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  1. - Top - End - #61
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    24 hours after eating one, an apple tree will grow out from your stomach. No, it won't kill you, and it's not even painful. Just really, really awkward, and maybe a bit embarrassing.

    I bestow upon you this eye of all-seeing. Looking through the eye as a Standard action allows the user to perceive things as though they had See Invisibility cast on them. Concentrating as a full round action allows the user to look on their environment as though affected by True Seeing. Concentrating for an hour allows the user to use the spell Scrying. Concentrating for two hours allows the user to use the spell Contact Other Plane.
    Last edited by Korith; 2019-05-15 at 10:03 AM.
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  2. - Top - End - #62
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Elvensilver's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    Southern Germany
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Really, that is a powerful artifact. Too bad that the eye ist opaque, so you won't see anything through it. Hey, you can still use the other effects- but have you ever tried concentrating for an hour or more on a magic item? You are not allowed to take your attention away for even a second, or the spell fails.


    Here is a shiny new rake. It can dig earth over three times as fast as a non-macical one and it will never rust.
    Avatar made bei linklele!

    Currently playing:
    Gardin Farawyn Saskeon of Efteria, Elven Bard und Oracle
    Faire Camoretta, Halfling Monk.

  3. - Top - End - #63
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Oct 2017
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Unfortunately, non-macical rakes can't dig at all (macicality is the made-up value of "able to dig earth"), and 0*0 is 0, so...

    This be the horn of Garthock. If you blow it, it summons Garthock!
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  4. - Top - End - #64
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    You really, really, REALLY do not want to summon Garthock.


    I gift to you this magical greeting card.
    Last edited by Crisis21; 2019-05-15 at 10:43 PM.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  5. - Top - End - #65
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Every 1d12 hours, the card appears right beside you and yells out GREETINGS! in a random language. The greeting can be heard up to 500 feet away. You can try to get rid of the card, you can burn it to cinders or rip it to pieces, or stuff it into an extradimensional space - but it will still appear at the next scheduled time as though brand new.

    I bestow upon thee the orb of malignant rage. Its bearer may activate it once per day to enter into a Barbarian's Berserker Rage as though they were a Barbarian with a level equal to their hit dice.
    Last edited by Korith; 2019-05-16 at 12:59 PM.
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  6. - Top - End - #66
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    IT ALSO MAKES YOU TYPE A REPLY TO YOUR POST IN BOLD AND ALL CAPS WHEN NOBODY RESPONDS TO YOUR POST

    Ahem. Here's a flute of masterful melodies. It gives a +6 enhancement bonus on any Perform (flute) checks made by its owner, and once per day can be used to cast Charm Person with a caster level of 1 and a save DC of 11.
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  7. - Top - End - #67
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    You also can't stop playing it. Ever.


    I grant you this Super Soldier Serum. Guaranteed to make you stronger, faster, tougher, smarter, more observant, and more attractive.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  8. - Top - End - #68
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Bohandas's Avatar

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    Feb 2016

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ...and crwzy as a loon.

    I bestow upon you an uncloggable toilet

  9. - Top - End - #69
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Is it supposed to vomit back out any solids I tried to flush?

    This compass points at whatever your heart desires.
    Last edited by Bucky; 2019-05-22 at 11:55 PM.
    The gnomes once had many mines, but now they have gnome ore.

  10. - Top - End - #70
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It points to blood. Only blood.

    Here, have this antique desk.

  11. - Top - End - #71
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Once you sit at the desk, you can't leave until someone else voluntarily takes your place.

    This statue of a dragon can come to life for one day per year, and will perform whatever task you ask of it with the stats of a Wyrmling Red Dragon.
    Last edited by Korith; 2019-05-23 at 02:11 PM.
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  12. - Top - End - #72
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    Belgium
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    But if you forget to specifically order it not to contact its mommy telepathically, a couple of days later you face an adult red dragon asking where its baby is.

    I have this very fast car that never runs out of fuel, no matter how far you drive with it.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  13. - Top - End - #73
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

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    Aug 2018
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    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    There are no brakes, and it is very heavy.

    Have this everlasting bar of high-quality dark chocolate.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  14. - Top - End - #74
    Orc in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ...Why is it labeled "EX-LAX"?

    Instead, try this Bag of Unending Sweets. Whenever you reach in the bag, you get a handful of the sweetest candy known to mankind - and definitely not poisoned, nor otherwise bad for you.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  15. - Top - End - #75
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It does this by pulling sweetness out of the world. Over time the world becomes a much more bitter place. Cynicism takes deep root, friendship as a whole is destroyed, and the civilization will end with a knife in the back. But this won't happen for some time. Enjoy destroying everything, one candy at a time.

    I bet you could use a hug, so that's what I'll give you.

  16. - Top - End - #76
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    As soon as you close your eyes, the hug becomes BEES. Also you can't get out of it.

    Here's a universal remote control that works on the universe.
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  17. - Top - End - #77
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It's also lost in the cosmic couch cushions for all eternity.


    I give you this valentine.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  18. - Top - End - #78
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    You've obviously infused it with a charm spell. ...you didn't? Well, someone did. Does this mean we're compromised by the greeting card company now?

    Ironically, I have a wand of Bestow Curse.
    Leo, Minnie, Ajax, Timmy, Jek-Jek.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  19. - Top - End - #79
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ElfRangerGuy

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    Jun 2018
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    Belgium
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    And it's a super wand of bestow curse. It curses two people per charge. Your target... and yourself.

    I have a Corellian YT-1300 transport ship for you.
    Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett

    "Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
    "I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute."

  20. - Top - End - #80
    Orc in the Playground
     
    jwhouk's Avatar

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    Jul 2018
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    Arizona USA
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    What a hunk of JUNK!

    Here, take these two droids with you instead.
    "Character is what you are in the dark." - D.L. Moody
    Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.

  21. - Top - End - #81
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
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    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    Those are not the ones I was looking for.

    This is your father's lightsaber. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  22. - Top - End - #82
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    The wrong end ignites every time.

    Here's a book that shows you the dreams of the one you most love......

  23. - Top - End - #83
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dr.Gunsforhands's Avatar

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    Jul 2008

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It turns out that when I die in their dream, I die in real life.

    Check out this ancient sarcophagus I found! You put someone in who recently died, and it restores them back to full health!
    Leo, Minnie, Ajax, Timmy, Jek-Jek.
    Avatar by the Ninja Chocobo.

  24. - Top - End - #84
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It also curses them to guard the tomb that the sarcophagus was stored in, starting by killing the owner of the sarcophagus and then everyone alive who has ever set foot in the tomb. Also, some aliens are looking for it.

    These bagpipes have the power to call forth ten thousand fully armed and armored soldiers.
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  25. - Top - End - #85
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crisis21's Avatar

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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    ...who are trying to kill you.


    I bequeath to you this enchanted set of nunchuks. May they forever break the bones of your enemies.
    Wind & Sound Elemental Eric Greenhilt avatar by Akrim.elf
    Bodyguard in Lix's Harem
    Ninja-Pirate of BvS's Privateer village! Come and join me!
    My Extended Signature
    My Pokemon!

  26. - Top - End - #86
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    After numerous hours of youTube research, I have concluded, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that unless you are Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan, that all nunchucks are inherently cursed by nature, and you will be striking yourself in the head/groin much more often than you will be striking your enemies. /*Inhale*/

    Here is a single sheet of A4 paper.

  27. - Top - End - #87
    Ghost in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2019

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    The paper will jam your printer every time.... Forever.

    Take this lovely necklace of bones and animal skulls. It's an original!

  28. - Top - End - #88
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2018
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    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    You can hear the dead animals constantly, including a hungry cat, angry ferret, and a mosquito next to your ear. Along with others.


    Have a sign that tells you what thread you are posting in.
    Last edited by Caerulea; 2019-06-03 at 05:43 PM. Reason: Whoops, wrong thread.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

  29. - Top - End - #89
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It also causes popup ads related to the content of the thread. *pop* hmm, here's one for toy lightsabers. *pop* and taxidermy *pop* *pop* *pop*...

    I give thee the flyswatter of ad removal. With one swing, it dismisses every annoying popup on your screen.
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  30. - Top - End - #90
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Caerulea's Avatar

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    Aug 2018
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    Sleeping in a paper bag.

    Default Re: You gave me a Cursed WHAT?

    It is coated with sap, so swatting your screen will not go well.

    Have a pocketwatch that can stop time for up to an hour.
    Non caerulea sum, Caerulea nomen meus est.
    Extended Signature.
    I'm not a humanoid. Come not be one too.

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