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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    JakOfAllTirades's Avatar

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    Default Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    1) Cast Animate Dead on a draft horse after a Bulette kills it, while it's still tied to a wagon with three other living (and very skittish) horses, and the only character in the wagon has no proficiency in Handle Animals. Long story short: I got taken for a ride and had to Eldritch Smite our Wizard's new pet with my last spell slot.

    2) <who's next: post your gaming table horror stories here>
    Last edited by JakOfAllTirades; 2019-05-27 at 08:25 PM.
    I CAN EXPLAIN IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR YOU.


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    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    For wasting spell slots by trying to cast Animate Dead on invalid target?*

    *This message was brought to you by No Fun Allowed.

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    Laserlight's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Paladin: I grab a rope and swing over to one of the girls hanging over the pit.
    Me: Okay.
    Paladin: I'm going to grab her, cut the rope suspending her, and--
    Me: That's one hand to hold your rapier, one hand to hold the sacrifice, and one hand to hold your own rope?
    Paladin: Yep!
    Me: How many hands do you have?
    Paladin:...****.
    Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."

    Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    JakOfAllTirades's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by JackPhoenix View Post
    For wasting spell slots by trying to cast Animate Dead on invalid target?*

    *This message was brought to you by No Fun Allowed.
    The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.

    Now I'm wondering what spell should be used to make "large" zombies?
    Last edited by JakOfAllTirades; 2019-05-27 at 09:07 PM.
    I CAN EXPLAIN IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR YOU.


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    OrcBarbarianGirl

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Don't turn into an animal before coming up with a tactical plan that requires a good Int score.

    Don't realize the particular animal you were actually had a HIGHER Int modifier than you so you feel extra dumb.

    Edit:
    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.
    TECHNICALLY, a dead horse is a pile of bones. It's just wrapped in horse meat. Cast Animate Dead on it and you'll still get a humanoid skeleton with sword, shield, bow, and armor scraps.
    Last edited by No brains; 2019-05-27 at 09:09 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Petrocorus View Post
    This thread, Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW by No brains, is Epic.
    Quote Originally Posted by illyahr View Post
    That is so stupid it's hilarious.
    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    ...I've clearly been playing D&D for too long, because that made a demented kind of sense.
    Quote Originally Posted by that_one_kobold View Post
    And this is why I love D&D

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    1. When the Paladin approaches you telling how he saw a "huge spider" during his watch, don't brush it off assuming he's talking about like, a tarantula, and tell him "I'll squish it if it comes back".
    2. When the Wizard responds to your warning about a spider the size of a person by saying she'll squish it, don't just go to sleep without checking further to make sure she didn't misunderstand what you meant by "huge spider".

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Potential spoilers for Curse of Strahd:

    Don't cast Errupting Earth into a treasure room where a 10-foot statue is standing guard. Sure, you might do some damage to the three fleeing vampire spawn (who are running to avoid being slowly roasted by your friend's Sun Blade), but you'll wake up that Stone Golem when the treasure is disturbed.

    (We did manage to bring the golem down eventually, and only one of the vampire spawn was able to escape, so it turned out ok for us. But i think we have a pretty forgiving DM.)

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Strahd turned my warforged juggernaut into a bat the first time they encountered each other.
    My warforged could only one 1 damage per attack, and noone was able to break Strahd's concentration.

    So I flew up above his tower and waited until the spell wore off. 400lbs of warforged through his roof, factoring in falling damage. And it helped as a Brute, I was able to make some incredible death saves, to get back up again.

    So for generations did the sainted skull of Caius Anicius Magnus Furius Camillus Æmilianus Cornelius Valerius Pompeius Julius Ibidus, consul of Rome, favourite of emperors, and saint of the Romish church, lie hidden beneath the soil of a growing town. At first worshipped with dark rites by the prairie-dogs, who saw in it a deity sent from the upper world..
    - H.P. Lovecraft, "Ibid".

  9. - Top - End - #9
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    PirateGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.
    I wouldn’t bother. You’ve clearly learned your lesson so there’s no need to beat a dead horse.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Troll in the Playground
     
    EvilClericGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    When you get kidnapped by evil cultists you've been searching for and manage to escape the cell they've put you in (by pretty much walking straight trough the closed door thanks to awesome Str check), you do NOT react to (obviously terrified after what he just witnessed) cultist guard's order to go back to the cell by saying "OK" and doing so, then following the rest of the cultist peacefully when it's your turn to end up as a sacrifice.

    If only to stop the GM's face from hurting after being hit by his palm.

    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    The DM allowed it. Zombie horses don't seem terribly overpowered, but I'll mention this at our next session.

    Now I'm wondering what spell should be used to make "large" zombies?
    Yeah, I would be propably fine with zombified version of animals (and other creatures) up to CR 1/2.

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    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    When an airship is assaulted by air-pirates, you do NOT barge out of the shelter on to the deck right in the middle of a hail of arrows from a dozen of archers, all of which had readied an attack if someone shows up.

    The bad news was that the airship fell down and crashed to splinters very shortly afterwards. The good news was that the "character slash pincushion" was already dead.

    ....not my proudest of moments.
    Last edited by Arkhios; 2019-05-28 at 05:43 AM.
    My 5th Edition D&D Homebrew:
    Note: Blue text written in italics implies lighthearted sarcasm. Don't look for an insult when there is none.


    sarcasm
    /ˈsɑːkaz(ə)m/
    noun
    the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anon von Zilch View Post
    Words actually mean things, people!

    I prefer straightforwardness and honesty over veiled insults and mindgames. Can you say the same?

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    One from the game I am running.

    In the town the players learn that the Druid who gives out magic berries is missing.
    An hour (of game time) later they find the Druid fighting some Elemental. He dies and like good Murder-hobo's they search his body finding only a bag of berries...

    ...Which they then throw away! They continue on low on HP due to time constraint mission into the final deadly encounter and two of them get dropped by AoE in the first round.

    If only they had some extra Goodberry healing

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    Beleriphon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laserlight View Post
    Paladin: I grab a rope and swing over to one of the girls hanging over the pit.
    Me: Okay.
    Paladin: I'm going to grab her, cut the rope suspending her, and--
    Me: That's one hand to hold your rapier, one hand to hold the sacrifice, and one hand to hold your own rope?
    Paladin: Yep!
    Me: How many hands do you have?
    Paladin:...****.
    Obviously four, an adventurer can hang by a rope with just their toes.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    JakOfAllTirades's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by 1Pirate View Post
    I wouldn’t bother. You’ve clearly learned your lesson so there’s no need to beat a dead horse.
    [IMG][/IMG]

    I still gotta talk to our Wizard. He actually cast Animate Dead on two horses; the other one was his riding horse. In the following encounter he rode it into battle against a Purple Worm. At one point he tried to drink a potion with his bonus action (house rule) but the DM reminded him he'd already used his BA to breath fire at the Purple Worm. (He had drunk a Potion of Fire Breath earlier.)

    And I'm like, "You could save a lot of bonus actions if you gave that Fire Breath potion to your zombie horse instead."
    Last edited by JakOfAllTirades; 2019-05-28 at 04:05 PM.
    I CAN EXPLAIN IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR YOU.


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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Laserlight's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by Beleriphon View Post
    Obviously four, an adventurer can hang by a rope with just their toes.
    Actually, by the rope the rope temporarily entangled around his ankle, hanging upside down over the bottomless pit, you can see the gleam in the eyes of the colossal serpent rising from the depths to take another sacrifice, and given that you're dangling over the pit you look a lot like a sacrifice, so what do you do, and don't say "I roll yet another 4".

    What NOT to do at the table: spend all night rolling nothing higher than 5.
    Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."

    Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.

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    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Or the kidnapped lady could just grab onto his rope while he cut her loose.
    Spoiler: Quotes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zar Peter View Post
    Supagoof took the most blows and incidentally took exactly the same damage Xihirli inflicted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silent_Interim View Post
    Xihirli: Being a better target since 2015.
    Quote Originally Posted by flatfooted View Post
    Nice to know you're consistently homicidal, though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Logic View Post
    I'm good with eliminating Xihirli. I'm not sure how she has managed to live as long as she has.
    Quote Originally Posted by BasketOfPuppies View Post
    Xihirli's ability to stay alive has befuddled all of science for years.
    Quote Originally Posted by Iceseer View Post
    I really wanted what Xihirli said to be true though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramsus View Post
    That was a lot of awesome backstabbing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thematthew View Post
    I love you, you kooky loon.

  17. - Top - End - #17
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    Kobold

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

    And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
    I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    JakOfAllTirades's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by RSZealot View Post
    When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

    And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
    I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!
    Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.
    I CAN EXPLAIN IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR YOU.


  19. - Top - End - #19
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Please pay attention to your DM.

    We had to go to BBEG lair, which took us through an overly detailed forest so my dumb *** stopped listening to him talk. We transition to a valley, and are stopped by a sphinx. I stayed back to hide, and thought myself clever for using a frangrance ring my DM gave me three sessions ago as a joke magic item.

    Me: "Hey, what are the trees in the forest? Like, firs or something? I want to make myself smell like the forest so he can't smell me hiding."
    Sphinx: "Tell the tree to come out before I kill him."

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Curse of Strahd Spoiler!


    Do NOT goad the seemingly insane man into saying something you know will cause your over-zealous cleric to want to smash his face in with a mace. Then try to act all peaceful and start a sit-in while a Deva is rageing all over your party...
    ~I have never met a man so ignorant I could learn nothing from him~ Galileo
    My Homebrew Class: Bard College of Etymology
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  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    A halfling that believed ULGAR THE ALL-SEEING, the great Seer of the north, Blessed with visions of past, present and future, grand soothsayer of the Horadrael, etc etc. would easily be fooled by hiding behind an illusory barrel created using minor illusion in full view of said person with obviously magical glowing eyes in an otherwise empty room.

    many faces were palmed that day

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Turns out, an entire treasure room doesnt fit in a bag of holding. I almost felt sorry when the Artificer lost all of her stuff. At least the bad guys lost all of theirs too.

    Things I've done:

    * Interrogation: "Hit him as hard as you want, the cleric will keep him up." Does NOT apply to paladin's and smite.

    *If your character is far more evil than the DM's, don't be surprised when you end up as the end boss. (Would like to have said this was a one time occurance. I'm bordering on 4 times now.)

    * The enemy vampire spawn is fleeing back home. DON'T follow him by yourself.

    * Backstabbing the winner in a gladiator fight does not make me the new champion

    * If I manage to have a cannibal character, I cannot then grab the gourmet feat. (I dispute this one with my GM to this day! The pixie never once ate another pixie!)

    * I will not taunt the giant as a pixie after the bard has made it agree to stop attacking us.

    * If the DM has built an entire expansive world, we will not comfortably live in a single town as crime lords. (turns out the main quest we were skipping out was kiiiinda important, and devils showing up everywhere were a real problem.)

    Small list. I have an entire google sheet based off of 2,500 things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    1. KO an enemy then tie them up
    2. Have warlock use invocation to Disguise Self, then Charm Person on the unconscious person
    3. Wake them up as their rescuer or pose as a fellow prisoner

    4. do NOT forget that drow don't really trust most of their friends. Do not have your entire plan hinge on the drow prisoner trusting a mysterious rescuer they've never met before.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.
    Oh, he rolled like a 8 total to save. And like I said, still a stupid move. It wasn't like the party was fresh and well-rested either, the knight had showed up after they'd fought off some soldiers, so all of them were below half health.

    I feel I should also mention that the Rogue was a ranged build.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Yakmala's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Arriving in a village that has just been attacked by Hill Giants and suffered losses, the majority of the party offered their condolences and promised to track down the Giants and mete out justice...

    ...And then there was the party Necromancer, who walked right into the middle of the mass funeral for the fallen townsfolk and bluntly told them "I'll be needing those corpses."

    It did not go over well.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    JakOfAllTirades's Avatar

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    Default Re: Great Moments in Gaming: what NOT to do at the table.

    Quote Originally Posted by RSZealot View Post
    When the Druid tries out her shiny, brand new 4th level spell slot to cast Wall of Fire to force the big, melee-only knight you're fighting to go through it to get to you, do NOT charge through it to engage him in melee on the other side.

    And then, if you're the next player in the turn order, having just watched your rogue take a ton of damage from your own side's Wall of Fire, do NOT do the EXACT SAME THING HE DID!
    I don't care if you're a Tiefling, that's still dumb!
    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    Was it save for half? That'd be 1/4 damage if the Tiefling saved... no big deal.
    Quote Originally Posted by RSZealot View Post
    Oh, he rolled like a 8 total to save. And like I said, still a stupid move. It wasn't like the party was fresh and well-rested either, the knight had showed up after they'd fought off some soldiers, so all of them were below half health.

    I feel I should also mention that the Rogue was a ranged build.
    There's a certain type of Tiefling player (like me, LOL) who loves to show off their fire resistance, revels in it, and takes every opportunity to demonstrate how well they can soak up fire damage. Even if they can't, really.
    I CAN EXPLAIN IT FOR YOU, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR YOU.


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