How to run a D&D game with depression?

[MoiMagnus]

I'm a DM. I'm not in a very good place right now, but I cannot abandon my players.

We've together put so much time into this game. I can't just let it all go to waste by shutting it down now. I want them to be happy and keep having this.

But it's hard... I'm lacking energy. I can't focus when I'm at the table. I'm irritable, though I hide it reasonably well. I just... I don't know how much longer I can take this.

What do you all do when you just don't have the energy to continue, but you can't let everyone down?

I was player in 3 campaigns where the DM entered a depression.

The first one, while I loved the campaign, but we never got to continue it (people moving around the country), the only thing I wish is that the DM would have started seeing a therapist sooner. He is fine now, but it could have been much worse...

The second one, the campaign was slowly deteriorating, and stopping it before would have been better.

The third time was with the same guy than the second. This time, the campaign was not deteriorating, we did continue the campaign, and it was a success. But even in this case, the summer break helped a lot, and the "resolution" of one of the main factors of the depression helped a lot too.

The conclusion of my humble experience is:
1) Your mental health matter, and should be the priority here. You guys have probably accumulated enough good memories to say that "it was a good time", and stopping it is far less "catastrophic" than what you would think.
2) Taking a temporary break is not the end of a campaign.
3) Just because you temporarily stoped having RPG should not mean you should stop seing each others.
4) If you build a lot in this universe, even if you never continue the campaign, what you've build is not lost. I could says here "it still lives in your Players's memories", but I will take a more concrete argument here: I find that the best reward you can give to a player invested in the campaign is for its exploit to be incorporated in the lore of the universe when you use the universe again in another campaign. (One of our player got the capital renamed after its name, for example).

[jintoya]

snip.

I've gotta agree to a degree here, but I'll also say that I have met allot of prescription happy quacks, and while I think that there are plenty of good, well trained therapists, there are also people... I'll keep my language PG, but they are not all good people.

It depends on where you live, but you should seek help in some form, preferably professional... Just make sure to find a good one.

[BWR]

It's already been said but bears repeating.

1. get professional help. It really can help.

2. If they really are your friends, they will be fine with you needing a break. If they aren't (which is unlikely - I have yet to meet someone who prioritizes game night over other people's wellbeing), you're better off without them. You don't even have to tell them you're struggling with depression, just say you're under a lot of stress for 'reasons' and need a break. Talk to them about other people running a game, other types of games or pastimes, or even just putting all social interaction on hold, but don't push yourself to run a game if it makes things worse for you.
If it turns out you can't continue, so be it.

[Particle_Man]

It is perfectly fine to take a break from DMing and that doesn't mean taking a break from your friends. For example, you could become a player and one of them could run a game (either in the same campaign or somethign completely different). Or you could try one of those DMless games, like Microscope. Or just a card game or board game.

[TheYell]

A lot of us going through issues with depression and I hope the original poster gives us an update

[geppetto]

I’m going to have to go against the grain here, because it is best for you and all spectators that this is said. If you are feeling that you are in such a state of distress that you can’t function properly, then you should seek help from professionals or sources with a basis found in valid evidence, not random people on forums. The general public is usually well intentioned, yes; but they are ignorant on the effective treatment of mental disorders. Depressive Disorders are a complex topic that have many unanswered questions about them, and misinformation about it has spread like wildfire across the internet. Everybody who has posted so far seems to want to help you, but they may not know how, even if they claim to. People who have experience with a Depressive Disorder may be sure that what worked for them or their friends will cure you too, but treatment for mental illness is dependent on many variables. What works for one person may work for you, but it may just as likely make your condition even worst. Getting advice from fellow sufferers is just as bad as getting it from the general populace, as sufferers have a perception of the disorder that is muddied with the bias of their own subjective experience. Do not trust what the people here have said, even if their logic is solid, they have provided no evidence to back it up.

I know that what you are asking about is specific to D&D rather than help for the Depressive Disorder itself, but your decision on whether to leave this D&D game or not is significant enough to your mental health that it should be informed with the advice of a professional person or source Educated and experienced psychologists will have the best understanding of what could work. Giving up the game could help, but it could also be disastrous to your mental health. You should have the advice of evidence based knowledge on your side when that decision is made. When it comes to Depressive Disorders, what happens with the small things matter much more than one could expect.

If you are currently in therapy, then ask your therapist/clinic what you should do, and they will have a better idea of what is best for you than anybody here will. If you are in therapy, then do some research on what resources are available to you on mental illness counseling. Not all psycho-therapy has to be more expensive than you could handle. Do some research online as to what is available in your area, if possible talk to any counselors at your school or workplace as to what your options are, see if your local library or community center offers any contact information for therapy centers, talk to friends even on where it go if you must. If you are too fatigued to do the research yourself, than ask a trusted friend to do it for you. You do not need to rely on the internet to inform your decisions, and must not if you hope to get better.

To all other posters, I apologize if I insulted any of your intelligences. I am not saying that any of you are stupid or anything like that, I am merely saying that subconscious biases and misinformation can tamper with everyone’s view; I am no exception. This doesn’t make any of you an idiot, it just makes you a human. I am just trying to make sure that our Original Poster here makes the best possible decision for themself, I am not trying to insult you all.

The only differences between us and the quacks who call themselves mental health professionals are thus

1. We arent trying to fill you with largely untested chemicals we pretend we know the effect of despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

2. We dont have over blown egos.

3. We actually have experience with the problems instead of just reading about them.

4. We dont charge you an arm and a leg for OUR bad advice.

So called professionals will give the exact same advice, plus drugs. And when it doesnt work they just shrug their shoulders, bill you again and give some other advice that anyone with an ounce of common sense would have also come up with.

[Friv]

Despite what gepetto claims, mental health professionals are, in fact, professionals. As with any profession, there are going to be therapists who don't fit for you, and you should definitely feel comfortable looking for someone that does (provided you have insurance or coverage, and depending on your country of origin.)

But absolutely, if you feel overwhelmed and are financially able to go looking, you should go looking for help from people who aren't just elfgamers.

(Also, gepetto, as someone whose partner is in fact training in social work and psychology, I can assure you that programs for mental health professionals heavily focus on drawing from people who do, in fact, have personal experience with mental health difficulties.)

[BWR]

The only differences between us and the quacks who call themselves mental health professionals are thus

1. We arent trying to fill you with largely untested chemicals we pretend we know the effect of despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

2. We dont have over blown egos.

3. We actually have experience with the problems instead of just reading about them.

4. We dont charge you an arm and a leg for OUR bad advice.

So called professionals will give the exact same advice, plus drugs. And when it doesnt work they just shrug their shoulders, bill you again and give some other advice that anyone with an ounce of common sense would have also come up with.

Your claims are almost exactly the opposite of my experience with professional mental health care, and point one is in many ways flat out wrong. Don't try to convince people to stay away from professional help. That's just about the least helpful thing you can do.

[StevenC21]

Update since some people wanted it...

I'm not going to leave the game. It's one of the few happy events in my week. I do enjoy most of my prep. The players are really good with taking initiative and coming up with ideas, anyways.

I don't think professional help will be good for me. I've tried 3 separate therapists and it hasn't helped.

I'm just going to keep living. I would like to get some antidepressants, but that's... Difficult for me to do.

Thank you for all your advice.

[TheYell]

Thank you for replying.

I have had recognized depression for thirty years, I have had about a dozen counselors and six psychiatrists, (I moved a bit) and for me anyway the chemical imbalance in my brain has to be corrected with meds before I can conscious apply the attitude adjustment of therapy. Without the drugs, therapy would be worthless as I would slide into psychotic binary thinking to every situation. The therapy has helped, I notice I am a lot more easygoing than coworkers facing the same stress and I am the most forgiving of my siblings about our childhood.

If you'll forgive some advice, I think 3 is a low number to renounce therapy, and you might try therapy combined with a psychiatric regimen of medication.

Looks like Gaston is in Washington County, they have a link for mental health services here https://www.co.washington.or.us/HHS/MentalHealth/

I found my psychiatrists through county mental health in several states, I have always found they are quality medical care allowing me to find a good therapy program in or out of county health services. I currently get my meds free as I cannot work full time and qualify for indigent care.

Lemme stress I am just sharing what has happened with me, I was a full-time paralegal with a BA and good career and now live with my mother and work part-time, and I feel relatively happy and enjoy stretching my faculties with D&D. I never had the math for bridge. I believe that you can achieve contentment with your situation if you believe its possible and experiment with treatment solutions.

I don't think it wrong to continue but always remember reducing stress is an option that friends will accept you doing.

[StevenC21]

For the record, this is only one avenue that I'm getting advice from.

I like to get a variety of sources.

I'm getting help elsewhere, too.

[TheYell]

That's good, this forum is fun but it only goes so far.

I'm glad you still feel free to coordinate your options. I didn't get my stuff together until I was in an involuntary hold and got a caseworker to make sure I got a psychiatrist and a therapist at the same time. I don't always function effectively.