The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed - Coming in December and available for pre-order now
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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Range => All cats within 2 miles
    Duration => 1 Year
    Also grants the cats the ability to not need sleep.


    This dictionary allows you to translate any language into any other!
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It lets you comprehend all languages, but the curse only lets you speak and write in one, chosen at random each morning. Which is still pretty nice, come to think of it.

    Okay, here's a crystal ball of scrying that can display the text of any book you can see with it.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    of course the publishing industry's copyright lawyers are gonna get on your case though

    How about a clay golem?

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    You didn't tell me you got it from Arkham Asylum!


    One chainmail bikini that gives you +4 Charisma and lets you add your Charisma modifier to your AC in addition to your Dexterity modifier.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2019-05-05 at 10:02 PM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    The designer clearly favored titillation over ergonomics; it's really pinchy, and it doesn't work if you're wearing anything else. Even if you're one of those people who sleeps on stone floors and eats gruel, it still gives you disadvantage on skill checks.

    Come to think of it... here's a ring of protection from tummyaches.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    redjinx's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Asheville, NC
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Can't have a stomachache if there's nothing in your stomach! Enjoy your Ring of Constant Projectile Vomiting.

    This carved figurine transforms into an Adult Green Dragon when activated.

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    CLASSIFIED
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Unfortunately, it turns into an ADULT GREEN DRAGON when activated.

    This is just a really, really good sandwich.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    So good, in fact, that everything you eat afterwards will taste exactly like sand.

    These goggles give you a +4 bonus on saves vs Gaze attacks and the ability to use a Petrifying Gaze once per day with a save DC of 16.
    Last edited by Korith; 2019-05-06 at 11:53 AM.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    They also make everything you see super blurry to the point that it's hard to tell the difference between a person and a discolored blotch on the wall.


    I give to you this Ioun Stone of Super Coolness.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Absolute zero is not that fun to be around.

    You get a scroll that performs any calculations you write on it, then clears itself for next usage.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ...it never actually displays the answer, does it. Whoops.

    Okay, here's a wand of Dominate Hamster.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    After waving it, you suddenly find yourself bound and gagged to a table. A dominatrix approaches your table, holding a bottle of lube and a hamster... ..
    Here's a magnificent box, inlaid with Pearl and jet, and capable of casting purify and sanctify on any object placed within....

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Unfortunately, it drains 1 point of it's users WIS with each use. Use it wisely...if you can!

    I have here for you a +4 silver arrow of werewolf bane
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It certainly is very annoying to werewolves. Not lethal, however.

    I give you a hat of +3 int.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Unfortunately, it's also a hat of -10 STR.


    I give you this +3 Bastard Sword of Badassery.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Oct 2017
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    His name is Mr. Stabby

    You get a wand of detect other wands.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Bastian Weaver's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Odessa, Ukraine
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It can detect other wands, no sweat. It just refuses to share the results with YOU.

    But fear not! Here is a Book of One Thousand Secrets, in mint condition, and it's all yours!
    The last crazy minstrel.
    Creature avatar by The Giant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Slipperychicken View Post
    At GITP, we don't just bite down on bait-hooks, we chew them thoroughly until the insides of our mouths are full of broken teeth, flesh-ribbons, and blood.

  18. - Top - End - #48
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Oh, interesting, it starts off blank and then fills itself with writing when first opened. What a neat special effect! ...wait. These are all my secrets! Now I have to lock this book away and guard it obsessively for the rest of time!

    Okay, here's a pretty standard one: a Ring of Force Shield.
    Leo, Ajax, Deshy.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It shields you from the effect of forces, preventing you from changing velocity.

    This wristband keeps bugs at least 5 feet away from you.
    Last edited by Caerulea; 2019-05-08 at 11:44 AM.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Not to mention everything else, including food and water.

    I give you this nice authentic persian flying carpet.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It will fly Persians wherever they would like to go. Are you from Persia?

    This teakettle is always full of hot tea.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Bastian Weaver's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Odessa, Ukraine
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    When you pour youself a cup of tea, an antropomorphic hare and a lean fellow wearing a top hat appear and start asking you senseless riddles. And they never, ever, ever go away because, as they claim, "it's always tea time", and the teakettle is always full!

    Here's a Magic Mirror. It can answer any question you ask.
    The last crazy minstrel.
    Creature avatar by The Giant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Slipperychicken View Post
    At GITP, we don't just bite down on bait-hooks, we chew them thoroughly until the insides of our mouths are full of broken teeth, flesh-ribbons, and blood.

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It *can* answer any question that you ask, and it probably won't. It prefers to sing show tunes, especially at 3:00 am. When it does answer your questions, it mostly lies.

    Here's three feet of nylon rope.

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ...soaked in nitroglycerin.


    We have here an authentic recreation of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch...
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ubiquitous
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Unfortunately, the previous owner counted to five after removing the pin, which is right out.
    We don't actually know exactly what will happen now if it's thrown, or dropped, or roughly handled. Apocryphal accounts speak of "the universe being torn a new one", but "one what?"
    Perhaps we'll never know. Or maybe we will, if it's thrown, or dropped, or roughly handled, or slightly jostled.
    GET ON WITH IT!

    Oh, okay. Here's a Toothbrush of Scrying. Don't ask me why. It's a regift.
    This is a boring signature.
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES
    EXPLODED RUNES
    PICTURE OF A CAT
    EXPLOSIVE RUNES

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    When brushing your teeth with the brush of scrying, you can see the previous users reflected in the surface of the bathroom mirror. In it, you can see the previous owner grinning evilly while putting the brush down the back of his pants....

    Here you go! A Truth Mirror. Stand before it, and it shall tell you the truth you seek!

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    redjinx's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Asheville, NC
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    The truth is, it doesn't do anything but tell you that telling you this is the only thing it does.

    This enchanted sword gives +5 to hit to the right wielder.

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    As in it grants any enemy on your right side +5 to hit you.


    I hereby bequeath to you The Middle Finger of Vecna.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    The finger will poke you in the eye every time you try to rid yourself of it. Like, right in the eye, ouch ......

    Behold, Magical slippers that make you 4 times faster than normal....

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ... in bed.

    Here's a bushel of ripe courtland apples.

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