. While shopping with my parents earlier today, my mother ran into her friend...Who happily exclaimed that I hadn't changed physically since high school!

    Problem is, I'm over thirty. I get that it is likely my fault as I refuse to give up my hoodies, but it's still a little weird to get mistaken for being so young.
    Last edited by Honest Tiefling; 2019-06-21 at 08:46 PM.
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  5. - Top - End - #95
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Who happily exclaimed that I hadn't changed psychically since high school
    Well most people dont change psychically at all.

  6. - Top - End - #96
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    Well most people dont change psychically at all.
    Thanks for point out the error, but if you haven't changed psychically at all from high school, I'm a little worried.
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  7. - Top - End - #97
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Thanks for point out the error, but if you haven't changed psychically at all from high school, I'm a little worried.
    I think most people at 30 would consider still looking 18 to be a good thing.

    If you don't you may need to change your clothing style to something a little older. I have slowly traded t-shirts and basketball shorts for button ups, khakis and jackets because people respond better to them.
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  8. - Top - End - #98
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Personally I'm pretty happy to have changed significantly both psychically and physically since I was in high school.
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  9. - Top - End - #99
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Thanks for point out the error, but if you haven't changed psychically at all from high school, I'm a little worried.
    Psychologically sure. Psychically? Well I havent gaines any type of psychic powers or the like sincr high school.

    Anyways it was just a tongue in cheek response anyways. And now more of language minutae so Iíll stop.

  10. - Top - End - #100
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Not a terribly serious problem, but one I wanted to get off my chest. While shopping with my parents earlier today, my mother ran into her friend...Who happily exclaimed that I hadn't changed physically since high school!

    Problem is, I'm over thirty. I get that it is likely my fault as I refuse to give up my hoodies, but it's still a little weird to get mistaken for being so young.
    I'm apparently 31 going on 18, so I feel your pain. I can't wear anything casual without people looking around for my parents.
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  11. - Top - End - #101
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I've had a pretty bad week.

    Some of you may remember that I was worrying about my cat's health. I went to the vet early in the week and she had a whole range of tests done, which cost us about $400. At the time, it was a lot but not un-manageable, with some sacrifices done such as switching to cheaper brands and having less pre-prepared meals, the dip in our account would be gone within a few months.

    The next day we got a call from the vet. Sadly Sissi has hyperthyroidism and possibly kidney failure and hypertension. The latter two will need to be checked again when her thyroid is under control. The doctor discussed treatment options, which fortunately are available to give her the best quality of life for her remaining years. Fortunately the medication isn't prohibitively expensive, just $20 a month, which is doable by working an extra hour every other week.
    However she will need close monitoring and testing at the start, so that we can give her the right dose (and then additional monitoring twice a year in case we need to increase the dose). For the first couple of months, the doctor said she would need testing at least every other week, and that would cost $200 every time. That's $400+ a month for two months (on top of the already spent $400 for the first battery of test). Then fortunately it would go down to $400 a year for the testing (plus the medication), which is more doable.

    This is a big hit for us. We started discussing ways of making it work, including a lot of sacrifices combined with using credit and then paying it off slowly over the next year while our expenses are lower. Not the most comfortable thing for us, but still doable and worth it if it helped with her health. She's been my cat since I was 19 and she means a lot to me. I wouldn't try to lengthen her life just for myself if it caused her pain, but alleviating her existing symptom while she is around is, to me, the least I could do.

    But later this week my husband lost his job. It's complicated, but basically it's for health reasons, which really shouldn't be a thing, but apparently is here in the US. He had been working from home instead of in the office, so it's not like he wasn't working, but that wasn't enough, it seems.
    He is the main breadwinner in our household and so we're both panicking right now. We already incurred expenses for Sissi and committed to more of them, and it was going to be hard while he had a regular income, but now it's overwhelming.
    We have both applied to jobs, him as a replacement for the lost job, me as additional income as I only make minimum wage. Nothing yet, hopefully we will have answers next week and have a way to fall back on our feet.

    This is the end of the month so we'll already go in the red just to pay our rent and bills, but we have a credit card each and they're not maxed, so if we do find sources of income in the near future we can pay them off, but if we don't, they can't cover a second month of rent, even if we only eat the food we already have at home (and we do have enough dried or canned good to last until next month at least). This is scary. Filing for unemployment is an option for him but it probably still wouldn't cover our rent (which is $2k a month. Portland is getting expensive, even if it's much cheaper than the Bay area was).

    This is all very scary for the both of us, and stressful. My husband Sean doesn't deal very well with stress, and his usual coping mechanism of going on a spending spree or eating comfort (junk) food are both pretty much out for financial reasons so he's struggling. As am I.

    Any advice is welcome, although I also appreciate any emotional support I can get.

    Hugs to everyone who would like them.

  12. - Top - End - #102
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    First as an inadequate reply to Lissou. Do you guys have any family members who could help out? I dont know how practical that is for you but it sounds like every little bit would help. As for the cat, it might not help but maybe you could delay the testing a small amount and juggle the dates so you only have to pay for one set of tests this month? Or talk to your landlord maybe? It would be harder in larger complexes where he might not know you but at least it might be better if they knows there might be trouble paying on time. I really dont know about this kind of stuff so Im mostly guessing.


    As for why I decided to post. I have two things I want to share/seek response on.

    First of all. Last night I decided to reach out to a friend from high school who I hadnt communicated with for nearly two years. Note. Im 25. Also she still lives in the area. The reason we lost touch was a combination of me being a jerk, me being needy, my social anxiety, and my tendency to embrace melodramatic self loathing. In short they tended to be busy, an adventure in my own idiocy led to a lot of self chastisement, and I started to think about the twin facts that she had not responded on Facebook for months and I had been messaging her probably every three days. Ultimately I blocked her on Facebook while telling myself I was a toxic presence and I needed to isolate myself. I also deleted almost all my facebook friends. Last night I sent her a message saying it had been a long time. If she doesnt respond I will probably return her to the block list amd retreat into my shell.

    The other thing is that their is a gal (I guess, I don't come from somewhere where gal is in common parlance but I dislike using woman and girl to describe people around my age, they either dont feel right or are diminutive) who I think might have a crush on me. Or she is just really cheerful and excited to see everybody. Mostly she just always seems excited when I show up and in our first meeting she actually initiated conversation. I might have been part of a larger xonversation but she asled me something about LotR I think. She is a new employee in the lobby of an animal shelter I volunteer at.
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  13. - Top - End - #103
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    That is wrong.

    While I can't speak for Celtic, if you're in an abusive relationship or anything like that, your best course of action is to GET THE HELL OUT OF IT. (Assuming you can do so safely, at least. But the threat of danger should you leave is a sign that you need to get out.) While I sincerely hope Celtic's relationship is nothing like that, if they aren't happy with their significant other, no relationship is indeed better than having one.
    I agree. No one wants an abusive relationship. I'll just leave the abusive relationship and cut ties with the abuser.

  14. - Top - End - #104
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Lissou, I don't think I hang around the same forums as you, but you seemed like a nice person. Please enjoy a nice virtual hug.

    As for your issue, are there advocacy groups for workers with the particular health issue your husband have? They might have resources to contact in regards to your husband's unemployment. Similarly, speak to the vet. They might have a payment plan or be able to direct you to a group that can help with medical expenses.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grytorm View Post
    The other thing is that their is a gal (I guess, I don't come from somewhere where gal is in common parlance but I dislike using woman and girl to describe people around my age, they either dont feel right or are diminutive) who I think might have a crush on me. Or she is just really cheerful and excited to see everybody. Mostly she just always seems excited when I show up and in our first meeting she actually initiated conversation. I might have been part of a larger xonversation but she asled me something about LotR I think. She is a new employee in the lobby of an animal shelter I volunteer at.
    Is...Is this a problem? I'm uncertain if you want to initiate more or to let her down gently.
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  15. - Top - End - #105
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Is...Is this a problem? I'm uncertain if you want to initiate more or to let her down gently.
    Mostly this is a largely unprecedented experience for me and it leaves me uncertain.
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  16. - Top - End - #106
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I feel the urge to vent about how my life has been going for the last couple of months.

    By coincidence, worst stuff goes first.

    ---

    The day before Easter, my mother had a bad fall down the stairs and broke her one good leg. She spent weeks in the hospital and a few more weeks at a rehab center, during which I visited every day and fetched stuff for her when she asked. Which was basically every day. She's home now, but still unable to walk or get anywhere without her wheelchair.

    While she was at the hospital, bro told me that she'd reeked of alcohol when she fell (I have very little sense of smell). She's had an alcohol problem for years, but since she was still basically able to function (i thought), I didn't think much of it. However, I asked, and apparently when she's drunk, it's indistinguishable from being tired. And I've been seeing her "tired" most every day over the last couple of years.

    Which is kind of a huge moment of self-blame when you're the one who buys the alcohol.

    Decided that I'm putting my foot down and not buying her crown anymore. She hasn't asked for any since her leg is still recovering, but I'm not looking forward to that conversation.

    The bigger issue is that I am doing pretty much everything that she can't do herself. Which is most everything since she can't walk at all anymore

    This is not helped by the fact that mother told me directly that she calls on me for everything because Dad spends most of his time in Russia and Bro is A) also working and B) about as reliable as a broken clock. (I do Uber, but I can drop in and out of that whenever I want, so it's not as much of an obligation as direct employment like bro.)

    ---

    My brother's best friend (I talked about this when it happened; you may remember him as Bill) was killed 3 years ago by a drunk driver, and 2 weeks ago the driver was supposed to have his sentencing hearing. I went to this hearing with my mother, brother, and about 50 to 60 other people (the judge was surprised at how crowded it was). About an hour after the hearing was supposed to start, we found out that the defense attorney was in another county and could not come because he was involved in a federal child sex case (as a lawyer, to be clear) and even if the case closed quickly he wouldn't be able to make it to the meeting. This was after the hearing was supposed to start, by the by, and a ton of the people there had flown in for this. So they tried to come up with a date everyone could show up again. I don't know what they decided but I'm pretty sure they still haven't resolved it.

    This is not the first time that there's been a delay over this case. At this stage, I don't think anyone cares what sentence the guy gets, we just kinda want this to be over, if only for Bill's family.

    Mom thinks that the lawyer in question called in a favor to get himself involved in a federal case to get this delayed on purpose. I'm not convinced at all.

    ---

    Dad's home.

    Those of you who have been in this thread for a long while may recall that he and I do not get along and this trip back has been no exception. The guy ranges from angry at everything I do to condescending beyond belief.

    Oh, and his job in Russia may be done, but he's going to Kazahkstan next for a multi-year job.

    That sounds good until you remember that Mom's still got a broken leg.

    ---

    Every year around the 4th of July our family goes on vacation to a nearby city for about a week. Should be fun, right?

    Eh... a few problems.

    -Dad can't come this year due to timing w/his job
    -Bro isn't coming because of... I don't even ****ing know, he doesn't tell me ****
    -Mom still can't walk.
    -Even when she could, I spend most of every family vacation running from place to place doing **** for them.

    So yeah. Me and mom going to a family vacation wherein most of our family isn't going and I will spend most of it working.

    Yaaaaay...

    ---

    To top it all off, I also have a couple summer classes that I need to do at the same time that I am having a bit of trouble with in part because there is so much to do every week and our professor changes the coding language we use with every assignment. The net connection up where I'm going for this family "vacation" is incredibly spotty (which is a problem when you need to do classes *online*)

    I can try and request an extension, but I dunno if that'll actually fly with my professors.

    ---

    So yeah. Right at this moment there's **** in most every direction. It's not all bad (went to Anime Matsuri after the failed trial and it'll be nice to see people I know on vacation) but it's got a lot of bad.

    I feel like a slave. Or at the very least, trapped.

    None of this is anyone's fault but I still find myself blaming them for it.
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2019-06-23 at 12:42 PM.
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  17. - Top - End - #107
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
    Hugs to everyone who would like them.
    Hugs back to you; it sounds like you need them.

    I've been through layoffs and such several times, and even when I've gotten through them by the end, it's always scary at the time.

    I don't have much advice; it sounds like you're doing the right things. Do ask the vet if they have any help for people who can't afford to pay.

  18. - Top - End - #108
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Mom thinks that the lawyer in question called in a favor to get himself involved in a federal case to get this delayed on purpose. I'm not convinced at all.
    I find it highly unlikely. Federal cases take a long time to go through, so it's hard to imagine he specifically found a case (esp a case like this one) that would keep him occupied, just to avoid a vehicular manslaughter sentencing.


    Every year around the 4th of July our family goes on vacation to a nearby city for about a week. Should be fun, right?

    Eh... a few problems.

    -Dad can't come this year due to timing w/his job
    -Bro isn't coming because of... I don't even ****ing know, he doesn't tell me ****
    -Mom still can't walk.
    -Even when she could, I spend most of every family vacation running from place to place doing **** for them.

    So yeah. Me and mom going to a family vacation wherein most of our family isn't going and I will spend most of it working.

    Yaaaaay...

    ---

    To top it all off, I also have a couple summer classes that I need to do at the same time that I am having a bit of trouble with in part because there is so much to do every week and our professor changes the coding language we use with every assignment. The net connection up where I'm going for this family "vacation" is incredibly spotty (which is a problem when you need to do classes *online*)

    I can try and request an extension, but I dunno if that'll actually fly with my professors.
    Sounds like a great reason to cancel the family vacation.
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  19. - Top - End - #109
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Kesnit View Post
    I find it highly unlikely. Federal cases take a long time to go through, so it's hard to imagine he specifically found a case (esp a case like this one) that would keep him occupied, just to avoid a vehicular manslaughter sentencing.
    Agreed.

    Sounds like a great reason to cancel the family vacation.
    Agreed again. But that's not my decision.

    There are people we visit every year, anyway. It'll be nice to see them, at least.
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    Everything is going according to plan. And by that I mean the plan has changed like 3 times in the last year but now I have it written down and the new plan is going well!.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Kesnit View Post
    I find it highly unlikely. Federal cases take a long time to go through, so it's hard to imagine he specifically found a case (esp a case like this one) that would keep him occupied, just to avoid a vehicular manslaughter sentencing.
    'Ah yes, this is JUST the case I want to be a part of, a case where I have to review possible evidence of a minor being assaulted!'. Unless this man has no heart, he probably doesn't want to be there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kesnit View Post
    Sounds like a great reason to cancel the family vacation.
    I'm with Kesnit. Even if you got along with everyone (and it kinda sounds like the brother is trying to distance himself or is just a huge flake), your schooling is important. Don't cancel, just don't go.
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  21. - Top - End - #111
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Thanks everyone for the hugs, and the suggestion to talk to the vet. I sent her an email asking about payment plans and ways to schedule the testing. Hopefully she'll answer tomorrow, either way I am probably driving there tomorrow to pick up the medication and we can discuss it in person.

    I would prefer not to ask my family for help, but it's good to remember that's an option, so I appreciate that suggestion too.

    Thank you for the advice and the hugs, I feel a bit better just knowing some people are here rooting for me.

    @HalfTangible

    Ouch, that sucks. I'm so sorry. First, it's really difficult when a family member is struggling with addiction, but then you have the case being delayed which is stopping so many people from getting closure.
    Your Dad leaving while your Mom is still recovering from her leg injury puts extra pressure on you, too (although maybe it will be better with him being away at least), so basically it looks like you're being put in charge of a lot right now.
    I don't know that there is anything I can say that would help, but I hope everything moves forward and gets resolved :S

  22. - Top - End - #112
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    @Lissou - Are there any animal-welfare charities around that might be able to help? I don't know what is around in the US, but they definitely exist in the UK, so I would think there may be something that might help?

  23. - Top - End - #113
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    I have two daughters (9, and 12).

    One of my daughters, the younger one, likely inherited my high functioning autism (Aspburger's Syndrome) with a side-order of dyslexia (also from me). She struggles in social situations and scored an 8, on some test (given by the school) for autism where a 7 means you have it, and a 9 means that you do not. Understandably she does not want it, and is a bit fearful that she may have it. I am a bit fearful for her as well. It makes life difficult for most folks that have it. This could very likely mean that she would be unable to hold down a job when she grows up (I had a supervisor try to fire my 2-3 times, for example, but they let her go). I will have to watch her like a hawk to make sure that she is not abused or taken advantage of.

    My other daughter is extremely social, is extremely mindboggling athletic (she does things like put on ice skates for the first time, and *bam* she knows how to skate), and constantly wins all sorts of awards across many categories (art awards, citizenship awards, meddles, trophies). She can flip around like a ninja: cartwheels, all those crazy gymnastic flips they do and . . . for the love of god she can do cartwheels without her hands! She has littler girls emulating her. She also looks like a 12-year-old version of Brook Shields. My wife says that she is drop dead gorgeous (in privet, not around the children). Everything comes easier when you are drop dead gorgeous.

    My younger cries every time her older sister wins . . . at seemingly everything. My older child would like to be a lawyer, has the willpower of Atlas, and will likely be quite successful at damned-near-everything she does. My younger daughter may have to live with her parents for the rest of her life, and may be unable to hold down a job. This cannot end well.

    What do you do when one of your children struggles, and the other child also struggles with things, but is constantly winning awards?

    -----

    I have hope for my younger child, and actually think that there is a strong chance that she is smarter than I am. I scored as a genius as a child, and I honestly think that my 9-year-old is smarter than I am. How do you parent a child that is smarter than you are (this could be an odd conversation to have with my folks)?
    Last edited by darkrose50; 2019-06-24 at 12:51 PM.

  24. - Top - End - #114
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by darkrose50 View Post
    I have two daughters (9, and 12).

    One of my daughters, the younger one, likely inherited my high functioning autism (Aspburger's Syndrome) with a side-order of dyslexia (also from me). She struggles in social situations and scored an 8, on some test for autism where a 7 means you have it, and a 9 means that you do not. Understandably she does not want it, and is a bit fearful that she may have it. I am a bit fearful for her as well. It makes life difficult for most folks that have it. I will have to watch her like a hawk to make sure that she is not abused or taken advantage of.

    My other daughter is extremely social, is extremely mindboggling athletic (she does things like put on ice skates for the first time, and *bam* she knows how to skate), and constantly wins all sorts of awards across many categories (art awards, citizenship awards, meddles, trophies). She has littler girls emulating her. She also looks like a 12-year-old version of Brook Shields. My wife says that she is drop dead gorgeous (in privet, not around the children). Everything comes easier when you are drop dead gorgeous.

    My younger cries every time he older sister wins . . . at seemingly everything. This cannot end well.

    What do you do when one of your children struggles, and the other child also struggles with things, but constantly is winning awards?

    -----

    I have hope for my younger child, and actually think that their is a strong chance that she is smarter than I am. I scored as a genius as a child, and I honestly think that my 9-year-old is smarter than I am. How do you parent a child that is smarter than you are?
    Do you know how well your children get along with each other? I know I benefited with having an older brother who had a better idea of what issues at school would be and all that.

    To give an example, he's the one who told the kids at daycare that I had a personal radio system like the spy movies (corded FM radio system with hearing aid systems), thus side stepping the whole "that kid is weird" issue entirely. I didn't even become aware of this fact until the story was retold in High School. This would be from when we were both younger than your kids, but the idea is still the same. Also, them having closer relationship may eliminate some of the envy that your younger child feels. If she can have someone who she views as highly talented point out and appreciate her own strengths.

    As far as what to do with raising a child who's smarter than you? I'm **** when it comes to children, but I would think the main difference is to really focus on making sure they don't get bored, and have good communication with you. To me, intelligence allows you to get farther along before you get yourself into trouble, and you may not be able to get out as easily. The whole "focus on what you could do, without asking if you should.". With good two way communication, you should be able to still guide your child, even as you feel like they exceed your own intelligence.

  25. - Top - End - #115
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    The big thing you should do re: your children is to explain to them (both of them because even if your oldest seems to be doing fine...she may well not be) that you love them both equally and for their individual merits and that just because someone is better at some things that doesn't mean they're better at everything. You should also explain that struggling is a part of life and it's a path to improvement and doesn't indicate they're dumb or inferior. You should also maybe tell them that crying about other people's success isn't the best way to handle things. But what do I know. She's nine years old, I hate children and I'm not your mom.

    The other big thing is...they're 9 and 12. That's the age young women start puberty. These are feelings you'd absolutely expect to see in pubescent children, female or otherwise. I'm not here to tell you to have those sorts of talks to your kids but they're going to have those talks with other people considering it's a part of school curriculum in most places. You should take the time to discuss those things with them if you're up to it.

    The big thing is the first thing though.
    Last edited by Razade; 2019-06-24 at 08:32 AM.

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    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Basically there is something like an 80% chance that my younger child may not be able to hold down a job. I need to figure out how best to get her to the 20% side that can could hold down a job. I am okay with her living with me forever.

    It takes a lot of energy to have Aspburger's Syndrom and go to grade school, high school or college. Energy that is not going towards other things, like learning the subjects. My main objective in high-school was to blend in. High school was easy for me (show up for class, and be as an intimidating enough looking guy), but grade school (learning social skills) and college were quite difficult. College had a lack of suture and written rules that were not followed . . . the syllabus is very often a series of lies . . . basically written by the professors boss, and not the professor) . This is considerably harder to do without social skills coming naturally. It hurts that she will likely have to do the same thing.

    She will likely need to master social skills that come naturally to others (social interaction). This takes time, and effort away from mastering other things. Most of the time the end result is not advantageous as compared to the general social skill level of your average person. Sometimes folks with autism become actors and actresses. I word things carefully as not to confuse people, and as a result (in part) I do okay over the phone selling insurance.

    Not only does her sister likely not have high functioning autism, but she is extremely successful, athletic, pretty, popular, and smart.

    I just need to figure out if there is anything I can do, in order to be proactive, and help her fall on the 20% side of the fence where she would be able to hold down a job if she wanted one.
    Last edited by darkrose50; 2019-06-24 at 01:27 PM.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    1) Does the youngest have any close friends? If so, do what you can to encourage this, especially if they go to a different school. Having some close friends will probably make the rest of school suck less. If not, I'd really consider encouraging her to hobbies to make those friends. If you can afford it, consider letting her do summer camps or lessons in a variety of things until she has one thing her sister doesn't, and maybe she'll make some friends along the way.

    2) You said she had dyslexia. Have you gotten her tested for other things like dyscalculia or dysgraphia? Knowing what will be struggles and finding ways to counter act them early might not be a bad idea. If there is dysgraphia, GET HER A COMPUTER. SPELLCHECK IS AWESOME.

    3) Consider looking into tutors. Teachers with 30+ kids are going to have to present the material for the majority and might not even be taught how to handle autistic folks in the best of cases. Bribe child with pizza and clothing money if needed.

    4) Introduce yourself to her teachers. Chances are, at least one is going to be a bully. Nip that in the bud by speaking to them.

    5) Make time through your work (Or your wife, doesn't really matter which) to scream at people. When my very bullied sister got to school, my parents often had to head to the principal's office to sort out things. Be polite, but make it clear you will not tolerate a teacher or student bullying your child and that they aren't going to get rid of you easily.
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  28. - Top - End - #118
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    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    1) Does the youngest have any close friends? If so, do what you can to encourage this, especially if they go to a different school. Having some close friends will probably make the rest of school suck less. If not, I'd really consider encouraging her to hobbies to make those friends. If you can afford it, consider letting her do summer camps or lessons in a variety of things until she has one thing her sister doesn't, and maybe she'll make some friends along the way.

    2) You said she had dyslexia. Have you gotten her tested for other things like dyscalculia or dysgraphia? Knowing what will be struggles and finding ways to counter act them early might not be a bad idea. If there is dysgraphia, GET HER A COMPUTER. SPELLCHECK IS AWESOME.

    3) Consider looking into tutors. Teachers with 30+ kids are going to have to present the material for the majority and might not even be taught how to handle autistic folks in the best of cases. Bribe child with pizza and clothing money if needed.

    4) Introduce yourself to her teachers. Chances are, at least one is going to be a bully. Nip that in the bud by speaking to them.

    5) Make time through your work (Or your wife, doesn't really matter which) to scream at people. When my very bullied sister got to school, my parents often had to head to the principal's office to sort out things. Be polite, but make it clear you will not tolerate a teacher or student bullying your child and that they aren't going to get rid of you easily.
    [1] She has a friend that she plays with across the street. I was very thrilled to see this.
    [2] I think that they did a pretty large battery of tests. I told them what she likely needed. Basically she needs to read and write to learn (not lectures or group circles without the written word), and not having written instructions will be difficult for her. They don't start taking notes until 3rd grade . . . she likely needs to take notes to learn. I think that I likely started learning at 3rd grade, and did not hit grade level until 5th-ish to 7th-ish, and was at the college level when I was at the end of 8th grade.
    [3] We have one, our babysitter is really good with this. She also has Asperger's syndrome. She has an IQ of 167, and three English degrees. She picks them up from school and helps then with homework until we get home. We are quite lucky to have the help.
    [4] My wife is teacher and knows all the right buttons to push.
    [5] My wife is teacher and knows all the right buttons to push.

    It is hard to try and explain why my 12-year-old needs to look after my 9-year-old (at school, outside playing with the neighborhood kids . . . in other words do not leave your sister playing out front to go to your friends house). Basically people are idjuts, and figure a 12-year-old should not be paying attention to her 9-year old sister . . . all idjits . . . her sister there to make sure that she is not abused is a rather high priority. Much higher than with most 9-year-olds. Treating everyone the same is not responsible.

    Some family members want me to ignore the issue, not have any contingency plans, or face the facts at hand, and hope the issue goes away.
    Last edited by darkrose50; 2019-06-26 at 07:57 AM.

  29. - Top - End - #119
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    Get a real diagnosis. That will let you determine the exact course of action. Therapies, medication, counseling etc are available to help manage high functioning autism. IEPís exist for children who have special needs at school. Work with your school to get one of those started.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 6

    And apparently I've stressed myself into TMJ issues.

    I really don't know what to do with this. I'm not inclined to go for "just try therapy again". I might be inclined if someone could give me a little more than that to go on. But I'm disinclined to go for basically trying the same thing again and hoping it manages to work differently this time.
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