Results 31 to 36 of 36
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2019-07-01, 11:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Gender
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2019-07-02, 12:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2018
Re: You ever lose friends over this hobby? I just did.
Yeah. I wish I could say I left and never looked back, but it still haunts me. I lost a friend I'd known for a long time. It took a while for me to figure it out too. Some of my other friends saw what was happening and tried to get me to quit playing with them, but I thought it was my fault, that if I only I did this one thing or this other thing then they would be cool with me. Looking back on it there were many signs I should have seen, lots of things that I know now were big red flags. It still really bugs me, I'm always paranoid about being screwed over again. It makes it hard to trust other gamers, but it is getting easier, slowly.
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2019-07-07, 10:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: You ever lose friends over this hobby? I just did.
I wouldn’t say you lost friends so much as you never had them. People desperately, awfully, want to avoid being “not nice”, but they also just don’t like some people. In a form of cowardice we’re all familiar with, they try to make it work and then try to avoid interaction as an easier “nicer” thing than being “mean”.
We’ve all seen it, and perhaps in our less proud moments some of us have done it. The boss who decides to just write a mediocre performance review rather than sit down and explain what needs improving; the “let’s just be friends” break up or rejection; the “buddy” you don’t really like and are relieved when you have an excuse that you can’t hang out - and hey, maybe they’ll get the hint eventually?
And while it is cowardly, the person on the other side was never a good employee/romantic prospect/friend. They just wanted to be. So chances are you didn’t lose a friend - you never had one and they were too cowardly to be “mean” and shoot their own dog, so to speak.
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2019-07-07, 04:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2018
Re: You ever lose friends over this hobby? I just did.
Had this happen a while back to me, but for me it was a big eye-opener to a personality disorder I have (schizoid) and haven't made any friends since.
For a normal person this may be far more of an issue, and it may be a good idea to make friends with people who might seek to hang out with you outside the game, that way you know that the game isn't the only reason you socialize.
I hope you do not remain torn up over this, you will rebound but you should also take this as a lesson and perhaps don't get as attached to people until you are sure that you are actually friends.
Ugh, I'm such a robot.
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2019-07-10, 12:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2004
Re: You ever lose friends over this hobby? I just did.
First, I am sorry this happened.
The Internet is full of wonderful - and horrible - people. Just as they are in person.
And I know of several people - who use D&D - and the internet (whether through Discord, Forums, or Email) to "play D&D" - due to physical and/or mental disabilities. And sometimes, it's not a disability, but simply the person is extremely introverted (I am an introvert, so I get this notion).
So the idea of "going out and finding a game" in person is not always a readily available option.
I'm old though - and I've gotten to live and learn a lot of lessons.
For example, my wife had some co-workers who were simply wonderful people. They've - to my knowledge - never done anything wrong to anyone.
I think they're wonderful - however, I do not really "click" with them.
And I am not entirely sure why - and while there were some things in common - I just never felt like I jelled with them.
Then there's another group of my wife's co-workers that, given the chance, I am more than happy to hang out with them.
So, it may be true - perhaps they disliked you. Perhaps they were evil and sneered at you.
It could also be as simple as they didn't feel connected with you - no matter how you might have felt.
Some people can simply be "polite" (or some would say "fake") and put on a smile.
I did that with my wife's first group - I don't think I was being fake, I was simply being polite.
So they may have been "polite/fake" - and eventually came to the agreement, that you did not fit well with their group.
Going to the extreme of blocking you, and not having the courage to speak to you about it - even if it was to say, "Hey, we've enjoyed your time playing with us - but we spoke, and feel like you weren't a right fit for the game. Hoping you find another game with others who can connect with you! Good luck!"
Well, to me that speaks of their character.
While I am sure the entire thing feels like a betrayal and it stings - but as others have said - it doesn't sound like you lost people worth having in your life.
Best wishes!Need a character origin written? Enjoyed what I wrote? How can you help me? Not required, but appreciated! <3
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2019-07-12, 09:12 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Location
- Where I live.
Re: You ever lose friends over this hobby? I just did.
That sucks - but hey, at least it's better than what happened to one of my buddies when he ran a game for a few of his "friends" (and me - ironically, he invited me because he thought I needed something social to do while job hunting).
He had apparently managed to get through four years of college without realizing that one of them was an incredibly sexist jerk. Of course, the other player wanted to force themselves on an NPC, who happened to be an infant (an infant dragon, sure, but still). Needless to say, they aren't "friends" anymore.
That was a pretty awful hour and a half, not going to lie.
EDIT: I hope that I didn't come off as belittling what happened, because man, getting slapped in the face like that is awful.Last edited by Amechra; 2019-07-12 at 09:14 AM. Reason: Dialing back my language a bit - forgot I was on a family forum for a moment there.